Both Sides Now

After a long time, she whispered, "What you did? You shared yourself with me. I'm just crying because I'm so happy that I could be your first... well, the first to give you that."

"Me too," I smiled softly at her. Then something occurred to me. "Can I tell you a secret?"

She took me seriously. "I hope that we never have any secrets between us, Holly."

Well that derailed my whole train of thought, and I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly for a few moments. "I want that too," I murmured in her ear.

I felt her smile, her face against my neck. Then she shifted, and I loosened my grip so we could look at each other.

"Now, what's your deep dark secret?" she grinned.

"Oh! Umm... do you remember the party at my house, when I had to leave to get wine?"

"Mm hmm, I do."

"Do you remember the game you all were playing while I was out?"

She eyed me. "Yeaaahhh...?"

I blushed. "I kind of... overheard you. When Debbie asked you who you would kiss. I didn't mean to snoop, I promise! But I nearly had a heart attack! I sat in the garage for ten more minutes before I could make myself come inside, I was so nervous!

"I think the girls thought you were kidding, but..." I looked at her, as she shook her head.

"Nope, not even a little," she smiled.

"Well, I screwed up. I told Josh."

"Oh, really? How'd he take that?" she wondered.

"You're not mad?"

"Pshh. Why would I be? He was your boyfriend. I bet I can guess how he reacted though," she grinned.

"You'd probably be right. He wouldn't leave it alone! He kept hinting that he wanted to watch us. I never saw that side of him before, and it really upset me."

"Sorry, sweetie... men are pigs."

I giggled. Then, remembering again, I giggled some more, and couldn't stop. Gretchen looked at me bemusedly, until I regained a semblance of control.

"One time... when he really really pissed me off, I told him I was gonna let you fuck me with a strap-on, and there would be no sex for him coz I'd be too sore."

Gretchen's mouth dropped open. "You didn't!"

Still laughing, I nodded. "It sure shut him up, though."

"You're a nut." She laid her head back on my shoulder. "A strap-on, huh?"

"Gretchen!"

Again, I felt her smile against my skin, but we lay there in silence for a while, idly touching, letting our hands wander.

Finally, I asked, "Why is it so easy with you, when I could never talk about this with...?"

She searched my face. "I hope that's always how it will be with us, okay?" Then, suddenly looking very vulnerable, she asked, "You still want there to be an 'us,' don't you?"

I reached for her, and she cradled my head against her breast. "Oh, yes," I whispered. "More than anything."

I felt her nod. "Good." Then again, repeating it almost to herself, "Good."

She pulled back and softly caressed my cheek. "We're going to start right now." She smiled, and trailed her hand down between my legs. "Tell me what you want," she ordered, and I gasped as she touched me.

I turned my head and kissed her, my hips involuntarily rocking against her finger. "Gretchen," I moaned, "What you do to me..." I closed my eyes.

I could feel her watching me as she played with me. Tortured me. She slipped another finger inside, and I groaned. "Please, be gentle. I'm a little sore," I blushed, remembering. "You were... enthusiastic."

She started to apologize.

"No, it was perfect." I reached down to catch her hand, to keep it where I wanted it. Needed it. "Please, don't stop."

Slowly, very slowly, she stroked in and out. Again, and again, and again.

"Open your eyes, Holly. I love your sapphire eyes. So gorgeous. I want to see you while I touch you," she purred. I did, and in that moment, she reached.

"Oh, there," I gasped, as she curled her fingers up to that perfect spot. "Ohhh, right there!"

She kissed my neck, licked at it, then bit gently on my earlobe. I shivered and clutched at her. In a single night, she had learned to play my body like I was her guitar.

"Oh, Gretch... oh my God... a little... a little faster... can you rub... rub my..." I babbled, feeling the ball of sensation begin to rise and expand within me.

"What, Holly? What do you want? Tell me!" she insisted. I tried to reach down and touch myself, but she pushed my hand away, and I whined in frustration.

"Tell. Me." she insisted.

"Rub my clit, please, Gretchen!" I cried out.

She smiled in satisfaction, and I realized she had been avoiding my most sensitive center on purpose, just to make me say it. But I was too far gone to care.

"Come for me, Holly, let me see you come," she urged.

When I cried out my release, she stopped stroking, just holding her fingers inside me. My chest was heaving, and she gently kissed my shoulder, my breast, my neck... then moving over me, she slowly drew her fingers out of me, and kissed my lips. Then, teasingly, she put one finger into her mouth, savoring.

I blushed furiously, watching her. She offered the other one to me, and I tasted myself on her. "You're delicious," she smiled. And kissed me again.

I gazed at her with hooded eyes. "My turn," I murmured, rolling her over onto her back. I kissed her, dipping my tongue to wrestle with hers, then nibbled on her bottom lip for a moment. I moved to lick right under her jaw, and she shivered. I sucked and kissed my way down to where her shoulder met her neck, and spent another moment lavishing attention on that spot. She was running her fingers through my hair as I moved to take her breast into my mouth. As I flicked my tongue across her nipple, I trailed the back of my fingers up and down her ribs, reveling in the sounds she made. I moved to the other breast, and let my hand slide further down to massage her ass, and pull her close. She moaned and clutched my head to her. One last lick, and I moved lower, kissing down across the soft strength of her belly, the firm muscles twitching slightly as I nipped gently at her skin, then slid down, down, between her dancer's thighs.

She was panting softly now, as I neared her sex. "Holly... Holly, please, baby..." she pleaded. In the early morning light, I looked down and could see the moisture gathering at her core. Just for a moment, I skipped down to just the top of her inner thigh, and sucked hard at the muscle there, feeling it jump.

I inhaled her scent like an aphrodisiac. No, not like, it was. It filled me. I lowered my mouth to her, and slowly, tentatively, licked up and down the outsides of her labia. Her hips began to rock slightly, and I pressed my hands to her thighs to hold her gently in place.

Gaining confidence, I continue to lick around the outside of her sex, then lightly sucked one side, then the other, stroking at her tender flesh with my tongue. I drew back just for a moment, to look at her. She lay there, head back, eyes closed, breathing short, quick... she opened her eyes to look down at me, and at that moment, I laid the flat of my tongue against the bottom of her slit and drew it slowly up to the top, and her head fell back once more. I repeated the process, then gradually worked my tongue in between her inner lips, and began to speed up a little.

"Oh my God, Holly," she cried, one hand gently resting on my head. I pushed my tongue into her opening and used my thumb to begin lightly circling her clit.

"Put... put your finger... in... me," she gasped.

I took one hand and eased my index finger into her. I could feel her gripping me as it went in past the first knuckle, then the second. When it was as far as it would go, I slowly withdrew it, then pushed it back in again. Her hips were jerking harder now, and I slid up so I could get my elbow over one thigh. Then as I continued to stroke in and out of her, I dipped my head and tried to cover as much of her pussy as I could with my mouth. I sucked at her, licking, and stroking. I added my middle finger to her tunnel, and she whimpered, "Oh, fuuuuckkk.... How are you so far inside me..."

I kept going, and then... just then... I went for her clit with my lips and tongue, focusing on it with single-minded determination. Gretchen's back arched like a bow, and she grabbed at the sheets, pulling at them, her fists clenched. "Commminggggg," she nearly screamed, and her thighs clamped around my head. I thrust my fingers into her, stroking the front wall of her vagina, and sucked hard at her button.

Unintelligible sounds of pleasure flowed out of her. She shuddered once, twice, three times, gasping laughter, and grasping at me, pulling me up, up, to kiss her. She didn't care that my face was drenched in her essence. She wrapped her arms around me as she slowly recovered.

"You taste pretty good too," I whispered, and she kissed me again, and said, "I do, don't I?"

I smiled shyly at her, and pulled her over to spoon against me once again.

><><><><><

We had to check out of the hotel by noon, otherwise, I think we would have been in bed for the rest of the day. We took a long shower together, and somehow managed to get clean, although it took two... no, three tries? Gretchen seemed to be mesmerized by my ass. She spent a lot of time just making sure it was clean. Not that I was complaining! Although when she snuck a finger down between my cheeks and started to rub little circles around... I squeaked and jumped, and turned around.

I know I was beet red, but I said, "Okay, all clean! Come on, we have to check out!"

She apologized, looking very distraught. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do anything to make you uncomfortable. I'll never try that again I promise."

If it's possible, I turned even brighter red, and whispered, "Well, maybe not never..."

The smile she gave me almost had us back in bed. But we managed to get checked out (barely) on time, and we grabbed a leisurely lunch, went to another shop that Gretchen just had to visit, then headed back to Burlington.

By the time we got home, it was almost 6:00. Thom was freaking out. No, not for the reason you're probably thinking. Although he did take one look at the two of us, and a broad grin spread across his face. He was surprisingly perceptive for a guy. I hoped Gretchen was right, that he was okay with it. I'm sure I was blushing though.

Anyway, we were barely in the door when he pounced on us. "Just leave your stuff here, and come with me!" He grabbed us both by the hand and was jabbering at us a mile a minute as he led us into the house. I was bemused. I'd never seen Thom so excited. I peeked at Gretchen, and she looked back, clearly as perplexed as I.

"The Mariposa people called. They posted your encore on YouTube and wanted to let us know. They must have been working all hours to get it done that quickly! I almost watched it, but then I thought, why not have everyone over? I know they'd love to see it too."

By then we were in the living room, and sure enough, most of our small group of friends was there.

"Thanks for coming, everyone," Thom began. "I know it was short notice, and all I said was that we had a surprise for you. Well, as it turns out, our two favorite musicians' trip to Montreal was a resounding success, based on the phone call I got from one of the venues. I'm glad everyone agreed to let them go up alone this time, too. I think it helped." He winked at us.

"Anyway, the girls got an encore at their second show. Which from what I was told, is pretty rare. And the venue recorded it." He paused to look around the room and could see light bulbs going off.

"Yeah, that's why we're here," he said, with a grin. And he pulled up YouTube on the smart TV.

The picture settled on us, and I heard Gretchen's introduction and then saw myself gritting my teeth and glaring at her, and our friends all laughed.

"Set you up, did she?" Thom chuckled.

On screen, she smiled at me as I adjusted the mike in front of the guitar, and began to play Joni Mitchell's "Both Sides Now." The videographer was very good. The perspective changed from a wide shot of both of us, to just me, then a close-up of my hands on the guitar, then back out to a full shot.

Rows and flows of angel hair

And ice cream castles in the air

And feather canyons everywhere

I've looked at clouds that way

I was singing and playing, and Gretchen was leaning on a tall stool beside me. She had one foot on the floor, and the other was on the bottom rung. She had her eyes closed and was bobbing and turning her head, just slightly, in time with the music. Her hands were at her sides, and she was making little floaty, twirling gestures with her fingers.

But now they only block the sun

They rain and snow on everyone

So many things I would've done

But clouds got in my way

Gretchen had gotten up and was sort of twisting gently back and forth with her eyes still closed, not moving her feet, and her dress flared with her movements. For this evening's performance, she had chosen a white shift dress that I just have to take a minute to describe. It was tulle, and had these applique details that gave it dimension. It had an open back that laced about halfway up, then crisscrossed spaghetti straps over her shoulders, to a deep V in front. It only came about halfway down her thighs, and was so light, it floated around her like gossamer. I remember thinking that it was the sexiest dress I'd ever seen, and she looked astounding in it, and I kept sneaking peeks at her in the hotel, and in the car, and backstage...

I've looked at clouds from both sides now

From up and down, and still somehow

It's cloud illusions, I recall

I really don't know clouds at all

Her twirls had gotten a little bigger now, and she was actually dancing, rather than just moving. Her arms came up over her head, and she interlaced her fingers briefly, wrists crossed. Her smooth underarms, suddenly exposed, were so sensual, I don't know why, but my breath caught in my throat. She let her arms fall and continued to dance. How had I not noticed this while it was happening? Watching it now, I was entranced. I wanted to go to her, right then.

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels

The dizzy dancin' way you feel

As every fairy tale comes real

I've looked at love that way

After that last line, it was very clear on the video that my gaze shifted over to Gretchen, then looked back at the guitar. I don't remember doing it. In the here and now, watching, I could feel myself flushing. The guys didn't seem to notice, but she did.

But now it's just another show

You leave 'em laughin' when you go

And if you care, don't let them know

Don't give yourself away

Again, I watched myself on stage, my eyes flickering toward her. Give myself away, hah. Too late.

I've looked at love from both sides now

From give and take, and still somehow

It's love's illusions, I recall

I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud

To say "I love you" right out loud

On that line, I kept my gaze focused on the guitar, but video-Gretchen, just as clearly as I had before, looked over at me. In the room, my mouth hung open. I shut it quickly and glanced around. She had her head down, but I thought there might have been a tiny smile on her lips.

Dreams and schemes and circus crowds

I've looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange

I glanced at Josh. He was looking at his phone! That made me inexplicably sad, and I think that's when I knew for certain that we weren't going to make it.

They shake their heads, they say I've changed

Well, something's lost, but something's gained

I glanced at Gretchen again, and she was looking at me now, her eyes shimmering, and the shy smile she gave me... whew, my heart.

In living every day

Before the final verse, I watched myself take a deep breath, close my eyes, and lean my head back. I remembered reaching, searching for something, some emotion, and finding it. My voice got a little stronger as I finished.

I've looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose and still somehow

It's life's illusions, I recall

I really don't know life at all

I've looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose and still somehow

It's life's illusions, I recall

I really don't know life at all

On the TV, I watched myself strum the final chords, lower my head, and open my eyes. There was... Dead. Silence. I watched Gretchen launch herself at me, and smiled as I saw myself try to catch her and protect the guitar at the same time. I was able to carefully set it down, and hugged her back. Then the applause started.

It just kept going, until we finally walked off the stage, and then we heard the next singer say into the mike, "How the fuck am I supposed to follow that?" to laughter from the crowd, as well as everyone watching with us, before the video ended.

"Holy shit," said Thom. "You guys were amazing!" And there were more hugs, and congratulations, and Debbie broke out a bottle of champagne. We thanked everybody and told them we couldn't have done it without their love and support, and that they were the best bunch of friends we could ever hope for.

><><><><><

Most of us had to work the next morning, so the group broke up pretty early. Josh left before I did, while I stayed to thank Thom and Debbie for helping set everything up, and then I spent a few moments with Ingrid, as she whispered words of encouragement and support. Finally, everyone had gone except for me.

Gretchen stood there, waiting. I wanted to kiss her; I didn't care. She knew it, too, and she gave me a heated look. I think we both blushed. But with Thom there... I just said rather stupidly, "Well, I better go, Josh will be wondering what happened to me."

She looked a little hurt, but only nodded.

I hugged her and whispered, "Thank you for the best weekend of my life."

She smiled and caressed my cheek, as I turned to go. Halfway down the walk, I turned, to see Thom and Gretchen in the doorway, waving me home.

When I got there, Josh was at his computer.

"Holly?" He had a strange look on his face. "Is there any truth to this?"

"To what?"

"These comments. On your video."

"Josh, how would I know? I haven't even seen them, we both just watched that video for the first time." I was letting my frustration with him get to me, and I was chagrined at how easily that was happening.

"Well come here and look."

I started reading, and at first, the things I saw were very appreciative and supportive. I was surprised at how many there were, considering the video hadn't been up that long. It was surreal.

<GitM1989> Who are they? Do they have a CD? I want to buy it!

<Harry_James> Wow, how she soared on the last verse!

<brand58> The blonde was so sexy, the way she danced...

<brooks301> When are they performing again, and where?

"Oh wow, this is so nice! What's the big deal?"

"Keep reading, Holly." His voice was strained.

Oh crap. There were some pretty observant folks out there, and there was a whole sub-thread of comments that went down a path I did not expect.

<CTC_Bop3> Did you see when the guitarist looked over at her partner? When she sings "I've looked at love that way"? OMG!

<SmeliKat90> IKR, and when she looks back? "To say I love you right out loud"? I could just cry! So beautiful! <3 <3 <3