Billiards and the Shindo

At some point, over my third or fourth cup of coffee, Patricia Swanson from Marketing dropped into my office and plopped herself in the chair next to my desk. I had always liked Patricia; she was quite the character and had a twisted sense of humor.

"Hey, loverboy," she grinned at me but like she knew something that I didn't, "I saw you playing that hot pool player at the show last week."

I responded, "Uh, yeah. That was fun."

"Rebecca saw you too. So did Frank. Weren't you supposed to be working?"

I defended myself, "Hey, now. I had finished all my meetings and saw everything I needed to see. You know it's garbage time on the floor of the last day of the show, nobody gets anything done after lunch."

"Don't get all uppity with me," she wagged her finger at me, "I'm just teasing." She wasn't going to let me off that easily, so I was expecting more. "You like her.... don't you." It wasn't a question, she said it like a statement.

"Yes," I answered honestly, "she's quite an incredible person."

"So what are you going to do about it?" She was almost taunting me.

I sighed and said, "There's nothing to 'do' about anything. She's a three-time national champion, it was just a chance crossing and I had a good time."

"You are so full of shit, Sean." She poked her finger in my direction again, "I saw you. You had lust in your eyes and you wanted that woman real bad."

"Was it that obvious?" I laughed it off like I was playing along, even though I knew she was right.

"Completely. Rebecca and Frank thought so too. And you were too shy to ask for her number, weren't you?"

"Ummm," I stammered, "We kind of went to dinner after the show, and ummm, I got her number."

Patricia's eyes lit up, she had just hit the gossip jackpot, "Way to go! Did you call her?!"

I didn't answer her right away, Patricia saw me struggling to reply, so she said, "Whaaaaat? You're not going to call her, are you. You shithead. What's your problem?"

"Well for one thing," I said, grasping at whatever I could, "She's only 33, I'm seven years older than her."

She rolled her eyes and looked disgusted, "You idiot. I'm the same age as you, and my husband is 50. Who cares? Call her."

"I don't know. The whole thing is weird. On one hand, she was flirting with me, sending me signals she liked me. And yet, she's like two different people. This strong, confident, badass competitor, and then like a light switch, she'd turn into this vulnerable, delicate thing where I just wanted to wrap my arms around her and protect her from the world. In either case, she'd put some serious walls up and I don't really know anything about her." Oops, I forgot who I was talking to. I had said way too much, this was going to spread all over the office before even lunchtime.

"Oh, Sean. You are such a dude." She shook her head at me with pity, "It's pretty simple, well not for men, but they're all signs that she's been hurt before and she's decided she wants to get in the game again, with you, but very cautiously. You have to call her. Even if it's just a text to let her know you haven't forgotten her."

+++++++++++++++++

My confession to Patricia got me thinking about Eun-Ji the rest of the day. I started to text her a dozen times and deleted every one until I thought of something deep and profound to say to her.

Me: Hi. How's your day going?

She texted back immediately. I remembered how fast she could work her thumbs on a phone.

Eun-Ji: Pretty shitty until a minute ago.

Me: Sorry to hear that. What was so bad?

Eun-Ji: I thought you weren't going to text me. And then you did. So everything is good now. >smiley face emoticon<

Me: I told you I would. >smug-face emoticon<

Eun-Ji: You were thinking you were going to break your promise and just forget about me.

Me: Couldn't happen. You are pretty unforgettable.

Eun-Ji: Awww.

Eun-Ji: >smiley face emoticon with blushing cheeks<

++++++++++++++++++++++

We texted about a half dozen times over the next couple of weeks but I managed to keep things simple and brief. Cordial greetings and things like that. A few remarks about the weather as it had been hot in Escondido, and apparently hot and humid in San Antonio where she had mentioned at one time that she was staying with her oldest brother and his family there.

It was Saturday afternoon when I got a Facetime request from her, and had I not already had a few beers in me, I would have denied it. I'm not a fan of video conferencing in any form.

I propped my iPad up against the umbrella pole at where I had been sitting and pressed 'accept'. I was rewarded with a close-up view of her beautiful smiling face. Dimples and all. Well, only briefly. Her eyes widened and with a shocked expression, she said, "Oh, my. Did I get you at a bad time?"

I laughed. Whoops. I probably should have had second thoughts about Facetiming at that moment. I explained that her timing was fine, only I was in my bathing suit, chest high in water in my swimming pool. I was sitting on a bench at a little built-in table at the side of the pool, under a shade umbrella while reading a book on the iPad and having a beer at the moment. I explained that it's one of my favorite things to pass the time on hot days.

Her shock and surprise at my attire being over, her smile had returned. She said almost breathlessly, "That looks like fun. I'd like to join you one day."

The thought of her in my pool, wearing a bathing suit made me shudder. I managed to say without sounding aroused, "You have an open invitation. Any time."

She got a wicked smile on her face, "Thanks. Don't think I won't take you up on that." Her face then softened, "Hey, Sean. I wanted to run something by you... "

That was as far as Eun-Ji got before the screen changed violently. I was suddenly looking at the face of a teenager that was sporting a playful grin while the background was continuously moving. I heard Eun-Ji from off camera say, "Hey, give that back!"

The teenager kept moving around, keeping out of reach of Eun-ji. Between giggles, the teen said, "Your boyfriend is cuuuuute, Aunt Eun."

The chase was getting more animated, Eun-Ji was actively scolding her and would occasionally get a handle on things before the teen pulled away again with a giggle. Another woman's voice from off camera could be heard saying, "Julie! Stop that. Give Aunt Eun her iPad back. Right now!"

All that did was elicit more giggles from the teen who then looked at the camera and with a mock serious voice said, "What are your intentions with my aunt?!" She was still moving swiftly around the room. Now and again, I would catch a glimpse of a frustrated Eun-Ji who was still keeping up the chase.

Suddenly the teen stopped in her tracks and froze after I heard Eun-Ji say, "Stop. If you give that back, I'll let you drive the Porsche."

The teen, Julie, looked off camera and said, "Really?!" Then she pumped the fist of her free hand, "Yesssss!" Looking back on camera at me, she said, "You be nice to my aunt, or I'll kick your ass."

The camera was then empty of anyone, the display was that of swift movement through what must be an enormous house, then into what was obviously a bathroom where I could hear the door lock. Finally, Eun-Ji sat down and appeared on camera, but her hand was covering most of the view of her face. "I'm so embarrassed," she uttered with a groan.

I had laughed through the whole exchange; it really was quite amusing. I tried to break her out of it by stating, "Well that's one milestone we can mark as complete. I've met a member of your family."

Eun-Ji had recovered slightly, and even chuckled with a weak smile. I asked, "What's this about a Porsche?"

Eun-Ji replied, "My niece just turned 16 and got her license last week. She's been bugging me to drive my Porsche, but I wasn't going to let her until she has more driving experience." She saw me wince at that and she chuckled in return, the wind back in her sails now. "The thing is, I just got new tires, you even bought them for me. I paid for them out of the money jar from the show. If Julie burns too much rubber, or, God forbid, wrecks my car, I guess I can always play you 9-ball for cash again."

That made me laugh, but my curiosity got the better of me, "Eun-Ji, you were about to tell me about some idea you had before all the excitement started."

"Oh, yeah," she replied, "Listen. I've been slumming at my brother's house for almost two weeks now and I need to get out of here and back to making some money. Next weekend there's a tournament in Phoenix, but the Saturday after that, the first weekend in September, there's a tournament at a casino only 20 miles from you. They're going to comp me a few nights at their hotel there and I was wondering.... " She screwed up her face, forcing herself to not be forward this time. I knew she wanted me to take it from there.

"Great! If you're in town," I said, with a knot in my stomach, "I would love to see you. Maybe get dinner or something."

She gave me a beaming smile, but her body language, from what little of it I could see, told me that a huge weight just fell off her shoulders. She said, more relaxed since we first opened the call, "Sounds like a plan. Hey, my battery is about to shut down, we can firm things up later. Goodbye, Sean." And then she blinked off.

+++++++++++++++++++++++

We exchanged a bunch of texts over the next couple of weeks and made a preliminary plan to have dinner after her tournament, which I fully intended to attend. I even bought a ticket online, planning to root for Eun-Ji all the way. If that was such a thing in 9-ball. I chuckled to myself in thinking that I should order a foam finger that said 'Erin #1' in time for the tournament.

I also texted her to congratulate her after her first place 9-ball finish in Phoenix. From the numbers listed on the casino's website, she must have won without breaking a sweat.

In the weeks since I had been in the circle of knowing Eun-Ji, I started doing exactly what I told myself not to do. I liked her and I was thinking of her all the time. I was giving myself hope. The rational part of my head said that I should let this one go, we live in two different worlds and a relationship could never grow from this. It was impossible and doomed were I to think otherwise. Then there was the part of my head that thought, why the hell not? She seems interested in me, what could it hurt? Maybe the universe was giving me a chance at being with a unicorn. Weirder things have happened.

Then I had to face the fact that I really didn't know this woman. I knew about her career, she had her own Wikipedia page that followed her career, with basic statistics, but nothing personal. So why did I like her? Because she's hot as hell? Because she got my motor running? None of that is the basis for a long-term relationship. Maybe it was because she was forward and determined, I have always been attracted to strong women. She put up a hell of a wall surrounding herself, but there was something about her that really made me want to get to know this woman.

She called me a few days before her tournament. "Hey, handsome," she said when I picked up the call, "Getting excited about our date?"

"A date with a beautiful woman. What's not to get excited about?" I responded, trying to be playful.

"Thanks, but I'm not as beautiful as you think. I've been holding back and when you get to know me, you might see me in a whole different light."

"Yeah, OK," I thought now would be a good time for some honesty, "I've been thinking about that. When are you going to let me in a little? Your Wikipedia page has left out any juicy details."

"You cyber stalked me?" She chuckled, and then said, "Well, ready or not, it's going to be sooner than you think. I was working on that with my sister-in-law while I stayed with them in San Antonio. It's time to bare my soul and see what you think. I believe I'm ready now."

I wondered if she really meant that. "Well, I look forward to that. Only I have no clue what's in this for you. I'm just a boring, run-of-the-mill engineer."

"Hey," she came right back at me, "Don't sell yourself short. My niece is right on point, you're really cute. Listen, I gotta go. I'm coming up to the state line on I-10 and if I don't pee here, I won't get another chance for 70 miles and I don't want to wet my Porsche."

+++++++++++++++++++

It was just before lunchtime on Friday, the day before the tournament, and I was deep in thought at my desk, reviewing the tolerance stack up for the millionth time, trying to understand why the parts were leaking after being assembled when I got a light rap on my office door frame. I looked up and saw it was Sandra, Director of HR, with a smirk on her face.

"I found someone in the lobby who asked to meet with you about the open position, so I brought her over here myself. Sean, I didn't know we had an open position in this department." She looked amused at the confusion on my face when Eun-Ji walked into my office from just out of view behind Sandra.

I got up from my desk, my mind trying to process what had just happened when Eun-Ji threw her arms around my neck and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. "I told her that I was hoping the position of 'girlfriend' was still open and available. Will you interview me for that? Over lunch, maybe?" Eun-Ji looked up at me grinning broadly, dimples on full display, our noses almost touching.

I stuttered and Sandra said with her face beaming in approval, "Sounds like a good idea to me. It was nice meeting you, Erin. Have a nice lunch, you two."

Eun-Ji never released me, just looked over her shoulder, "Thanks, Sandra. Nice to meet you too." Sandra walked away while still smirking and Eun-Ji gave me another kiss on the lips then looked deep into my eyes and seemed to study my face before releasing me. "OK, handsome. Where can a girl get a good burger around here?"

I took her to my favorite burger place, which was not a chain and was her first time there, but she seemed pleased. She ate with gusto and I wondered where she put it, her body being tight all over, athletic even.

I asked, "How was your niece at driving your Porsche?"

She laughed and replied, "It is a miracle that I survived and my Porsche is undamaged. That kid gave us both the thrill ride of a lifetime. No fear, that girl."

There was a long awkward silence as we ate our fries and downed our iced teas.

Then something that had been nagging at me had to come out. "I'm going to ask you a question," at that she lifted her head with a little panic on her face, "I looked at the schedule for women's billiards tournaments and there's a big one going on in Reno this weekend that 4 of the top 5 players in the world are signed up for. The missing top fiver, instead, chose a podunk little tribal casino in the San Diego area boonies. Why do you think she would do that and skip the bigger prize potential?"

She didn't answer my question, but instead asked, "What time will you be home from work tonight?"

I had an unusually short commute and fortunately lived very close to my office. "I should be home just before six."

"Would you mind if I dropped by for about an hour? I know I've held back with you, but I promise I'll tell you everything. I hope you understand."

"Uh, sure," I responded, slightly surprised, "I'll text you my address."

She chuckled, "I know where you live. Ever hear of something called Google?"

++++++++++++++++++++++

She was waiting for me when I got home, leaning against her black Porsche 911 convertible in my driveway with her arms crossed. She looked distressed and instead of the warm greeting I got in my office earlier I got a desperate feeling hug with her face buried into my chest.

She settled into my couch after declining my offer of making her dinner and she even declined a beer, asking for water instead. I opened a beer for myself, it was Friday night after all, and sat down opposite her on the couch in anticipation.

"Listen," she started, "I told you on our first date, you know, dinner after the trade show, that I have some trust issues. But it's not like you think it would be and I think, no, I know, that I can trust you. I'm going to tell you some things that I've only ever shared with my mother and my grandmother, not even my siblings. It is likely that you won't believe me, but I have to risk this. There's a great chance I'll scare you off for good, or you'll think I'm such a wackadoodle that you'll never want to see me again. After I tell you, I will leave, and then I'll know how you feel whether you show up after the tournament tomorrow for the date we had planned."

I said nothing. She was wringing her hands, sitting straight up and staring unblinking into my eyes before continuing. "My parents and grandparents owned an Asian market in Los Angeles as I was growing up. We had picnic tables installed outside and had a healthy lunch and dinner crowd, the locals would pick up food from the market and take it outside to eat, my mother made soups and things. Dad had put out a pool table outside and that's where I learned to play. Being out in the weather the table was a beat up pile of crap, but I knew every divot, dead bumper, and crease in the slab by heart. I wouldn't play in the evenings when I was smaller, the whole idea of the table was to keep the men lingering around the store so when they played, they would buy more beer.

"I loved that table. I loved the game. The geometry of the motion, it was like there was poetry in the carom. Peaceful and satisfying when you got it right and chaos when you got it wrong. By the time I was in high school, I could beat most of the men, and by the time I was 16, Dad let me linger and play until closing time. I was suddenly the one to beat, and was good for business.

"I didn't date. It wasn't allowed until I was 18. Yet I didn't want to date anyway. Something happened to me when I went through puberty. And this is where things get weird." She looked at me hard again. I could tell the wheels were grinding in her head like she might change her mind on continuing.

She sighed and went on, "I was getting strong premonitions around people. I could read what they were going to do next, and I used that advantage on the table, a new weapon to my game. Then I started to get other, um, 'vibes' about people. Some of the customers, some of my classmates in school, even some of the teachers, they gave off something that I could read and it was ugly. Frightening. In others I could read kindness, in people like my father, but there were other things...." She let that hang, looking at her hands that she was still wringing.

She finally talked to her mother about it and all she said was, "I know," before bringing her to grandmother.

She looked at me again, I let her continue. "Grandmother told me that in our past, there were women in our family that were mudang. Female shaman. That my premonitions and feelings were what she called 'shindo'. Way of the spirits. That I should keep this a secret but use the gift to my advantage. It just didn't feel like a gift, sometimes it was a curse.

"I didn't have many friends. I tried the swim team, but I just didn't have enough power to be competitive. Swimming led to water polo, and I dominated, but only because I could anticipate the moves of my opponents. The girls on my own team hated me because I was still competitive during practice, so they kicked, scratched, and pulled me underwater by my hair until I'd come up gasping for breath. Not really fun so I dropped out of the team.

"I got on the chess team, thinking that I might make some friends and at least I wouldn't get beat up. I was wrong on both counts. I kicked ass, of course. Went undefeated my junior year, and then I became known as a freak. That made me more bitter and then I relished kicking ass at the game table."