All Comments on 'Black Celebration'

No reality. No fantasy. No story development. No character development. No anything other than disconnected suck and fuck blurbs. Stop writing until you're ready to learn basic rules of story development.

OK I won't be as harsh as the previous anon. In fact I will tell you it was a very good few paragraphs. It just wasn't a story. You simply must flesh it out more. What was the incident with Nat? What happened between Nat and Mom when she was questioned? How long have have mom and dad had an open marriage? Is that where dad is now? Mom only cums once? Isn't that nust the opposite of physical reality? Women can cum more than once; men not so much. This story had LOTS of potential. I mean LOTS. So your idea was great. Even your spelling and grammar were good. Unlike anonny 1, I don't say stop writing. I say keep writing. Practice makes perfect and I believe you will get better.

With so few mom son stories lets encourage and maybe we can get more.Thanks for writing a good story

You can have characters who are laconic. What you can't have is a narrator whose narration is the equivalent of grunts and sentence fragments. Also, did you bother to explain why this is titled "Black Celebration"? Are the characters black, or something? I'll admit, it's possible you did address that choice in title, and I simply missed it, because the story as a whole is so boring and lifeless, I quickly began skimming and skipping to the end.

I could coddle you and pretend this story didn't suck, but contrary to popular belief, not everyone gets a prize for showing up.

Same as what everyone else has said - except that you could almost have posted it under Non-Erotic, so devoid is it of arousing content.

their last name is Black.. he says his name in the first sentence.

As far as the rest i agree this is not a chapter, it is barely a short story. You didn't describe any characters and the action is rushed. You also didn't explain the mom saying she only cums once and then her pussy is closed.. no woman does or said that EVER. Also you have the word dad in the sentence "I stopped dad in my tracks." it should be dead. Please proofread your submissions at least 3 times before you submit.

My advice would be to take it and flesh it out a lot and resubmit.