All Comments on 'Bleeding Love'

The story itself is good, even if it ran a little long. I can relate to caring people.

The repeated use of DUN and JUS, and a couple others just SUCKS OUT LOUD, and makes this really hard to read. If I see it again, I will just quit reading the story.

Great story but not sure what version of English is used.

Great story, just one piece of advice: open the doc in MS Word. 'Select All'. Click 'Find and Replace'. Find 'dun ' (include the space after the 'n'.) Replace with 'don't '. Click 'Replace all'. Enter. Save. Resubmit.

Page one showed promise for a deep and mature profound love which became as juvenile as that Tina girl by the time it came to page seven.

The way the sibs cared for each other, some maturity was expected in the way they were expected to deal with problems.

Turned from beautifully super real to horribly unreal too fast. Too much unrelatable teenage drama ruined it for me.

Conflict could've been handled way better. Two people who grow up as a result of the circumstances, and so grow up whilst caring for each other, when faced with a quasi existential or a life changing crisis involving each other, don't run away from each other. They run towards each other and sit and talk it out. Would have loved to see that happen. Shame, it didn't.

When your story asks the audience to believe that the characters are mature and loving, please let the characters be that -- mature and loving. 18/20 year olds who care so deeply about each other, and who were hardened by the circumstances, don't act the way they did here.

These are of course my personal views. The story objectively speaking is extremely well written, has some semblance of a plot and does have love triumph in the end. It's a good story objectively...

However, if plot (maturity of the characters and their intimacy wise) made some actual sense and the story didn't end up being a juvenile fuck fest and a wankers delight, this story, which had an incredible promise, would have easily trumped Cum For Austin -- one of the best erotic stories ever written.

I think the vile commenter below was referring to the maturity described in this story:

https://www.literotica.com/s/will-i-ever-make-him-mine

His point makes sense, but not the way it was written.

'Tis a Good story 4 🌟

Lot's of repetition making the story much longer than necessary. Hard to read and I still don't know what 'dun' means. 'Don't' maybe? I read it to the end and feel I wasted my time. Don't get me wrong, there were good parts. Thank you, I think.

Great story I loved it. You need to use a spell check and grammar check. I hope you either continue the story or do a follow up.

goes on a bit too long, and Dun? what are they Scottish?

outstanding

Too much bs. And what's with the dun and bout, can't proofread your work?

Grammar dun rekked it for me.

Can only add what others have said: the use of "dun" and other eye-dialect spellings in dialog—clearly a deliberate choice—was extremely distracting and ultimately irritating. (Also, it's "throes" of pleasure, not "throws.")

Other than that it was OK. It suffers from the setup being pretty basic and not offering any conflict or drama beyond the two's reluctance. Leaning into that internal conflict makes feel claustrophobic and overheated with angst. Simply put, their POV is not comfortable to inhabit. I also think it would be a good idea to linearize the story, instead of telling it through flashbacks. But the lust and the sex is pretty good, and that's ultimately what these stories stand or fall by.

Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun….fucking Jesus stop that shit I had to quit reading halfway through. Work on it if you keep writing

Dun? Dowan? Really? Your English as a Second Language teacher failed you miserably. I skipped to the end because this tripe was not worth reading to its very overdone and obvious conclusion and felt an honest review was absolutely needed. And why draw the story out? Seven pages of this crap was unnecessary. You could have easily concluded this story in three. But then you probably dun understand what I mean and dowan to consider that 85% of your redundant dialog should have been culled from the story. I strongly recommend you take a creative writing class with a reputable English teacher and work on building your vocabulary, if you’re going to continue trying to write.

Juvenile writing. Cringey dialogues. And what the heck's a dun? dowan? And the caps on button was clearly abused on this one. Lay off of that button.

Please continue this story!!!

While I agree that proofreading would be helpful, I found the story enjoyable. Don't let the negative feedback discourage you. Some people forget that the website is FREE and full of amateur writers. I've read stories by seasoned writers with 3rd party proofreading that still have occasional mistakes. The story has 40k+ views and a rating or 4.55 when I'm commenting. Ignore the vocal and anonymous critics, b/c people clearly enjoy the story - myself included.

Thank you, 30_something. Your comment made my day. I don't mind readers being critical of my writing, and it does help me improve. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read my work. Thank you again.

Great stuff, and would love to see how you continue. Besides some ambiguous phrasing, the writing was pretty good.

I gave it a 4.5.

Of all the incest genres the mother/son genres is my favorite. But I like this story.

In high school I was a freshman, and my older sister was a senior. Jo Jo was one of the hottest girls in school. And didn't have a boyfriend. She didn't want to end up pregnant like a few of the girls on the block. Getting her upper-level degree was paramount. Education was the key to success is what our mother taught us both. Some guy was talking about how he would tear up my sister's pussy if he got into her. I approached him and I kicked his ass. Jo Jo friends told her what happen and thanked me for protecting her.

"You're the most important person in my life Jo Jo. I will always protect you from harm. Even if you get married, I'll be there to make sure that whoever you marry will treat you with respect or I will kick his ass too," my brother proudly proclaim.

A month later I took Jo Jo's sweet virginity. We have been together for over twenty-year. Jo Jo has given me three beautiful daughters and two beautiful sons. Our mother lives with us and about six months into Jo Jo's pregnancy mom became my lover. She saw how much in love Jo Jo and I were that she respected our relationship. She told Jo Jo that she wishes she had a good man like me. Jo Jo thought what a way to cement our household secret. If mom was included in our incestuous family no one would ever know that I got my sister pregnant. Jo Jo talked with mom and now mom is part of our family. Mom has given Jo Jo two brothers and is pregnant with our third baby.

Dude , can’t wait for more from you! Your story was so solid that any errors were easily overlooked! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I really appreciated that it truly was a love story, not just sex.