Bishop Takes the Queen Ch. 03

Carlin snorted. "Again, part of my charm."

"Of course," he agreed, smirking at Carlin, feeling more and more like himself. "Anyway, Jimmy took me home. I mean, not like that, he's not gay or anything, but between him and Dean, they helped me press charges and get a restraining order, get my life together. I owe them both more than I can say."

A few breaths of silence fell between them. "I'm so sorry, baby, that you had to go through that." He kissed D'metrius's temple again. "Thank you for telling me."

He sipped the last of his tea then leaned forward to put it on the coffee table, breaking out of Carlin's arms. He stood up and stretched and Carlin watched him, but didn't move. "Wow. I don't think I've ever told anyone that much. It actually feels kinda good. Like, I feel like I can breath for the first time in a long time."

Carlin watched him, his face unreadable. He wished he'd paid more attention to Carlin before, wished he knew what he was thinking. He stood there, then looked away, unsure what to be doing now.

"How long ago was the incident with Alex?" Carlin asked, his ex's name sounding like a curse.

"Five years, about," he said, though he knew the exact date. "I'd been living with him for four years at that point, dating him, if you can call it that, for six.

"Mmm-hmm. What happened to him?"

"Who? Alex? Nothing. I didn't, I mean, I didn't wanna, I just wanted it to be over, you know?"

He was pacing, unsure of when he started, but now that he was moving he couldn't stop. "That's when you started being Zion?"

He nodded. "Jimmy was already a Queen, it seemed like a sign, right? I mean, I do make a pretty stellar Queen, just to throw that out there. It was probably destined to be, in the stars." He chuckled, but it was hollow.

"Did you ever see someone? Go to therapy or anything?"

He shook his head, pacing faster. "No, no, I'm not crazy or anything like that. Besides, no one would care anyway. You think some old cis white guy with four degrees knows anything about me?"

Carlin sighed. "There are people who can help you, D'metrius."

"I'm fine. It's fine. It's over, I'm over it." His hands were shaking. "I should stop wasting your time. Thanks, for, ah-"

"You're not wasting my time, D'metrius. Stay, please?"

He turned back around. "I'm not, I don't. I mean, like, if I stay, what if it's like last time?" he admitted, his mouth dry by the last syllable.

"I was wrong," Carlin insisted, leaving no room for him to counter. "By the time I realized it it was already too late. I don't want you to leave. Please stay? I would worry if you left now."

"What will we do if I stay?" he asked, wanting it more than he should.

"Anything you want," Carlin said. "I'm serious."

"Even if I wanted to suck your dick?"

Carlin flinched, he hadn't been expecting that. "I don't think that is a good idea right now. Maybe if you're feeling better later we can have that discussion, but you're not in a good place to make that decision now."

"You're way too nice," he complained, resuming his pacing. "Why're you so nice to me?"

"Because I like you. Because you deserve to be treated with respect."

He stopped and turned back towards Carlin. "Why? I didn't do anything, like, I don't get it. Why fuck around with someone like me?"

Carlin stood up, picked up both of their mugs and headed towards the kitchen area. D'metrius followed him before he even thought about it. "Someone like you? What does that mean?"

"You know. I'm not like you, I'm..."

"You're what?" Carlin asked. "You're not like me? You're not a man? You're not gay? You're not a person with feelings and a life and things that make you happy or sad? You don't bleed, don't get hurt when people say mean things about you? You're all of those things, D'metrius. So am I. I'm 'fucking'," he used air quotes, "around with someone like you because you are someone I want to get to know better. You are someone I want to have a relationship with. I 'fuck' around with you because I care about you, and I want to be a part of your life."

It was heavy, what Carlin had just laid on him. He didn't know how to answer it, and didn't feel adequate enough to try.

Carlin sighed. "Sorry, I pushed it too far again. Scaring you away when all I wanna do is draw you in. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing!" he snapped. "I... You're all I've been thinking about, ever since that night. Before that night. I... I think I've been having the dreams again because I'm afraid, because I have, because I might have feelings, um, for you."

"I remind you of him?" Carlin asked, obviously hurting himself with the words.

"No, no, not like that, I mean, you're, like..." He sighed. He may as well keep going, he'd already bared himself, what would another admission matter at this point? "Before I made Zion, um, I really liked, um. You're my type. The old me. Like, the more I think about you, I dunno. It seems like my subconscious is trying to warn me what happened the last time I hooked up with a guy who was my type."

"So who do you hook up with now? Just twinks?" He nodded, ashamed of himself. "I'm your type? You are attracted to me?" He nodded again. "Do you think I would do that to you?"

"Of course not," he insisted, panic rising in his throat. "No, never. I'm, I didn't mean it like that. It's just, like, I dunno. I'm afraid."

Carlin opened his fridge. "You hungry?"

He hadn't been expecting the change in tone. "I could eat."

"You like cheese ravioli?"

"Sure. Listen, Carlin, I really don't think you're like Alex. It's, I dunno." He sighed. "Complicated."

"You still haven't processed your pain," Carlin announced, closing the fridge. "If I recommended someone would you go talk to them?"

"About Alex?"

"About it all. Your mom, your ex. Zion. All of it."

"I don't, I mean, wouldn't that make me, like, isn't that kinda...?"

Carlin took a bowl covered in plastic wrap and unwrapped it, then threw it into the microwave. "Not at all. It would make you stronger. It works, if you're willing to do it, and take it seriously."

"Were you ever, um, in a situation like mine?" he asked, watching Carlin closely.

Carlin shook his head. "No. I had a good childhood, and supporting and loving parents. It probably helps that I had two moms. But I've seen kids go through shit like what you went through. I've tried to help, to give kids the same chance I had. The same love and understanding."

The microwave dinged and he took out the steaming bowl of sweet scented marinara covered ravioli and took it to the table. "Eat up," he said, handing D'metrius a fork.

"You already ate?"

Carlin nodded. "I ate earlier, that's my leftovers."

"Thanks," he said, then took a bite. It was delicious. A drop fell into his bowl, then another, confusing him for a minute until he realized he was crying. Again.

"Hey, hey, D'metrius, it's okay. It's all okay."

He held his breath for a minute, then sighed before taking a bite. "This's good," he said before he stuck the next forkful in his mouth.

"Glad you like it," Carlin said, sitting down next to him. "Can I touch you?"

"Please," he whispered. "It feels like I'm falling apart."

Carlin covered his left hand with his own. "I know. It'll be okay. Sometimes you need to break to start over."

He ate in silence, Carlin's hand resting securely over his own. When he was done he took his dish over and washed it, then put it in the drying rack. Carlin sat at the table, watching him. "Can..."

"Anything you need."

"Can I stay here tonight? I can't, I don't wanna go home yet. I'm not ready."

"Sure, baby, whatever you need. I'll get some stuff, make up the couch for you." He stood up.

"No, I mean, if you, can," why was it so hard to say? He swallowed hard and tried again. "I don't wanna be alone."

"Okay. What do you want?"

He looked away, unable to stand Carlin's look of concern. "Would you mind holding me again?" It was almost painful for him to say, he was completely vulnerable, wide open.

"As long as you are comfortable. If you change your mind you need to tell me right away, okay? No pretending to be okay."

D'Metrius laughed. "I've never been able to lie to you, you always see right through me."

Carlin chuckled, but it sounded tired. "Years of experience with the young'ins, you get a knack for spotting when someone doesn't want to tell you something."

He nodded. "Do you... Is it weird if I wanna lay down with you?"

Carlin hesitated. "I don't wanna, um, I don't want to set up any expectations, like, um, intimacy wise. I'm sorry, I know you're struggling right now, but I want to help, not make it worse."

The insecurity on Carlin's face knocked him back a step. "Yeah. But, honestly? I haven't, um... You've been the only man I've thought about, other than the nightmares, this whole time. I haven't..."

"I can't share," Carlin said, sighing heavily. "I don't..."

D'metirus swallowed hard. "Would it be okay if I wanted to try dating you exclusively?"

Carlin studied him. "Is this you right now, because you're emotionally fragile, or is this something you've thought about over the last few... It's been weeks since I last saw you, hasn't it?"

"Yeah," he admitted, biting his lip. "I needed to work some shit out."

"Did it help?"

He sighed. "No. I was hiding. Jimmy kicked me out today, told me to figure it out."

"The same Jimmy who helped you get away from your ex?" Carlin asked, a small frown at the corner of his lips.

"Yeah. He's, he means well. I didn't tell him what I was running from. I really just realized it myself."

Carlin looked defeated. "Me?"

"No," he said, looking Carlin in the eyes, afraid that if he didn't, Carlin wouldn't believe him. "It was my past. I've been thinking a lot, and the only thing that I keep coming back to is you. I can't stop thinking about how it felt, when you kissed me. When we touched. How it feels now, just to see you care about me at all. I'm fucked up, Carlin."

"Are you serious about dating me?"

He nodded, biting his lower lip. "I wanna be. I'm still me. I'm me with ten years of bad habits. But, I realized that I wanted to give us a chance. If you still wanted." He stepped up to Carlin and wrapped his arms around his neck. Carlin was stiff, but melted almost immediately.

"You're making me break every rule I have," he whispered, then kissed D'metrius's temple.

"Sorry," he apologized for no good reason.

"Don't be." Carlin pulled away, then looked him over. "Do you, I mean, not for sex, but would you wanna lay in bed with me?"

He nodded. Carlin looked nervous, but he still took D'metrius by the hand and led him back to his room. It smelled amazing, like his beard oil and conditioner, and him. It was cozy, a full sized bed done in blue, the walls pale green. It felt like the beach, and D'metrius was half surprised he didn't hear the sound of waves washing up on shore.

"Thank you," he whispered as Carlin sat him down on the bed. "For giving me a chance."

"C'mere," Carlin said, sitting next to him. He climbed onto the bed then pulled down the covers and shifted inside, then patted the bed next to him.

D'metrius climbed into bed with him, a sense of safety closing in around him as Carlin's arms came down with the sheet. He could feel Carlin's heartbeat against his back and even though it was frantic, it also calmed him.

"I haven't, um, hit up any sites since when you came out to me," he admitted softly.

"Hmm?"

"I haven't touched anyone else, not since you came out to me after my last bad hook up."

"Why not?" Carlin asked. It sounded neutral, but it felt like the answer would be important.

D'metrius shrugged in his arms. "You were on my mind." Carlin didn't have a response for this, but his arms tensed around D'metrius's shoulders. "I haven't bottomed for anyone in years. Not since Alex, which is over five years now." D'metrius wasn't sure, but it felt like Carlin was growing behind him. It filled him with a need he hadn't felt in years, a yearning to be topped.

"That's a long time," Carlin noted.

"It is," he agreed. "I wanna..."

Carlin kissed the back of his neck. "You don't have to do that for me."

D'metrius spun in his arms until they were facing. "I wanna," he said again, with emphasis. "I wanna be topped by you."

"I don't want our being together to mess you up, from your time before."

"It won't," he promised, somehow knowing it was true. This was completely different, and that they'd been confused in his head made him feel bad. It hadn't been fair to Carlin at all. "If anything, it would maybe be healing, to be touched that way by someone who cared about me."

"D'metrius, I can't resist you, and it terrifies me that you'll regret this later. You have no idea how much I want what you're offering."

He pushed his hand between their bodies until he found Carlin's excited rod, then brushed it gently with his fingers over Carlin's sweats. "I do, because I want it, too."

"Fuck, baby," Carlin whispered, sounding raw. "I..."

The look of concern and fear in Carlin's eyes was too much for him. He leaned up and kissed Carlin's lips gently. "Teach me what a good top feels like?"

"Baby," Carlin whined. "I can't. Not now, not like this." He stiffened, unsure how to handle this rejection. "Wait, wait, please, baby. Just, I'll take care of you, but I won't top you, not tonight. I'll top you, I promise, but when the time is right. Not like this, not in the shadow of everything right now. I wanna treat you right, and for that I'll need time. Please understand."

D'metrius's face was burning, and he was glad that his dark skin hid it well. "You're something else, Chandler."

Carlin blinked twice before snorting a laugh. "Good to hear you're back to your old self."

He shook his head. "No, not back to my old self. I'm finding something new, in the middle. Maybe something with you."

Carlin's hands slid down his back and came to rest on his ass. "That'd be nice." He pulled D'metrius's hips forward, then threaded one leg between them. "I'll take care of you, trust me?"

"With my life," D'metrius said, and he meant it. It meant more than he'd intended, but he'd stick behind it.

Carlin watched him for any signs of resistance, then leaned in and kissed him gently. D'metrius kissed him back, letting him lead. It was nice, not being in charge, especially when he knew he was safe. Carlin kissed him gently, then hummed his approval when D'metrius mirrored his hands over Carlin's taut globes.

"Fuck, Carlin," he whispered into his mouth. "Your ass is firm."

"You like?"

"Oh yes," he agreed. "I already told you, you're exactly my type."

"You like older busy-body high school teachers?"

He snorted. "I like strong, mature men who smell amazing and have a nice ass."

Carlin chuckled. "Well, I'll let you know when I find one."

He made a point of rolling his eyes. "Kiss me some more, dummy."

"Anytime, baby," Carlin promised, then took over his mouth before he could say anything snarky. This time his kisses were more needy, though still slow and controlled. Everything about him was controlled, and D'metrius wondered if he ever really let go. He'd like to be around long enough to find out.

They kissed forever, sweet and slow and gentle. "I've never been kissed like this before."

"Hmm?" Carlin asked, looking a little dreamy-eyed. "What do you mean?"

Carlin's hand on his ass, stroking closer and closer to his crack was distracting him. "I used to think kissing was annoying, Alex never kissed me, and I didn't really wanna get more intimate than hook-up with my twinkies."

"You dated for how long, and he never kissed you, not even once?"

D'metrius shook his head. "Nope. I thought, I never thought I'd like it, but fuck, Carlin, this's amazing."

Carlin growled in the back of his throat. "It feels like you know exactly what to say to get me worked up."

"Huh? What'd'ya mean?"

"You basically just told me that I'm your first real kiss."

"Huh? Yeah, I guess. That's weird, right? A grown-ass man in his thirties, never really been kissed before."

Carlin ground himself into D'metrius's thigh. "It's turning me on so much right now, fueling my possessiveness to know that you've never kissed anyone else seriously, and that you think our kiss is amazing. It's making me feel really freaking superior right now, and making me want to make you come so hard you pass out in my arms."

"Wow," D'metrius said, trailing his nose up Carlin's cheek, his beard soft and itchy at the same time. "That just makes me want to give you some encouragement."

"Encourage away," Carlin breathed, catching his mouth for another kiss. They kissed, their hands roaming each other's bodies until they needed to come up for air, then they kissed some more.

"Hey Bishop," he panted between kisses.

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask a favor?"

"Mmm-hmm," Carlin agreed, his fingers tracing the line of D'metrius's hip.

"I wanna blow you," he said quickly, before he could chicken out.

Carlin pulled back, his eyes wide. "Are you... I don't want, like, you don't have to."

"I know," he agreed. "I want to, that's why I asked."

"How is it a favor to blow me?" Carlin asked, pursing his lips to the side.

"Because I've wanted to taste your big dick since the second I felt it a month ago. I haven't, you seemed really big, and I've never had a big dick like that, but I've been fantasizing about it the whole time."

"Fantasy and reality are different," Carlin warned. "I don't want you to think you have to do this for me because-"

"Please," he whispered, catching Carlin's ear in his teeth. "I wanna suck your cock, Carlin."

Carlin shivered hearing D'metrius whisper his name. "Fuck, baby, how'm I supposed to resist you?"

"You're not," he said with a peck to his nose, then pulled out of his arms and shimmied under the sheets. It was stuffy under the sheets, filled with the scent of testosterone and lust. He found Carlin's waistband and slipped his fingers under it, then yanked it down.

Carlin's cock slapped him in the face as it bounced free of his sweats. The smell intensified until it was all D'metrius could think about. He wrapped his hand around it, pleased at it's girth, then pulled it to his mouth. Carlin shivered as he sucked in a deep breath, then licked the head like a popsicle.

"Fuck, you taste good," he moaned. Carlin's hips bounced and he chuckled, then pushed his lips down over Carlin's tip, sucking once his frenulum rested on his tongue.

"D'metri!" Carlin growled, his hands clamping down on D'metrius's shoulders. "I wanna see you, baby please, I wanna see you." Carlin pulled at the sheets and D'metrius pushed, and eventually they were free, cool air kissing the back of his neck. He looked up at Carlin as he pushed his mouth further down his shaft.

Carlin cried out, a look of lust and need on his face that D'metrius had never seen before, but instantly didn't want to share with anyone else. He never wanted Carlin to make that face to anyone but him, didn't want anyone else to hear the noises Carlin was making.

"Fuck, baby, you feel so good," Carlin growled, one hand coming to rest on the back of his neck. "I never let myself imagine how you'd look between my legs, never thought I'd get to see something so sexy and beautiful."

Usually he'd blow off the compliment, but he really did feel sexy and beautiful now that Carlin said it. He sucked him in deeper, then kicked blankets and sheets further down the bed so he could settle his body between Carlin's legs. He wanted to deepthroat Carlin, and he needed to work up to it, because now that Carlin's glory was exposed, it was... well, glorious.

"You're fucking hung," he praised when he came back up for air.

"Am I too much?"

"You're perfect," he praised, then licked Carlin from base to tip, slowly gliding his tongue up the bottom of his shaft. "Every inch."