All Comments on 'Birthday Vacation'

For those who want to stroke, this is OK. But there are punctuation rules for dialogue, and you broke every one of them. If you're going to write, there are issues you need to clean up, otherwise, it's a mess.

I suggest you go read some of the stories from top writers and check the structure of a real story.

I'm not going to rate it because it's obviously it's your first attempt.

Not bad for a first time but the emotions seemed muted and the repercussions were basically ignored or totally glossed over.

Not bad. 3*

swapping=willing cuckoldry=garbage=one star, always, no exceptions

Why is it that most of the cuckold stories are written by people who dont give answers on their biography.

Great story please keep writing I loved it

It was fun, no one was hurt. *****

mehh!

Even in a fictional story, I can't imagine NEWLYWEDS wanting to swap.

The plot was too contrived and the character's action did not match the character development you presented to us. I hate when writers do that! 3*

Good story 👍

Congratulations for your first work here 👏👏👏

loved the story

the only thing that annoyed me a little was technically she cheated on her husband right in front of him to which end show that she didn't really respect him if she did she would of discussed it with him first not just did it and second when the husband and the young wife went into the other bedroom for oral, she was on his cock so fast again she was CHEATING on her husband. and the pair of them manipulated the rest or the swap could he really trust her again? thank you I really did enjoy the story though and very well written

Darren

Keep writing!

Horseshit

First story here or ever? Either way, 5 stars for getting started. Writing is telling a story, creating pictures in our minds to bring us to your ideas. Accept the technical criticisms you are surely going to get, (especially here,) as ways to keep your ideas flowing. Mis-spelling, grammatical mistakes, plot errors, (I.e. name changes, time gaffs,) interrupt the flow. Don’t make us pause to catch up. Good tale. Good luck!

It is good for your first try. Keep writing....

Oh the naughtiness, love it, well done.

Loved it, I hope you continue this story, maybe he can impregnant her with their love child.

Please get an editor to help you with grammar, spelling, plot cohesion and development, and plausability. That would enhance your writing and make your story much more readable and believable.

@Anonymous

Why is it that most of the cuckold stories are written by people who dont give answers on their biography, said the anony with no name.

This was not really a mutual swap. There was jealously there on the older husbands' part and his wife wanted the young guy. Hell, I would have walked out and filed for divorce. Overall, it was not a good swap story. More like a LW divorce issue. Better luck next time.

Yes, divorce the cheater and kick the waste-of-space asshole out of his wife's life. Jackie seems like a keeper.

Great first story.

Not bad for first time story. Waiting for more. Work on those technical issues.

Randy and fun.

I enjoyed your writing. The flow is very good.

Great storytelling. Looking forward to your next piece

Not so voluntary and not so fun. What's fun about potentially destroying a marriage or two?

What most folks won't admit is that a young wife of 20-something has a MUCH TIGHTER Pussy than an older woman of 40. I don't care how many kagles the older woman does, once a child comes thru and stretches that pussy out it will NEVER be the same! Now if I was the older guy in this story I would boot his older wife for cheating and take the younger wife from the asshole. Hmm, Sweet pussy. I have actually pulled crap like that in real life, and years later realize that it was wrong. Having a young wife has its own set of problems. She will be much more than the old guy can handle. Easy for her to "Hook Up" anytime and anywhere. Plus, they are on a different planet and don't relate to the things that you do. But, hmmmmm that pussy is sweet. To explain what I am talking about. Older women who have had a child the interior of their pussy is not tight at the far end like it is in young women. The muscles for the Kagle exercise, to tighten the pussy up are only at the opening. Those muscles are actually a figure 8 that encompasses the ass also. regardless of how many Kagles they only can tighten up the opening. Nice as it is, it still isn't the same as a low mileage tight all the way, smooth as silk 20-year-old pussy. Just so you know. LOL, You can trade up for the short-term pleasure but it will be your downfall later. Bad Karma? or Punishment from the Lord. Buster2U

10 Big Blazing Stars. LOL I got so carried away talking about kagles and young pussy that I forgot to give the writer great credit for a great Story, Great Writing, Great Drama, and Great Effort. Thanks, B2U

I love the balance of seduction and surrender by all the players. Hats off to Jackie though as she had furtherest to develop IMHO