All Comments on 'Birthday Pool Party Ch. 19'

Excellent as always!

Nice adjustment to adding more story to the mix. It’s a welcome change from me. I also liked the addition of Ashley’s POV. Just wondering why you went with her over Lexi or Hazel?

Still a great story and excited to see what happens next.

There are five studs with cocks and five sluts with pussys so let them all fuck. Bring on the party and let the sexual fun fly. And Kayla needs the long over due gang bang she needs se. by a bunch of hard cocks as she scream for joy. Cheers

Love this series

Another 5 star chapter. I can. not. wait. to see where this goes.

Still a great story. Glad Kayla isn’t afraid of pressing her tits against Steve. Now he just needs to loosen up.

It is, as I had predicted, just a tropical fuckfest, which is probably fine for many. But some constructive criticism is in order:

1. Anyone who’s flown (certainly most of us here) knows that it is compounded tedium upon tedium. Why would you waste a the better part of a full page detailing that tedium which we all know and dread so well? When they get back to school will you be taking us in a detailed step by step description of Kayla’s calculus class? Same thing. The whole trip, layovers and Marcia’s phobia included, could have been concisely done in a paragraph or two.

2. You’re not getting paid by the word. You don’t need to narrate every detail of their lives. Kayla’s daily pill, pee and wipe comes to to the forefront of my mind. Ask yourself if these details do anything to further define the character or move the plot forward. If not, jettison it. I actually heaved a sigh of relief when you didn’t bring us with Steven and Lexi on the grocery trip! This story would be greatly improved by editing it down to two or two and a half pages.

3. Conflict. While a shadow of impending conflict finally appeared towards the end of the last page, there wasn’t much glue to hold this travelogue together.

4. It was nice to see the maid got promoted to housekeeper.

Excellent story. Seems that part of the story might lead to b b4father and daughter enjoying each other..accidentially.

I’m really enjoying this series and look forward to the new chapters coming out regularly. I admire the pace you’re putting them out - keep up the great work! I’m also really looking forward to seeing where it all goes and also looking forward to reading about how Kayla and Ian’s relationship develops.

I have to say that I completely agree with Rapierwit24601 comments. The regular and sometimes detailed descriptions of ‘life admin’ throughout the chapters can make parts of the stormy quite tedious and boring to read. I often find myself skimming/scrolling these sections to get back to the storyline.

Some further constructive criticism (meant in the nicest possible way as I do really enjoy the story!)…

1. Parts of the story can be a bit ‘Brady Bunch’ such as the “I love you’s” and the fact that most of the main characters get on perfectly all of the time. There needs to be a bit of conflict between the main characters from time to time to keep it interesting and show that they’re flawed humans.

2. Obviously it’s a sex story, but the storyline does drag a bit when there are pages and pages of the same repetitive sex scenes (particularly with Lexi and Steven). It’s also a bit unrealistic that he can have sex and cum 50 times in a row with no issue. Like others have said, I tend to skim these pages. I think most of us who’ve read this far are here for the storylines, not just the sex.

Seriously though, it’s a great story so far and I can’t wait to keep reading! :) Keep up the great work!

I don’t think that the girls should go around fucking other guys when he is paying for the spring break vacation. I wouldn’t want to fuck them or eat their pussies, even though they would be washed out.They are Steve’s sluts

Looking forward to the next chapter.

Loving this series so much, can wait for the next part.

Love the series and story so far, but sad to see this little 'harem' being broken up with other guys at a place where I thought they would get a chance to get closer together instead. Would have loved to see the girls individual character and relationships, with each other and Steven, deepening in a more secluded place rather than a typical spring break story. But maybe that's where the story's going, looking forward to the next chapter nonetheless.

Chapter 20 has been submitted. It should go live in a couple of days.

-Witty

Fuck! I hate cliffhangers! Arrrgh! But kidding aside, you are a fantastic writer and as always, thank you!

I love how you added Ashley's point of view, and I hope to see that Ian and his friends get the same treatment!

Bad habit of using 'passed' when you needed 'past'. The imagination must have run out too, as the sex is just on a repeat loop at this point in the story.

@haltwhogoesthere Corrected the grammar and submitted an updated version. Hopefully, it will go live soon. Thanks!