Big in Japan Ch. 02

Tanya: "Furthermore, sir, I believe you were wrong to change her rank structure to exclude me. It is causing problems in the structure with the rest of the Detective Corps in general, and the rest of the Intel Branch in particular. I believe I should've been able to insist upon having Lieutenant Milton at this morning's meeting, and have you back me up on that."

"So," I said, "even though your husband's fellow Federal Agents beat her father-in-law, Myron's father, nearly to death, you would force her to work with them or on their behalf?"

"You damn right I would!" Tanya said. She was not giving an inch on this, I could see.

"Even though they harmed her father-in-law like they did?" I asked.

"With all due respect, sir," Tanya said boldly, "I don't give a damn about that. The FBI is a good organization, and I expect her to put her differences aside and do... her... job. And if that means helping the FBI, she should rush to do it."

"And if you were the Police Chief, or in my position, what would you do?" I asked.

Tanya looked right into my eyes and said "If I had that authority, sir, I would already have fired Lieutenant Milton."

"That's what I thought." I said. I looked over Tanya's shoulder at Teresa and said "You heard that?" I asked her.

"Yes sir." said Teresa.

"What?" Tanya said angrily. "What's wrong with what I said? You expect us to follow your orders. Why shouldn't I expect Lieutenant Milton to follow mine?"

"I'll answer that with a question." I replied. "Captain Muscone, have you ever seen, heard, or have known me to do anything to harm the TCPD?"

You could've heard a pin drop.

I continued: "Yes, I have to order Officers into potentially harms way, but that's their job. But have you ever known me to take action that would make the TCPD less good, less able to do their jobs and do them well? Have you ever known me to hurt the TCPD like that?"

Tanya paused a long moment before answering, then finally said "No sir."

"Then why are you telling me you would harm the TCPD?"

After another pregnant pause, Tanya said "What do you mean, sir?"

"I mean," I said, "that the Miltons come as a set, so firing one means the other leaves also. And just look at the good they've done for us. Without them, Swamp Frogs... Federal Agents, I might add... would've utterly destroyed our computers and networks. Myron has kept us not only safe, but able to keep doing our jobs, and his drones have literally saved lives, such as Inga Gunddottar's. Mary is a wizard with code and with data mining. If she can't find something, then that something just cannot be found. And her leadership of the Intel Branch has been outstanding."

I continued: "They could easily go elsewhere and make a lot, and I mean a LOT of money. MegaTech or Google would pay them well into the six figures if not the seven figures for their skills. Yet they work here, for the TCPD, helping us do our jobs and do them well. And they do it because they love their jobs here. There is but one thing they ask in return, and that is that they don't have to work for or with the FBI nor other Agents of thee Federal Government."

"That shouldn't be an option." Tanya replied. She was just refusing to get it.

Your Iron Crowbar: "But they do have that option, Captain. They can leave. They can quit. You can order them to help the Feds that kidnapped and beat Myron's father nearly to death, and they can give you the bird finger and tell you to go fuck yourself... and turn in their badges and their resignation letters. You can never force them to work for or with the Feds, and I'm more than willing to let them refuse to help the Feds in order to keep them here working for us."

"And there's another aspect to this," I continued, "which bothers me one hell of a lot more. Beyond the personal aspects, what I'm seeing is you taking the FBI's side over the TCPD. And that, Captain, is totally unacceptable."

"I'm married to a Federal Agent!" Tanya blustered.

"So am I!" I yelled back. "I married one of the highest ranking CIA Officers in the Nation, but I've never, ever, taken the side of the CIA over the TCPD! And my wife understands that I'm not going to. And I fully expect the same of you. Even if your husband is a Federal Agent, if you're going to work for the TCPD, I do expect your loyalty to it... not to me, but to the TCPD."

"So," I said, "if you really would fire Mary, and force both of them out, especially over not wanting to help the Feds, I have to question your judgement as well as your loyalty to the TCPD Badge."

"But she's still being insubordinate." Tanya said. "And now I'm at a point where I almost cannot even do my job. And you're taking her side over her boss's side!"

We were staring at each other as if across an interplanetary distance. Finally, I said "You're going to make me say it, aren't you?" I looked at Teresa as I stood up and said "She's going to make me say it." Teresa nodded sadly.

Then I leaned over my desk like Snoopy the Vulture in the Peanuts comic strips, with my weight on my fists on the desk. "You have not heard one word I've said." I said, trying to keep my voice level. "Cindy is my blood kin, and Teresa is married to my blood kin, but I love you just as much as I love them, like family. And that goes for little Pete, too; he's like my own kids to me."

Your Iron Crowbar: "But like I said: my job, and my duty, are to the Badge. My job, and my duty, are to make this Police Force the very best it can possibly be. I brought you back to the TCPD because you're a damn good Detective, and I needed your abilities, and still do. But to be blunt, Captain, if you drove out of here today forever, I could find another Captain of Detectives. I cannot find the talent that Mary and Myron have, that have their loyalty to the Badge and are willing to work for the Badge at the paltry amount of money we're paid... and that's before the God-cursed Leftists try to defund the Police."

"So I'm sorry to say it," I finished, "but if you force me to make the choice that you're pushing me to have to make, then for the sake of the TCPD Badge, that choice is obvious. I keep them, and you'll have to be the one to go."

As I finished, I felt absolutely exhausted. I straightened up, seeing the shock on Tanya's face and the profound sadness on Teresa's.

"So that's where we are." I said. "You're dismissed."

"I've got something to say to you, too." said Teresa, getting up. "Come to my office."

"No, stay here." I said. "Y'all can talk here. I've got to go talk to the Chief." I exited my own office.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Teresa sat down in the hot chair next to Tanya, and said "Do you know how much that hurt him to say that?" Tanya said nothing, and Teresa pointed at the framed TCPD Badges still on my wall, and said "That man busted his ass to get you back here. He busted his ass to keep me here, as well."

Teresa: "But the point is that while he understands you're married to Jack, and he's happy for you for that... it is just killing him on the inside that you are putting him in the position you've put him in. He does not deserve that, especially from you nor from me. But there are no questions where my loyalties lie, and my loyalty to Don is making me say this: you need to decide where your loyalties are, and if they're not to the TCPD Badge, if not to him, then do the right thing."

And with that, Teresa got up and left the office. And Cindy came in.

"Am I really that wrong?" Tanya asked, her voice beginning to sound miserable.

"You're not wrong, at least not in normal situations." said Cindy, sitting down beside her. "But we're all in a unique situation."

"So should I just resign now? Or re-retire? Or make him fire me?" Tanya asked.

"None of the above." Cindy said. "Look, Don has to make decisions that affect people's lives. He had to send Police Officers out into harm's way to enforce the law against the Haters. He's right out there with them, but its still him making those decisions. And he has to make decisions for the good of the Police Force, even if it means personal pain for him and for those of us he loves. In this case, I'd say just roll with it, and things will work out."

"You've gone toe-to-toe, head-to-head with him before." Tanya said. "Why is this different?"

"It's not as different as you may think." Cindy replied. "And just as you're finding out that the Miltons are indispensable, I've found out that the Sheriff, and the Chief more begrudgingly, consider the Red Crowbar more indispensable than the Green Crowbar."

And then she lowered her voice and whispered: "And don't tell a soul I told you this... but they're right..."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Welllll," drawled the Chief, "while I knowwww you were right about Archie Brody, and what happened to him was abhorrent, there are times when it's a good thing to be able to work with the Feds. I knowwww Ms. Ross started that with Muscone today, and your patience on it is... limited. But is there any way we can get past what Ms. Ross is calling 'alpha-male games', and repair the relationship?"

"I don't know, sir." I said. "And it might get worse before it gets better." I filled him in on what had happened with Teresa, Tanya, and myself.

"Okayyyy," said the Chief. "Now let's discuss these cases of the plane incident and the murder of the most unfortunate Mr. Windham. Are they related?"

"Yes sir." I said. "All three incidents, involving both Windham brothers..."

Part 10 - Scotch 4 Dummies

Saturday, September 5th. Teresa had been morose all day, so the Sheriff took the liberty of inviting her and himself to The Cabin, this time for a discussion and tasting of Scotch whiskies. He had challenged Teresa to get him, a bourbon aficionado, to like Scotch.

So before the Wildcats-Volunteers game, during which we'd be having a supper of hamburgers and hotdogs (most definitely kid- and dog-approved), we convened on the back deck with Buddy supervising us from Teresa's lap, while Laura, Molly, and Paulina talked inside, and the redoubtable Bowser supervised the kids.

Teresa started her lesson: "To be Scotch, it has to be distilled in Scotland, duh. To be called 'single malt', it has to be all barley malt from a single distillery. The 'single malt' sounds like it's just one malt, but 'single' and 'malt' are actually separate terms. A bottle can be from different barrels, as long as they are from the same distillery. The Highland Park and Bruichladdich we are going to try tonight are examples of single malts."

Teresa: "Then there's 'blended malt'. These are blends of single malts from different distilleries. The Johnnie Walker Green Label, Monkey Shoulder, and The Naked Grouse... yes, that's its name... are examples of blended malts. If a label says 'blended Scotch', it could and likely does have other grains mixed in. Johnnie Walker Red Label, which claims to be the best selling Scotch in the world, is that. Red Label is cheap and decent for mixing, but sipping it neat will not endear you to it."

Teresa: "To be Scotch, it has to be aged in oak barrels for at least three years. If a Scotch has an 'age statement' on it, that age is the youngest-aged whisky poured in, though much older liquid could also be poured in. You said last night, Sheriff, that bourbon has to be aged in new charred barrels. So what do the bourbon makers do with their used casks? They sell them to Scotch producers! Makers of wines also sell their casks to the Scotch producers, so you'll see Scotches 'finished' in sherry casks and bourbon casks, and sometimes combinations, which impart different flavors, or 'notes', to the whisky."

Teresa: "And now we move into the best part of Scotch whisky. There are officially five regions of Scotland in which distilleries make the good stuff: Islay, pronounced 'eye-luh'; Highlands, which is in the north; Lowlands, further south; Speyside, which is a small area surrounded by Highlands; and Campbeltown, which has the minimum three distilleries needed to be a region. There is an unofficial region that's part of the Highlands called the 'Islands', which are all just that: islands."

Teresa: "And these regions have become known for the flavor of their Scotches, mostly in if they are 'peated' or 'unpeated'. Peat is a product of organic decay of plants, and it can be burned. When the barley malt is being dried, some places burn the peat and dry the barley with that smoke, giving the malt and ultimately the Scotch a distinctive flavor. Others use hot air to dry the barley malt, so Scotches made from those malts don't have that distinctive flavor."

"What causes that flavoring?" asked the Sheriff. Teresa looked at me.

I said "In the chemistry sense, if you look at bottle of cherry cough spray, the active ingredient is phenol. That's what coats your tongue and throat to stop the coughing. Well, the peat flavor is also phenol, and can be measured in parts per million, or ppm. The higher the ppm of phenol, the higher that peat flavor, and it'll feel oily on your tongue."

I said "Many people get a medicinal taste out of peated Scotches. The smoky flavor is often associated with the peat, but a higher peat ppm number does not necessary mean it's more smoky-flavored. Many Scotches with a smaller ppm number are considered to have more of the smoky flavor."

Teresa said "That's right, and a lot of people refer to the taste of a heavily peated scotch to be a campfire on the beach... the saltiness of the sea air combined with the smoke flavor of the fire. Some taste like the smell of a barbecue grill fire that has been used and put out."

Teresa: "Anyhoo, the Islay region is known for peated Scotches, though the Bruichladdich Classic Laddie we're going to try is from Islay and is unpeated. Highlands is also often peated, and the Highland Park from the Orkney Islands... making it an unofficial 'Islands' Scotch, uses about 25% peat-dried barley malt, and the rest hot-air-dried, so it's more mildly peated. Speyside and the Lowlands are known for unpeated Scotches, but that's not an ironclad rule."

Sheriff Griswold said "So Scotch gets its flavor from that peat? And thus from where it's made?"

I said "To a point, sir. As you said last night, for bourbon to be bourbon, it has to be aged in new charred oak casks, thanks to the Lumber Lobby. But what that means is that every single bourbon out there has pretty much that same flavoring from the barrels, and artificial flavors and colorings are verboten. Ergo, the differences in flavor are due to the different mash bills, the amount of the corn, rye, wheat, and/or barley ingredients, and somewhat to the aging process, i.e. the temperature of the warehouse where a barrel happens to be sitting."

I continued: "With Scotch, which is pretty much barley malt and that's it, the flavoring comes from the peat, but also from the nature of the casks the liquid is stored in for aging. Sherry casks will impart a different taste than the bourbon casks. And since barrels can be reused, a sherry cask used over and over and over will impart less and less sherry notes, making the wood taste of the oak, a.k.a. the tannins, more prevalent. Of course in all cases, the proof, the alcohol-by-volume, or ABV, makes a difference."

"All right, then." said Griswold. "Let's have a taste!" Teresa poured a dram into each of our Glen Cairn glasses from a bottle with a tan label.

"This is Monkey Shoulder." said Teresa. "It's a blended malt, 43% ABV, or 86 proof. Even they will tell you that it's made for mixing, but it's good enough to sip neat as a starter Scotch."

"How did it get the name 'Monkey Shoulder'?" asked Sheriff Griswold as he 'nosed' his dram.

Teresa replied: "Back in the old days, they would spread and turn the drying barley malt by hand and shovel. It was eight hours or more of arduous work, and when the workers were done, their arms would be hanging down like a monkey's, and thus that condition was called 'monkey shoulder'."

"Wow." said Griswold. "It smells sweet, a bit floral, but there's definitely some oak notes in there." He then tasted it. "Yep, he said. "It dries the tongue a bit, but the finish isn't all that lasting, and has the bitter wooden taste of the tannins."

"Our Sheriff, the sommelier." I said. "You missed your calling, sir."

"Har." said the Sheriff.

Teresa next poured drams from a clear bottle with no label on the bottle, just the neck. The color was a reddish-amber.

"This is Naked Grouse." said Teresa. "It's a blended malt, 43% ABV, or 86 proof. You may get just a hint more peat from it than the Monkey Shoulder, but otherwise it's similar."

"Yeah it is." said the Sheriff as he nosed, then tasted it. "Maybe I'm just missing it, but I'm not getting any smoke. Just the sweet floral notes. Is that from the sherry casks?"

"Yes sir." said Teresa. "And this bottle has been open for a while. Sometimes the peat starts fading out over time and lower liquid volumes, especially if there wasn't much to begin with."

Next came a dram from an opaque bottle that was a catchy light blue in color.

"This is The Classic Laddie, from Bruichladdich." she said as we 'nosed' our drams. "It's unpeated, and 50% ABV, or 100 proof. Most Scotches are in the 80s and 90s, proof-wise, so I like it that these guys bottle this at higher proof."

"Wow." said the Sheriff as he nosed, then tasted it. "Now that is good." He tasted some more, then some more. His dram disappeared quickly.

"Yes, this is very good." I said. My own dram also didn't last long.

"It's one of the best." Teresa said. "I keep it stocked. There's a little code on it that you can enter into their website, and it'll tell you what batch and barrels it came from. Okay, next: Johnnie Walker Green Label, aged 15 years. Also a blended malt."

"Mmm, smooth." said the Sheriff as he nosed and tasted it. "Not bad at all."

"It's reasonably priced at $45 here in Town," said Teresa, "but it is massively popular and disappears quickly when a case comes in. So I make sure to buy at least one bottle whenever I see it."

"But not as hard to find as Pappy Van Winkle?" the Sheriff quipped.

"No sir." Teresa said. "Of course, Pappy seems to be easy to find around here. Just find an NCIS Supervisory Agent or a high-level CIA Officer, and you're hooked up."

"Hardly." I said. "My wife doesn't share it even with her loving husband all that much."

"Okay, Sheriff." Teresa said, "it's time to start climbing the peat ladder."

"Hoo boy." said the Sheriff. "Okay, then." Teresa poured us a dram each of Highland Park 12, aged 12 years."

"Mmmph." I said as I swirled it in my mouth upon tasting. "It's not as peaty as I remember it from several years ago."

"I can taste it." said the Sheriff. "Kind of a smoky, campfire note." He took another sip. "Now I'm getting used to the peat, and I'm tasting the floral notes. I guess this is what sherry-cask-aged Scotch tastes like?"

"That and bourbon-cask-aged." said Teresa. After an official palate cleanse, consisting of a saltine cracker and water, she poured us our next dram."

"This is Port Charlotte 10-year Heavily Peated." said Teresa. "It's made by Bruichladdich, who made the Classic Laddie. But it's more of a peat bomb."

"Good Lord, yes it is!" growled Griswold after one 'nose'. Then he tasted it and said: "Yeah, salt air, campfire, really oily texture on the tongue, lasting finish. Hard to believe it's from the same distillery as that Classic Laddie stuff."

"For the life of me," I said, "I just cannot get the salt or brine taste a lot of people say is there. I definitely get a salt note from tequila, but not Scotch."

"That's why they make so many brands, sir." Teresa said. "What one person won't like, another will love. How are you liking your Scotch journey, Sheriff?"