Blitzen Blue 01

Blitzen Blue 01

Hey there, I'm Blitzen Blue and some people just call me Blitz for short sometimes and I feel very blessed and fortunate to have enough friends to have been given a shortened nickname, so, call me either and I will respond to you.

Especially since you might know me already because I'm one those who you invite to one of your mixers to make your wall paint look newer and fresher because that's what happens when I blend into it and sometimes when I respond back to you, you'll have to look around first because you won't know where my voice is coming from because I blend in with your fresh paint that well.

And I'm just that fresh because I'm in no hurry to find out what adult life is all about, even though I'm an adult 21. And reading in between the lines right here might say that my transition period and phase has been, um, mostly quiet, but that's okay. I have been blessed with everything that I need [waves both arms down entire body and points up at, ahem, the hair, as if to say judge for yourself] for if and when ever comes calling.

Anyways, I wish I knew more about a few things than I do, but I don't and I wish my right knee worked as well as my left knee works, but it doesn't and I wish, OMG, I wish some people wouldn't paint their living rooms in shades of tan because duh, I'm Blitzen Blue and I blend in better with shades of blue!

And before this saga is over, I would like to know if it's always "farmland" or just "the farm" or other because my friend Millie keeps referring to the property close to her farmhouse as her "farm yard" and that just doesn't flow right or have a good ring to it, but we can talk about that later.

Anyways, my transitional story isn't much to write about since it didn't just pop out of the blue. I just painlessly followed the path that was laid out before me and ta da, here I am today, tee he, all decked out in blue with great hair for a Boi. Except on St. Patrick's Day.

So, my story then, right? It's like a three parts drama. Part one is, ugh, if and when came calling a few ago, so, I'm starting with that, which is exciting and thrilling, but weird and scary at the same time.

Part two will come later and that involves my right knee and why my bio says "I like short walks" instead of long walks, but that [squints eyes as if to say why me] will come later too because it's actually almost another story all by itself.

And part three is, seriously, is there really such a thing as a "farm yard" because Millie keeps saying that and it just doesn't flow!

Anyways, I'm starting with part one because if and when showed up in my life seemingly out of the blue recently. I mean, after rolling around quietly and comfortably in life, boom, all of a sudden and out of the clear blue skies came three if and when's all about the same time! Three! Three yikes! And when you've never dealt with more than one, "yikes", at a time, on two separate occasions, I mean, triple yikes!

And I'd blame my 21st birthday for my triple yikes, but the birthday fairy has her living room walls painted with "first frost" paint and that's one nice shade of light blue!

Anyways, the other part of my if and when saga is related to how, yikes, all three of my out of the blue suitors were from the same crew and yikes, I don't think that they knew what the others were up too either, so, yikes again, right?

But here's the deal. Todd was the first to, well, to hit on me and his problem was that since he was the first, I mean, he received back my scared and confused responses, so, that wasn't on purpose, but that's how it played out, unfortunately for Todd. But I learned something too, right? So, that was good.

I also learned that I liked how the words "hitting on" flowed together, but that's another story.

And it was such a disaster and so awkward between Todd and myself that evening that's it's not worth even talking about, especially since Todd might actually remember me back when I dressed like a boy instead of a Boi, but it got the ball rolling.

My next "yikes" didn't take too long to follow by Dale, again, from the same crew, and that went so badly that I almost ran back to Todd, like quick! But out of that, I mean, I at least learned that the words "hooking up" flow better together than "getting hit on" by a long stretch!

And don't get me wrong, I am not opposed to getting hit on shortly before hooking up with someone and that will happen in my time, but yikes, not with Dale, right?

So, did my previous two "yikes" experiences prepare me for the third in the crew to take his turn in line? LOL, not at all since my sexual process vision isn't that clear! But, yikes, within a few days at a small and private gathering on Millie's, ugh, farm yard, along came a spider and that spiders name was Josh.

A very handsome Josh, but still, the third of three who didn't know what the others were up to. And I might be guessing about that, but come on, right? What nerd crew of three anywhere on the planet would ever try to hook up with the same Tranny, right? I mean, how would that basement nerd cave date night work out, hmm?

[For the record, the small and private gathering on Millie's farm yard expanded beyond private because somebody spoke about it on Chang!]

Well, it was my idea for Millie to host the small and private gathering on her farm yard for a very good and particular reason, which, ahem, involves my trashed right knee and I already said segment that comes later and I didn't have the authority to actually invite other people to Millie's shindig and I had to know for sure if Josh was going to take his turn in line or not, so, shut it.

Besides, my idea plan was rock solid.

[For the record, the words "idea plan" don't flow together very well and they both might turn out to be questionable, ahem, later of course. But stay tuned to see if the good idea plan is a hit or a flop]

Asshole narrator.

[Whatever. Shoulder blade poke, poke, under the shoulder blade finger hook for acknowledgement and to break up that weird ass cloud conversation]

"Um, um, I mean, um, Blitzen Blue, are you, um, hey, um, hi, because I mean, because I mean, so, because, um, that's what I mean, Blitz, so, I mean, nobody even knows what this shindig on the Millie's east farm yard is all about, but I mean, um, hey, Blitzen Blue, um, you look nice tonight, so?"

"Oh, were you saying something first, Josh because it sounded like you said something first, so, what do you have to say first then, hmm, Josh, since you're speaking first and all, so?"

"Oh, because I mean, no because I mean, because I mean, I wasn't speaking first at all because you were speaking already to the air and I've never spoken first in my entire life except for a couple of times when I spoke first, but I only spoke first because I knew the answer to the quiz questions, which means I was still speaking second, so, that's what I mean because I thought you were speaking first, Blitzen Blue because that might be something that you do because I always speak second, so?"

"Oh, trust me, Josh, I have never spoken first in my entire life because the one time that I did speak first ended with me ducking a right hook because some guys can't handle it when a Boi, with amazing hair, speaks first, so, I've never spoken first either in my entire life, Josh, so?"

I did get lucky with my hair. It's my "Ariel" hair. I said that already, right folks?

"No, no, Blitz, because I mean, because I mean, because you just now finished speaking and now I'm speaking, so, my math checks out that I'm speaking second, but if I were speaking first, I mean, I mean, I'd say that you look really nice tonight for this shindig because nobody even knows what this shindig is all about, um, maybe I already spoke about that, but, um, because I mean, um, I'm glad I heard about it because I've been wanting to speak to you, Blitzen Blue, so?"

"Well, I still say that you seem to be speaking first, Josh, so, you might as well just continue speaking first because speaking second has become my thing and sometimes when I'm blending in with the wall paint at a house party, I mean, then I actually speak third because nobody can tell exactly where my voice is coming from, so, sometimes I speak third, so?"

"Oh, um, so, if I were to speak first, I mean, are we at this party together because it seems like we're at this party together because we're together right now and we're blending in that way, so, um, we're kind of together, I mean, speaking in third terms and all, I mean, how is my math sounding on how we're together tonight then, huh, Blitz?"

"Oh, um, those were some bold forward first words you just spoke, Josh, but your forward first words are twistable and it feels like you're searching for a hook up with me and I know what a hook up is, Josh, but you need to speak with your nerd crew first because you're actually speaking third in line, so, that's my response in second place for your forward first pickup lines, but your pickup lines weren't the worst that I ever heard, so?"

Party pickup lines, right my peeps? Why don't they just them hook up lines, hmm? Which I do want to do some day, as I said, but I'm not in a big hurry. If I didn't mention that already.

But here's Josh's problem. Since he wasn't speaking first, from his nerd crew anyways and since he was actually speaking third in line, I mean, he would have done better with me if he had changed his strategy a little bit, not that I had a better strategy suggestion, but I knew that making the rounds of three within the same crew was not a good strategy from my end, right? I am right about that, right?

And it's no big secret that I don't have enough "speaking first" experience to know how to react or even respond to three guys from the same crew, so, I'm handling that the right way, right my friends?

"Anyways, Josh, listen..."

"Alright, fine, Blitzen Blue, I'm speaking first and I'm interested in hooking up with you because frankly speaking, we seem to be blending in just fine as two people who might hook up at this makeshift mixer, but what are you talking about that I'm third in line, huh?"

Well, at least he finally babbled out that he wanted a hook up and at least it came out that his two other crew guys were on the same path.

And on a side note, um, even though I haven't gone through the drama of my less than operational right knee yet, I mean, most of the "hook up" sexual experiences are out. I couldn't drop down to my knees for you or Josh and that's that! LOL, unless that's where you wanted to leave me afterwards because it would take me an hour to stand back up.

But I like Josh and I'm not claiming to be disabled or anything, but I bring the challenges. Tee he, I can't seem to bring to smooth talk, but I bring other challenges.

[Meanwhile, the lovely Millie, who also doesn't know why Blitzen Blue called this gathering of a few people, is losing her hair while waiting for this "he said, he-she said" pre mixer announcement to conclude]

Asshole.

"Well, Josh, since you're clearly speaking first and since I know when I'm getting hit on and especially since I know what a mixer hook up is and lastly since I wished that you were speaking first in line instead of speaking third in line from your crew of three because I really want to see your di..."

[A balding Millie swoops in and breaks up the "he said nothing, he-she said nothing" bore fest]

"Damn it, Blitzen Blue..."

[Millie might be upset because Blitzen Blue has better hair, I mean, you don't know]

"I'm getting upset over all the waiting for this "big reveal" of yours! But I like how the word got out about the super private and super small gathering at my place, so, let's get with it. Also, huh, well, hello Josh, since I always thought the two of you would hook up eventually, so?"

"OMG, Millie! I mean, I mean, I mean, Millie, just a few moments more because..."

[The lovely Millie throws two hands in air and backs off]

"Sheesh! Hooking up after getting hit on isn't that hard, but, hey, you two do you two, I guess. Also, there are bundles of hay straw in the farm garage, so, sheesh, I'll back off, but eek, this unknown of a purpose mixer is better than I expected, Blitzen Blue, so, um, thanks."

Farm garage, hmm? I mean, it's a barn, but it's on the farm yard, so, okay then, Millie has a farm garage, I guess.

"Alright then, Blitzen Blue because you were going to tell me something about the other crew guys second because you started to say something about wanting to see, handle, review, stroke, kiss, suck and then really suck my dick first in between the bundles of hay straw tonight, so, let's talk about that first, so?"

Well, I don't remember saying any of that at all.

"Oh, you have it all wrong, Josh because I was going to say, in second place, of course, that I wanted to see your dictionary so I look up "speaking first" for a hook up and finally prove to you that you're clearly speaking first, but as the third in line, so, if and when we were to follow through, I mean, your crew, Josh, yikes, how would your crew react, hmm? Especially since you're actually speaking first of a hook up, but even more actually speaking third in line about that, hmm?"

Alright then people, so I mean, the crew loyalty motto is "protect to the death" until a hook up enters the mix, right? And he had me halfway there, so, what?

"Fine, Josh, maybe I want to see your dick and maybe I want to watch it juke straight out from your body and go all 'throb, boing, throb, boing" before I slip my lips over it (for the first time ever) because that's what I think about while I'm sleeping diagonally in my bed at night, but you haven't yet spoken first about the challenges I have for things like that, so, I mean, um, I mean, ugh, I have challenges, Josh."

Stupid human brain and ingenuity.

"But, Blitzen Blue, you can lay down, lean across, sit and stand, am I right?"

I can do those things, folks. And I can scoot and scooch too.

"So, if I construct the hay straw bales just right in Millie's farm garage then, hmm?"

Ooh, um, I can scoot and scooch alright, but don't expect me to curl my legs underneath and then scoot scooch and snuggle up with you to watch TV because that right knee bend angle is not going to happen either. But it's cool how often I jump up from a normal sitting position to retrieve you another leg stretching beer, right?

"Well, I'm just glad that you finally came out and spoke first about how you our first hook up to go, Josh, but I still have heard you say anything about the other guys, so?"

LOL, he just repeated the 8th paragraph above! Loyalty to the death until a makeshift hay bale bed promises a blow job!

And I did it, so, what? And he made it so he sat up high on a stack of hay bales so I could stand up straight, so, what? Especially when, LMAO, he fell backwards off of the bales of stacked hay bales in Millie's farm garage when he blasted off! It was like "argh, argh, OMG, spew, oops, plop!" and funny as hell.

Um, but I managed a taste, which I spit out for the laughing, but I managed a taste and so what if I said above that I think about things like that? I don't control my thoughts, the program I'm on does, so.

But none of that is important now because my amazing idea reveal to Millie was still waiting in the mixer wings and somehow, huh, Josh said it was my responsibility to inform crew guy Todd and crew guy Ben that I've been spoken for first, so, that didn't sound right, but since the program I'm on clouds my mind, um, okay, I guess.

End Blitzen Blue 01