All Comments on 'Bounty Hunter Cashes In Pt. 01'

And he goes to prison. Dumb story

He just jabs a finger in and she just goes for it right off the bat? what are you, 12 with no concept of how to write a story or the emotional scale involved in a story like this? This is by far one of the worse stories I have read on this site. I like to encourage new writers, but you, I encourage to just not write again and save us the disappointment of this dribble. If I wanted to read a shitty story, i'd go pick up a twilight book.

Not sure WHY the other comments were so completely (and definately excessively) negative--but domination and control are a frequent component of non-consent, and this writer's story was totally fitting within the category. It is a hot story and would have been even better with More... keep writing!

There is no need for "character" development in a brief, effective sex scene. Don't listen to naysayers= keep writing--especially including strong, intensely masculine and dominant MEN!!!

I don't think that this story was great, but it does show some promise. Your writing exhibits a clear degree of technical accuracy and captures an appropriate tone for the genre. I agree with other comments that a short sex scene doesn't require character development (though if you intend to continue this story, this is a necessity) but plot must progress sensibly and with some degree of realism within this genre. The structure of stories inherently requires a build-up between the opening and the climax - with your story lacking the literal build up to your character's orgasm. You don't have to change the tone of your writing, but you essentially require some literary foreplay within this story, as the writing will never reach a quality standard without this mastery of written technique. Check out the Freytag pyramid for a handy visual on narrative structure.