All Comments on 'Billie and The Gym Guys'

I liked it, very nice job. Having an MC that colors mostly within the lines while still getting revenge is rare in LW, for some reason.

Not bad

Not one of your best. Caitlin morphed into Kate, then morphed back again at some point. Probably in one of the rewrites. Just 2 stars sorry.

this is a great story 5 stars . good job that you stop that shit few storys back

Outstanding ! A very solid 5 star effort.

A cliché is born: "Kids, Mom might've messed up, but she's still your mom!" As they would say on Twiddler: '...trending'. But hey, LW must have its cultural accoutrements, right?

.

If he's bringing down $2K a month from the gym, he still has that second mortgage to deal with. $100K at, what, 20-years? That's an awful big turd in the punchbowl. Sue Cait's ass, and take her $9.75 a day prison work money. Screwing the DA would be a very hard sell for a felony obstructing beef. Probably conspiracy, since there was no actual completion of the obstruction. Now, the DA would be going way up the river, so far up that you can jump across the damn confluence. He will be held to a much higher standard than Cait.

.

Great story and told very well. 5/5!!!

ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....What is this mess!

so . . . . where is the retribution? Retribution is punishment inflicted on someone as vengeance

.

All he did was call the cops to report a crime and get a divorce

He argued for a reduced sentence, worked to pay her alimony and bought her a place to live on top of all that

Pretty good. Good storyline. Well paced. A tad emotionless - kinda like Jack Webb in "Dragnet". Just the facts Ma'am.

Good story! Cait or Kate?

5

Yeah not bad 4/5 from me.

Finally…you finally managed to darg yourself out of the shit morass u had been getting into deeper and deeper!Hope this is not a one off and is a new lasting phase!

He could a went at them alot harder, especially Q, but alas

No real pathos

3 stars

Likable enough story. Wanted to score it higher but, I just couldn't.

Too many technical errors in the writing to give it full marks there.

A few to many holes in the story to give full marks there.

Billie really liked RB. RB is portrayed as a good guy and describes himself as a goody two shoes. If that were true ... He knew Cait and QB were messing around even if they hadn't had full on sex YET. Billie should have asked him what he would think of his wife doing what Cait had done up to that point with QB???

Would have been nice to see the thread involving Mom explored a little more. What did she know and when did she know it. Why did she favor the brother and not tell Billie what was going on?

Jeff became Joshua a couple of times, then back to Jeff.

\

I had to laugh at the chutzpah of his mother asking for forgiveness because she and Jeff were kin. For those who may not know, the practical definition of chutzpah is to murder you parents, then ask for mercy because you're an orphan.

Who the heck are Joseph and Buddy? It’s basically a pretty good LW story, but a careful reading of the story before submitting it would have helped.

Who the hell are Buddy and Kate? The sentence structure was horrible throughout most of story and you goofed up the names. I realize that happens, but you should have caught it in editing. It's disappointing that after 50 plus stories you still make so many rookie mistakes. I haven't read much, but I'm done trying to read your stuff.

Good story but the ending was lame - 3*

Confusing.... Cait,Kate,Jeff and Joseph...... DA then the judge....need to read before posting!.....

Paint by numbers LW story. I did enjoy some of the dialogue.

Been liking some of your more off the wall stories that you had been posting recently.

This story was pretty boring. It read like a shopping list. Mayby it was worth 2.5*, but I rounded up and gave it 3*, Because it wasn't a cucktard or RAAC story.

“…Custody to me. When she got out, that would be revisited.…”

Since so many details are included… The twins are 17. the wife is going to jail for 2 years. so the twins will be 19 when mom gets out. So why would ‘custody’ of 19 year olds even be acknowledged, much less revisited?

Now getting back on track. Good story.

The divorce deal was that Cait got noting from me until she got out of jail. Then, she had some maintenance for two years. Custody to me. When she got out, that would be revisited.

D, The girls would be 19 and there would be no need to revisit it.

Better than Demander’s last story, but still not up to par of his earlier ones. Three stars ⭐️ for this one.

If there was a reason to write and publish this, I'm not sure what it was. Demander lives in a dark world.

Good solid story

It was bland, lacked emotion. It felt like it had to be written within a certain amount of time. I'm sure the story outline was followed, as all the i's had dots and the t's were crossed.

Mmmm. Big plus that the MC got Justice. Cait sure was a bitch at heart. Jeff was the male equivalent of a Slut Ray victim. Mom was a jerk.

.4 ****

Liked the story. Pretty dry and emotionless in the telling. Billie has a lot of hard bark in him and obviously is someone not to mess with. Maybe it's his legal profession, but he is cynical and jaded enough to watch his back and cover his ass. RB was the only likable character with the remaining characters people you wouldn't want to turn your back on.

Would be nice if the author took more care in keeping the character names straight; Jeff/Joseph - Harry/Buddy.

All-in-all an I found the story to be an enjoyable read. 4 stars from me.

Another good read.

Keep Writing

JH4Fun

I honestly don't have a clue what is "missing" from this relatively good story, but whatever it is, the story left me wanting.

Loved the different backdrop and storyline. Also liked that he didn’t allow wife to escape jail time. He lobbied for lighter sentences, ok, but why did he ask for lighter sentence for scum brother than wife? Nit detail and author’s prerogative. 5 stars!

Okay, a story well deserved of your talents. A well-thought-out and original plot. You could work on your phrasing a little but I enjoyed this story and gave it a 5. Well done. Keep it up.

I'm glad the writer demander manage to share a story with no wimpy husband in it I am not telling the writer to write what I want but I do encourage writers to write what they want. Just don't expect me to praise you for something I don't like. I do like the story it was a good read.

Nice, no nonsense. 5*

demander is one of the tougher writers to get a read on at Literotica. The writing in a demander story can start off with abysmal quality and then sometimes elevate to surprising degrees of dark wit. I am not sure if it is the mark of a good writer with issues or a bad writer with spikes of inspiration.

That sounds something like me, before and after my caffeine fix.

realistic story with good result for the innocent husband

Mate, normally I enjoy your writing/story lines. But not this time. When you write and involve more "technical" matters (Like the Law) you must at least have an understanding of reality. The devil is in the details! eg. The Mortgage taken was $110k, not $100k. The Bank would NOT stop charging interest. (I'm also a former Banker) He could NOT renegotiate the Mortgage until the court case was finalised. (Now for my legal side!) His mother's house that he inherited, had previously had a "construction loan" on it, repaid only 3 years ago. So, it was repaid using marital income! It now becomes marital property, even though in his name only. Huge mitigating factor for sentencing: NO FINANCIAL LOSS. Funds recovered, once Court case settled. No, the victim does not get to "demand" a certain sentence. Re Children. They are 17. At 18 there will no longer be custody issues. The divorce settlement is not affected by whether Cait is in jail. If an amount of funds are directed to Cait in settlement, ex husband cannot withhold them. He does not control the funds, his lawyer does. (It is not his decision) Finally, this would have to be the most stupid lawyer ever if he wasn't aware of most of this.

However, you are a good story teller normally.

Oh, this is a story I have read before, with just a few differences. Q also had another building they rented as a Sex Club and was set up for "sex games and meetings". Cait fully participated in those games. But that part was left out this time.

5 stars. Kind of a noir. Reads like Joe Friday narrating: "Just the facts, ma'am."

Really liked it. Billie was hard and tough and didn't take disrespect without crushing his opponents. Not a guy to mess with.

Good one Dman, it kinda sounded like Cait had some sort of mental/emotional break. She’s hot for Q, but refuses to fuck him, then turns around and fucks her BIL for a chance to steal money from her husband. I guess she realized she was a prostitute so she sold herself to the DA as well.

I can understand the anger, but I’m not sure I could have sent them to prison. Rape them financially, but not sure prison was the right call. Thanks for sharing.

The only thing that was missing was any kind emotional turmoil from Billie. Getting blindsided like that would have been traumatic to say the least.... I get that he would have had rage to steel his resolve through the divorce, but it would have still be horrible. Still a very good story.

This is not an erotic story. You raped your wife in the first few paragraphs and then it was a revenge story. It should at least be recategorized

They aren’t getting 2-3 years for a theft/fraud as a first time offense, even with that amount of money.

so much better than the "Kiss" series. 5* Usually one of the biggest questions I have is HOW did it start? she really wasn't that clear on that other than some generic statements. Also, a part pre-school teacher at her age? Lastly, WHEN did it start? It had to be way before Billie's last trial. To orchestrate a loan, cheating etc.

What a hateful story, with the most malevalent character 'winning' so that he could shack up with a "not beautiful" woman. Writing skills were nearly flawless, but the story line is an emotional DOWNER.

You do need to use and editor. The brother’s name changed from Jeff to Joseph and back to Jeff. The spelling of Cait went to Kate and back to Cait. At the end, Cait apologized about her behavior with the judge when it was the DA. Good premise for the story, but continuity issues are a problem.

Well, he had kids. BTB but not scorched earth.

I really wanted to score this one higher, but the narrative was just too "clunky" at times and some name changes in missed editing didn't help. 3* this time out.

Nice story.

His brother – Joseph or Jeff? Which is it? That’s just sloppy.

I liked it. Normally, I don't like BTB but in this case the Bs were really just not good people.

I mean Q, falls in love with someone he should just bang. And why? So many other fish at the club.

Jeff: I just can't imagine sticking my dick in something my brother did. YUCK!!

Mom: Fuck you, Mom, Just fuck you and your incestual relationship with Jeff.

A real screwed up story. Long marriage, wife does the unthinkable, commits a felony and screws the brother so you can get a loan for a gym.No logical to this story line. Husbands a lawyer has only a little money. The only thing possible is to ask billy for a investment in the gym. Now bother and wife are doing time. Stupidest shit story I’ve read in a while.

Sorry about the name changes. I have this thing that allows me to standardize throughout. But then I forget to use it. Old age. (Coming up next.) D

Storyline but boring, should have had more emotion but than lawyers don't really have emotion.

It just wasn't written all that well.

MC read as if he just didn't care.

Seventeen year olds in senior year DON’T handle divorce well! The whole mess would have been embarrassing, disruptive and emotionally draining right at the pinnacle of their educational career. Foolish statement.

A little too much narrative. Billie has all he answers. Not much suspense or emotional turmoil.

Still I enjoyed it. But the author has done better.

He burns everyone involved including himself and he wonders why he is so suspicious and hurt? So, he is so far away from his wife and life over a trial and wonders why she is off doing “stuff.” How often is that pattern repeated? If he wasn’t really interested in his wife it seems a tad hypocritical to get upset about her infidelities, especially given the fact that he had the time to get back into shape without interacting with his wife when the trial’s intensity tapered off. So he unnecessarily ignores his wife for another few weeks as he gets back into shape… so why is he losses? Oh yeah. E wise folks stole money from him… I get it! What is mine is mine and you have what is yours which is nuthin’ … so financially controlling as well. What a thoroughly unlikeable individual. When he gets some therapy and realizes that he had alienated his wife for years prior to the events of this moment in time, he might actually grow up a little and understand his part in this clown car shit show.

Good story about a wronged man and a very measured and expected result. The family dynamic was a little weak. After what "mom" did and continued to do I would have excommunicated from my life. She made her choice and I would have made mine. I can see being a little lenient with Cait because of the girls. I would have had Jeffy burned as bad as possible. QB was a moron and an idiot, but he was single and tried to swing out of his weight class. He got what he deserved. I'll bet RB is very happy now after seeing his business rebound and grow with a partner that isn't led around by their dick or pussy. All in all a good semi BTB story and well laid out.

4.5

Like Rob said, you did flip some stereotypes in this story. From the gym boys names, to the white guy Q with the multiple baby mommas and Rob, the black man, happily married and devoted to his family. Good one.

Why did she do it?

It was not illegal for either the DA or the judge to screw Cait, and both had an easy out: recusal. Billie, on the other hand, attempted to blackmail both the DA and the judge, and the existence of the photos, things the PI could not destroy as they now became evidence of Billie’s attempted blackmail, become evidence against Billie.

.

I know it’s a common LW theme, using the law to burn your enemies, but that’s fantasyland. If you expect the legal system to get you justice, you’ve been smoking too much whacky terbacky!

Good plot and story line but boat loads of errors in maintaining same names, technical errors in the law, banking and sentencing.

This read in a Mickey Spillane sorta way without emotion.

Either he got what he married, or its was Martian Slut Ray. The first is no sympathy and the second is a cartoon plot. You pick. A spouse being occupied by some long term Money Making project needs understanding and support, not deceit and adultery. The wife would have done Anything to escape responsibility and punishment. Even the MC indicated she would kill him if he wasn't careful. So that is the woman he lightens up on? Right, it wasn't the Martians. He got what he deserved from the selfish ignorant immoral whore. Even his mother thinks he's a dumb ass. I wonder if his daughters will warn him before he marries the next whore? Really though, even they probably don't care what happens to this putz in the future. Thanks for the effort.

what the fucks wrong with you .why pick the whore up stupid man. and your kids are at the age to pick where they what to live.

Cait didn't steal the $110k from Bill; she and Jeff stole it from the bank through mortgage fraud and identity theft. It was the bank's responsibility to verify the identity of the borrower. The bank in turn would have outsourced that responsibility to the notary. So the party going after Cait's share of the gym would be the insurance company that issued the notary's errors and omissions policy. Bill would not be on the hook for any of it.

Was there some reason why Bill wanted Cait's share of the gym so much that he'd take out an actual mortgage on his house so he could buy off the insurance company?

Not good. ⭐⭐

She obviously was a whore to start with that thought that she was better than everyone else. How could Mom be so dumb?

A talented writer

Nearly BTB story, it was a little out with how it was being represented to us the readers, think the word monolog came to mind for me. Oh and spelling a few words changed like Cait to Kate back to Cait, use one spelling word for a person's name not 2

It was a decent BtB, but the ending was too depressing and totally out of character for the husband.

-

Why would a highly successful, confident, wealthy, fit, good looking lawyer settle for a plain-looking 36-year-old? He's a top 1% guy and would have his pick of hot younger women. The term "trophy wife" was coined to describe exactly the kind of woman a guy like that ends up with for a second wife. It's almost as if loving wives authors are so terrified of clichés, that they write something boring to make the story more 'realistic'. Ironically, it does the exact opposite.

The ending made the protagonist look like a loser with no self-esteem, who ended up settling. That's the polar opposite to the decisive character portrayed in the story.

A rich guy like Billie should've been dating smoking-hot 22-year-olds that make his ex-wife look like a worn-out old hag. When the jailbird asked for a second chance, he should've laughed in her face.

Impossiblefuture picked up on the change of spelling from Cait to Kate and back again but also Jeff's name changed to Joseph and back again. I don't understand how these errors can be made but I wish authors would look at it from the reader's point of view and realise how much this practice grates and do whatever it takes to eliminate these errors. Apart from that it was a good read.

Very well told. Outcome quite realistic, and thus not pleasing to the BTB crowd.

Okay

She cheated and cheated and cheated. Three guys. And any sexual activity counts plus mental and emotional.

He admits he got bad guy off and worked extremely long hours to do it. That's why after taking LSAT I didn't go to law school. Screwing system for guilty client!! Not happening!!! I worry more about morality than legality.

The plot wasn’t bad, but it damn sure wasn’t erotic. There were many errors throughout, some of which have been pointed out already by others. Unfortunately these types of stories always leave readers with an empty feeling inside. The mere fact that anyone finds it necessary to write these is kind of a mystery.

Most authors who write these stories have zero clue how kids would act when confronted with the divorce/facts. Usually they write how the kids immediately turn on the mother and talk about how great the dad is. We all know that would never happen in real life. This author began to go that direct and thankfully flossed over it quickly. Being told that their father had their mother arrested and sent to jail, o matter the reason, would not make him a hero in their eyes.

God that was stupid. Nothing like the real world at all.

Phill1c - You said you can’t imagine sticking your dick in something your brother did. You don’t seem to have an issue going to a restaurant and sticking a fork in your mouth that’s been in thousands of other people’s moths, do you?

Besides, I’ll bet there’s been more dicks in your wife than you know about. Sleep tight.

Really good original and creative story. Yes, a little beyond believable, but not really that far. Have you looked at "The National Enquirer"?

Ed

Over and over, you write stories with a man who starts strong, and then fades away. Why won’t you tell the story of a man who sticks to his principles, tells the full truth, and completely burns the wicked?!?

In this story he should have told the media about the corrupt DA. Push to put him in prison. Get extra charges on the wife for bribery and anything else that the next prosecutor can think of.

ZK

Good story by a good author. LP

Read like a police report.

@sbrooks103x

Jeff became Joshua a couple of times, then back to Jeff.- Jeff became Joseph, then back to Jeff.

Good story but. Bit of a ‘floppy’ ending.

A well told story that felt a bit lacking in emotion for my taste! 4*!!

should have gone nuclear & burnt the bitch

Lots of switching characters names and spellings for Cait/Kate made it challenging to follow. Billie’s law practice is confusing as well, it starts off sounding like he is part of a firm with multiple lawyers because he is responsible for only parts of the major trial but then you say he is a one man firm. Not sure what to make of it.

Would be nice if Main character had stayed strong through the whole story and turned DA Frank and Cait over the Feds as soon as he had the evidence.

The child custody part doesn’t make sense. The daughters are 17 years old and about to start their last year of high school. With Cait going to jail their choices were live with Billie or his mom until they turn 18. By the time Cait gets out of jail the girls are legally adults able to make whatever decisions they want when it comes to their relationships with Cait. There is nothing to be discussed.

Bill told his mom she was no longer family but still sends card and calls on holidays. This doesn’t make sense, what is his motivation for keeping up the relationship?

wow...just get an editor.

Wow, too much compacted in so little space loved the story something I hadn't seen before I enjoyed it thoroughly would love to more

Just too sloppy. Good story line, but.........

If we buy your premise, then it makes for an okay story. But said premise struggles with weak probability, absurdity, and icky smugness! Problem is, a kindergarten teacher married to a lawyer is not going to steal 100k from her mealticket--and not gonna screw his loser bro to pass as him to assist with the fraud; if she wanted in on the gym, she'd have talked to hubby....Unless her hubby was perhaps a slimeball lawyer who had no moral compass and deserved everything he got! That'd sure flip the story--and upend the protagonist! But no, the posted version has the wife/teacher doing the bro; and the smug, heartless lawyer who represents slimeballs feels grand to be sending wife and bro off to prison for years. Honestly, there is no one to like in this, except for the twin teen daughters; writing their story about living through all this, that could be a real and decent story. The rest is insufferably improbable and unbearably smug.

I would guess as the girls are under 18 due process would include custody. She is one selfish bitch that put herself in front of the family. Even the girls noticed it. She committed, adultery, fraud, had sex for leniency (corruption), told lies and she expects him to take her back. Really!

The judge And the prosecutor!!

Just apologized for judge Not brother, prosecutor, and Q

She cheated and why. Wanted something on her own?!

Didn't explain Q?!

Details in writing. Thanks for your effort in writing.

Enjoyable story. As someone who's not 'the favorite', I wish the MC dropped the mom entirely. 5*

The reasoning proffered for her infidelity was listless and dumb

Good God reading the comments people make on here always always reinforces to me the fact that humans probably only have another few decades on this planet...maybe a hundred years at most.

Reason and critical thinking are in such short supply.

And how the fuck does Reed Richards manage to get out of bed every morning and function as a person?

He thinks that having video and photographs by a licensed PI of his wife fucking the DA and the judge assigned to her case wouldn't cause them problems with the FBI? That any upwardly mobile special agent from the bureau wouldn't jump all over the potential for a corruption case involving the elected DA and judge?

Move out of your mom's basement and get a little sunlight out in the world dumbass.

Although it was a reasonable read I thought it was a premise that could have been taken much further.Only real gripe is random names popping up like Hitchcock cameos.Kinda lose the plot having to read back to try and find where I missed them entering the story only to find the wrong name given to a current character.