All Comments on 'Big Loss, Big Gain Pt. 02'

Please, pick a point of view for your narrative and stick with it. All this back and forth is annoying and confusing.

You changed Ron's name to Roy in the epilogue.

Thanks.............

Great characters and story line. Thanks for your effort to entertain us.

This story offers the opportunity for alternative endings. Perhaps you might draft one.

But I have a question. If the husband had been out of town and had a one night stand with a woman he'd never met before, does that merit a divorce? Would any of you think that the wife should react by locking him out of the house, divorcing him, and never speaking to him again? I would think that most men would hope that their spouse would at least talk to them.

Well written but typical of the fantasy type of plot where the protagonist is Mr. Perfection, and his wife is a one time cheater that has to be destroyed. Get over it, for a person to cheat the relationship had to be getting shitty, or she went crazy. In this case it is clear the relationship had broken down and the husband was as much to blame as the wife. The fact that she cheated only cut the last threads of the relationship. He had already cut his wife out of the family. A good husband and father encourages the relationship between the mother and child, if only for the child's sake. No, there was something wrong with Mr. Perfection.

An opinion is just that. Everyone has got one and most stink. Your story is great keep writing. If all the other anons dont like your writing then write their own lol and see how they fair! Your writing is fantastic dont stop whether I agree with how the characters ended or not. I've been divorced and been through the family court crap due to unfaithfulness (not on my part) No one knows how it really feels and what you do. Real life is different when kids are involved. Good work my friend. Ignore those other asshole yankie cretans. They probably couldn't name the capital of their own country, let alone other countries capitals.

Asshole: noun, moron who can't stand it when others dare to have a different opinion rather than just stating their opinion AND NOTHING ELSE!

I know how hard it is to write,and for a first effort this was decent.Yes,it has a familiar ring to it,but almost every story is a repeat of some plot.My only thought is that Jim if he is the person he is made out to he,would have heard her out at least and try to see why,if for anything to give himself closure.Not saying he would reconcile,but he at least would know it had nothing to do with him and,allow him to forgive her,there is a dichotony between his mr nice guy and the way he handled this.Believable characters stem from consistency as well as real life credibility.

A little herky jerky in the transitions but a nice story. Well done first try - keep going.

Love that our krapped on husband gets the yummy mummy! Score for the good guys, suck it cuck fans.

Jim finds love, but a one time mistake by Laura could be forgiven for all those years put into that marriage. But that's life and it goes on with us or without us.

A few (very few) editing errors detracted a bit from your story but not enough to lower my score.

Hope to read more. The best part to this story is that you kept everything "within the realm". I was afraid that Jim would suddenly win the megalottery or have a group of navy seals show up to solve his problems.

Keep writing and developing your talent. 5*

Laura got exactly what she deserved, only bad part Jim wimped out and [aid for her psycho care. I would not have done that nor in a million years. great story

Thanks again for those of you that provided meaningful feedback.

Just a few comments...

Sorry about the Ron/Roy name mix-up. When I was originally constructing the story, I kicked around both names.

I knew going into this that it would be impossible to please everyone.

I purposely made Laura a sympathetic character. Part of the tragedy is that she probably got a worse fate than what she deserved. Some readers thought that the Kathy influence factor was a weak plot point. I say bullshit. Long time friends and/or family members can carry tremendous influence.

Some readers added or perceived events that were not in story. Kathy and Laura were not 'cucking' their husbands. They looked at the extra-marital activity as just that, extra. John did not 'cuck' Jim. He was seeking anonymous sex. Some readers didn't seem to understand that in Jim's viewpoint, the evidence he gathered pointed to Laura having multiple sex partners. He did not have the full knowledge that a reader of the story had. Specifically that Laura only did it that one time. Several readers tried the 'what if the husband had a one night stand', etc. This is surely not equivalent at all to what Laura did, which was basically to hang up a big internet sign saying ”please come and fuck me”. I'm baffled how anyone could possibly take the wife's side in this story. I made it very clear that Jim was very good husband who had sacrificed over the years for the comfort of his wife and daughter. None of this was his fault, and no self-respecting man would put up with what she did.

Part of the irony was that John got away with his actions. In Jim's view, John was just one of at least three men, maybe more, who had been with Laura. If John had been alone he would have beat the crap out of him, but with John's family present it didn't seem the right thing to do.

I am a man and have been married for well over 20 years. If you don't like stories were the the good guy (or good woman) wins and the bad guy (or women) loses, then I suggest that you don't read any more of my stories.

By the way, I got 'deadrabbits' from the movie 'Gangs of New York'. It has nothing to do with old methods of pregnancy testing.

Thanks,

deadrabbits

The whole story is light on the sex and heavy on plot and character development. Posting it as each character's perspective was well done.

You've done well and I look forward to reading your future stories.

the content was well done. Good job! 5 big ones.

I'm glad that I didn't have to read a script again.

I'm curious why you felt you need to inject the so-called 'Narrator' section. There are other more elegant and smooth ways to move a story along.

And this is just me, but you might think about not always tying your stories up in a neat epilogue. Some of the stories I've enjoyed the most over the years ended so abruptly that I thought someone had ripped out the last few pages. Sometimes the protagonist just drives away and it's up to the reader to imagine their own epilogue.

A 5.

You did good. I'm actually glad there was no excess violence in this tale. Although Laura only cheated once, it was the set-up on the dating site with her friend that ended the marriage. If her first tryst was with a more attractive man she would have wanted more. That was the idea with the adult-finder site.

Now for my bitter side. I'm glad that Jim met another and fell in love again and Laura is alone and broken. That's what is supposed to happen to cheaters.

Keep writing. You have a great style.

I made a mistake. Laura did end up semi-happy in the end. To tell you the truth, I guess I didn't remember because I don't give a fuck about cheaters. Fuck 'em.

HA

This was well worth the wait! Thank you!

I hope this will be the first of many stories from you.

Thank you for no RAAC, but wifey sort of recovered in the end. Great ending for hubby. Good story!

Pamela's appearance is close to being a deus-ex-machina tactic! She is the mystery woman who gets the readers' curiosity up at the beginning. Sister of the Next Sweetie and becomes the 'other BFF' of 'Ex-Sweetie!'. ONLY function I can discern is to replace the awkward Narrator role! Hubby is SO good, except of course for listening to Sweetie's account. Fear of being dissuaded from his BTB crusade? If the damage is truly unforgivable, why not let a 20-year wife present her shitty case, then pick it apart for her!

I hope to hear more from this author in the near future.

It's quite obvious Laura fuck'd up-- but I couldn't help but feel Jim didn't really give her a chance. Laura only strayed once even though that's enough to destroy a marriage but 21 years with someone can't be let go just like that without at least trying to see if maybe just maybe there's a chance the marriage could be salvage & it was only once and it'll never happen again. I did have a few issues with Laura's blatant stupidity:

I knew that if I tried to cancel on both, she would be pissed, otherwise I would. This whole thing was absolute insanity. -- I didn't understand why Laura was more determined to keep her promise to Kathy than to her husband?! She should've cancelled! If Kathy was a true friend she never would've talked her happily married friend into sleeping with other men. I don't place all the blame on Kathy because Laura is a grown ass woman with a mind of her own, she should've known what would happen if Jim finds out. The premeditation of the whole fiasco is what sealed the deal on their divorce regardless if it was only once. Still throughout all of this I still felt sorry for Laura. I doubt she'd betray Jim again if he'd given her a chance.. I'm usually all for dumping skanks but I felt bad for Laura... The writer did have quite a few grammar issues, spelling issues but nothing that a competent editor couldn't fix.

I purposely made Laura to be a sympathetic character. That's part of the tragedy. Remember, even though Laura only did it that one time, Jim's viewpoint is based upon the evidence which pointed to a premeditated effort involving multiple meetings/multiple men. That's why he didn't give her a chance.

I didn't feel like there was enough emotion for Laura's character to be sympathetic. Yes, she screwed up. However, usually a screw up that big is precipitated by something significant. You give a plausible explanation for her action, but it comes tacked on at the very end. Too little, too late to have any sympathetic impact. This chapter read more like and extended epilogue that was rushed. You needed to explore with more depth some of the other issues (I.e. Her therapy, the Pamela characters involvement).

All the jumping around to everyones' POV eventually got confusing. I had to read back several times to make sense out of some of it. It took me a couple of minutes to figure out who "Roy" was. And you skated over several facts like who Holly's sister was and their relationship. Although you claim Laura was supposed to be a "sympathetic" character I never felt that way. She cheated, she got the boot. Even her daughter couldn't/wouldn't re-connect with her. Overall not a bad effort. Maybe an editor would have helped.

I really REALLY enjoyed it. Here is the deal. Laura cheated. Period. It was premeditated, it was completely planned out by TAKING OUT AN AD. Then she fucked the man. Really, it doesn't matter if she fucked one or one hundred and one. Once she fucked around on her husband she can't become UNFUCKED.

No, Laura made her own bed. She planned for her bed and then crawled into it. I'm just happy as heck that she is remorseful and unhappy as I am happy about Jim's new life.

just Turn the Page most books have more than 1 page or chapters. TK U MLJ LV NV

Not bad, but not needed.

Thank-you for not fucking it up.

If you did not do anything to deserve it, who cares about why someone fucked you over? There is too much feminine psychobabble these days. What it amounts to is people, usually women, behaving badly and trying to come up with an excuse for their behavior. In the end, shitty behavior is just that - shit. It is also odd that the concept of forgiveness comes into play. Forgiveness? For what? For you being you? Why do you need to be forgiven for that? How can you be forgiven for that? You see, cheating is of course a bad thing, it is only a symptom of the personality that cheated. The personality that would be willing to risk their marriage, family and friends for sex, excitement, ego gratification is really the problem. They simply do not value their marriage, spouses well being or anyone else for that matter. They exist in their own little world of selfishness. Who wants to be married to that? Who can really be married to that? How about fuck that?

Cardboard characters, silly plot. Reads like a morality play for sixth graders. No depth, no complexity, everything works out for the good guys, bad guys suffer righteously, (but not too horribly; this is for sixth graders after all!), no loose ends. These aren't real people, and so I can't care about them.

Two *, because your grammar is pretty good.

I hope writing your insulting post made you feel better, otherwise it was a complete waste of time. Little, if any, of your feedback snippets could be construed as constructive. I believe most would consider them to be simply hurtful. If it was intended to discourage me from future writing, then you've really wasted time as I fully intend to submit more stories. The fact is that the amount of positive feedback I've received far outweighs your inane rant.

I've surmised that your need to lash out at me has a more to do with my story line (and its genre) and a lot less to do with my writing "grade level". So, feel free to seek out more complex, sophistically written offerings which feature individuals empowered to indulge in immoral behavior at the expense of others. If you like to cheer for the guys in the 'black hats', then go ahead. However, when you have a free moment, why don't you do us both a favor and just take 'deadrabbits' off your 'authors to follow' list.

deadrabbits

Does warrant at least a conversation. I know what Laura did was just plain stupid, but throwing away 21 years without a discussion I believe is just not realistic. I believe during that conversation, Jim would have found out her true feelings about what she did and how remoursful she was for doing it. If he decided then that he was done, then fine.

As a father and having been married for over 25 years, there is no way that I would sit back and let my wife and daughter's relationship deteriorate. As the head of the home, it is my duty to set the climate of the home. It is never a good thing, no matter what the wife did (short of serial mental or physical abuse), to turn a child against his or her parents. I just find it odd to kill a precious relationship like that over one mistake.

In my view, Jim is not that good of a person for putting the dagger in the daughter and wife's relationship. He could have influenced that. Am I ok with what Laura did? Of course not! But I think the punishment was a bit too harsh.

Other than that, it was a very entertaining story. A few grammar errors, but nothing egregious to where I felt compelled to stop reading. Also a little confused about "Roy" but figured out it was "Rob". Over all success! 4 stars...

i enjoyed it man, @ last anon: it wasn't a mistake she chose to join that site and have sex with that man. If this was a real life situation there is no way the husband would know that it only happened once he would just have her word and the video of her fucking some guy. I thought it was a good, realistic read that did not turn into a RAAC

Perhaps it's just me but I feel that Jim was a little harsh on Laura. Yes she cheated and it didn't take much convincing on Kathy's part to get Laura to join her in extramarital sex but there is a difference between feeling guilty for one's actions and showing no remorse.

You write really well and you last was a few years back . Hope you start up again.

You find out your wife is trolling for sex on internet, meeting strangers for sex...not sure how any response short of maiming or murder would be so harsh.

Remember the reason she met John was because she was afraid friend would be upset with her...

Say Jeremy had shown up and been man of her dreams and she had out of this world sex...doubt if she would have given that up.

One look at John who repulsed her physically and yet she continued....why???

This was a wife with no reason to cheat other than the expected thrill of deceiving husband.

Anyway in the end she made out fine

It was a well written good plot, no parts hanging unanswered ,and enough twists to keep you interested. keep up the good work.

The story is too hard on Laura and Jim is too cruel for not forgiving her. How can his love not forgive one transgression which was done reluctantly and in a moment of weakness? We forgive children who error if their heart is still good. I can't see Jim, if he is really so good, not forgiving Laura. The story demeans the women and instead puts the man on a high pedestal. He gets a women 9 years younger as a reward for enduring his wife's one mistake. He never tries to understand Laura and makes her suffer the rest of her life without even a chance of redemption.

A mistake is getting drunk in a bar and letting some dipshit talk you into a motel room for a quickie. This was thought out, planned and executed cheating. Nothing less. As far as “Jim” being harsh, I beg to differ. All he did was divorce her. No revenge, no posting of her illicit video on the net, not even using Adultery as a reason for divorce. I think he was generous with the bitch. I liked this story and don’t really understand why it has such a low rating. I’d give it Five stars, across the board. Both chapters.

Very well written story about a cheating wife and the upheaval she caused. Happy Jim was able to find happiness. Sarah also turned out well. No sympathy for Laura at all. She gambled all and lost all. Totally deserved her justice.

I agree with Niceallover. It was a one time thing. He didn't even talk to her. Very disappointing. If you truly love someone, you at least hear their side of things. Not a good ending. AND he would have beat the crap out of John.

When's the last time you made a bet in Las Vegas and lost it and, when you started crying, the dealer gave your chips back? She knew that she was gambling when she went to fuck John but she thought her wager was a sure thing because she was using Kathy's computer to make her hookups. BOO HOO HOO, you two fucking Liberal jerks. She knew what the cost would be if she got busted but she risked it anyway and she did. You two nits overlook that she's not the only one who lost something. Her husband and daughter lost their family, too. (the one that included HER)

Take her back?? Only a fool reaches into a bag that is known to have a poisonous snake in it. She wasn't married to a fool and they didn't raise one, either.

Set up a little differently than we're used to,

but it worked perfectly.

Every major question answered

and done very well.

I have no problem switching between tences

or first persons monologue,

but it has to be done carefully.

Maybe a bit more carefully than we saw

in this story.

But, to me, not a big deal.

I find it strange to see comments

favoring the villain over the victim.

If the victim (our hero) was a living person

you might think those comments envious.

Whatever is wrong with being a good person?

Our hero being fictional,

makes these comments plain childish.

I'm glad to see these comments

getting fewer with time.

Things getting better, is always good to see.

I really liked this story.

Both parts.

At times a bit sugary for me,

but then I'm not a romantic,

so I can't call that a fault.

Well done writer!

Top ratings from me.

If that were true we wouldn't be reading this story. The real 'true love' of Laura's life was Laura. Thanks for sharing your stories with us.

There is a somber, leaden feel to this story, and the author managed it very well. There was no pollyanna bs here. He created the mood and sustained it well. When Holly confesses to him what she wants in such a simple and direct manner with all of the grit along with it....wow, what a great moment.

This is a badass story with a kind of deadpan delivery that worked for me. Cheating is serious business. Thank God his "child" Sarah was grown. Just imagine if the selfish deranged mother had killed the marriage when the kid(s) had been tykes. What a screwed up woman. I hope her new paycheck has very bad breath - every single day.

Congratulations, yet another affirmation of the righteous of middle aged white guys. Just put a bullet in her, one mistake she regretted is more than enough of a sin. How profoundly moral of you. Looks like you’ve stopped contributing, thank God.

Not a bad story at all. It was a little dry and unemotional, but the cheating wife got burned and everyone else ended up happy. That's all good.

deadrabbits keeps adding to and adjusting the story in his reply to the comments. Strange way to tell a story, but there it is.

Who the hell was Pamela, somehow l missed her coming into the picture

So disjointed it was in places hardly readable

Scores 3/5, mainly for the effort.

Great story - real page turner. Good plot good characters and good problems and resolutions. A 5*****

Wow.....Rena Sofer is pretty. I Googled her.