Both Sides Now

"Clearly not nothing, Hol. Come on sweetie, it's me. Spill."

I couldn't tell her. Not all of it. But... "Josh is being a dick."

"Oh Hol, I'm so sorry... is it fatal?"

"That's the problem. I don't know! But I'm seeing a side of him that I really don't like." She scooted around and held me. I didn't cry, but it was a near thing, and was nice to be held. I think we drifted off for a little bit, because I woke to see Gretchen's pixie face right in front of me, eyes closed, and breathing evenly. I smiled and gently brushed away a stray lock of her hair, and she stirred.

I quickly rolled away, as she blinked a few times.

"Blargh..." she intoned, "How long did we sleep?" She reached for her phone and answered her own question. "Looks like we're still good on time," she yawned. "You want to eat first, then do a run-through?"

"Okay."

We grabbed a bite at a place nearby, then decided to clean up and get ready. We had not considered the logistics of two women sharing a bathroom, especially when trying to get ready for a big event. We figured that we didn't have to warm up together now; we could do that at the venue. So, I played through our songs, and a few others, while she, as she joked, 'put on her face,' and got dressed.

When she came out... oh, my. She had on a dark blue dress that came up to her neck but left her shoulders bare. It came down to her just above her knees but had a slit on one side that revealed half of her thigh as she walked. High heels accentuated the definition of her calves. I gulped.

"Wow," I admired. "You look stunning!"

She blushed, then shooed me into the bathroom. While I showered and did my makeup, I could faintly hear her doing her vocal warm-ups. When she finished, she came in and checked me over, fussing over my hair for a few minutes. I was wearing it down for a change, instead of my customary ponytail, and she brushed and arranged it so it fell in waves over my shoulders.

Then we called an Uber and headed for our Friday night... could we call it a gig? Why not. Anyway, it was a place called Grumpy's Bar. I could tell right away; it wasn't the right kind of place for our music. We started out with "Legend in Your Own Time," by Carly Simon. It had a pretty cool guitar part, and I could do some backup singing, but I loved it because Gretchen got to show off. We had talked about adding a small kick-drum, because it did sound a little odd without the bongos; we just hadn't been able to work it in yet. Anyway, when we just got polite applause, we had a quick conference. We changed our second song to something a little more fun than what we originally planned.

Gretchen grabbed the mike, and said, "In honor of being here in Montreal, we decided that we'd try to impress you with our terrible French." And we launched into "Chanson Pour Les Petits Enfants," by Jimmy Buffet. I planned to harmonize on the French parts, but by the second chorus, we had the whole bar singing with us. I lifted my soprano over her for the outro, singing that last chorus in English as she finished in French.

There were a lot of smiling faces, laughing, and cheering after that. It was a song for kids, after all. We hung around and had a few drinks, listening to the acts that came after us. It was fun, but as I mentioned, not really our scene.

Although I did find myself getting unexpectedly jealous when Gretchen was hit on several times, even though it shouldn't have come as a surprise, as beautiful and vivacious as she was. Some drunk guy even tried to chat me up, but unfortunately - or maybe fortunately - he only spoke Québécois, and my high school French was not up to the task. At least I pretended it wasn't. I smiled and nodded a lot, until Gretchen could rescue me. My heart beat a little faster at the annoyed look she gave the guy, as she grabbed my hand and pulled me away.

We knew we were going to have a long day tomorrow, so we caught an Uber back to the hotel relatively early.

><><><><><

Cue the awkwardness.

I felt like I needed another shower, and Gretchen told me to go right ahead. I came out with my hair in a towel, in my usual baggy T-shirt and basketball shorts.

"You're wearing that to bed?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I don't usually, but..." I shrugged helplessly.

"Come on Hol, it's just me."

"Well... okay, if you're sure..." I left the T-shirt on because I wasn't wearing a bra. But I slid the shorts off, more than a little self-consciously. Under them, I had on a pair of burgundy boy-shorts that barely covered my butt, and when I glanced over, I totally caught her looking.

She coughed, turned red, and hopped off the bed. "Okay, well, if you're done in there, I'm just gonna... uhh, yeah." And she scurried into the bathroom.

About fifteen minutes later, I was nearly asleep, when she came out wearing a tiny baby-blue strappy top, and matching panties. The top had a picture of an angry Tweety Bird on it, and I could plainly see her nipples through the thin material. For a moment I wondered what had made Tweety mad, then decided it didn't matter. I could see several inches of smooth skin showing between the two pieces of clothing, and those legs... and I could feel my face heating up. Not fair, Gretchen, not fair at all.

She eyed me for a moment, then went and stood by the vanity. "Come and sit," she ordered.

"Huh?"

"Come on, hurry up, missy," she snapped her fingers at me, smirking.

Confused, I did as she asked. When I was seated, she grabbed my hairbrush, took the towel from my head, and started brushing out my hair for me.

"Mmmm," I closed my eyes and luxuriated in her pampering. It took a while, and she got out the hair dryer for a bit, but eventually, she put the brush down, and stood behind me, stroking my hair as we gazed at each other in the mirror. She slid her arms around me and rested her chin on my shoulder.

"What a day, huh?"

"Mm hmm," I agreed, smiling dreamily. I was half-asleep from her ministrations.

She kissed me on the cheek, then went to turn down the covers for me, and I dutifully slipped under them. She went around to the other side and she slid in beside me and sighed.

"Well, good night. Sleep tight!" She leaned over and bussed my cheek again, and I thought I felt her catch just the very corner of my lips. I felt her breast press into my arm, just for a moment, before she rolled back to her side and fidgeted around, getting comfortable.

"Good night," I whispered back. Despite my sleepiness of a moment ago, I lay there for quite a while, just listening to her breathe.

><><><><><

I awoke to feel Gretchen's arm draped over me. I guess she had snuggled up to me in her sleep. I tried to move, and she shifted with me, making a small sound of complaint.

"Mmm, so warm..." she mumbled, cuddling back up to me.

I wasn't all the way awake, or I never would have had the nerve to say what I did. "Roll over, silly, you're too little to be the big spoon."

I think I heard her giggle as she complied. I thought about not moving, but I heard her mumble, "Holleeee... I'm cold..." So, I rolled over too, and scooted up behind her. I tentatively reached out and wrapped one arm over her tummy, and she grasped my hand with hers. She wiggled back against me and gave a contented little purr. My breasts were pressed against her now, and I tried to stay relaxed. But her hair was all around me, and I could smell her, and all I wanted to do was bury my face in her neck and hold her to me as tightly as I could and never let go.

I could feel her cute little butt in my lap, and the tops of my thighs pressed against the underside of hers. She had to be able to feel my nipples against her back. I can't even begin to explain the swirling chaos of my thoughts. I was moments from doing something really, really monumentally stupid, when Gretchen shifted again.

She sighed and said, "This is nice. I could lie here all morning."

Then... it had to have been my imagination. It HAD to. But I thought, just for a moment, that I felt her moving my hand ever so slowly toward... no, I must have imagined it. I think.

With a suppressed gasp, I rolled onto my back, away from her.

"Well, as lovely as that sounds, we do have a busy day ahead of us," I managed to choke out, trying my best to sound chipper.

I thought I heard a disappointed noise from her, but I didn't trust anything that was going through my head just then.

Rather than think about it, I tried to entice her with, "Breakfast, and then you promised to take me shopping?"

She flipped over onto her other side, so she could face me. She propped her head up on one elbow and grinned. "I did, didn't I? Maybe we can find something really cute for tonight?"

I just nodded and turned my head slightly to look at her. She darted toward me, kissed me on the nose, and then bounced out of bed and headed into the bathroom.

I groaned. She had quite the wedgie. I don't know how she could have failed to notice... and then, I thought, maybe she DID notice? Yeah, that's when I tried to smother myself with my pillow.

><><><><><

We had a late breakfast... well, coffee and croissants... at the Shaughnessy Café, and then took the short walk over to Faubourg on Sainte-Catherine Street for some shopping. I did wind up buying a new dress. And when Gretchen wanted to check out just one more store, I told her I needed the restroom. But instead, I ducked into a specialty shop and picked up two small items which I tucked in my bag for later. Just in case, I told myself. My cheeks were flaming the whole time I was in the store, and I couldn't meet the clerk's eyes as I checked out. Fortunately, I had somewhat calmed down when Gretchen caught back up with me.

"Woof, my feet!" she complained.

I just looked at her shoes.

"Shut up," she snarked, and stuck her tongue out at me.

I laughed. "So, what next? Take our loot back to the hotel? Do you want to waaalk?" I drawled the last word, rather obnoxiously.

"Gah, you're so mean!" She tried to punch me, and I giggled as I skipped out of range.

"Just teasing, see, I'm calling an Uber right now."

"You better be," she sulked. We found a bench outside where we sat and waited. As usual, Gretchen was using my shoulder for a pillow.

"I'm having such a good time," I murmured to her.

She didn't look up, but I saw her smile. "Me too."

><><><><><

The Mariposa Café had a cool, folksy vibe, and immediately I felt at home. I looked at Gretchen, grinning, and I could see that she felt it too. I knew this was going to be good. This was our jam.

We got to do our two songs. After a quick whispered conference, we decided to stick with our original plan and go with what we were most comfortable with, as we were pretty confident that they'd be well-received here. So, we played "Something in the Way She Moves" and "So Far Away" again. We got SO much more applause here, and Gretchen sounded so good on both songs! So good that we were asked to sing an encore, which I later found out was quite a rare occurrence.

Crap. We weren't exactly prepared for this, although we did have a pretty good song list by then. We quickly went over a few possibilities, and I told her the one I'd really to play. She agreed, but I missed the evil grin on her face.

She took the microphone. "Thank you very much, everyone! This is our first trip to Montreal, and everyone has been so great! Hopefully, we can come back soon! Anyway, we're fortunate to be able to play one more for you. Unfortunately..." she drew the word out, and turned her grin on me, "my throat is feeling a little rough, so you're going to have to put up with Holly here, solo."

Uhhh, what did she just say?

"Gretchen!" I hissed.

She just grinned at me. "You got this."

I glared. "I'm so gonna murder you later."

"Love you too," and the grin became a smirk.

Brat! Ok, focus, Holly.

Deep breath. Close my eyes. Suddenly, an image of Gretchen popped into my head, at one of our parties. She was laughing and the sun was in her hair, and in my fantasy, she looked at me, her smile changing into something that was just for me... My nerves went away and I began to play.

><><><><><

We were giddy. Euphoric. We had too much wine at the Mariposa, and for once, I had enjoyed the attention. The manager had begged us to come back soon, and we promised we would do our best. We stayed almost until close, and then, still high on the emotions of the evening, we giggled like schoolgirls on the ride back to the hotel, and in the elevator. She swatted at me, laughing, as I fumblingly tried to help with the keycard, until finally, we stumbled into our room.

Still laughing, I stood in the middle of the room and slowly spun in a circle, head back and arms outstretched. As I slowed, gradually coming around to face her, my mouth went dry at the way she was looking at me. My smile slowly faded, and I could feel myself trembling. She took a step toward me, then another, and then we were face-to-face.

The Moment.

"Gretchen..." I almost cried, my voice shaking.

"I know," she whispered, as she reached up to put her hands behind my neck, her thumbs caressing just behind my ears. She searched my eyes with hers, then slowly, inexorably, pulled me down to her. My eyes closed, and I could feel myself trembling. I couldn't get enough air into my lungs, and then... then... she kissed me.

My world exploded. It was the single most intimate thing that had ever happened to me. It was gentle, and romantic, and electric, and I never wanted it to stop.

But... "Wait. Gretchen, wait!" I desperately pulled back. She tried to follow me, to maintain our kiss, but I put my hands on her shoulders.

"Please," and now I was very near tears.

"Holly, what's wrong?"

"Honey, I want this, I really do." I drew a shuddering breath. "You have no idea. But... what about Thom?"

She looked down for a moment, then back at me. "Can you trust me? I promise you; Thom is okay with this. I promise. And I'll explain, just... not now?" Her eyes pleaded with me.

"Okay, I trust you," I said. It was her, after all.

But then she huffed, "Damn it. Now I have to ask, what about Josh?"

I looked down. "Pretty sure we're done. I thought about it when you asked if his being a dick lately was fatal, and I think the answer's yes." And I looked into her eyes.

She smiled and moved toward me again.

And I stopped her. Again.

"Sorry. Sorry." I whispered, barely audible. I leaned my forehead against hers, my eyes closed. "Before we go any further, I have to know. I've never done this before. Been with a woman, I mean. I can't explain why I've been so attracted to you since the moment I saw you, but I so, so am. But I'm so scared, too! And I need to know, if you don't know me by now, I don't... I can't do casual. If this is just a fling for you, then... I can't. It would break me."

She stepped forward again, but not to kiss me. She just hugged me and tucked her head under my chin. I stroked her hair, and rubbed her back, and I could sense her gathering her thoughts.

Finally, with her head still laid against me, she said, "There are a lot of things to talk about. For right now, I'll just ask you to trust me again. Trust me that this is the farthest thing from casual for me. It'll all make sense, I promise. Just..." and here, she started to cry, "I need you so badly, Hol..." She looked back up at me, eyes brimming, and this time, it was me who kissed her.

When we finally broke apart long enough to catch our breath, I gave her a little smile and said that I needed the bathroom.

I stared at myself in the mirror. I could feel my heart racing, like it never had with any boy I'd ever known. I didn't understand. So what, a voice inside me said. It's real, isn't it? So, what does it matter? Who cares about WHY? It IS.

I splashed some water on my face and put on the purchases I had made earlier that day. I fussed with my hair for a minute, then took a deep breath and opened the door.

She was perched on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor. Anxious. Waiting. Her head came up and her eyes opened wide when she saw me, and I blushed. I was wearing boy-shorts again, but these... these didn't even cover half of my ass. I stood there, one foot slightly in front of the other. I went up on my toes, knowing it would accentuate my legs and butt. I slowly spun for her, and I heard the breath sigh out of her, "Oh, goddamn. Oh, Holly..."

Instead of my normal long t-shirt, I wore a skimpy, spaghetti-strapped top that was similar to the one Gretchen had worn the night before. I know she could see my nipples poking through it. I could feel them.

She stood up, reached behind, and did something to her dress, and it fell to the floor, revealing her lace panties. She wasn't wearing a bra. I saw her breasts for the first time, and they were perfect.

"I don't know what to do," I said, helplessly. She came to me, and took my hand, leading me to the bed.

"Lie down," she said. "No, on your tummy."

Oh... Oh!

><><><><><

I'm sorry, I just don't feel right talking in any detail about what happened next. It was my first time ever with a woman, and our first together. That time was for us. I can share a few things, like... she touched me, and I mean that both literally and figuratively, in ways I've never experienced. Making love with someone you love... I'd never felt that before. I know we hadn't said the words to each other, but I knew how I felt. I just hoped she did too. And in the moment, I didn't have... still don't have... the ability to describe how wonderful... how incomparable it was. Just us. Nothing else mattered.

The way she wanted me! I think I cried when I realized how much, and she kissed my tears away, whispering how beautiful I was, and she couldn't believe how lucky she was that I wanted her. I laughed out loud at that. I told her she was a goddess, my goddess, and who wouldn't dream of being with her? I told her I had to keep touching her, just to make sure she was real. And then; then, there was no more talking, not for quite a long, long time.

><><><><><

I woke to find Gretchen with her head on my shoulder, and one leg thrown across mine. I felt her soft curls against my hip, and immediately felt myself start to moisten. She was idly rubbing circles around my nipple. She felt me stir, and smiled at me. There was just the barest hint of dawn creeping through the curtains.

"Sleep well?"

"I'm surprised we slept at all. It was amazing." More shyly, I added, "I've never felt anything like that."

"What, never?" She propped herself up on one elbow to look at me, and my gaze flickered to her breasts. Even after what we'd done... she still took my breath away.

She repeated, "You and Josh... never?"

I shook my head. "Me and anyone." When her eyes widened further, I rushed to add, "Except you. That was the first time I ever... you know, with another person."

"Had an orgasm?" she prodded.

I blushed and nodded.

She crawled back over to me and put her head back on my chest, putting her arm over me again. I felt moisture on my breast.

"Gretchen? Are you crying?"

"No..." she sniffed. "Maybe..."

"Oh honey, why? What is it? I'm sorry, whatever I did..."

At that, she looked up sharply, then wriggled even closer, so she was draped over me. She took my face between her hands and after searching my eyes with hers, she lowered her lips to mine.