All Comments on 'Bimbos Are Made, Not Born Ch. 01'

I love the theme of a sexy young woman giving herself to please an older hung guy. Also love the description: her hair, heels and french manicure etc make it even hotter. I am working on a series in a similar vein. Again great story - you're one of my favorite authors!

Your story jumps around a lot. First they are in bed, then they are at a club etc. There are software programs available for story writing which will help you keep it in the proper sequence. It started out as a very good story then I got lost in figuring out how they were in bed then at a club etc. Take a bit more time to insure your timeline makes sense, or, if you jump around you preface with "Earlier this week" or something similar.

I love how the story flashes back and forward but it is a little difficult to keep track. I think something as simple as putting a couple of dashes across the page at transitions would help a lot.