Bombshell Dolly Nail

The blush that flared up in Pacey's cheeks warmed me inside and out. I was being terribly crude with my words. Pacey's reaction reminded me of who I was before the war. I was a better person then and wouldn't have spoken so poorly to a friend.

"I'm sorry, Pacey. I'm way out of line. That's why I'm here in the middle of the second flood," I sighed and took a careful sip of my steaming tea. It was perfect as usual.

"You don't have to apologize, Dolly. I should have been kinder with my question. You were doing well, until," he halted intentionally, not wanting to mention the one thing that was hurting me the most. He wanted me to say it. I sighed and played along with his technique.

"I was doing fine until some monster butchered Rose. Seeing that beautiful young woman split open like a fish brought my own monster to the surface. I should have spoken to you sooner, but my rage and pride kept me on the hunt. Hunting burns me out, and I stop caring about my well-being when I'm like that. That's why I fucked a notorious goon boss and enjoyed it."

It felt good and humiliating to spill my guts to Pacey. He usually took it better. My current state of mind had him angry and off his game. I hated ruining his day. He didn't deserve it, but I indulged in my strange connection with him, and that gave him a front-row seat to the shit-show that was my life.

"It's good to know you listen when I berate you. Does your inner voice sound like me more often than not?"

The smile that interrupted my scowl answered his question. He sighed loudly at me after that.

"Dolly, are you using these sessions to inspire your bad behavior? Are you trying to make yourself a textbook lost cause?" he asked in a kinder tone, but I could hear the seething underneath.

"No... it just... happens sometimes," I said with a little shrug.

He stared at me for a long moment after that. It was enjoyable for me. I was a lost cause that day.

"Well, at least we got the bad behavior out in the open. How do you want to continue, Dolly?" he asked as he returned to writing in his notebook.

That question let me control the conversation. It was my opportunity to vent however I wanted.

"So, Hanna seems eager to please," I noted, feeling the disdain that topic created in my psychiatrist.

"She does, but that's none of your business. I promised you freedom of conversation, so please tell me what you don't like about her."

"I didn't say I don't like things about her," I countered.

"You heavily implied it. Your body language speaks loudly sometimes."

"I'm glad you noticed my body."

That response annoyed him. Pacey's buttons were easy to push.

"Dolly," he sighed as he closed his notebook and offered me his full attention. "You are beyond help right now, and it's extremely troubling. Please stop joking and be honest with me. I sense a storm coming. It's more of a bomb in your case. A lot of people died the last time I saw this attitude. You've been hurt deeply by Rose's murder. Why?"

He knew how to dismantle my moods, and he used it to save people from my wrath. Doctor Keller was a one-man bomb squad.

"You know why," I whispered into my tea.

"And you need to hear yourself say it again and again. That's how you heal. Look at the pain, and tell me what you see."

That phrase from Pacey's lips always set my teeth on edge and made my skin itch. Letting my teacup rest in my hands in my lap, I recalled my most recent nightmare.

"A new vision won't let me sleep. I see Becky murdered now, Rose's older sister. She's gutted on the floor at the Dahlia Hotel. I look away and see Lenard's cold stare. When I look at the body again, Rose is back, and she's staring at me. She looks utterly disappointed. Then a bomb hits the hotel, and the walls explode. I'm back in Étaples at that point, tripping over dead bodies in the trenches. I'm running from something. Something grabs my ankle, and I fall on top of a gutted woman. It's Ruth. She was the fellow nurse that was murdered before the bomb hit. I screamed and staggered back to my feet, covered in the corpse's blood. All the bodies around me were gutted women. I saw Becky, Rose, Ruth, and myself butchered in the trench. I woke up in a cold sweat after that and tried not to vomit," I whispered. My stomach felt sick from thinking about it.

Doctor Keller was silent and motionless for a long moment after that, giving us both time to reflect on the horror.

"What do you think it means?" he eventually whispered.

"It means Rose's death is my fault."

"You know that's not true, but the guilt eats you anyway. You take the injustice of others personally. That's madness. It assumes you originally had the power to stop these crimes. You're human, Dolly. You can't prevent wars or murders, and you cannot continue taking on the guilt of them like you can."

"If I can get to the murderer first, I can prevent it."

"That seems logical, but it doesn't hold up under scrutiny. It still implies you have superhuman abilities to track down murderers. Stop putting this ridiculous guilt on yourself. You do crazy shit when you feel guilty."

"Like fucking Lenard Coleman," I grumbled.

"Exactly," he sighed.

We sat in silence for a few minutes after that. Light was fading early thanks to the storm. Pacey eventually stood and turned on his little desk lamp. The orange light was comforting to my eyes after seeing gray all day.

"Sorry for giving you grief about Hanna. She would probably make a great secretary," I offered.

"Is that your honest opinion, or are you trying to be nice?"

I gave him a guilty glance, and he rolled his eyes at me.

"Please, Dolly, tell me exactly what you don't like about her. I do value your opinion when it comes to women."

"She reminds me of myself. That's a warning sign." He considered my words for a moment, then he nodded, so I continued. "She also makes you blush like I do. Is that why YOU like her?"

The silence that followed my question was heavy.

"Would it please you if I said yes?" he asked.

I met his eyes curiously at that point. It almost sounded like he was flirting.

"It would," I agreed while searching his big dark eyes.

"Wait a minute, are you jealous of Hanna?" he asked incredulously.

I knew where his thoughts had gone. Me being jealous of Hanna announced my admiration of him.

"Does it matter?" I sighed, deflecting the question and returning to my gloom.

"I guess not... but it's flattering."

I could feel his gaze on my face, and it made me feel self-conscious. He was the only man capable of provoking that sensation in me.

"Thanks for the tea and the talk, Pacey. I feel human again," I said with a tired smile.

"I'm glad. It's still pouring outside, so stay a little while and talk more. Would you like a sandwich?" he asked as he stood and turned towards the kitchen.

Ten minutes later, we were sitting at the little table in his one-man kitchen, eating chicken sandwiches on rye and sharing a slice of apple pie for dessert. Rain was still busy tapping the small window over the sink.

"What's your next step concerning Rose's case?" Pacey asked.

"I'm going to contact her friends and acquaintances. Rose was a Ziegfeld showgirl before she signed on at the hotel. That's where her career started. I've crossed paths with Follies before. The girls and their admirers get into a lot of trouble sometimes."

"I've heard. Didn't you want to be a showgirl before the war?"

"Becky and I both did. I'm sure we inspired Rose in that department. That's another angle on my guilt. Sadly, the bomb made sure I wouldn't want to show my midsection to a crowd."

Pacey looked at me as I shoved the last bite of my sandwich in my mouth. He obviously wanted to say something, but he didn't. That annoyed me. Instead of speaking, he stood and took our plates and cups to the sink. I hopped up, ready to offer my assistance with the dishes. He turned to collect the dirty silverware and crashed right into me. The tiny space was unforgiving and awkwardly intimate.

"Sorry, Dolly, I was going this way," he said and attempted to get around me as I moved in the same direction, clumsily wedging us even more between the counter and table.

"Sorry," I mumbled and corrected my position, putting myself in front of the sink.

I was determined to wash the dishes since Pacey provided supper. He turned around with the dirty knives and almost crashed into me again.

"Dolly, please move," he said with an annoyed smile.

"I want to do the dishes," I insisted.

His smile slipped away, and he rolled his eyes at me. He likely remembered the last time I did dishes. I broke a plate and lost a spoon behind the stove in one fell swoop. The kitchen wasn't my place of focus.

"I appreciate the offer, but it's really no trouble for me. Please move," he insisted as he leaned to my right to drop the knives in the sink.

His handsome face was too close to me at that point. Against my better judgment and against the years of respect built between Pacey and me, I leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth. He looked at me in surprise for a moment. I watched his gaze jump to my lips and back to my eyes. For a fleeting moment, I thought he might kiss me back, but the insult that creased his brow dashed my hopes.

"What the hell was that about?" he demanded as he scooted out of the tight space between the table and sink, escaping my reach.

It was like being in grade school again, and I had just been caught tying knots in Becky's hair.

"I... I'm sorry. That was really inappropriate. I don't know why I did it."

"Really? Are you taking a cue from Lenard and abandoning all common decency? Were you planning to fuck me too? Are you on some kind of sexual binge? Is that how you deal with loss now?"

"What? No. It was nothing like that!" I spat, shocked at the accusation.

"Then what the hell was it?"

The rage that was boiling inside me at that point prevented me from speaking. I was angry at myself, Pacey, Rose, Chief Brooks, Becky, Lenard, and everybody else in New York. Burning something down was looking very appealing at that moment. Pacey could tell he lost me to my rage and his expression softened.

"Dolly, you need some sleep before you crack any further. I can give you something that will help with the nightmares, but I want you here while under its influence. You can sleep in the spare room again. Go rest. I'll bring you some pills in a few minutes," he ordered as he stepped aside and motioned me out of the kitchen.

I found my words at that point. Pacey treating me like a mental patient always calmed me down.

"Maybe I'm not cracking. Maybe I'm acting more like myself, and you don't like what you see," I offered as I approached him.

"You didn't like yourself earlier. Do you like yourself now?" he asked tiredly.

I thought for a moment and shrugged.

"I'll let you know in the morning."

Chapter 4: New Amsterdam Theatre

Collapsing on the soft bed in Pacey's spare room was something I did a few times a year. It usually happened when I was at a very low point. Pacey would give me drugs and keep me close so I didn't run off in the middle of the night and kill someone.

"Why did I kiss him after telling him I fucked Lenard?" I groaned against the pillow, completely disgusted with myself.

A soft knock on the door made my stomach anxious. I straightened up and called for Pacey to enter. He was composed with a forgiving expression on his handsome face. He stepped over to the bed and gave me four pills and a glass of water.

"Do you need to talk before I lock you in for the night?"

He really didn't trust me after the kitchen incident. I swallowed the pills and took a sip of water before returning the glass to him.

"No. I'm sorry, Pacey," I whispered.

"I know. You'll feel better in the morning. Goodnight, Dolly."

He left me alone, and I was dead to the world ten minutes later. Pacey had the best drugs. The familiar squeak of the door hinge woke me at some point. Pacey pulled the chain on the overhead light, blinding me for a minute afterward.

"Rise and shine, Dolly. You slept twelve hours," he announced as he offered me a mug of coffee.

"Mmm, thank you," I groaned and brought it to my lips. He had mixed in the perfect amount of sugar and milk. Hotel Keller knew how to treat a lady.

"You look like hell," he noted as he sat in the chair against the wall with his own mug.

"But I don't feel like it, thanks to you. That's an improvement."

"I'm glad. Janice called. When were you last at the office?"

"Uh, three days ago?" I shrugged.

"You were sneaking out the back to avoid Janice again? Why?"

My throat tightened at that question.

"She would question me about Rose. I didn't want to talk about her."

"Janice was friends with Rose too. Why not exchange words of comfort with her?"

"I'm incapable of comforting someone like Janice. Can a fox comfort a hen?"

"You seriously think of yourself like that?" Pacey chuckled.

His mood surprised me. I rubbed my eyes and took a better look at him. His brown hair was combed and gelled back, giving me an excellent view of his big brown eyes and baby face. His clothes were ironed and starched. He was about to leave for a lecture.

"Well, I have more in common with Lenard than anyone else in my life. So yes. I see myself as a predator."

"You're not like him, Dolly. You don't exploit the weak. You hunt other foxes."

His explanation made me smile.

"You know I'm a fox, don't you, Pacey?" I asked as I gazed at him from under my lashes.

He sighed and looked away from me before I made him blush. Then, to my surprise, he met my eyes again. He leaned forward in his chair, bringing his face closer to mine. Like most of the rooms in Pacey's home, the spare room was small and intimate. He was less than a foot away. He held me in his gaze for a moment, searching my eyes, sometimes glancing at my lips. The same impulse hit me again. I wanted to kiss him, but I didn't. I knew better.

"Are we having a staring contest?" I asked, trying to dispel the awkward moment.

"Just seeing if your sanity has returned. Has your crazy desire to kiss me passed?" he asked with an eyebrow raised.

The desire hadn't passed, but my impulse control had returned. Pacey didn't know I was attracted to him, and I had never recklessly acted on it before yesterday. Our friendship had been perfectly satisfying for years. It didn't need to change.

"I'm sorry about that. It won't happen again. The coffee is delicious," I noted.

"It's a new dark roast. Hanna gave me a small box yesterday. Her brother owns a coffee shop that's moving uptown next month. That's where she's working at the moment, and she doesn't want to move with him, hence the interview."

"I see," I sighed, feeling guilty for giving Pacey a hard time about her. "You should hire Hanna. She'll be good for both of us," I offered, hoping to make amends for yesterday.

"Alright. If you insist, I'll call her this afternoon. In the meantime, you go home, clean up, and talk to Janice."

"I will. Have a good lecture, Pacey," I said as he stood to leave.

"I will. Stay safe, Dolly. You know where to find me if you need me," he smiled before leaving the room.

Returning to my office around ten, I found Janice pacing the room. She threw up her hands and gave me a hug. My throat tightened again as I hugged her back.

"Oh, Dolly, how are you?" she asked as she pulled away and searched my eyes.

"I'm better, Janice, thank you."

Janice gave me a sad smile and patted my shoulders. She knew my own awkwardness when it came to emotions, and she had enough time to get over the shock of Rose's murder. I made sure of that before I returned. We were both ready to get back to business.

Janice looked good as she returned to her desk. Her pink suit, red-framed glasses, and short-cropped black hair gave her a distinctive style. She was rounder and shorter than me, but she was still sexy. She also kept the office afloat when I stepped out mentally and physically.

"What did I miss?" I asked and looked at the papers in the dropbox.

"Chief Brooks left some files for you, and three calls for your services have gone unanswered since I couldn't find you," she noted as she eyed me over the top of her glasses.

"Damn, three? Tell me about them," I said as I picked up the files and sat in the armchair next to Janice's desk.

"Two were men. One thinks his wife is cheating, and the other thinks an employee is making dishonest deals with customers behind his back. The third inquiry was a woman. She was a pretty thing. She's been receiving disturbing threats and doesn't know what to make of them."

"What's the woman's name?"

"Sarah Macy. She left you a card," she said and handed me a gold-trimmed square covered in fancy print.

"Sarah 'Sissy' Macy of the Ziegfeld Follies?" I asked in surprise.

"I believe so."

"Shit! I need to clean up and get back to her. This could be related to Rose's murder," I said and dumped the papers on Janice's desk and ran upstairs for a bath.

An hour later, I stepped out of a cab in front of the New Amsterdam Theatre. The card Sissy left for me granted me access to the theater and directions to her personal dressing room. I knocked on the heavy oak door and waited. Sissy was definitely there. The usher confirmed she went straight to her room after morning rehearsal, and no one saw her leave. After waiting ten very boring minutes, my impatience convinced me to pick the lock. My bobby-pins made quick work of it, then I slowly and quietly crept in. The dressing room was as lavish as the theater. Large bouquets of flowers adorned every side table between the pink and red French-style furniture. I heard panting and groaning from the room in the back. Sissy was likely entertaining one of her many admirers.

To confirm her safety, I stealthily peered around the door frame and got an eye-full of a hot, black-haired stud pounding his cock into Sissy's cunt. She was lying naked under him with her legs spread wide. Her slender arms were tense as she held the bed frame, bracing herself against his thrusts. Her dark curls were scattered over the pillow and around her cute face. Her breasts were jiggling like a thick custard as he worked inside her. The man was definitely a dancer. I hadn't seen an ass that tight in years. All his muscles were tight under his flawless skin. I suddenly remembered why I wanted to be a showgirl before the war.

Sissy cringed and cried out in ecstasy as he worked her to orgasm. He groaned and tensed a few seconds later. I could see the orgasm tightening his ass as he came inside her. It was an excellent show. My body tingled with want at the sight of their pleasure and the sound of their groans. The man chuckled as he fucked her slow and deep a few more times, then he relaxed and laid down on her soft breasts to rest. I could see his handsome face at that point. I let out a surprised curse when I recognized him. His eyes flew open and met mine, prompting him to curse as well.

"What the fuck, Dolly? Where did you come from?" he demanded as he rolled off of Sissy and stared at me in bewilderment.

"Hello, Danny. It's been a while," I said with a grin as I leaned against the door frame.

"Dolly? Dolly Nail?" Sissy said in confusion as she sat up and looked at me.

"At your service, Miss Macy. You wanted to see me?" I asked as I held up her fancy calling card.

"I did, but I didn't expect you to break in."

"Sorry, I waited ten minutes before I picked the lock. After what happened to Rose, I felt it was justified."

She wasn't convinced by my explanation, but she didn't argue with it.

"Oh, I see. Thank you for your concern, but please step out while we make ourselves decent."

I smiled and stepped back into the sitting room to wait. Danny walked out of the bedroom first. My body warmed at the sight of his naked torso. His tight ass and powerful thighs were hidden in black trousers, but I had already gotten an eyeful of them. His shiny black hair was a mess around his big blue eyes. We smiled at each other in amusement. Danny was pretty for a man, and he swung both ways in the bedroom. His excessive horniness ended our short relationship five years earlier. I couldn't keep up with him. Danny was a wonderful distraction after I returned from the war. He would fuck me sore to help me forget the hell I went through, and I would let him fuck men on the side. It got old after a while. We both loved our careers and had no desire to settle down, so we remained friends at a distance.