Blindness

I have always found sleeping very comforting.

Don't just assume that I love the act of dozing off. I don't like the lazy lingering feeling between sleep and wakefulness either. I dislike the sound of my alarm, my ringtone, the doorbell, the sun--anything that wakes me up. What I like is the state of complete relaxation of my brain, free from its thoughts, letting my cogs rest and, as scientists like to put it, flush out all the toxins.

You might ask what toxins could I possibly carry when all I do is sleep?

Well to keep my over-thinking brain from over-heating, I over-work my body.

I masturbate. I masturbate a lot. I call it my meditation.

I think of sex, I think about penis; about how such a vile organ can fill me with ecstasy. I think about tits; a pair of unearthly orbs with the capability to smother someone and at the same time fill someone's tummy.

How do such improbable objects store the elixir of life?

What the hell am I thinking?

See, that's why I prefer sleeping.

Still, in the arms of crashing climax, I threw the dildo under the bed and dozed off.

__________________________

Is that my ringtone? What the hell is that tune?

No! That's my doorbell.

Someone is at the door.

Nope. That's my phone.

Is someone knocking at my door?

I grunted in my daze and sat upright. I zoned in and let the reality settle in before realizing both, the doorbell and my phone were ringing.

My body felt stiff and I tasted sand in my mouth as I stretched. I got up from my bed and stood up. I remained in that position for a while, feeling sticky between my legs. I grabbed my pretentious satin robe and somehow managed to put it on before throwing open the door.

'I am sorry. It looks like I woke you up,'

Well. Well. Well. I took a deep breath and looked at her. First, a pair of faded jeans invaded my senses, then a full-sleeved body gloving top and a Georgette scarf wrapped around the neck. Then came a face. Her face was all pity and in her eyes lingered a strange bashful innocence.

'I saw your ad in the paper about the spare room. I just wanted to check if it was still available,'

'Was that you ringing my phone too?' my throat felt ashen as I spoke.

'Um? Yeah. Yeah. I am sorry. It was a bother-'

'Come in'

I was awake now. I was also thirsty. I needed water.

I left her by the living room couch and left to drink some water and bring some for her.

She was sitting right in the middle of my three-seater couch. I handed her a glass of water while I chugged on mine. She appeared older in the dim lighting of my living room. Well, who cares?

I took my seat on the complementary one-seater.

'The room is still available,' I managed to say suppressing a burp.

'Oh really. That's really nice,'

'You are?'

Her eyebrows creased immediately and a frown settled upon her slim features.

'Your name, please,' Oh boy.

I couldn't remember the last time I had noticed such variable emotions in a person in such a short period. Such people are also very loud in bed as well.

"Oh, that's very rude of me. I am Shyanne.'

'I am -----'

She threw some pleasantries my way and finished sipping water from the glass.

'Would you like to see the room now?' I asked trying to get the maximum done in case she was planning to drag the meeting for some other day. Another day, another disturbance. Nope.

'Yes, please. I would love to,' her mouth as well as her eyes did the talking.

The room in question was on the terrace of the building we were currently sitting in. I have four other tenants living in the building. It was not until last year that I started feeling the terrace was too big for my choice. The vastness of it and the unrestricted cold air ruthlessly hitting my face and messing my hair had me impulsively construct a one-room studio, suitable for a single independent person, like me.

I thought I might leave my big apartment downstairs and shift up here, alas, my extravagant nature would never let me let go of my possessions which I had accumulated for the last decade or so.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn't even realize we were standing at the threshold of the terrace room.

'Oh, it's perfect. Please, I would like to rent this place,'

I sure was taken aback. Over enthusiastic people have always drained me and I could tell she would take a chunk of my peace with her

In two days, she provided me with her identification and an additional photocopy of those IDs along with three months' advance payment.

And in the next four days, she was there, in my building as my tenant.

Despite staying at home most of my life, it pains me how accurate my labeling of certain people goes. Yeah, you can call it judging. Tsk. Give me a break.

I knew I would not be able to go back to my "routine". I knew she would disrupt my cycle and my meditation and sleep. I knew...

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! *doorbell*

Damn it!

~ ~ ~

Date- 2/10/22

Time- 1:38 a.m.

I am so happy that I was able to find such a fine place to stay in such a short time. My new place is a big single-room studio on top of a building. The air is so pure on top. The sun surely burns everything but at least I'll be so away from the bustling city down below.

Um...the land lady on the other hand is someone I would not wanna be away from. She has a shameless ambiance about her. Not in a bad way, of course. Her skin was pale brown, like a walnut with a texture so smooth that I had to hold back the entire time I was with her.

The minute her sleepy body opened the door for me, her scandalous cleavage dared me to look away from them. The way her taut thighs deflated as soon as she sat on the couch...Something about her gave me an appetite more than any other actual food.

After all, devouring may be the ultimate expression of affection. Doesn't a mother, full of emotion, often squeeze her child and exclaim, "I love you so much I could eat you up!"

I feel like having a hearty laugh at how excited I am.

Yours, Anne.

~ ~ ~

Actually, it wasn't all that bad. I mean damages were being done but most of them were for my benefit.

One time I was digging out my groceries from the car trunk when I felt a presence behind me. I wasn't startled but I was not so pleased to see her. My other tenants realized long ago that I don't like interaction unless it's about the maintenance and anything else related to the building itself but the tower of a woman behind me had a lot to learn.

I forced a smile at her. She wished me a pleasant evening and almost snatched my grocery bags out of my hands to carry them for me. She turned and started leading the way. In the hotchpotch, I got to notice her back. Such a subtle blend of femininity and masculinity got me there for a moment. She had a bralette on under a translucent top, whose multiple thin straps sculpted her muscular back in a very feminine elegance. The entire way, I had the unrestricted view of such beauty that I didn't even realize, she was waiting for me to unlock the door. She left only after safely depositing the groceries on my kitchen counter.

As mean as it might be, I didn't want to get caught with her by my other residents, or else, I would be proven a hypocrite or worse, a biased person. I would decline many invitations for dinner, coffee, or simple shopping. The more I tried ignoring her, the more she invaded my space, my mental space. I started feeling her presence in my bed. The gentle breeze on my naked thighs would feel like her touch, my nipple clamps would remind me of her white teeth, warm lubes would feel like her warm saliva and even the sensation of my own fingers would be replaced by her thoughts. But no matter how heartless one might want to be, guilt always finds its way into their heart. And if not guilt, in my case, lust, definitely found its way into my heart.

Knock! Knock! Knock! *doorbell*

~ ~ ~

Date- 19/02/23

Time- 2:23 a.m.

Finally, I broke through her wall. At least I want to believe that I did.

I won't have to remind you, my diary cause I have already filled you with all her excuses, her declines, and her reluctance but not anymore. I know you too would have been bored at my repetitive negative entries in you but no more of it anymore.

I don't know what happened. What went right. But she agreed to my proposal of a movie night at my place. I mean technically it's her place but yeah you know what I mean. We are meeting. She agreed.

We are meeting tomorrow. YES! TOMORROW!

I feel like having a little dance. I might as well do it. I am so happy.

Anyway, I gotta sleep now cause I have to do some shopping tomorrow. I am gonna get some booze- oh wait. What would she like? Shit! I forgot to ask her. Never mind, I will get something occasional. I don't think she would mind a good glass of champagne. Right?

Ugh. I am excited.

Yours, (Shy) Anne.

~ ~ ~

Shyanne had decorated the studio apartment most beautifully. Just like her appearance, her taste in interior decor was also a blend of gray and floral. She had flowers in a transparent glass vase on her coffee table. Who does that these days? On the other hand, her bed was nothing but a gray block of thick mattress, a single pillow, and a duvet. Her couch by the mentioned coffee table had various shaped throw pillows and looked quite comfortable to be pressed against. So I took my seat on that couch, against those pillows, and waited as she went to prepare something for dinner.

She had a small circle table with two chairs in the kitchen on which we sat and finished eating. No table manners whatsoever but her questions were justified considering I knew many things about her (professionally) and she had only little to no hints about me. She listened to my words very carefully and earnestly cross-questioned me when she felt like prodding further. But every once in a while, I would be distracted by her lips, they were slightly pigmented but fuller and moisturized. I stole glances at her fingers, slender and delicate, well-trimmed nails adorned with black nail polish. And of course, her advances under the table, accidental feet touching, were not ignored by me.

Post dinner we sat on her couch playing games. At first, we played chess for a bit. Not going to lie, I was a bit surprised when a persona like her obliged my urge to play chess. I am judgmental but never would I have guessed her to be good at chess as well. She pulled out a bottle of champagne mid-game and by the time the game was done, we both had downed the bottle. Oh...the game? She won. Not having a good time accepting that.

Naturally with the empty bottle on site, we moved on to play the childish "truth and dare".

For the game, she had to be opposite of mine so she brought one of her dining chairs and sat facing me.

We took turns asking questions, for truths I lied. I could not tell about her. But she seemed believable. For dares, I asked her to do as many push-ups as she could. She readily agreed and did a total of five. I realized her physique wasn't due to a physically active life, she was just lean with a good muscular gene. Her shoulder blades and the muscle on her arms flexed so deliciously, I wanted her to keep going. But she stopped and returned to her seat. Finding myself, thoroughly amused by her body, I kept asking her to do something with her body whenever she chose a dare. As for her, she asked me to call some random number and hang up on them. I was asked to fetch her a glass of water from my apartment. Then weird but I was asked to sit without my socks on. It's not like this bothered me.

Bored with the game, we finally went on to actually watch a movie. I let her choose considering, she played the chess on my call. She chose a serene French movie. The movie was actually good, and I found myself not getting distracted. But I wondered if she had already seen the movie because, for the entire hour and forty-three minutes, I felt her burning gaze on me.

I don't remember when was the last time, I sat through a movie. Hate to admit it, but I guess she has good taste in movies as well. I got up from the couch and stretched my neck before looking at her. She got up and with a face so troubled she asked:

'Will you be leaving now?'

'Yeah. Shouldn't I? It's not like I live somewhere far away,' I gave a laugh to lighten up her mood.

'Hm,'

I picked up my socks and wore them before proceeding towards the door. The awkward silence that fell upon her was eerie to say nonetheless. Out of courtesy, I believed she followed me close behind to the door. She leaned in from behind and before I could hold the doorknob, she took hold of it. The sudden proximity, her slender neck before my face, her torso pressed against my side had me take a step back. Her eyebrows creased and her hand didn't budge.

Aware of what I was doing, I placed my hand gently on her hand holding the door knob.

'It hurts,' she said looking intently at the door.

I swallowed.

'What hurts?'

She had already shown me signs that she was interested in me. She had already teased me enough while eating dinner and during the game. A hand on hand-wasn't supposed to be a big deal. Something's changed. What have I done?

If she wasn't going to take the initiative, then I should. She had already taken a lot of trouble just to invite me to her place. Guilt!

I leaned forward and placed a lingering kiss in the hollow of her collarbone. I felt her hand tensing under mine. She turned to look at me. I got on my tip-toes and quickly pecked on her lips.

'I had fun tonight. Thank you for having me,'

Her hands on the knob loosened and I slipped out of the door.

~ ~ ~

Date- 21/10/23

Time- 1:30 a.m.

Seriously nothing makes any sense. What's wrong with me?

~ ~ ~

Knock! Knock! Knock! *doorbell*

Knock! Knock! Knock! *doorbell*

Knock! Knock! *doorbell* *doorbell*

I ran out of the bathroom in a robe and wet dripping hair. I could have sworn to kill whoever was at the door, for ruining my state of meditation. Breathless, I threw open the door and just like a deja vu she was there. Her tight little jeans, her long-sleeved top, and the Georgette scarf.

'Yes?' I asked holding the robe close to my chest.

A moment passed by... thick streams of water kept dripping from my hair and tickled down my back. My chest went through a shiver at the sudden temperature change from the bathroom to the doorway.

'Ice.'

Surprisingly, this didn't bother me. I expected some dumb chances, something of this sort to pan out as I was under the notion that nobody could resist me. Which proved to be correct when I felt her taking delicate steps right behind me, patiently waiting ---

I felt my body pressed against the counter. My robe was yanked off my body. My wet hair was parted to one side before she dug into the curve of my neck.

My toes curled at the sudden invasion. I felt her arm circling over my chest, pressing my naked breasts as she licked me all the way from the base of my neck to the back of my ear, finally nibbling on my earlobe.

She seemed to have calmed down after this sudden attack because I felt her hands slack off and her body left mine. I turned around unashamed of my nakedness and cupped her face.

As far as animalistic behavior goes, if you strip away the thin veneer of appearances, there's nothing left but the desire for power...and sex. Even beetles, cicadas, and snails become aroused, and males and females reach out to satisfy themselves and fulfill the hum of desire in their primitive hearts. Then what makes us humans any different.

She forced a smile even though her eyes were ready to cry from guilt.

'I am sorry. I am so very sorry for having looked at you with such a gaze,' she said looking at the ground. At least, she was resolute enough to apologize and understand that she was wrong.

I dropped my hands and walked up to the refrigerator. I pulled out my ice tray and brought it to the counter. I hopped onto the counter and sat, all the while she stood glued to her spot.

'Come here,'

She took a step or two before coming to stand right in front of me.

'Your tongue felt very warm,'

I took one ice cube and held it against her lips. Her expressive eyebrows twitched just a little before relaxing. Then I took the ice and placed it between my legs. Reflexively, she placed her hands on my thighs as I rubbed the ice along my slit and lingered with it around my clit before dropping it on the floor.

I held her head in my hand and pushed her down. She took the cue as I spread my legs for her. As predicted her warm tongue felt amazing on my pussy. At first, I could feel nothing but then slowly, the creeping sensation of her tongue lapping against my slit started taking a toll on me.

'May I use a finger?' she asked, her face half buried and her dreamy eyes looking up at me.

'Go ahead,'

I felt a finger entering me. She had long slender ones, so I expected nothing less from her. Then her second finger prodded my entrance before pushing its way in.

'My clit makes me cum, sweetie,' I said. I heard a groan in response.

Though her fingers never left me, she might have felt connected, her mouth latched onto the clit, and she licked me, bit me, and sucked on me for a really long time. I held onto her head as the climax took over my lower body.

I pulled her up by her scarf and kissed her on the lips. She wrapped her arms around me as I made my way towards her. I undid the button and zipper of the jeans in a go and started rubbing her over the cotton of her underwear. It didn't take me long cause she was already so soaking from desire. So I slipped my hand inside her panties and found her slick core. I pressed my palm on her clit as I ran my finger up and down the slit. She groped at my breasts, hungrily, sucking on them and pinching them between her teeth. As I started fingering her, she nestled her head against my chest and moaned occasionally into my ear.

Who knew she could make such sweet sounds?

Post pent-up, I peeled off her top and hugged her tightly. It felt natural having such unabashed bare bodies pressed together. She could not stop kissing me. Every single time, she found a new spot to plant a lingering kiss before returning to look at me. She would look at me long, with subdued eyes before diving into another kiss.

'Are you angry?'

'Should I be?' I smiled.

If only she could be as blind as me. The way my mind is. The way my fingers and skin are. If only the thing between her legs were as blind as me, I could have substituted her for many of my sex toys. They are plastic and hard, but she, eco-friendly and soft.

If only there was no love behind her eyes.

If only I weren't blind.