All Comments on 'Blurred Lines Pt. 02'

These characters are IDIOTS!

1 star

I gave you 1 for first part.

You had me convicted that it was another Shit Cuck story.

I am happy to give you 5 for this part...

You proved me wrong. Thank You!

You may be called “Boring Dude” but this story was anything but boring. Nice job 👍🏻.

However, I think it was missing some drama or conflict that could have helped. IN part 1 I couldn't believe he left her alone or that they even stayed when she couldn't see. When she realized what she had done she was far too calm.

Now in part 2 she awakes and can't take it so she tries to tell her husband. His reaction was pretty good as it had me wondering if he would storm out or maybe go cuck. I was hoping for neither and this is where the conversation was a bit flat for me.

Then when he explains he thought it was all a game I again didn't care for it. In reality in the car ride home he would have said something like "That was awesome... you were so great and it felt like you were with a stranger..." or something. But instead he was quiet and nothing occurred. So when she hears his explanation the next morning she started to get angry but then dropped it and they had sex. Really? My wife would kill me if I put her through that agony. At that point I was wondering if she really had sex with a stranger and he was protecting her in some way to not feel guilty. But when the morning after pill never came up again I was once again thinking cuck and he would suggest they do it again or more roll play. Thank goodness I was wrong.

The going back to the bar and what she did with the girls wasn't really needed. How would that make him feel like she did? Accepting a drink is not the same as thinking you betrayed your husband by having intercourse in a bar with a stranger.

So again, enjoyable but I think it had the base for something better.

Well written. I was waiting for the axe to fall but it never did. Good, for that would have ruined it.

Boring

Ah yes! Wetting the baby's head!

Turned out okay in the end, though I think he got off lightly for the prank he pulled.

A few personal preferences:

I always prefer past tense and especially with 1st person, it feels odd being narrated to in real time by a person in the story. If you are going to use present tense try using 3rd person. Oh and please don't use 2nd person, I hate that.

I enjoyed this story and look forward to more from you.

Hahahaha! Fun story.

Great story...imaginative, well-written!

She did finally feel quilts enough to confess, and then finds out that her husband was messing with her. All’s well that ends well, and her confession gets you a solid *4 from me.

kiteares commented: "I always prefer past tense and especially with 1st person, it feels odd being narrated to in real time by a person in the story.”

There’s two techniques that I like using. One is to write present tense, first person, because it makes the story immediate, the reader is immersed in the middle of it, and not reading a past recollection from a distance, as it were. The second is to write first person, with the present action in the present tense, and flashbacks in the past tense. This works well when the story line is non-linear in time, but requires constant vigilance from the writer to get the tense right.

I do agree with kiteares that I hate second person narration. As soon as I start reading something like “you feel her hand against your shirt, caressing your nipple through the material, …” I’m done, and I move on to something else.

It sinks even deeper than crap

The moral to the story is he should have gotten contacts?

Good usage of past verses present tense verbiage. Many writers intermix the two without a clue as to which is appropriate.

I absolutely share your aversion to second person narration.