All Comments on 'Blind Date'

The people talk like boring robots, as if the whole story were set in the club (where you have to shout to be heard at all). The narrator alternates between the present tense ("says") and the past tense ("said") for no reason at all. And I know pronouns can get tricky when talking about two women, but really, "Kristin interrupts Carissa when she kisses Carissa"? Who ever wrote like that?

I don't rate this 00 because a good editor could clean much of this up (though there might not be much left afterwards). Get an editor!

You write like somebody telling somebody else what happened to her last Saturday night. It's interesting in its own way, but not particularly erotic, especially as you kind of rush things a bit.

Still, I liked the nude girl waiting on the bed. I felt kind of bad that her efforts were in vain. As for the other two women, after they left it was kind of like the night was ruined.

but the transitions seem very abrupt. I liked the banter and the exchange of smiles and glances. I could clearly see they're attracted to one another. If you go on to write chapter 2 of this story, you can clear things up about Chantel and flesh out the newly budding relationship. Oh, and this category is Lesbian Sex, so maybe put in a sex scene before the story fades out.

here are some flowers

where is the bedroom.