Bittersweet Irish Cream Ch. 02

Jack: I feel the same. Liam thinks you're trying to take his place as my best friend. I assured him the title is safe and you are still Not Mr. McKinley to me. :)

Ethan: Fuck you. I'm going to start calling you Not The Boyfriend the way you called me Not Mr. McKinley for like three months.

Jack: More like four. :)

Ethan: Asshole. I take it all back. I'm not letting you in my circle.

Jack: Too late. Your Not The Boyfriend is all the way in there already. Balls deep.

Ethan: Haha! Nobody gets balls deep in me.

Jack: Except Jack. Jack is "in" there now. Can't you feel him?

Ethan: Haha! Like I would ever let you.

Jack: Please, I see the way you look at me. You'd let me.

Ethan: You cocky bastard.

Jack: C'mon. I'm already "in", you said so yourself.

Ethan: Hey, Not The Boyfriend, even the Boyfriends don't get "in" so easily.

Jack: That's because I'm Not The Boyfriend. But if I was, you'd let me slither right in. Admit it.

[Jack had no idea what had come over him. He has never actually flirted with Ethan before but he just couldn't help himself tonight. Seeing Ethan start to write something, then stop, then start again and do this three more times made him panic. He might have took it too far but it was too late now.

Ethan was trying to figure out how much of what Jack just said was playful banter and how much of it was real. He couldn't tell via text which made it harder. After a couple of minutes of writing something then erasing it, he decided to play it safe.]

Ethan: Haha, yeah right. The only thing you'll be sliding into is your fist. Go to bed, Jack.

Jack: LOL. I will soon. I'm just up. Restless.

Ethan: Well go call your fuck buddy Yosef and slither in over there.

[Jack's face frowned at Ethan's message.] Jack: Yeah I think I might just do that tonight. ;)

[Ethan's face frowned at Jack's message. He put the phone down next to him and stared at the ceiling. The idea of Jack fucking someone else made him irrationally upset. A part of him wanted to write back, "or just slide in over here" but not after he just told him how much he valued their friendship. He turned to his side and punched the empty pillow next to him. He had to figure out what he was going to do about these growing feelings for Jack, before they spilled over and ruined everything. He realized he never responded and picked up his phone again.]

Ethan: Have fun. Good night Jack.

[Jack glared at the screen. Once again Ethan left little room for the possibility that they could evolve into something more. Did he really want him to fuck someone else tonight? The thought made him angry. He decided not to answer. He put the phone on his nightstand and turned over to go to bed.]

~~~~~

Two weeks later on a Sunday during Mass Ethan's phone went off. He looked at it, a blocked number. Jack was sitting next to him, glanced as he felt the phone vibrate, then vibrate again. After the third ring, Ethan turned his phone off completely.

After church, they gathered as usual with everyone else for almost an hour, then they walked to the Inn so Ethan and EJ could change for the afternoon at the farmhouse. EJ refused to get back in the stroller so Ethan held his hand while Jack pushed the empty stroller. Then EJ reached out for Jack's hand as well and they both held EJ's hands as they walked down the street. EJ started to swing between them, lifting up his legs every few steps so he can be carried and laughed his infectious laugh, making them laugh as well.

Ethan and Jack looked at each other over EJ's head and smiled as they swung him. Ethan's thought before his worlds came crashing together was how happy he was in that moment. And then he saw Trish standing in the middle of the sidewalk in front of the Inn with her arms folded.

Ethan slowed his walk and Jack felt the stall through EJ. He looked up at Ethan and asked, "What's up?" But Ethan was looking ahead, stone faced. He followed his gaze to the beautiful, leggy blonde in front of them, her face in a scowl. Jack caught on real quick to who she was.

As they got closer Ethan started shaking his head saying, "I said call, and I would bring him to you."

"Actually you told my dad to tell me to come get him. I did call, you sent me to voicemail," Trish said.

"Oh, that was you calling me from a blocked number? Calling me while you are already here, not on your way? Baby, you know I don't play games."

"I'm not your fucking baby. And you know I will not be told what to do, especially by you."

Ethan stopped in front of her. "You're not taking him today. I have plans."

Trish looked at Jack and then back at him. "With your shit packing boyfriend over here?"

"Whoa!" Jack said shockingly.

"Watch your fucking mouth," Ethan said hotly. "And he's not my boyfriend."

"I don't give a shit who he is, I didn't come here for him or for you, I came here for my son so GIVE ME MY GOT DAMN SON!" Her voice shrilled and people started noticing.

Ethan got loud as well. "Get the fuck outta here, you're not taking him!"

A guy that was leaning on a nearby car came over. "Hey buddy, lets be civil now, we just want-"

Ethan exploded. "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GUY!?"

"I'm Alonzo. I'm just a friend, like your friend over there," the guy said, pointing at Jack.

Ethan's voice rose again. "Well friend, kindly stay the FUCK out of my business before I break my foot off IN YOUR ASS."

Jack had never seen Ethan so upset, his New York accent was real strong. Trish started screaming again about taking EJ and Jack noticed the boy standing there frozen in fear. He rounded to stand in front of Ethan, spoke calmly. "E. Take it inside. Talk to her calmly. Please. For EJ."

Ethan looked into Jack's pleading eyes, then at his scared son, who was standing there holding onto both of their hands tightly. He nodded curtly. He went past Trish to open the door and said to her, "Get your ass inside here, embarrassing me and shit. You too, Friend."

She walked through with an attitude, Alonzo followed, then Jack and EJ. Ethan locked the door behind him, and motioned for them to follow him to the dining area. When they got there, Trish said, "Give me my son."

Ethan started calmly, "Listen, right now-"

But Trish cut him off by swinging her arms wildly, slapping him with every word: "Give! Me! My! Fucking! Son!"

Ethan lost his temper and he grabbed her by both of her arms and slammed her into the nearest wall. "Stop hitting me you crazy bitch!"

EJ started crying and screaming loudly, which got everyone's attention. Ethan immediately let her go. Jack had heard and seen enough. He picked up EJ and hugged him tight, then went over to Ethan. "Give me the key."

Trish yelled, "NO! My son stays right here."

Ethan also began to protest, "Just leave him-" and it infuriated Jack.

"NO FUCK THAT. EJ is NOT staying up here to see his parents fight like this. You want your son to be scarred for life? Because I don't. You two are fucking adults, act like it. Sit at the table and work it out, right here and right now! And in the meantime, I'm taking EJ downstairs, giving him a snack and going to make sure for the rest of the day he forgets that his parents just violently attacked each other now GIVE ME THE FUCKING KEY!"

Ethan, stunned as he had never seen Jack angry before, reached into his pocket and gave Jack the key to the basement apartment. Jack took it and left without another word, with EJ holding his neck tightly. He took EJ downstairs and gave him peanut butter cookies and a juice box, then put Baby First TV on. EJ ate in complete silence on the couch.

Jack asked, "You OK, EJ?"

EJ just looked up at him sadly. After he ate and drank, he crawled into Jack's lap, leaned his head on his chest and watched TV, eventually falling asleep.

~~~~~

When Jack left with EJ, Ethan walked to the other side of the room and stood against the wall, the table in between them. Trish ran her fingers through her hair roughly. "Why did you move to this shit town?" she asked.

"Because your son, our son, needed a fresh start after all we put him through."

Trish rolled her eyes. "He's fine."

"Yea? Did he look fine to you?" Ethan said annoyed.

Trish shrugged. "If you would just give him to me..."

"Why? He's been down to see you and you didn't want him then. For two months. And before that, you barely spent any time with him. I know, my mom told me."

"I've been really busy, OK? I'm eight months clean, I'm working, I'm just trying to put my life back together after you fucked it all up."

Ethan took a deep breath and exhaled. "I didn't ruin your life. You know who I was, what I was, when you got pregnant. And you knew that despite that, I wanted to do right by you. I had every intention of staying with you and being faithful."

"But you didn't," Trish said bitterly.

"And I'm sorry. Again and again I am sorry. I never wanted to hurt you," Ethan said sincerely.

Trish sighed and sat in the nearest chair. "Well I wasn't the best wife anyway. And I was a shitty mom."

Ethan did not deny her correct assessment. He sat as well, across from her. "Why do you want EJ now? What changed?" he asked.

"My dad said-"

Ethan felt his anger rise again. "Are you serious!? I feel like the only reason you even wanted to keep this baby, let alone actually parent, is because your parents forced you to."

"And so what if that's true? What matters now is that I gave birth to him so I have to be his mom."

Ethan let a moment pass. Then said, "But do you want to though? Because here's the thing: I want to be his dad. I love being his dad. I wake up every day and I can't wait to see him smile, hear his laugh. If you can't say the same, that your first waking thought and your last before sleeping is Little Ethan, then stop forcing yourself to. Just give him to me full time, and I promise I will never keep you from him. You know I wouldn't."

"It's not that simple. My parents won't allow it."

"Trish, you are 25 years old. Tell your mother and especially that asshole father of yours, to butt out of your fucking life. For once. Listen, if you want to be a mom, then let's do it. Let's do the joint custody thing for real. I will take him to you every two weeks and I take him every two weeks. Or weekdays versus weekends, whatever works for you. But if you don't, then just don't. EJ has me. I'm enough for him. I can parent him by myself."

Trish ran her hands through her hair again. "I just want to go back and start all over. It's not that I don't want to be his mom. It's more like... I can't." Her eyes welled up and she started crying while talking.

"Those first couple of months were the worst of my life. I used because I couldn't handle how shitty I felt all the time. I couldn't be his mom the way he needed. I didn't want to hold him, I just wanted him to stop crying all the time. All the time. I couldn't take it. And you weren't there! It was me and this thing that hated me and made me hate myself more. I can't risk feeling that way again, I can't be alone with him. It's too much."

She started sobbing. Ethan reached for her hand, she reached back and held it.

Ethan said sincerely, "I'm so sorry, Trish. I really, really am. I'm sorry that I got you pregnant. I'm sorry that I wasn't around to help you those first few months. I'm sorry that I instead of leaning toward you when we started having problems, I leaned toward someone else. I'm sorry I cheated on you. I fucked up, a lot. But I'm trying to be better, and that starts with making sure EJ has a good life here. And he does."

She sniffed. "I can see that. He's well taken care of. And not just by you. It made me kind of jealous to see you three like that."

"Jack's been a good friend," Ethan said. She smiled. He smiled back. "What?"

"Nothing." She shook her head.

"What did you want to do with EJ today?" Ethan asked, changing the subject.

Trish shrugged. "I don't know. I honestly didn't get that far." She laughed.

Ethan shook his head. "OK, how about this weekend I bring EJ to wherever you are, and we plan something: a zoo trip; aquarium, a day in the park. And let me reintroduce you to your son. He's not that colicky baby anymore. He'll be three in a few months. He's a talking, thoughtful little person. I think you'll like him."

"OK," said Trish.

Ethan pushed on, "So will you give him to me? Let me be his dad full time?"

Trish looked at him for a moment, then stood up. "I'll call the lawyer and sign an affidavit. You can have him full time. You're better at this than I am."

Holy shit, Ethan thought. His stomach was in knots, he could not believe that just happened. He stayed calm and said, "Thank you, Patricia. Putting EJ first actually makes you a great mom, not a shitty one." She smiled widely at him.

Alonzo asked, "So are we headed back to Hartford?" They both looked up, forgetting he was here.

Ethan turned back to Trish. "Seriously, who the fuck is this guy?"

"Alonzo has been a good friend to me," she said. "We're working the program together."

Ethan's eyebrows went up but he didn't say anything more. "You want to see EJ before you go?"

Trish thought a moment. "No. I scared him, he won't come to me. Let's wait until Saturday."

"Okay."

Trish looked around. "Cute place you got here. Very...New Englandly."

Ethan smiled. "Call before you come next time, mmkay?"

Trish rolled her eyes. "Sure thing, EB." Ethan remembered when she used to call him EB for Ethan Baby and didn't respond.

~~~

Ethan went downstairs. Jack was sitting on the couch cradling a sleeping EJ on his chest. Ethan sat on the couch next to him. Jack looked straight ahead at the TV, and asked, "They left?"

"Yes," Ethan said. Jack nodded, kept watching TV. He said, "I'm sorry. About all of it. I shouldn't have lost my temper like that." Jack nodded again.

They sat in silence for a minute. Then Jack said, "I'm going to go. You can come for the meal later on once EJ wakes up from his nap."

Ethan felt his chest constrict a bit. "Why?"

"I just want to give you a chance to regroup. That was a lot just now. A lot." He finally looked at Ethan's face, who was crestfallen. "I'm not mad at you or anything. We're fine. I just...need to go." Ethan didn't say anything. Then Jack slowly stood up holding EJ. "I'm going to put him down, then head out."

As he walked out of the living room area, Ethan's chest squeezed tighter. He did not want Jack to go. But he also did not know how to say it without giving away how he felt about him.

Jack laid EJ down gently in the toddler bed. He was looking more and more like his dad every day. As he stroked his hair and thought about how much he cared for him, his mind and heart wandered to how much he cared for Ethan as well. Watching Trish put her hands on Ethan made his blood boil. Ethan and EJ were his to cherish, to protect, to love.

But then he remembered that they weren't. EJ wasn't his son. Ethan wasn't his...anything. Ethan didn't want to be with him. And this shit was starting to hurt.

Jack had to get out of here.

After a minute or so of trying to control his breathing, Ethan got up and walked to the room, stood outside of EJ's room door and watched them. Jack had put EJ face down on the toddler bed and was lightly brushing his hair with his fingers.

Ethan said softly, "You're so good with him. And he really likes you."

"Well, I like him too. He's a pretty special guy." Jack paused. "As are you."

Jack stood up and looked at Ethan and gave him a small smile, holding his gaze a little longer than he intended. Ethan saw it in Jack's eyes and it dawned on him like someone just threw cold water on his face. Every nerve in his body was screaming at him: Jack had feelings for him! Jack Frazier likes him! Like, really likes him, likes him! Holy shit!

His heart started pounding so hard he just knew Jack could hear it. But Jack made no acknowledgment, simply left the room and tried to walk past Ethan. Ethan instinctively grabbed Jack gently at the topmost part of his bicep, and slowly trailed his hand down Jack's arm, letting his thumb caress and stroke his soft skin.

Jack stopped breathing as he watched Ethan's hand go all the way down his arm slowly to his hand, Ethan's fingers resting on his, Ethan's thumb rubbing his wrist. It seemed like it lasted an eternity when in actuality is was about ten seconds total. But in those ten seconds Jack felt and saw all he needed to see and feel.

He had two choices, either talk about what was happening between them, or act first, talk later. He opted for the latter. Go big or go home, that's what Mina would say.

He looked up at Ethan and before Ethan could talk he leaned over and kissed him, pressing his lips to Ethan's. He pulled his face back, reached up with the hand that Ethan wasn't holding, grabbed him by the back of his neck pulling his face toward him and kissed him again.

Ethan got over the initial shock of Jack's kisses quickly, and by the time Jack leaned in for a third kiss, he grabbed Jack by his waist with both hands and pulled him close, and opened his mouth to pull Jack's bottom lip with his top one, then stuck his tongue in Jack's mouth. Jack pushed Ethan back with his body until they were up against the wall.

They kissed urgently, passionately, tongues in a battle to see who could stay in the other's mouth longer, both of Jack's hands around the nape of Ethan's neck, fingers in his hair wanting to explore further south so badly, but knowing that will come. Ethan's hands had less restraint, now palming Jack's ass, pushing their groins against each other as they felt their erections grow.

They kissed for minutes, hours, days, centuries it felt like, sucking on lips and tasting each other's tongue. Jack came up for air first. He looked at Ethan, still rubbing the nape of his neck.

"Took you long enough," Jack said breathlessly.

"I know! I'm such an idiot. How could I not see it all this time? You're amazing. And you've been my anchor, my everything from the very beginning. The second most important thing in my life right now. I'm such an idiot." He smiled. Jack smiled as well.

They kissed again, softly, less urgently. Ethan asked, "So... what now?"

Jack chuckled. "I don't know. Considering we just spent the last couple of months telling everyone how I'm not the boyfriend." They laughed.

Then Ethan said seriously, "Unless. You want to change that. No longer...not be my boyfriend." His heart pounded again while Jack's heart leaped.

Jack said coolly, "I wouldn't mind not, not being your boyfriend."

Ethan smiled widely. "Yea? Okay!"

Jack said, "Okay."

Jack smiled and Ethan smiled wider, then laughed. "Just like that, huh?" Ethan asked.

Jack said, "Yup, just like that." He moved in for another kiss.

It was like they had been kissing the whole time, as perfectly as they lips fit together, synchronized their tongues in and out of each other's mouth. Ethan pulled away first at a lost of what to do, except to keep kissing which he was fine with that. But he thought they should talk more, about what it all means.

"So now what do we do?" he asked.

Jack stepped back from him. He took Ethan's hand and led him off the wall in the hallway toward his bedroom.