Brewster 01

Brewster 01

"Alright Brewster, I'll be as quick as I can, but I'm leaving things with you in good shape. I have the water boiling, even though I don't know why, the oven is on, even though I don't know why, the tap water is running, even though I don't know why, the refrigerator door is open and the microwave door is closed, even though I don't know why on either of those, I waxed the kitchen floor with wax paper and I trapped a house fly under a glass on the little table near the front door, so, it's all good, right Brewster?"

Oh, nope, it's not my job to explain how Brian's brain works. And his momma often says the same thing too.

But I was happy to wait for his mad as hell game day guests to pile into his Condo because he had to run up to the warehouse for a minute to sign in a delivery and since my Condo was so close to his, I mean, who else was he going to call, right?

"And for the last time, Brewster, it's Madness, just madness and not March Male Pattern Baldness!"

LOL, screams the guy who, well, just re-read the first paragraph.

"But thanks for wearing long leisure pants, although it wouldn't kill you to tie that little string for Pete's sakes! Oh, and Pete was mumbling the other day, so either you're his favorite little cookie or he's after a little nookie from you, so tie that stupid little string on your pants then!"

Ahh, Peter, a guy that I can explain how his brain works. He caught me in bike shorts a couple of weeks ago when I offered him some cookies and "accidently" grabbed a handful of my nookie in the process. But it was gentle and smooth and I didn't even get mad about it. I mean, it was complete madness with how many of my cookies Peter took, but I may or may not have played hide and seek with the cookie package, so it was a tie for who started it, who let it carry on and ooh la, la, Peter wanted to finish it, but we left things at a tie.

[Knock, knock]

Oh, I may or may not have slipped off my leisure pants just after Brian ran out of his house. But with all the worthless "work in process" stuff he left me with, I mean, I just wanted to be comfortable and all. Besides, with my waistband tie string undone, they just slipped down like, oops.

"Password, please???"

"Screw off, Brewster. And cover up!"

"No one shall enter these walls of male pattern baldness without a quick, but firm lip plant, Gary."

LOL, oh, so that's the look of fury that speeds up hair loss then, hmm?

"You little..."

[Tippy toes, arm wrap surprise mwah]

LOL, oh, so that's the look of confusion then, hmm? LOL, or the signal to run!

"Hey, Brewster, I'm the first one here! You tricked me!"

"And you tongue tip teased me, so what, Gary?"

"You little...."

[Whoa, that's a smashing smooch!]

"All in private, Gary. Have a seat while I undo about 20 of the things that Brian did to get this baldness pattern madness started in his Condo."

"Madness! It's just madness, Brewster! I'm using the bathroom."

[Knock, knock]

"Thou shall not enter these game watch walls without first moisturizing thy lips!"

LOL, smartass Todd licked his own lips and pushed right past me.

"What are you wearing, Brewster?"

"Bike shorts or thou shall not speak of this outside of these game watch walls for fear of being labelled as mad for gazing too long, for short, Todd."

"Where's Gary? That's his car on the complex parking lot, so?"

"In the bathroom. What shall I retrieve for you then, Todd, hmm? Brian had to run up to work for a quick minute and he left me completely in charge, not that I would ever let it slip that he has photos of your ex on his tablet, so, what can I get you then?"

"Well, I can see blue beer cans from here since the refrigerator door is open, so a blue can of beer and don't tell me, Brian left you in good shape, right, Brewster?"

"Do you like my shape, Todd? I put in a lot of work in with it, so?"

"You little..."

[Tippy toes, arm wrap surprise mwah]

"Blue is my color, Todd, so. I'll be right back with a blue can then."

[Swish, swoosh, boom, slip, slide wobbling legs butt plant]

Stupid fricking wax paper wax job on the kitchen floor!

'Damn it, Brewster, what happened? Oh, LOL, Brian waxed the kitchen floor, didn't he? Here, let me help you up, Brewster."

Well, I don't know, he grabbed me to help me up off of my butt or I grabbed him to get up off of my butt, either way, it was a tie in his favor, I think.

"You know about this stuff then, Todd?"

"Know about what stuff, Brewster?"

"How a human body conforms when squeezed. You seem to know about that stuff."

"Shut it, Brewster!"

"It's all in private, Todd. Well, unless Gary comes out of the bathroom soon."

"Oh, so you like this, you little..."

[Mwah, ummah, smack, oomph]

"I'm not mad about this, Todd. I need the practice, so."

[Mwah, ummah, smack, oomph]

"I'll give you until we hear the toilet flush to stop that, Brewster."

[Mwah, ummah, smack, oomph, rub, rub, mwah, rub, rub, ooh, flush, flush I say!]

"Ahem."

[Oops, drop, flip, catch]

"Sorry, Brewster."

"Whew, I almost lost my tease status there, Todd, whew."

[Knock, knock]

"Enter at your own risk where you might go mad for losing your money or you might go mad for your dirty thoughts about your temporary host!"

[Stare, gaze, stare, confused look, stare]

"Jeez, just come in Hank. I mean, woo, woo, party central has arrived, guys."

Look, I don't know Hank can't handle me or if he just that much of a killjoy, but it's not my job to explain his actions or lack of actions. Something his momma has said many times too.

"(He's nearly naked.)"

"(Shut it and sit, Hank. He's just Brewster, that's all.)"

"(But I can see the outline of his, um.)"

"(Try staring at his ass then.)"

"(Oh, okay. Hey, wait, what?)"

At least Hank didn't ask Todd how he knew so much about me, right?

[Wiggle, wobble, wiggle, click, clank, clink]

"Why is my front door locked then? Oh, oh jeez, Brewster!"

"Lighten up, Brian, these are modern times and he really doesn't bother us, so."

[Knock, knock]

"Ahh, finally, enter Peter. It is fitting that you are my last guest to answer the front door for then."

"Oh, um, Brewster, um, hey guys, um, it's time to get mad then, um, you're leaving then, Brewster?"

"I am, Peter, my job is done here. Um, Brian, you ordered your game watch food out, so there was no need to boil water or have the oven on, so I took care of that. I closed the refrigerator door and let the housefly back out into the wild and turned the tap water off after I rinsed out the glass that held the housefly captive and then I finished waxing the kitchen floor with my butt, so???"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Brewster, you're going to make a great housewife someday, but I'm back home now, so????"

"Oh, so it's time to watch the players sweat, lean all over each and slap each other on the butt then?"

"Exactly! Wait, watch it, Brewster!"

And that was the beginning and the end of all that madness, I guess. I mean, guys have a hard time doing what they really want to do when their buds are around, right? Not that I'm saying that any of them other than Peter, wanted to do much with me, but my evidence of them kissing back is clearly stated above, so.

And everyone is on their phones all the time these days anyways, so.

[Weep]

"Brewster, I mean."

[Weep]

"U know where my Condo is, Peter."

I mean, he was here for his cookies a few weeks back, so he knew where his favorite little cookie was, not that I liked being thought of as someone's favorite little cookie. With the nookie. That he was mad for.

[Knock, knock, much, much later, so huh?]

"Sorry Brewster, I tried to use the excuse that I needed to go out to my truck to get my phone, but my phone was in my hand as I was nervously trying to sneak out, so."

Nah, I didn't even want to know what excuse he finally came up with to sneak over and visit with his secret cookie for a few minutes, so, I took advantage of the ten minutes that we had.

[Mwah, ummah, smack, oomph, rub, rub, mwah, rub, rub, ooh, smooch, oomph]

"Brewster, I'm going to do you so hard one of these days!"

"Maybe, Peter."

[Mwah, ummah, smack, oomph, rub, rub, mwah, rub, rub, smooch, oomph, fish around]

Oh, whew, that was me doing the "fishing" around, folks! And it was my first-time fishing, so.

"Oh, so we're doing it today then, Brewster?"

"Slow it down, Peter. I'm just verifying that if it's a myth or not that it's basically the same, yet feels completely different when it's someone else in your hand, so."

[Stroke, stroke, fap, fap, stroke, stroke, slip, slide]

"Oh, Brewster, well I can verify that it's not a myth that it feels so much better when it's in someone else's hand then, oh, oh."

[Stroke, stroke, fap, fap, stroke, stroke, slip, slide, fap, fap, fap]

I mean, I didn't bring home all of Brian's floor wax paper for nothing, so.

"You better aim it now, Brewster!"

Well, straight down is an easy aim, right? And I think he was hoping for a different aim too! But who does that on their first time? Or time one through like fifty because I think oysters are ewe, ick and gooey as it is, right?

"Ahh, Brewster, you better clean this up then!"

"Peter, I will wad up the wax paper mess, so don't even think that I'm going to lap anything up while on my hands and knees with a dog collar on!"

Which is never an idea you should give to a guy who likes you for his cookie. However, see above where I clearly stated ewe, ick, gooey and even though it's a part of the natural world, yuk, I think. And just why doesn't it have the consistency and color of a Raspberry Smoothie anyways?

"Brewster, there are a lot of mad games to go yet over the next couple of weekends and each game gets better and better, so???"

"Peter, I hope that's code for you're happy as hell to finally nutted from your favorite little cookie and you don't need or want any more cookie dough then, hmm?"

LOL, and they say there are no stupid questions!

"Shut it, Brewster, you're the one who took the 3-point shot with a condom!"

[Thump, thump, pump, thrust, thrust, pump, thrust, slam, slam, slam, ooh, oh, thump, pump, slam]

"Well, ugh, well, oh, well, ugh, well, ooh, well, ow, ow, argh, oh, well, oh, ooh, oh, oh."

"Ahh, you like being my favorite little cookie then, hmm, Brewster?"

"Oh, ooh, ow, ow, argh, argh, well, well, oh, OMG, finish, finish Peter, finish, ooh, oh, ugh, oh."

[Thump, thump, pump, thrust, thrust, pump, thrust, slam, slam, slam, ooh, oh, thump, pump, slam]

"Oh, says the cookie who hand pulled my first nut out! Besides, aha, aha, aha, your nookie bounces just like a basketball!"

Well, they should put that in a book or something!

[Thump, thump, pump, thrust, thrust, pump, thrust, slam, slam, slam, ooh, oh, thump, pump, slam]

Um, Plan B then? I mean, I wasn't dying, but being taken for the first time wasn't all that comfortable!

"Um, um, um, you like my boy butt nookie, don't you, Peter?"

"Shut it. (Hmm.)"

[Thump, thump, pump, thrust, thrust, pump, thrust, slam, slam, slam, ooh, oh, thump, pump, slam]

"Oh, oh, ag, ag, play fair, Peter, touch me around there, ugh, ugh, ooh."

"Shut it! (Oh, ooh, wait.) I'm finished anyways!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

You know, huh, um, huh, each blast sent a vibration that was, well, vibrating and the best part, if that makes any sense and I wasn't mad at all.

"Sorry, Peter, um, it was just dirty pillow talk, okay?"

"Oh, and you might be surprised how much I really liked it, Brewster!"

Which, tee, he, is code for I'm embarrassed for having had your boy butt and I'll never do it again, right folks?

End Brewster 01