Big Dirk Allen and the Tiny Blonde VII

Dirk took a step back, wiped the sweat from his forehead and studied the engine again. He'd been working on the car all day, trying to fix the problem with the doohickey that fed into the whatchamacallit. It was clogged or cracked or maybe even clogracked. Whatever the problem was, he wasn't going to give up. He'd fix that damn car if it took the rest of his life.

"Dirk?" a tentative yet seductive voice called.

He looked up to see Tina Blondel in the open doorway. She stood in the shadows, but the sun streamed in behind her, silhouetting her curvy body and turning her blonde hair into a golden halo. She walked forward a couple paces until the light of the overhead lamp illuminated her.

Holy Gosh, but she was beautiful with her large, brown eyes and her pert, little nose. She wore cut off jeans and a white, flimsy halter top. Her shorts were so short, not even a centimeter of thigh was covered. Her halter top was so flimsy, Dirk knew the exact location and size of her nipples.

"I can't let you leave the SWSO," she said, her scarlet painted lips carefully forming each word. "Come back to me."

He wanted to kiss those perfect lips and nip at them with his teeth. He wanted to run his filthy hands over her pristine skin, squeezing her soft flesh and sinking his pinky into her bellybutton. But he stood his ground. He wouldn't fall into Tina's trap.

"No," he said. "Not on these terms. Not with Rule 96."

"Does this help?" She reached behind her neck and pulled the knot of her halter top loose. The garment fell away from her, leaving her large, gorgeous breasts exposed to the world.

"Yes," Dirk said. "That helps a lot. In any situation. Seriously, I can't think of a single circumstance where this" - He gestured to her breasts. - "doesn't make it better. But I'm not going to change my mind."

"I'm not above begging." She moved closer to him, her hips swaying with each step. "I'll get down on my knees if I have to." And to prove her point, she dropped to her knees right in front of him.

Dirk shook his head. "I'm sorry Tina, but that's not going to work. You're too short. You need something to kneel on." He reached over with his leg and pulled the mechanic creeper out from under the car. "Try this."

"Thank you." Still on her knees, she stepped onto the wheeled gurney. She placed her hands flat on Dirk's thighs and slowly slid them up his legs until she reached the button on his jeans.

"The Secret World Security Organization needs you," she said as she pulled down the zipper on his fly. "You're an asset to the secret agent community." She pushed his pants down and lovingly stroked his throbbing cock. "The world is in danger without you." Then she opened her mouth and took him in, inch by inch, sliding him across her velvet tongue and down her throat.

Dirk closed his eyes and for a moment let himself experience nothing more than the warm, wet pleasure of Tina's mouth.

"There's no agent better than you," she said. "You're the fastest, the strongest, the smartest. You tell the funniest jokes."

"How can you talk with my dick in your mouth?" Dirk opened his eyes to see Tina still enjoying him, happily sucking on his manhood.

"The world will suffer if you aren't there to protect it." Tina said while she simultaneously deepthroated him.

He ran his fingers through her silky hair. "This isn't about the safety of the world or the SWSO," he said. "Tell me the real reason."

She pulled away from him then and sat back on her heels. A string of spittle stretched from her mouth to the head of his cock.

"No one fucks me like you do," she confessed. An ocean breeze gently lifted her hair and brushed it against her shoulders. "There's nothing in the world that feels as good as your big, hot, throbbing cock pounding inside me. Come back to the SWSO and fuck me all day and all night."

He took Tina by the shoulders and helped her to her feet. "That's not a reason to go back to the SWSO. We can fuck here." Then he shoved her down onto the bed.

Her naked body was luminous against the red, satin sheets. She lifted her legs and spread them wide, inviting Dirk to ravish her. He accepted the invitation by stretching himself over her and planting his cock in her garden of good and evil.

"Yes!" she screamed. Her back arched as she wrapped her legs around his middle. "Yes, Dirk, yes!"

The waves crashed around the bed, spraying them with seafoam. Overhead, a gull cawed.

Dirk thrust into her, losing himself in the warm sensation of her pussy. "No more lies," he growled. "Tell me the real, real reason."

"I've told you the real, real reason," she said before sinking her teeth into her lower lip.

"No, you haven't." He captured both her wrists in one hand and pinned her arms above her head. "I will fuck the truth out of you if I have to."

Her eyes shut and she stretched her neck, writhing her body underneath him. "Do it," she begged. "Do it."

And he did.

He thrust deeper and harder, hitting her G spot again and again until her pussy muscles tightened around him.

"Tell me the truth!" he demanded.

"I love you!" she cried. "I love you in that romantic, soulmate kind of way, with flowers and unicorns. You're my everything, Dirk Allen. Come back to me and complete me. I'll take care of you and you'll never have to do your own laundry again!"

"I knew it." He lowered his head until their lips met in a deep, soulful kiss. "When you said it to me the other day, that was real. Sure I was hallucinating, but not that part."

Tina, so deep in the throes of passion, was no longer able to form words. Instead, she let loose a shrill, rolling whimper.

"You love me" Dirk continued, "and now we can be together, happy for the rest of our lives."

"Dude, you're dreaming," a cow said as it roller skated past. "Wake up and answer the phone."

And just like that Tina, the ocean and the silk sheets melted away. Dirk was in his own bed with only a ringing phone, regular cotton sheets, and a raging hard-on to keep him company.

"Hello?" he mumbled into the phone. He didn't really want to answer it, but it was the fastest way to stop the ringing.

"Get to the office." He recognized Fac-Tel's voice, the supercomputer that worked as technical support on all of Tina and Dirk's missions. "Get in here now."

"I quit," Dirk said. He still wasn't sure where he was or who he wasn't fucking. "I don't work for the SWSO anymore."

"And I don't care," Fac-Tel responded. "Go jump in the shower, rub out that boner and get to the office."

Dirk looked down at his erect member. "How did you know I have a boner?"

"When you joined the SWSO, you were injected with bio monitoring nano devices," the artificial intelligence explained. "Did you take that stuff out when you turned in your gun and communicator this morning? No, you didn't. This is why you really need to go through the exit process when leaving a super secret agency."

"Is that why I have to come into the office?" Dirk swung his feet over the side of the bed. "To have the the nano things removed?"

"No, numbskull." For a being incapable of feeling emotions, Fac-Tel sounded really angry. "Your mother escaped from prison and Tina is missing."

Before he was even aware of it, Dirk was on his feet.

His mother, Delia Villa-Allen, was an evil genius. It was her unethical experiments that had most likely given Dirk his mysterious, yet typical, super powers. She'd been on the verge of enslaving the city of Middleburg when he and Tina had stopped her and put her behind bars. If she was free then no one was safe, especially not Tina.

"I'll be right there," he said, and then he switched on his superspeed.

* * * * *

Tina struggled against her restraints, doing her best to loosen the ropes binding her wrists and ankles, while at the same time easing the strain on her shoulders. She hung by her arms from what she surmised was an industrial, metal hook. When she swung her legs, she could hear a chain rattling above her. By wiggling her nose, mouth and cheek muscles, she'd managed to dislodge her blindfold a fraction of a centimeter. It wasn't much, but it was progress.

General Zero hadn't said anything to her since she'd regained consciousness, but she could hear them moving around, working on some mechanical device. Every sound they made, every footstep and metallic clink, echoed slightly. It told Tina she was in a room with hard walls and a high ceiling. Wherever she was, it had the damp chill of a room with no central heating and there was a faint sound of pigeons cooing.

With her limited vision, she could see only the corner of a nearby table, but that was enough for now. There was the large chunk of mica Zero had stolen from the Middleburg Museum of Industrial Grade Gems and Minerals, and next to it was Tina's ear communicator. The indicator light was flashing red. That meant the communicator couldn't establish a link with Fac-Tel. Based on the wires connecting it to a small metal box covered in knobs and buttons, Tina surmised Zero was jamming the signals from both the communicator and the nano bio-bots implanted in her body.

That was a setback, but only a minor one. Given enough time, Fac-Tel could hack its way around any jamming device. Once it located Tina, it would send drones to take out Zero. She was confident of that. All she had to do was keep Zero here long enough for Fac-Tel to hack the signal.

"So." She cleared her throat and projected her voice. "You kidnap me and then you ignore me?"

Zero stopped tinkering on whatever it was they were working on. "I'm not ignoring you on purpose. There's just a lot to do to finish this thing up."

"Can you answer one question for me?" Tina asked.

"Yes," Zero said. "I'll answer one question."

"Not including that one," she clarified.

"Yeah, I figured that."

"I only bring it up," she said, "because some villains try to be clever with the one question thing."

"Those villains confuse clever with cliché," they said, a smug tone to their voice. "Rest assured, I don't have that fatal flaw. Ask your question; I'll answer it."

Tina took a breath. This was important. She'd been investigating Zero for months now but had learned hardly anything about her foe. Of all the unanswered questions, there was one that confounded her the most. It was the piece of information she needed before she could even think about devising a plan to defeat them.

"What are your preferred pronouns?"

Zero was quiet for a moment, no words, no tinkering.

"I did not expect that," they finally said. "Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the question, I really do, but I was not expecting it."

"So, your pronouns?" Tina prompted. She kept her eye on the communicator. When the blinking red light switched to green, it would mean Fac-Tel was close to hacking the signal. When the light turned a steady green, Fac-Tel would have her exact location.

"I use ze and zir," ze said, "but I'm also fine with they and their, if that's easier for you."

"I am so glad we didn't assume anything." She smiled. "That would have been bad. I would have felt awful misgendering you."

"Not everyone is as considerate about these sorts of things." Ze returned to working on whatever device it was ze was building.

"I'm officially one of the good guys," she said. "I have I.D. to prove it. And good guys do not commit pronoun oppression."

Zero stopped working again. Tina could hear zir put down some sort of metal hand tool, maybe a wrench or a pair of pliers.

"I would like to make one thing clear before we continue," ze said. "I didn't turn to crime because I'm enby."

"I'm sorry," she interrupted. "Enby?"

"Non binary," ze explained. "N and B. Enby."

"Oh sure," she said. "Enby. Thank you. Please continue with your exposition."

"My gender identity has nothing to do with my life of crime," ze said. "They are completely unrelated."

"I get that," Tina said, her eye still firmly planted on the communicator. No change yet. "It's not like I joined the SWSO because I identify as a woman. I'm a hero because I like feeling morally superior to others."

"I can see the appeal in that," Zero agreed. "For myself, I'm a product of our capitalistic society, a society that values money and power over everything else. It doesn't matter if I destroy the city of Middleburg and kill over a hundred thousand people. As long as I rule Earth by the end, it's all justifiable."

Tina gasped. "You're going to destroy Middleburg?"

"Yes. I'm building a deathray," ze said. "Why did you think I stole the world's largest chunk of mica? To insulate electronics?"

"That's what we were hoping. Of course, you'd probably build evil electronics, so it doesn't matter that much." She sighed. "What do you even want out of this? Why murder a hundred thousand people?"

"When I destroy Middleburg, the rest of the world will be horrified it could happen to them," ze explained. "They'll give me whatever I want, whenever I want. I'll be the ultimate success story."

She carefully tugged on the ropes tying her wrists to the hook. "But Middleburg?"

"It's the perfect target." Zero banged some more on the deathray. "It's a forgettable mid size city. No one really cares about it. There are no memorable landmarks. No one important lives here. When I destroy it, the rest of the world will be horrified at the loss of life, but there won't be a rallying cry to avenge it. No. Everyone will just accept it's gone and quake in fear that they're next."

"You fiend," she growled. "You forgot one thing. The SWSO assigned me to protect this city. I'm not going to let you destroy it."

"I know," ze said. Zir voice maintained a casual tone. There was no hint of anger or aggression. "That's why I tried to kill you and your lover. I knew you'd get in the way. I'm not sure how you survived the poison, but this works out better anyway. I need a test subject to shoot the deathray at. Just to make sure it works."

"Dirk and I are not lovers," Tina corrected zir. It was important to her that Zero know the truth. "We work together, that's all."

"You two have sex... a lot."

"Just for work," she said. "We aren't in love or anything." SWSO rule 96 forbade any romantic entanglements and Tina always obeyed the rules. It was why Dirk had quit. He needed more than a close professional partnership.

Her heart hurt when she thought about Dirk, but only in a platonic way. He had been so angry with her when he'd left. Would he ever be able to forgive her? She hoped his anger had driven him to not just quit, but to leave town. That way, at least he would be safe.

Fac-Tel was the only back-up Tina could count on now. And she knew it would be enough when she watched the indicator light on her communicator blink green. It was only a matter of minutes now before the A.I. located her and sent bomber drones to take out Zero. Sure, she'd most likely die in the explosions, but the loss of one life was acceptable if it meant saving a hundred thousand.

"Oh good." Zero's voice moved closer to her. "Your supercomputer has almost found you." A hand reached down into her line of vision and hovered over the metal box connected to the communicator. "It thought it was hacking my signal, when it was really letting me hack it."

The hand turned a knob on the box and then pressed a button. A horrible static screech burst from the communicator.

"Fac-Tel!" Tina cried. "Noooo!"

She watched as the blinking green indicator light turned a solid red before slowly fading to black.

* * * * *

"What do you think my mom's up to?" Dirk asked as he ran down a back alley near the site of Middleburg's infamous Paint Spill of '59. The faded lime green sidewalk was a blur beneath his feet. "Who busted her out of jail? Is she working with General Zero? Have they ever even met?"

"I don't care," Fac-Tel chirped in his ear. "I don't care about Zero or your mother or that fungus growing in your shower. All I care about is finding Tina."

"I care about Tina too." Dirk dropped out of super speed and slowed to a normal human walk. "I care about her a lot."

He cared about her more than she cared about him, which was part of the problem. He couldn't work with her everyday knowing she would never allow her feelings for him to grow. His feelings for her had taken root in his heart and blossomed into a beautiful flower tree hybrid thing with tentacles and pointy teeth. His feelings were scary, but he wasn't about to deny them.

"I don't care about that either," the A.I. said. "I'm so close to hacking this jamming signal. If you would just shut up for a metric minute, I'll have Tina's exact location."

Dirk kept his mouth closed and planned. Once Fac-Tel found Tina's location, it was up to him to save her. He'd go in guns blazing- except he didn't have a gun on him. That was his bad. He should have remembered to pick one up at the Gun Kiosk near his apartment. It didn't matter. He may have been unarmed, but he still had his super speed, super strength and super stamina. He could literally run circles around the bad guys until they were so dizzy they threw up.

And that's exactly what he would do. He'd run around the room and rearrange the furniture. He'd dizzify and disorient. There was no way his plan could fail.

"Got it!" Fac-Tel said, a triumphant note in its mechanical voice. "Tina is in city- Ahhhhhhhh!"

The communicator in Dirk's ear violently buzzed with static. "Fac-Tel?" He tapped at the small device. "Fac-Tel, what happened? Where's Tina?"

"It... was a... trap." The computer coughed. "Virus invading... system. Enacting... emergency shutdown... before I die permanent computer... death. No... coming back... from that."

"Wait!" Dirk said. "First tell me Tina's location."

"Did you... not hear... me?" Fac-Tel's voice was getting weaker. "I will... die... if I don't... shut down... immediately."

"You can't spare a second to save Tina's life?"

"City Hall," the A.I. said and coughed again. "Happy?"

Dirk turned his gaze to City Hall. The hulking mammoth of a building was visible from anywhere in Middleburg. Even in the far off neighborhoods of Fishtown and Swampview, it was still possible to see the statue on top of the clocktower. The image of Matthias Middle holding his lantern high was a familiar and stirring sight for all Middleburgers.

"Can you be more specific?" Dirk asked. "City Hall is big and it has lots of secret rooms."

"I'M DYING!"

"JUST TELL ME!!"

"At the top," Fac-Tel said. "The statue. She's in... there."

"Thank you," Dirk said before shooting into super speed. "I'll take it from here. You can shut down now."

"Too late," the computer said. "Blehhhhhhh..." Its voice trailed off, leaving only dead air behind.

"Fac-Tel?" He tapped his ear communicator again. "Fac-Tel?"

Dirk was all alone now. It was up to him, and only him, to save Tina.

He picked up his pace, speeding through the large oak doors that kept the general population out of City Hall, racing past the security checkpoint (which also kept the general population out) and through the ornate foyer until he reached the grand staircase. It was at the grand staircase where any general population who had made it beyond the doors and checkpoint usually stopped. The steep, marble stairs spiraled up and up, all the way to the very top floor of the clocktower. It was exhausting just looking at them, and the general population of Middleburg was not in great shape.

Dirk mounted the stairs without hesitation. Not only was he in great shape, but he had super stamina. He took the steps two at a time and climbed the heights of the municipal building knowing he wouldn't get tired. Unfortunately, he did get confused.

The grand staircase stopped at the very top floor of the City Hall. Dirk needed to go beyond that, to the statue above. The entire floor was made up of one room, a storage room. It wasn't terribly big, but it was crowded. Somewhere among the voting booths, police barricades and that statue that looked eerily like his mother, there had to be a door leading to the roof.