Bob

Charlie was obviously already a bit inebriated. Not bad though. Plus he was giddy from having had a warm, affectionate conversation with a woman. His wife had turned cold, vacant and austere, like a winter gale in Kiev.

"Hi Lupita!" Bob said. "Mucho gusto!"

Lupita turned to him and smiled charmingly. She was very cute. She stood around five feet tall. She wore brown corduroy pants and a turquoise tank top that didn't quite reach her pants. She had a gold chain with a cross on it that hung down into her cleavage. Her breasts were prominent but not gaudy. They looked delicious and cozy. Her nipples were like little jumping beans poking through her thin top. She wore no bra. Her cheeks were rosy and a bit chubby. Her eyes were almond shape and a gorgeous tannish-green color. She was actually stunning.

"Hola Bob!" She returned. "Nice to meet you. I don't know what it is about your friend Charlie, my little Carlitos, but it feels like we have known each other for years. I want to take care of him and dote on him for the rest of his life. I've never met someone so beautiful!"

Bob was stunned. Wow. Was this Charlie's lucky day or what? This young woman was amazing. How the hell did this happen?

"Well, well, well!!" Bob replied. "You hear that Charlton!? Man, you just won the lottery! She's amazing!"

"I know, bro!" Charlie responded. "It is amazing. We just kind of fell into conversation after seeing each other. It was like we got drawn together. I feel like I've known her for fifty thousand years. She's so nice to me bro!!"

As Charlie said it tears came flooding to his eyes. He broke down and began sobbing. It was sweet but a little pitiful seeing as it was happening at the bar, the Slippery Lotus no less in front of a slough of onlookers. Bob saw Lupita react. A tear welled up in her eye, her mouth opened exposing her beautiful teeth, on of which was surrounded in gold. She whimpered and then moved to him and held him like a baby. She started cooing to him in Spanish. She was like a mother hen swaddling her chick and putting her wing around him. She held him strongly and encouraged his tears.

"Baby, baby, oh baby!" She whispered. "Get it all out. Lupita is here now. Your real woman has come. No more misery. No more shitty food. No more lonely nights. Now love will be yours for the rest of your days. I am yours. God sent me tonight. We will be together forever."

Charlie continued his wailing. Lupita covered up most of the sounds, but not out of embarrassment or insecurity, it was purely out of instinctive reflex, care and love. She couldn't give a shit what anyone thought. She wasn't as averse to natural feelings as most of the gringos. She continued to hold him and coddle him.

"Oh, Lupita!" Charlie moaned. "I can't believe you're finally here. And holy Jesus you smell good. Your body feels so good. Your whispers are like angels floating on clouds. My soul is soothed in your presence. Who the fuck am I?? I finally can feel it maybe. Oh, god, Lupita! I'm so glad you're here."

"Come now, Carlitos!" We don't belong in this place." Lupita admonished. "I'll pay your cuenta and then let's go. Let's go sit by the beach and hold each other. The day has finally come. I knew I would find you and now there is no doubt! We are together once again. Cuantas vidas juntos, mi amor? No puedo contar!"

Lupita reached into her tank top and gathered a pile of folded cash from under her left breast. As she did Bob noticed that her chi-chi had a little tattoo on it that read, strangely enough, "Carlitos."

"What the fuck is going on, man!??" Bob thought to himself. "Today is just out of the fucking blue!"

"Yes, baby. Yes, my love." Charlie cooed into her ear. "Let's get the hell out of here. Sorry Bob, I love you bro, but this is profound. I'll call you soon."

Lupita paid the tab and they walked out of the Lotus holding each other.

"Wow!" Bob thought to himself. "Charlie just got a major upgrade. I'm a little jealous. I'm a lot jealous. What about me God!?"

With Charlie and Lupita's sudden departure Bob felt a terrible twinge of self pity.

"Wow," he thought to himself, "Who am I? What am I doing? What do I stand for? I have not become a man. I am just going through the motions of living. I am not living. What is life about? What is important? Oh, I hate this fucking shit. I'm afraid of going deep! I see that world lurking out there, beckoning me like a swooning Siren. And yet I resist. I avoid those who have that in them. I'm scared to look under the covers! Am I just going to swim in shallow circles pretending until the day I die?? Or am I willing to face my fears? Am I willing to face myself?? Oh, fuck. Once seen, I can't unsee it!! Is it God? Or is it the Devil? Why?? I just want pleasure! I just want ease! I just want to get high and have fun with my friends! What friends?? Charlie just hit the jackpot! A real woman! Oh, god, Lupita is everything a man could want. I guess even Charlie will have to face the music. Will he really go with her? Will he have the strength to face his wife? The callous, cold and forlorn Keisha? I don't know if he can do it. He has to. This is his chance. God is giving him the chance, another chance to really live. And me??? What about me??????"

Bob began to sob at the bar before even ordering a drink. Ferd approached from behind him. Time had slipped into nothingness.

"Hermano!!" Ferd said with care in his voice. "The people are looking at you! What's wrong. I have your fish dinner. You need to eat!!"

Bob was pulled out the vortex he had entered. He looked around with an astonished expression on his face, lost. He looked innocent and vulnerable, his eyes red and puffy, his stout proboscis a strange shade of pink and white.

"Blow your nose, compadre!" Ferd whispered as he handed him a small napkin. "Here's your dinner. You need to eat. Alexa! Get him a Pacifico, he likes two limes with it. He needs it badly!"

Many of the other customers were now looking at Bob. It was as if he was in a dream, as if he had partially left his body and communed with the afterworld. He looked around again. He saw Ferd warmly smiling at him. He put his arms around him and hugged him. Ferd hugged him back. Alexa eyed them suspiciously as she set his beer and limes on the bar.

"What the fuck's wrong with you Bob?" She queried somewhat harshly. She had never liked Bob but felt a slight sense of understanding for him now in his current state of innocence and vulnerability.

"Callate, way!!" Ferd responded. "You wanna' keep your job, baby, you better speak nice to my friends and customers."

"Geez!" She replied. "Take it easy, Ferd. I've just never seen him like this. It's kind of shocking. He's usually so brash and arrogant. Now he's like a weepy little baby. I guess it's kind of cute."

Alexa turned and addressed some other customers. It was busy. Her fingers were slightly stained a strange translucent orange color from all the trawlers she'd been making for the band of girls who had come in.

"Eat your dinner, Bob!" Ferd said. "I've got to get back to the kitchen. I've got lots of orders. Let me know how you like the Corbina. They are good for you when you are upset. They're souls are caregivers, they're known for that, so eat him up and he'll take care of you. This one was a male. A big one. I picked the best one for you. Just six hours ago this dude was swimming in the surf gobbling sand crabs and now you will ingest him, let his medicine go to your soul and he can help show you the way to a REAL life. He was a warrior. You need to learn to be one too, my friend..."

Bob shook off his stupor. He squeezed the limes into the opening of the bottle until they plopped down into the bubbly elixir. He took a long sip and then burped.

"Thanks, Ferd." He said. "You are a good friend. You're a good man. You're a warrior. You know deep things. Us gringos are raised in a make believe world. I feel like I'm cursed to never grow up. I'm grateful for you."

Ferd patted his back and headed towards the kitchen through the throng of what seemed like sorority girls drinking the Trawlers. He could smell the eggs as he passed them.

Bob began to eat. He unfolded the silverware rollup and put the napkin in his lap. He looked at the fish on his plate, it was whole, it's seared eyes stared into his soul.

"Thank you warrior fish!" He said quietly so as not to be heard by others. "I appreciate you. Teach me! Show me how to be a real man! Whatever it takes, I am ready. I am ready to finally grow up. I'm tired of being a child lost at sea, floating alone, playing charades. Teach me the depths of the universe!"

After saying it he set his fork down and decided it would be better to use his hands, to feel the fish, to break it's flesh off from it's bones with his naked digits. The meat was flaky. He held the first piece to the sky and nodded his head in reverence and then pushed the flesh into his mouth. It was buttery and delicious. He chewed it thoughtfully savoring the textures and flavors of the freshly caught being. He could swear he could taste the sea. He felt like he could taste eternity in the warm nugget. He finally swallowed and felt a strange surge of energy and clarity.

"My god!" He gasped. "It's working."

He continued to consume the fish, and then the rice, the beans, the salsa. He scooped little bits of each into his tortilla. Ferd had sliced a perfect half of an avocado and put it on the plate as well. The green of it was mesmerizing to Bob. It looked more precious than gold.

"I feel like I'm tripping." Bob said ethereally. "Everything is so alive. I can feel!"

He continued to eat in silence. It was as if he wasn't where he was. He didn't look at anyone. He just sat there feeling more content than he could ever remember. His belly began to fill. He felt nurtured. He felt like he was loved. It was a new sensation. It had satisfaction in it. Dignity. As he said the word dignity in his head he looked to the wall across the room from him. On it was a painting of an Indian, a Blackfoot warrior. Beneath the Indian there was a quote. It said,

"To give a man dignity is above all things."

He could feel it. He had never felt it before, maybe glimpses back in his sporting days. He had been good at sports. But those were the only times he could remember, those times were the closest thing to being a warrior in his life, playing with others, competing and cooperating. He thought inside to himself that he needed to get back into sports. He needed camaraderie. He needed a tribe. Charlie was the closest thing to it that he had and now he had found Lupita.

"I wonder what those two are doing?" Bob thought. "I want a Lupita but I'm afraid I won't find one until I truly become a man. Or maybe I'll find one that helps me become a man! I mean that seems like what is happening for Charlie. I mean, I think that's what's happening for Charlie? I hope that's happening for Charlie. I hope it will happen for me."

Just then he felt a soft hand on his shoulder.

"Hi Bob!" He knew the voice. "It's me! Rebecca."

He turned to face her. She was smiling. She looked pretty but vacuous, somewhat empty.

"Mind if I join you Mr. Sexy?" She said breathily.

Bob was unsure. He was enjoying his strange journey into the depths of his existence. He was enjoying pondering the possibilities of facing himself. He could smell dignity and he knew it was a slippery slope. He knew that it would be easy to slink back into his old patterns. Hell, he hadn't even broken any patterns yet. But he knew it wouldn't be easy to find discipline, to follow his heart and his strengths in the midst of a world of frivolous temptation.

"Hi, Rebecca." He answered. "You look pretty. I can see shades of your soul hiding in your eyes. I bet it's pretty too."

"What's that?" She responded. "I'm not sure I know what you're talking about. But your philosophical ramblings do make me excited. Mmm... The language. Have you become a poet overnight?"

She laughed. He laughed too.

"I think I've actually always been a poet. I'm just a shy poet. I've been afraid to show people that I have feelings. That I'm sensitive. That I like beauty. I like life. But I haven't been living it really." His voice was low and deep. "I've been pretending. Like you have. But I know there's a poet in you too. We're just shallow enders for now... I'm thinking about changing that though. I'm not exactly sure how. This fish dinner and my confession to you is the first part of my transformation. I asked the Corbina that I just ingested to help me, to make changes, to talk to God and bring me whatever I need to get to the deep end. Does that make any sense to you?"

"Wow, Bob!" She said blushing. "That's some sexy talk. Are you trying to seduce me? You know you don't have to try that hard. But I like it. I saw you sitting here alone and thought I'd join you but I didn't expect this. We usually don't talk about much do we? Do you really see a poet in me? A woman? A real woman? It makes me kind of nervous. It would have so many difficult repercussions. I don't know if I even want to leave the shallow end?"

"I don't even think I've ever really been brave enough to know real "sexy." And I'm not even talking about sex per se." Bob wiped his mouth and took a long swig of his beer. "Yes, I can see deep in your eyes that there's a powerful woman inside of you. You probably know that too but, as you said, becoming that has repercussions, it changes one's life. Not that I know from experience, but I'm considering it. I mean, I came down to this world to do something. I must have some sort of purpose. No? And if I do that means you do too. Ferdinand is the deepest man I know. He's the only one I know that has reverence in his heart for life, for beauty, for death, for everything. Life is meaningful to him. I want it to be for me too. I will say that it scares me. It seems it could be easier just to follow the path, play the game board, do my "career," work hard, try to retire, go on vacation.

"What's a fucking vacation?? Vacate. What kind of life is it that makes you want to vacate it. We look forward more to "vacation" than to our day to day lives. It makes no sense. It's as if we've all been tricked into some sort of mind bending game that gets us to work for others, not together. Is that really human nature? Maybe we're a domesticated species? Maybe something farms us and has tricked us into this? This terrible paradigm that says work hard for low wages and God may grant you peace in heaven. I guess I'm getting carried away but all of a sudden so much doesn't make sense. I feel like the Corbina I ate is implanting crazy but good thoughts into my head. Half of me wants to run away and half of me wants to get strong and gnarly and live!!!!"

Bob sucked down the rest of his beer after his bold rant. Rebecca, our wily MFM, looked at him with a shocked expression, her eyes glazed and her mouth open.

"Um, Bob!" She started. "I don't know what's gotten into you. I kind of like it but you're kind of, like, scaring me. Life is just life. We're just here and then, one day, we're not, okay? Lots of literature coming out now says there is no God. We're basically just fleshy robots. Okay? We're just fleshy robots fucking up the world. There's too many of us! You getting an electric car is deep enough. You've got a good job, you've got a membership to a swanky club, you're super hot, you've got a fucking unbelievable nose. Listen, why don't we just get out of here. I'd like to feel your big nariz, as Ferd calls it, probing my back side. My idiot husband is away, as usual, and I could use some of your manliness back at my pad. What do you say?? Let's go fuck like dogs in my big bed!"

Bob sighed.

"On any other night Rebecca I'd fuck you on the way to your pad and then ten times more once we got there. But something's stirring in me. There's a call in my heart that needs to be answered. If I went with you tonight I'd bore you, though I do adore your glorious back door. It's hard to say no but that's what I'm saying. Something is changing in me. I'm not the man, or the child, I used to be. Maybe this is temporary. Maybe it's a dream. Whatever it is it's telling me to hang tight. It's telling me to follow the signs, the omens, my feelings. I've never given that route a chance and I don't know if I'll have another. I hope you'll forgive me. I do love you. You've been good to me."

Rebecca had hardly listened until he said "I do love you."

"Whoa!" She said brashly. "You love me? Okay, whatever, I need to go. I guess I love you too. But I want to have fun. My weeks are torture with that pitiful man I call my husband. I need some excitement. I want sex. I want wine, maybe even drugs. Call me if you change your mind. I'm not ready for the world you described Bob. I'm not sure I even understand what you're saying. Be careful. You're acting strangely. I do care about you."

With that said Rebecca turned and wandered into the crowd. Bob laughed to himself and felt a small sense of pride in his actions and in what he had said. He saw Lane off in the distance, the young, thin, blond haired surfer. He saw Rebecca walk up to him, she had to lean down a little to give him a kiss on the cheek. Lane smiled broadly at the gesture. She then took him by the hand and dragged him roughly out through the door and into the night. As Lane was almost out into the darkness of the night he turned his face towards Bob and with a goofy look on his face he smiled wildly at him. Bob laughed and ordered another beer.

"Three limes this time Alexa." Was all he said.

To be continued...