All Comments on 'Blacktung and Wyxt Ch. 01'

This is a textbook failure of tense and perspective. All too often I see authors with really vivid imagination fall into the pitfall of the narrative. Generally speaking, switching between the 3rd and first person perspective makes for a horribly disjointed reading experience.

The problem here is the tense and the perspective. Are the events happening as the audience (reader) reads the story? Is this is a description of a scene that is unfolding before them? Or is this a 3rd person telling of events from an omni-present perspective?

The problem is that the author (Purrversion) has mixed perspective and tense with a narrative description.

If Purrversion was intending to write this as a narrative of unfolding events the opening should read:

"Wyxt stood at the edge of an alleyway before Blacktung. The light-blue, somewhat purple skinned, half-troll peering at her intently with a fiery red gaze. One hand rested lightly on her nearly exposed breasts, her mail chest piece, as usual, not doing much to hide them from ogling eyes."

Here "stood" instead of "stands" is used. Stand is the present tense here, but how do you "standS"? And "nearly completely exposed"? Isn't the "completely" redundant? If something is nearly exposed, it is /almost/ exposed?