Bittersweet Irish Cream Ch. 20

Jack tried to calm him down, grabbing his hand again. "Ethan-"

"I didn't want this," he cried, pulling his hand away from Jack. "I didn't ask for it, I wasn't even looking for it. Trish showed up at my door and asked me for help and gave birth and put this baby in my arms-"

The judge called his name again, "Mr. Starling-"

Ethan kept going with tears pooling in his eyes, "-and I hated it. I hated what she did. I hated that she put me in the position to make a fucking choice on what to do with her baby! But I took him home because it was the right thing to do!"

"Ethan please," Jack tried again.

"And I thought I would hate him too, because of what she did. But I didn't. I couldn't. Every time I looked at him, every time I held him all I felt was protection over him. To keep him safe. To keep him happy. Because it's not his fault that his mom is a shitty mom!" Ethan yelled again.

"Mr. Starling, control yourself!" the judge yelled back at him.

But Ethan couldn't help himself anymore. Tears were falling like a steady stream as he spoke.

"So I took him. And I never thought I would feel anything but anger. But I don't feel anger. I love him. Jamison is so easy to love. He has this toothy smile he gives you, and he's only nine months old but he's already pulling himself up because he wants to run with his sisters, and I bought Cantu Care for Kids because Jamel showed me how to keep his curls soft and manageable and his first word is Pop for Jack and when you hold him he just grips you with his little fingers and you can tell when he's listening because he stares at you with those hazel eyes and I love him I love my son and you can't take my baby from me please stop trying to take my son from me he's my last baby-"

Ethan stopped talking abruptly. He stared at the table in front of him, not meeting anyone's eyes, wiping his face. Jack was biting his bottom lip to keep his own tears pooling in his eyes from spilling out, his hand balled up in a fist over his mouth. Mallory also had tears running down her cheeks. Tim's face was frozen in shock.

The courtroom was quiet. Judge Frye said, "I will make my ruling in 30 days." She banged her gavel.

Ethan immediately stood up and left the courtroom. "Ethan," Jack called out and stood up. But Ethan never turned back.

Cindy stood up. "I don't know if that helped or hurt, honestly. This could go either way."

Jack nodded at her. "Thanks, Cindy. Let us know when the next hearing date is. I have to find my husband."

As he was walking out of the courtroom he spotted Naveed by the door. "Hey, do you still have those papers you wanted Ulysses or Trish to sign?" Jack asked.

"Sure." He went into his briefcase and handed them to Jack. "What do you need them for? Going to try to get Ulysses to sign them? Don't bother. That guy is so far gone that it wouldn't even hold up in a court of law if he did sign them."

But Jack said, "Keep this between us. Not even to Cindy or anyone at the law firm. I'll pay you five grand for your silence."

Naveed nodded. "Sure. No problem."

Jack found Ethan in the BMWx5 on the passenger's side. He quietly got in and drove back to Rockville. After about ten minutes of driving in silence, Ethan spoke.

"I just ruined it, didn't I?" he said sadly.

Jack shook his head. "Cindy didn't say that."

"It's okay. I know I did." He sighed. "If we lose it's okay."

"We're not going to lose, E."

"It's okay," Ethan said in a not-so-confident voice. "It's not like I'll never see him again. He'll be with his grandparents and I'm sure they'll let us visit, maybe bring him by for overnights."

"Ethan, please stop talking like this."

"No Jack, really. It's okay."

"Stop saying it's okay, Ethan," Jack said, now getting frustrated with Ethan feeling defeated. "Because after that speech you just gave in there, I know that it won't be okay if we lose our son to them. We have to keep fighting for him, for our family."

Ethan let a moment pass. "It's going to have to be okay. I feel like I'm drowning in my emotions, Jack. It's killing me inside. I need to stop fighting so hard. I need to just let him go. Prepare myself for the inevitable."

Jack responded by reaching over and holding his husband's hand. But he knew he had to do something before they really did lose Jamie. Ethan would break down completely and his family would fall apart. And Jack couldn't let that happen.

~~~~~~

"So it's officially live now," Liam told him. "Anyone can Google Redstar Therapeutic Consulting. You're offering private and individual intake assessments on this page, a list of therapeutic services and resources in the area, and professional freelance consultation for other therapists that need your services, like you're doing for Pamela.

"Here's your bio." Liam clicked around to show Jack his company website. "I already ordered business cards with the logo, that should get to you in about two weeks."

"I know you said not to, but I'm definitely paying you for this. You're so talented, Liam. I can't believe you did this so quickly," Jack said, astonished at his best friend and brother-in-law.

"Yea well, I had a lot of sleepless nights lately," he said with a yawn.

Jack looked closely at Liam, bags under his eyes, unkempt hair, hints of facial hair happening on his usually smooth cheek. Jack touched his shoulder. "It'll get easier. Once Julian starts sleeping for longer periods, you'll start to feel human again."

"Hmm," he grunted. "The only thing keeping me sane is when he looks at me with those green eyes y'all got. Makes it all worth it. But I don't know how you did this four times over." Liam leaned back and yawned again, although it was only two o'clock in the afternoon.

"I didn't do it four times. I did the newborn thing twice, with Jackie and now with Jamie. Ethan did it three times... well maybe not. He was barely around that first year EJ was born, working late and staying away from Trish as much as he could. But it does get easier."

Liam was quiet. Jack thought he was going to say more about having a newborn in the house but instead Liam turned to him. "I don't think you should go."

Jack sighed. "You said that already, Liam."

"And I'm gonna keep saying it," Liam said forcefully. "Carlos is bad news. He's not going to give you information without a fight."

"I can be persuasive," Jack said smugly.

"That's what I'm worried about, Jack. Your level of persuasiveness. He's a complete asshat, but that's still Ethan's friend. Even if they aren't the best of friends anymore. If you do something over the top, it could cause an issue between the two of you."

"Define over the top," Jack said with a sly smile.

But Liam was not smiling. "Why do you have your gun on you?"

Jack's smile faded. He didn't answer until Liam said, "No, that wasn't a rhetorical question, Jack. I really want to know why you're bringing a loaded weapon to have a friendly chat with someone you hate."

"Just in case-"

"Case of what?" Liam asked, cutting him off.

Jack said casually, "I'm not going to use it. I might scare him with it if I need to. That's all."

Liam and Jack stared at each other. "Promise me you won't kill him," Liam said in a low voice.

Jack almost laughed. "I'm not-"

"Then promise me," Liam cut him off again. "Swear on my son's life that you won't kill him. Or attempt to kill him."

Jack almost said it quickly, but found himself hesitating. Liam noticed his hesitation. He shook his head. "You know what I know: Carlos is going to do something or say something that's going to make you want to put a bullet in him. Don't go. Or at least let me go with you."

"You can't. I have to do this alone."

"Do what alone?" They heard June's tired voice and turned around. June was standing in the doorway holding her ten week old baby.

The boy looked like June, but Jack also saw his birth mother, Betsy. Julian had sprouted a tuff of blond curls at the top of his head and blinked at Jack with similar green eyes. Jack glanced up at his sister, who also had bags under her eyes but a bright smile.

"Do this." He stood up and gently took the infant from June. "Go get some rest, you look dead on your feet."

"Yea I think the bottle made him gassy. He was up crying a lot," she said with a yawn. "Back to solely breastfeeding until we can find a formula that works for him."

"I heard the crying," Jack said as he rocked back and forth. "Go. You too, Liam," he said turning to him. "Might as well be useful for the days I'm here. I got this for the next couple of hours."

"Okay." June reached out for Liam's hand. "Coming?"

"Sure babe, in a minute."

They kissed and she said, "Thanks, Jack," with another yawn as she left Liam's home office.

The two friends eyed each other again. Before Liam could speak, Jack said, "It will be fine. Trust me. I'm not going there as Red Jackie. Just a determined father and husband."

"It's amazing that you think you can separate the two," Liam said with another shake of his head. "Red Jackie protects and defends his family at all costs. You're on a mission to protect your family, and God help anyone who gets in your way." Jack wanted to deny it but again, knew he couldn't.

"Listen," Liam said as he reached out and touched Jack's shoulder. "I need you to be smart. Don't take it too far. And walk out of there if you feel like you're past your limits or he's pushing your buttons. Because if you don't exercise some self control, someone is going to die tonight."

Jack took a moment to answer. He knew Liam was right. He also knew this was the only way. It was the last attempt before the final hearing, and everything depended on what Carlos would confess to him.

"It will be fine," Jack said again. He stared at his nephew, Julian Redmond Ferguson. A boy of the Redmond bloodline. He kissed his head softly and said, "I can exercise self control. I swear on Julian's life. Nobody is dying tonight."

~~~

"I'm glad we could catch up like this," said Carlos. "We've never done this before."

"Me too, Carlos," Jack said as they sat together at Texas BBQ's in the Bronx for dinner. "We probably should have done this a long time ago. Years of tension between us wasn't a good thing."

"Agreed. Here's to building friendships." He raised his glass. "Salud."

"Cheers," Jack said in English. They clinked glasses and drank. "How's Raul?"

Carlos shrugged nonchalantly. "He's good, I think."

"Wow," Jack said with a laugh. "At least this one lasted a few months longer than the last one."

Carlos laughed too. "Nah man. He just wanted too much, you know? He wanted to do the family thing and I'm not really about that. Otherwise I'd be with Ethan." Carlos winked.

Jack's smile faded slowly. Carlos put both hands up, "Just a joke, amigo. Chill."

Jack's smile returned. "So tell me about your work as a life skills coach. I'm sure it feels good to be in business for yourself."

"Yea man, I love this work," Carlos said excitedly, as their food was brought to the table. He delved into stories of counseling teens, helping them from everything between relationships to career goals.

Jack talked about his work as an intake assessment coordinator, working with some teens but mostly younger children with behavioral issues and their parents. He also told Carlos about the new therapeutic business that was officially launched earlier that day. They traded ideas and clinical modules specifically working with children as they ate dinner together.

After about an hour and a half Jack said, "This is good. I'd love to keep talking if you don't have any other plans."

"Nah, just heading back to the crib," Carlos replied.

"Well I'll come hang out for a little bit, before I head back to my sister's house in New Rochelle," Jack said innocently.

Carlos gave him a curious look. "Yea? You wanna hang out in my crib?"

Jack smiled his sideways smile. "Unless you don't want me to..."

Carlos stared at Jack. "Nah, I'm good with that. Okay amigo. Let's roll."

They left the restaurant together and Jack followed Carlos to his apartment in the Inwood section of Manhattan overlooking the water. It was fairly empty, void of personal touches in the main area, just a leather couch, two leather chairs and some kind of animal skinned rug across from a 60 inch flat screen TV on the wall.

"Want a drink?" Carlos asked, making his way to the kitchen.

"Sure," Jack said as he looked out the living room windows at the Hudson River.

He began to walk around the 600 square foot apartment, finding the bathroom with a shower curtain that said, "Fuck it, Just Get Naked" on it, making him smile.

The next door was Carlos's bedroom. It was large and more personable. The bed was a king size platform bed with blue silk sheets. There was a chaise in front of the window next to a bookshelf.

What caught Jack's eye was artwork around the room of naked men and women. The biggest one was over a floating shelf of photos of two naked men, holding each other intimately. Their faces were blurred but their bodies weren't.

On the shelf were lots of pictures of his family and friends. And Ethan. Lots of pictures of him and Ethan as kids. Pictures of Carlos with Ethan's family and Ethan with Carlos's family. A black and white picture in the center of all the frames was of he and Ethan as teens, fully clothed but holding onto each other, intimately. Similar to the picture of the two naked men above.

Jack looked up and studied the two naked men. It was amateur but the strokes were familiar. He was certain he knew the artist, personally.

"Hey," Carlos called out.

Jack inhaled and exhaled, then turned around with a smile. "Hey."

Carlos walked over to him and handed him a glass of scotch. "Not the whiskey you drink, but this usually does the trick at the end of a long day."

Jack smiled and took a sip. "Thanks."

Carlos sipped and looked beyond him at the pictures, then back at Jack. "Yea, mi familia. Ethan's always been a big part of my family."

Jack nodded. "I know that, Carlos. I know you care about him. You still do and I get that. It's hard to let go when it's your first love."

Carlos hesitated, but then nodded too. "Yea. Yea, it is. But you won, amigo. You won his heart. You've always been the better man for him. Ethan right now is exactly who he was always meant to be: A husband, a father, a simple business man. I never could have given him that, never made him as happy as you make him."

Jack took another small sip and placed this glass on the shelf. "I appreciate you saying that." Jack stared at him a little longer.

Carlos cocked his head to the side and asked, "Why are you here, Jack? In my home? In my bedroom?"

Jack shrugged. "Just wanted to see where all the magic happens. Hoping for a miracle tonight."

Carlos smiled back. "What does that mean?"

"I figured this should be the place where I ask you a very important question," he said with a straight face.

"About Ethan?"

Jack shook his head and stepped closer to Carlos. "I need something from you."

Carlos put his drink on the shelf and put his hands on Jack's hips. Jack did not flinch. "What is it you need from me?" he asked softly.

Jack put his hands on Carlos's hips and leaned into his neck. They were so close he could feel Carlos's groin against him, getting thicker by the second. He licked his lips and brushed against Carlos's neck softly and whispered in his ear, "Where is she?"

Carlos froze, but then relaxed and said, "Where is who?"

"Don't play with me, Carlos. I know she was here. And I know you still talk to her. I need to find her. Now," he whispered again.

Carlos leaned up and searched Jack's face. "So that's why you're here? You're looking for Trish?"

"Why did you think I was here?" Jack asked.

"To fuck, what else?" he said plainly.

"I can't give you that, but...." Jack started walking toward the bed, taking Carlos with him. "What can I give you in return for your honesty?"

"Shiiiit, I'll take whatever you're willing to give me."

"And what would you give me in return?" Jack asked coyly.

"Bend that ass over for me and you'll find out," Carlos said seriously.

Jack snorted as they got to the end of the bed. He pushed Carlos on the bed and straddled his thighs. "You would really fuck your best friend's husband?"

"I won't tell him if you won't. It will be a secreto sexy," he said seductively.

He ran his hands up Jack's arms, making Jack's skin crawl. But Jack stayed calm and said, "I thought you loved Ethan."

"Hey." He shrugged. "EB knows the deal. Besides, my best friend's husband came into my house, into my bedroom and got on top of me. I'm not the one committing adultery here, you are," Carlos said factually.

Jack was pissed that Carlos called him EB. "Where is she, Carlos? I know you know where she is right now."

"Maybe I do." Carlos folded his hands behind his head, looked down at his bulge, then back up at Jack. "But that information ain't cheap."

Jack looked down at his crotch, then back up at his smiling face. "What about Ethan? Doing that would hurt him."

Carlos shrugged again. "What about Ethan? You keep bringing him up but I'm not thinking about him right now. I'm thinking about having you on your knees while you choke on this dick. Bet you Ethan don't do you like that."

Jack stared at him in disbelief, looked up as if he was thinking, then looked back down at a smiling and smug Carlos. He hated him so much.

Jack reached around to behind his back and took out his Maxim 9 with a built in silencer. Carlos' eyes went wide and he tried to buck Jack off him but Jack pointed it at his head and said calmly, "Don't move."

Carlos slowly raised his hands above his head in surrender. "Yo Cabron, what the fuck?"

At that moment Jack realized Liam had been right. He had to fight every urge not to pull the trigger. It would have been so easy. But he swallowed his urge and asked, "Where is she, Carlos?"

"Yo man, I don't know. I was just-"

Jack pointed the gun at the space between his pillow and his hand and fired. It made him feel better.

Carlos screamed and tried to push Jack off him again but Jack moved up and sat on his stomach, putting the gun to the center of his forehead making him freeze again. "The next one is going in your face."

"What the fuck!" Carlos yelled and started cursing in Spanish.

Jack moved the gun slowly down his face to his mouth and made him open up his lips. Carlos glared at him, but opened his mouth. Jack inserted it into his mouth and moved it in and out.

"One last suck before I blow your fucking brains out. I've been waiting for this moment since the day you stepped into the Inn putting your lips all over my boyfriend. All I need is one reason to pull the trigger and-"

Carlos mumbled something. Jack pulled the gun out of his mouth and put it against his nose. "Ethan would never forgive you, you crazy bitch."

Jack scoffed. "Ethan will never forgive you for trying to fuck me, you asshole. But Ethan doesn't know I'm here. No one does. To everyone I'm hanging out with my best friend Liam tonight. Now where is she?"

He was quietly watching Jack as the fear set in. "What makes you think I have the information you want?"

"Ethan doesn't realize what I know, that you've been in contact with her from the very beginning. I've been monitoring his credit card, the one she took with her. The last time she used it was in February at an ATM in the corner store right at the end of the block.

"So again, I know she was here. Probably wallowing in how you both lost the love of your life to me. I don't really give a fuck. I just need to know where she is, and I'm willing to kill you over that information."

Carlos shook his head angrily. "I'm not giving her to you. So you can kill her too? Nah!"