Breaking the Rules Pt. 03

"Is that why it's so hard to talk to her?"

"Ah, you have the direct communication clause. Bold of you, and brave."

"Ignorant, more like."

Fumnaya giggled. "How long have you been pacted?"

"Level One."

She gasped. "No! Not since the very beginning!"

"Yes."

"You lucky boy," she whispered. "I found mine after I'd passed the Gate. Far too late to thread the needle."

Nuru frowned. "Do the what now? I've heard of that position, but..."

Fumnaya snorted with laughter and had to cover her mouth to quiet herself. "You're terrible, I love it! No, it's a level progression. The Gods try to keep us all in line, steering us to one of themselves. They fear us supporting an aspiring archdemon who could ascend, and tilt the faction balance. I... don't know very much about this; for protection, my incubus has kept so much hidden from me. Perhaps it's for the best - I've been able to live a happy life this way. But he did tell me, if I ever ran across someone like you, that I should try to help you."

"How can you do that, if you don't know much?"

"EXP is needed to ascend, and with that I can help her. You know how she gains, yes?"

"Sexual interactions. Some kind of multiplier for... variety, or special factors."

"Exactly. Now, with that many men in the room, how much do you think that multiplier is?"

"She never explained the math in detail."

"It's complicated; suffice it to say, it is massive. She will be unable to talk to you much while you are here, but outside of the wards, she's going to be getting a huge batch of EXP. Can you do me a favor?"

"What's that?"

"Take this amulet with you. Wear it until you are far away. It will suppress your connection while you are close, and this will hide my location from the ones who are always watching: the beholders, and the other seers, who police the succubi and incubi, to keep them in check. Destroy it, when you are far away and the time seems right. Inside is a gift."

"What kind of gift?"

"There are small places, scattered throughout the world, where people like you and I settle down. We do not communicate directly, for our own protection; if one is exposed, it will not endanger the others. But we have a silent alliance, an unwritten agreement to take in those such as yourself still searching for your place in the world. What lies inside will help you to recognize us, I am told. Once this is destroyed you will also get that boost of EXP we like to give for your pacted one, to help their chances, both to survive, and to help that one whom will take the prize, and become the greatest of us. I trust, on that day, those who have helped and still live will not be forgotten."

"Thank you. Be assured, I have eidetic memory; you will certainly not be forgotten. How will I find you if we make it? I assume it takes more than just walking the right path to pass the wards."

"We will know - we listen, we watch, we notice the ripples in the pool of politics. You were the one that created a stir in Home Town these past weeks, yes? In fact, it was no coincidence that Jaz was there to meet you when he did, though he does not know that; I sent him in the hopes of finding some word of you in order for me to reach out - hardly dreaming he would bring you back with him. I have my brave little Monifa to thank for that. Never fear, when the time comes, we will reveal ourselves, and a succubus will know her own. Eidetic memory, hmm? You're going to have all kinds of trouble sleeping because of your visit, I think. I can't say I'm sorry."

"Hahah! Yeah, that was incredible. I kinda want to find a way to settle down like this too. You've got a great thing going here. What do you call this arrangement?"

"It has its challenges, but we are happy, for now. Some people call it a stable, like the gender reverse of a harem. But that's not quite accurate; my husbands are free to have other lovers, so long as they do not break any of the rules of discretion. My incubus loves it when they come back and tell me about it, as you might imagine."

"How is it that you have so many people with such freedom, and no fights, no jealousy? You know it's all 'one man, one woman' out there. How can you keep such a secret? Do you charm them somehow?"

"There is no such magic which does not have consequences long-term. The risks of exposure are balanced by the joy of personal freedom. Let us say I sift carefully through many men to find the ones amenable to this life. And then, I train them rigorously, before I bring them home, and make them swear an Oath of terrible consequences not to reveal what happens here, even should they decide to leave. I'll not say there is no jealousy, but it is managed as it arises. Everyone knows who's in charge around here."

"Training?"

She mimicked a whipcrack with her hair, still tied in a single long lock. "Goodnight, Nuru. Git good, for all of us."

"Haha, yikes! And thanks. Goodnight."

She turned and carried the lantern away, and Nuru watched her swaying silhouette until it turned the corner, and the light went out.

*****

Babjide woke Nuru late the next morning. "My friend, I am afraid I must ask you to be going now."

"Oh, yes, of course. I did what I was asked to come do."

"Come, I will show you the way."

"I have eidetic memory. I know the way."

"Please, don't fight this. Fumnaya has instructed me to give you a ride, and so, a ride you shall have. That is... uhm... I would consider it a personal favor."

"Oh, well, I won't complain about saving my feet a little walking. Thank you."

"I prefer to stay on her good side, it is nothing."

Nuru got up and followed him to the wagon, already hitched and waiting.

"She's really got you all by the balls, eh?"

"She is... strict, it is true. But it is very rewarding. I'm afraid I'm not allowed to explain."

"No need to apologize, I promised not to ask questions, and here I am forgetting again. So, back to Sapphire City."

"That's correct. I'll drop you by the north gate. Chibuzo should not bother you there, I hope."

"Yeah, me too."

"I apologize if I was a bit cold with you on your arrival. We are very mistrusting of outsiders, and I overstepped the bounds of hospitality."

"No, I get it. You don't want anyone screwing up the good life you've got out here."

"A matter of life and death, it's no exaggeration to say. Those kind of stakes tend to distract me from my responsibilities as a host."

"Hey, forget it, we're all good."

*****

"Here we are. Be well, friend Nuru."

"Have lots of fun without me!"

"That, you can count on. Farewell!"

(Sanaa?)

Nuru tugged; nothing happened. So, now this amulet needed destroying. Nuru went to an enchanter to see exactly what that would take.

"You could toss it into a volcano," the man said. "None of those particularly close, though."

"Yeah, mulitversal travel's not gonna work for me right now," Nuru said. "Anyway, I'm not trying to pretend it never existed. I just need to get something I think is inside."

"Oh, well, get somebody with a good axe to give it a slam. Edge-on, you know. They've gotta have pretty good DEX but one hit won't completely destroy whatever's inside, probably, if splitting the front from the back. Not sure what this thing's even made of, to be honest; it looks like copper, but the texture doesn't match. You could take it to the gnomes if you're really scared, but they charge an arm and a leg. What's in it, you think?"

"The clues were cryptic. Don't really know."

"Ah, one of *those* quests. Hopefully it's not just a puff of poison air."

"Yeah. Hey, how much for scroll parchment?"

"Ten sheets per currency."

"Great. I'm gonna need a lot of it."

"I can bind it in a spellbook if you want. Ten currency for a hundred sheets, plus an extra five for a solid cover."

"Thanks. Lemme unload some stuff and I'll be back."

"I'll be here."

Nuru walked out and considered his options. He needed money desperately, but he needed to talk to Sanaa even more. And for that, the pendant needed to be broken.

(Or at least...)

Nuru went to the library, over to the lore section. He pulled down a book, and opened it; an old note fell out of it.

"What the hell? That's random," he said, reading some cryptic clue to a quest he didn't have. "How long has this thing been here? Sheesh."

He tucked the note back in it, and put the book away. He looked for something a little sturdier, with a clasp that held the book shut. He pulled one down, opened it, and put the pendant inside, then clasped it shut again and put it up on the shelf. Then he walked back outside, down the street, and tugged.

/Nuru! Hells below, I thought you were dead./

(What? Why would you think that?)

/You pulled at me last night with some heavy interference, and then you disappeared again. I couldn't see anything, even pouring more MP into it./

(You missed that whole scene?! Damn, what a waste.)

He described the night he'd stayed, and all the different men that had been there.

/Infernal fuck. What I wouldn't give to have seen that. But why am I not getting any EXP for it right now?/

(The woman gave me this amulet. Said there was EXP for you if I destroyed it. Do you think I should?)

/What part of 'tell no one' did you not understand!?/

(I didn't. She knew, said she could taste it on me. Said she has a pact with an incubus herself.)

/Taste you? You naughty dog, you participated. And you didn't deny knowing me. Well, it's done now, and you left with your life so... maybe it's true. Intriguing. What else?/

(That's the second time I've heard someone talking about 'threading the needle' recently. It sounds like your plan to become an archdemon or whatever.)

/Archdemon is just the beginning of freedom for us. Did she say how to do it?/

(She said her incubus doesn't tell her much, for her own safety.)

/Annoying, but understandable. EXP is key to become an archdemon; Level Fifty, I'm led to believe. Then I need a Limit Break. I'm still working on what that is, and where to get one. You'll be shocked and dismayed to know that we may need Katlego's help for that, I'm sure./

(Much as I like her, she's really trying to kill me now. We need a strategy.)

/The strategy is, you need an armor codpiece. The glitzier and more phallic, the better./

(How will that help?)

/She'll be thinking even more about your dick the moment she sees you. Overwhelmingly so, front-of-mind. She'll try to take it off you somehow, first; then you have your chance, when she's close./

(Won't that draw the wrong kind of attention from... I don't know, *everyone* else?)

/It's your world, make it work. I can't do everything for you./

(Wasn't asking you to. You just seemed to have it all figured out.)

/Go jump off a bridge, that'll fix it./

(Yeah, pass.)

/See? You have your own input to give here. I won't fight you about the things you are going to be choosing anyway./

(But this amulet...)

/OK, you got me. I don't know, take it out somewhere away from here, at your next destination. We'll figure something out./

(I can't talk to you while it's close.)

/You know I'm no good for combat. If you need me, just step away from it for awhile./

(I'm not worried, I'm just gloating that I won't have to hear your little dirty nursery rhymes for awhile.)

/Oh, go fuck an earthworm./

(What... how...?)

/You know, you stick it in your pee hole and-/

(OK, stop right there. Why would you say such a thing?)

/Come on, it'll be fun./

(There's absolutely no way-)

/What, you don't want to give that bird a little extra protein when she's going down on you?/

(Honestly. This is why I don't want to listen to your little songs. There's no way that's a thing.

/Oh, it totally is. There was this weresparrow I knew once-/

(A what now?)

/A zooanthrope, of the sparrow variety./

(Shapechanger, you mean.)

/If they're lucky. If they're not, they're like this sparrow I knew that was debuffed during a moon transform and got stuck. Something about spellforce counteraction, never did quite figure that out, and is why they like to shift in private. Anyway, she was semi-permanently part-bird for a month and forever had this fantasy of eating worms out of a man's pee-hole. True story./

(Which never came to reality, I'm sure.)

/Only in her guided dreams, because all the men in her life were boring./

(OK, you need to understand that earthworms eat dirt. Like, literally.)

/And?/

(And you're talking about that going IN-)

/People eat shit erotically. Literal shit. What's your point?/

(Guhh. My point is I hate that mental image, and my brain is incapable of forgetting it now.)

/Should have just said that was a hard limit./

(OK, that's a hard limit. Dirt in my- you know what, pretty much anything in my pee-hole.)

/Even the tip of a tongue?/

(...)

/OK, we'll call it a soft limit then./

(Anything to do with shit. Hard limit.)

/You don't seem to mind anal. Your breath gets heavy watching it./

(When there's no shit. No body waste of any kind interests me.)

/What about spit?/

(That doesn't exit as waste.)

/It does the way I do it. I forget, have you never had a slobberjob? A good throatfuck wastes a lot of saliva./

(You know what I mean!)

/I actually don't. Your hangups are quite foreign to me. Besides, what do you think pussy juice is?/

(Delicious.)

/Fine, I'll give you that. What's your distinction, though? What does 'waste' mean to you?/

(Waste is what the body has 'left over.' If the body produces it for a special purpose, it doesn't count.)

/Snot? Earwax?/

(Pass.)

/But you're not as upset about it./

(There's just better things to use for lubrication or whatever.)

/Mucous and saliva often mix. Is that a deal breaker for you?/

(No, mucous is related to being sick, which isn't sexy. Where's this all coming from?)

/I guess I was just worried I'd never get to learn these things about you, Nuru. I might be getting attached./

(I knew you loved me.)

/Ugh. Now who's the disgusting pervert!?/

(You really hate that word?)

/Bloody right I do! Oh, that reminds me, rutting with a woman on her period, gross or no?/

(Find me one that's interested and I'll let you know.)

/Deal!/

(Bye, Sanaa. Love you too.)

/Yech! Blaaaauauauauuuuurrrrrgha bluh bleh ptack mneehhhh!/

Nuru returned to the library, chuckling at the exaggerated retching noises in his head, until they vanished with his proximity to the amulet. He collected it from the book and set out looking for a way to earn some cash.

"Who wants a soundtrack on their next raid?" Nuru announced at the inn.

"We're not sharing EXP with a bard," a paladin said. "It just wouldn't be right."

"You got a lyre player too?" the healer with him said.

"No, but I sing," Nuru said.

"Why on earth would we let you join us?" a ranger said.

"Because the sound of your footsteps is monotonous and tiresome?" Nuru said. "The paladin here can't be too engaging, even clanking in full plate. I can make it more exciting."

"Nope. Not forming a party," the paladin said. "You'd never stick with us."

"Look, I'm not asking you to take care of me. I'm outta there as soon as the odds of survival look poor, you're right. All I'm saying is, while it's quiet, I'll make it more interesting. Help keep your wakefulness and initiaitive up, see."

"Could be useful, actually," the healer said. "More initiative means less surprise attack damage, and my supplies go further."

"Well... how much are you asking?" the barbarian said.

"Just make a quest for me. Pay by the minute. Six coins an hour."

"Expensive entertainment," the ranger said. "You can eat for two days without hardly having to break a sweat like decent hardworking adventurers."

"But I'm also mobile. You won't be frittering away your afternoon here at the inn when there's beasties to slay," Nuru said. "I will accept lower-value loot in leiu of actual payment."

"Now you're talking. Shall we take this meal to go?" the paladin said. "We might barely notice six coins worth of loot missing. Especially if you consider the actual sale price to an armorer."

"To say nothing of the stuff we leave behind because we can't be bothered to carry it. You're hired," the barbarian said.

"Name's Nuru."

"No names," the barbarian said. "You're just the help. Don't go getting uppity."

"Have it your way, sausage-fest."

"What do you mean by that?"

"First of all, we're all men here. Secondly, look at your big ol' fingers!"

They set out down the road, and Nuru immediately started playing a simple tune he'd heard on a street corner once, about a barbarian with thick, clumsy hands. He didn't have anyone to play the flute part, but he filled in with his drum and his voice. He did not cast Musical Trance, but simply followed along and played. He switched to a drinking song afterwards, about an ignoble barbarian who had drunkenly challenged a cyclops to arm wrestle and lost his whole arm. This annoyed the barbarian, but amused the others. Before he found another song, they Random Encountered a monster party of two goblins on a rhinopotamus. The goblins were defeated by a quick flurry of the ranger's arrows and indecision about which way to bolt as the group surrounded them, but the rhinopotamus decided for them, smashing past the healer and carrying their bodies away before they were truly killed.

"Shame that beast didn't stumble and fall to let you all finish them off," Nuru said.

"Eh, it happens," the ranger said. "I can track it, but it's hardly worth chasing them down for another hour when we've got places to be."

"And where is that, exactly?"

"Orc raiders got a camp near here. Got a quest to drive them off, maybe kill their leader if we can. There's more where they come from, but the fewer bands near the trade routes, the better. So sayeth House of Nyala, anyhow," the paladin said. "And they're the ones paying."

"You don't sound too enthusiastic," Nuru said.

"I'm always enthusiastic to slay evildoers," he countered. "These fellows, though..."

"I'm just in it for the gold," the ranger said.

"I'm working on my degree," the healer said. "I'm not eligible to promote until my Heal Major Wounds proficiency is higher. Not that I'm hoping any of you guys get hurt, but-"

"Yeah, yeah. Good EXP fixing us up, if nothing else," the barbarian said. "I'm a simple man. I crack skulls, and I bring back something shiny for the ladies."

"That one lady in particular," the healer said. "Unless you've gotten tired of another one?"

"I'm telling you, this one'll put out," the barbarian said. "I think she's the one."

"For the hundredth time, she's not the one if she puts out _before_ you put the ring on. Then she's just old laundry," the paladin said.

"Let me guess, you're one of Imamu's?" Nuru said drily.

"You got a problem with that?" the paladin puffed.

"I'm sure you're just distinctive," the healer said. "Heads up fellas, we got company."

A phalanx of kobolds some dozen strong charged out in formation, dividing the group. Nuru, of course, high-tailed it to a safe distance, but the kobolds maintained their close distance to each other and did not pursue him. The barbarian charged headfirst into them, dealing a heavy blow before being thrown back with moderate wounds towards the paladin, who back-stopped him and got a few stabs in on the kobolds that pressed the attack, driving them back into their solid line. The ranger picked at any exposed weak spots, getting a few good hits in, but mostly getting in some lower-body shots that slowed them from pursuing the healer. Their armor was heavy on top, preventing major injury, but light on bottom, leaving them some flexibility to maneuver - but leaving them vulnerable to arrow-induced debuffs.

"!Tasiri motsin zuciyarmu!"