All Comments on 'Birthday Surprise'

Good set up, good action. That you wrote it in 2nd Person [You this, you that] and Present tense made it impossible for me to get into the story and/or get turned on by it.

Actually, your sex act descriptions were very hot. Your editing was not. Your "waste" is not your "waist," for example. And you deleted a paragraph to describe the entrance of the blonde's male partner. Also, how did hubby reserve the room when you set up everything? I also think readers may have been trying to catch up with your plot and losing some of the hot action. I still voted a "5."

The second person telling made the reading a little difficult for me.

Mistakes aren't a thing. They're what keeps food on the table of proof readers. What is important is telling a good story - and you did.

Second person singular is really hard to get into.

So much potential...Please have someone double check your spelling..

I confess;my womderful wife of nearly 50 years , is very proper and understands that I am a very horny old impotent man who still masturbates when the o[[ortunity is right/ I cannot get thru your stories all the way when she might catch me totally immersed in your stories and my dreams. The faqct thaqt you are a couple writing and....together makes it all that much fucking hotter/ Thank you very much