All Comments on 'Birthday Pool Party Ch. 22'

Awesome job as always. I will be waiting patiently for the next chapter.

Keep them coming!! Great series.

Once again, not much happening. We begin with Kayla’s umteenth gang bang dream. (We don’t need Jung to figure that one out.) Incremental repetition works fine in poetry but not so well in prose.

Weee - fun. . . We get to read about a kayaking trip. How sexy. Kinda like watching a slide show of someone else’s vacation and since we really can’t “see” the babes it doesn’t do much for us.

I really had to laugh at the dice game! If ever I’ve read the adolescent wet dream of a nerdy D&D boy - that was it.

The only teeny bit that moved plot and character development forward is the very end where Marcia finally takes the plunge into anal. What a courageous move for her! Now they’re all butt-sluts!

I try to encourage you when you’ve made some creative and interesting writing choices, which you have frequently done. But this chapter was filler and while i’m sure it kept the jerky-jerky boyz happy, you’re capable of much better.

You could probably edit out 30-40% of the mundane and repetitive dross and have an outstanding novella.

Looking forward to getting them home and dealing with some of the major dramatic questions left hanging:

• Ian (so much there)

• That drug dealing rapist

• Can the slut squad settle with the “nice boys” at school?

and finally:

• When will Kayla fuck Daddy?

@TheJoker33, Thank you, as always. I appreciate the comments!

@Rapierwit24601 Yeah, this did turn out to be kind of a filler chapter. I hope you still enjoyed it. I should have concluded spring break with this one, but it was getting long. I hope the dice game made you laugh in a good way! I had fun writing it. I'm excited to get back to writing about Ian, bringing justice to the rapist, and Josh and Shawn. That'll be soon. :) Thanks for reading and commenting!

Love the series! I refresh probably once a day to see if a new story is posted or not. Normally not my thing but I’m dying to see Kayla and her dad cross that threshold.

Well done; you handled the games very well., it was fun to read. I like that you spent so much time with all of them together. I'm not much for 'taboo' stories (normally), but the teasing and suspense is killing us. The whole world is waiting for Steven and Kayla to cross that line. You're a good writer; we trust you do do it in a mood that fits the vibe. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Always a pleasant surprise to see another chapter of this story come out! I agree that this chapter was largely filler and there have been lots of missed opportunities. For instance:

- Kayla and Ian didn't talk at all this chapter. Imagine how hot it could have been if when Kayla came up to Ashley blowing the guide she watched, then slid her hand into her swimsuit bottoms and started masturbating, perhaps making eye contact with the guide and giving him a little show that led to him blowing his load, then getting to taste his load from Ashleys mouth. She could have later had phone sex Ian confessing about her indiscretion, or it could have been another thing that she will have to come clean with him about.

-The cheerleader section was fun; however, Kayla could/should have been a little more involved like when they bent over and fingered, she could have joined in, Lexi also should have run the game night pushing Kaylas and the rest of the girls limits a bit. Lexi could have made Steven watch as she took his daughter with a strap on, or shoved Kayla's face into her snatch.

-If there is to be another whole chapter on spring break, I hope we get a twist of some sort that will make the trip worthwhile. A secret that will be harbored by one of the main characters, or something to throw a wrench in things maybe. Everyone being continually confessing their love for each other is getting a little stale to me. Maybe you should write the chapter and give flashbacks to fill in pieces of the last days of the trip.

-As always looking forward to the next installment however/wherever the story leads. Keep up the good work!

I didn't think this was a filler chapter. The purchases at the store and the promises given the whole time were leading up to this. I suppose you could have ended spring break here but I would have been curious about what would have happen to Tom and the rest of the guys as well as Heather. I thought the dice game was entertaining and you actually wrote how dice can land on boring choices more often than not. I'm also very interested into what happens when the group goes home.

I'm not one for writing long comments as this is another incredible story! I'm awaiting the next installment of this story and hopefully Kayla will finally get intimate with Steven, and Ian. This is after all a incest site.

Hey guys, I'm still working on Chapter 23. Sorry it's taking so long. Real life has gotten in the way. I hope to have it up soon. :)

great series

Thanks for the update, Witty! No apologies necessary. Take all the time you need. Can't wait to read the next chapter!

Good series, but almost a month since last update = losing interest. Sorry to be blunt, but that's the truth.

bro hurry up and post chapter 23 already

Chapter 23 has been submitted. It should go live in a couple days. Sorry for the delay!

I can hardly wait for Ian and Kayla to get it together. Great story, I love it!

I'm really liking the story so far. This might sound kinda creepy to some but I hope Kayla & her dad get over their fear of touching each other & take things to the max. Also, not sure what's in future chapters, but I think it would be good for Kayla to get her gang bang. A good, fun, positive one, not a brutal, rape-like one. Maybe Ian could be a participant, or an organizer. Maybe he'd like to watch his girlfriend getting her kicks and be perfectly OK with it.

I'm also a little disappointed so far that Kayla and Steven haven't had any sexy time yet. Hope it changes.

Although overall, it's a great story.