Brian's Choice Ch. 05 - Post-mortem

I write this piece as an attempt to help other prospective authors. Brian's Choice isn't my first story, but it is my first story on Literotica. Hopefully this will help other people write their own stories, and hopefully it will help them when publishing on Lit.

Spoilers ahead: if you haven't read Brian's Choice already, you might want to. The big warnings are incest and non-consent, for those of you who are sensitive to such things.

The idea for the story started out with the "lust draft" trope from certain adult videogames: what can make people so horny they ignore their inhibitions and any potential consequences of their actions? Alcohol could have been the answer, but that's rather blasé for an answer, and in any case not everybody reacts that way to alcohol.

But the big problem with lust drafts is that, while women may be able to physically handle "animal heat", men aren't built for "animal rut". So, something has to happen for the male in the pairing to survive such a thing. And while I did originally intend for the male to die, I didn't want the male to die during sex. It would work as a form of erotic horror, but that wasn't what was on my mind. Something had to save him.

Fortunately, I had a magic system already worked out, from a previous story. When I chose to adopt that magic system into this story, a solution became clear: magic resistance. And while there are multiple sources of magic resistance in my system, there's one source available to everyone: the "true faith" virtue I had borrowed from the World of Darkness RPG setting. Adding that virtue to the male character defined much of the character for me, and since I was using my magic system, why not make the female magical in some way and thus have an interesting dichotomy between the two?

Sometimes, the ending writes itself first: "Brian died content." This is one of those cases. And, originally, the plan was for Brian to die -- again, not during sex, though, but sometime later. I'm not one to shy away from character death, and that includes the protagonists. But in this case, it was not to be.

The pair of protagonists wouldn't dose themselves with the lust draft, of course. They had to be dosed by an outside source. The male now had true faith and thus magic resistance; any enemy of his wouldn't resort to magic. So it had to be the female. The female was magical; any enemy of hers should also be magical. And with that I started creating the Furies. The antagonists would come in the form of triplets, because 3 is a magical number. As the setting had the protagonists in high school, the antagonists should also be in high school. This meant I had to create families for everybody -- and now it wasn't just high school bullying but a full-on family feud.

Stories evolve as they grow and develop. This one was no different. I expect that happens with every author.

I had a rough draft at that point. But as the revisions began, I had to look closer at the internal consistency of what was happening in the story itself. Brian couldn't die from the lust draft anymore, but he couldn't lose control from it either -- that magic resistance cuts both ways. All of the sudden, the girl doesn't get knocked up from the lust draft debacle. How does she become pregnant, then?

Enter a new scene, where magic isn't used to force the two protagonists to have sex. It all has to be mundane, even if far-fetched. Far-fetched is still allowed, of course, and some details can still be covered with magic, but in the end, the goal is impregnation. Why that goal? Because it turns me on, and people should write about what turns them on. I've been this way all my life; bringing my own brood into this world and raising them in it hasn't diminished that. If anything, not being able to procreate anymore makes me want to write about such things all the more. It's like, the stories are now my children. Enough about me, though -- the point is, write what turns you on.

Jenny's attempt at peace-making (and it's explosive failure) didn't have to be adjusted much; her daughter was still pregnant, albeit by straightjacket and vibrating bullet (although the lust draft still came into play too). The triplet's attempt at revenge didn't change much either. But Brian's death did. How could Brian die from magic if he was resistant to magic? Fortunately my magic system had a built-in answer for that already; he didn't die, but rather something else happened instead. And with that, I had a hook for the start of book 2. No, I'm not going to spoil that hook; all I'll say on it is that Brian isn't dead after all. Because unlike a particular author I could mention (cough, cough, Harry Potter), I'm not married to any particular ending when it turns out to suck.

Next up were details, and in those details lay a major decision. I had a story, but the characters were flat -- lacking human qualities. I needed to make them stand out. What drove each character? Why were they getting together? Why were they getting together now, instead of before? How do they think? What do they think of the circumstances they find themselves in? I had finally settled on witchcraft, as my magic system places potion making in the hands of witches, but the dynamic of Christianity vs Wicca was about to come into play, and that might not be the worst of the issues to work out.

I couldn't work out a good way for a True Faith Christian to stick with a Wiccan, and the male's true faith was too ingrained into the story to change now, so the witch became more agnostic about it. There would still be discussions about Christianity and magic, but the male had to become, if not liberal, then at least not conservative, or it would still not work out. A trope about conservatives is that they're anti-vax. It doesn't matter that it isn't true; the trope exists, so I used it. Brian would be vaxxed and not mind it. Another trope about liberals is that they're for forced vaxxing. Again, it didn't matter that it wasn't true. But as I needed a way of saying "this guy isn't liberal either", I went with the trope. California, the usual troublemaker for any and all woke causes, would force-vax Brian, who would object to it but only on the principle of it all; otherwise he was happy to be among the vaxxed. And with that, Brian fits none of the typical molds we expect in America.

But while this created a more dynamic character, it touched on something that I knew would turn readers away: politics. Being happy to be vaxxed risked turning away conservatives who believe more in natural immunity than taking drugs (and frankly there is evidence to support their "natural immunity" claims). Not liking an overbearing liberal government dictating how people should live their lives risked turning away liberals who believe in the benefits of big government. This is not an inconsequential decision here. Including politics in a story can hurt that story's reception. It won't win any contests. It might not even get the "hot" label. Do I do it anyway? In the end, my decision was thus: I'm an artist. While "fan service" doesn't always conflict with art, when it does, the art takes precedence. I am okay with people not reading my stuff because of this. I'm okay with people downvoting my stuff because of this. I don't write for them. I write for me. I'm okay with publishing what I write, and letting people who are okay with things like this enjoy it. I'm an artist. I follow my muse. Your mileage may vary -- but at the same time I have to note, if you're not writing firstly for yourself, you're likely going to have a hard time.

Another spot that needed work was how to get Brian and Susan alone, yet vulnerable enough that the Furies could have their way and get Susan knocked up. But now that I established that Brian was at least somewhat political, that solution became easy. After seeing a volleyball game won by a trans female, Brian would pull Susan aside to ask her about it. It also allowed me to explain why my magic system couldn't be used to help a minority as rare as trans people with something so critically important to them (changing their genders). Finally, as a bonus, it would become a somewhat-humorous train of thought he'd hold onto as he grappled with the after-effects of being raped. Susan wouldn't need that, of course; she'd be too drunk on the pleasure and the lust draft -- but again, Brian was magic-resistant. But in the end, I was risking alienating readers yet again due to politics. I had two reasons for doing it anyway: the original "art over fan service" decision, plus after the first time, anybody who kept reading shouldn't have been surprised to see something similar. Just a warning to authors who would follow my footsteps, though: don't bring up politics and expect people to not complain. So many people are here exclusively for the porn; they don't care about art. Even I fall into that category some times; as much as I like a good story, sometimes I'm just horny and want to get off. The difference is I'm not going to complain about it when I encounter it. I simply bookmark it for later, for when I'm in the mood to read it, and move on.

The one alienation that surprised me, though, was an accusation of antisemitism. How is saying that Jews are good at arguing a bad thing? Long ago, when I visited Baruch HaShem Messianic Synagogue in Addison, Tx, I got to see their debates up-front. Amazed, I asked about it, and they told me (I don't remember the exact quote) something very similar to what I had Brian state about them. They're proud of their debate skills, and rightfully so. They're the ones who taught me my debate skills. So yeah, on behalf of myself and the Jews who taught me to argue, I have to agree with other readers who replied to that: "@halvah, fuck off".

Moving on, Susan needed fleshing out. Enter Leah and Tracey. Due to Furey bullying, Susan has been largely isolated while in school, but that doesn't mean others aren't isolated too, and such people tend to gravitate together. Leah and Tracey's reason for being bullied is different, though; 2 lesbians caught out in an otherwise-conservative school. You'd think we're past this by now, but no. I now live in the Colorado mountains, and the place is ultra-conservative to the point I had culture shock. Looking at the Colorado voting maps, Denver and surroundings are ultra-liberal and everything else is ultra-conservative. The only reason that we have a Democrat governor and senators is that Denver and surroundings have a larger population than everywhere else: what Denver wants, Denver gets. It's kind-of the reverse of my birth-state of Texas, where what Austin wants can go fuck itself. Anyway, the general rule in the Colorado mountains is to expect conservative ignorance (and yes, I'm sure Denver has its own brand of liberal intolerance, but I don't live near Denver). Most of the people around here aren't going to associate with someone who makes different life choices. Unless they're high. All bets are off when a conservative tries marijuana, lol.

I miss living in the much more cosmopolitan Dallas area. Except for the legal marijuana. I got used to that, real quick...

Anyway, Leah and Tracey became a much-needed foil to Susan's workaholic habits. Even volleyball was a means to an end for her; you can see it in their discussion, where Susan frets about college scholarships as her only real objection to the inclusion of trans females in her sport. Sure, Susan has been pushed into being like that due to the feud, but that's not living. So, due to Leah and Tracey, Susan chooses to make time for Brian. Even their first date turned into a study date, but you can start to see Susan loosening up a bit. Yay for character growth! It's too bad for her (but good for us) that events force her to grow faster than she'd like.

Next was Susan's "I choose life" stance. Again with the politics, but this mirrors me: I chose life, and I advocate others choosing life. Pregnancy is beautiful, and both impregnation and childbirth are stunning (yes there is pain, but that pain is transitory). This falls under "write what you love". Impregnation loses its appeal for me when Plan B is just around the corner, and abortions are only an appointment away. This is one of the aspects of my magic system that I adjusted for this story: birth control robs you of your magic (amazingly enough the subject just hadn't come up in my other stories). But even without that adjustment, Susan would still end up choosing life. However, Susan knowing she doesn't really have a choice in the matter does make the moment of impregnation all the more intense. Still, pro-lifers aren't going to be satisfied by her (or my) belief in self-ownership, and that people should be persuaded to choose life instead of denied that choice. And pro-choicers aren't going to be satisfied that someone with their whole future ahead of them would give it all up for a baby she didn't ask for. My answer, however, is still the same: art over fan service. Still, I probably channeled too much of how I felt my first time into what Susan felt -- but then again, all I have to go on about it is my own experience.

At what point did Susan become a Mary Sue? I needed to put an end to that. Susan is not me, and so I had to change something. She's a workaholic and I'm not, but that wasn't enough. So, Susan becomes more of a pacifist, promising her mother and Brian to not get involved in the feud. Me? All hell would break loose as my inner bitch unleashed sweet cold revenge upon the Fureys for raping me. Yeah I loved getting restrained and fucked pregnant, but that shit should only happen between consenting adults, and no Mary Sue of mine would have taken that and not responded by escalating matters all the way to nuclear warfare. That was part of the story at the time, and I was exploring how that affected Brian in turn -- but I dropped it all. So, another case of going where the Muse takes me, all in the pursuit of art. It did make the story simpler; instead of Susan's mother deliberately destroying the Furies in a self-sacrifice play (Me-Susan's actions gave her little choice), she could now attempt to negotiate peace and have that attempt catastrophically fail behind the scenes.

That cut was particularly painful, too. I lost an entire chapter. But I remember a book Steven King wrote on writing; part of it says, "less is more." And while the name "Susan" was completely coincidental to her being a Mary Sue, I kept it anyway as a reminder to watch out for Mary Sues in the future.

There was another book I read on writing, "Wired for Story" by Lisa Cron. I usually consult it a few revisions into a new story, too, then use its advice to do more revisions (it's the only book on writing that I do this with). In particular, the start of my story stood out to me as not being well-done. The first words should hook the reader. The first paragraph should continue drawing the reader in, and by the time the first page is done, the reader shouldn't be able to escape. That wasn't my chapter 1, and so I needed a prologue.

That revision focused on Jenny's forced impregnation as a taste of what was to come. A witch isn't going to get forcibly knocked up by just anybody, though. I didn't want it to be a Furey as that would overly complicate the rest of the story. The next best solution was a family member.

Brother-sister incest has always intrigued me to some extent. My own sibling was a spoiled brat; coddled by our parents to the point I'm surprised he didn't land in jail once he was out on his own. But what if I had had a perfect brother? Is there any such thing? My brood were all perverts (I guess they came by it honest), but it still didn't happen with them. Why? Was the inbreeding issue so bad that it alone stopped anything from happening, or was there something else? On the one hand I'm rather happy that this particular fear (my children inbreeding) never came to pass, but the curiosity remained; why not? I do know they seemed rather disgusted with each other, but why? I know I treated them much more equally than my parents did me, so it had to be something else.

But what if others are different? Absent the inbreeding issue, what if a pair of siblings did love each other that much. Jenny's impregnation presented one opportunity to explore this, albeit not deeply due to it being just a prologue. Brian, however, presented another opportunity. So Brian would have an older sister; she had not just gone to college, though, but literally flew to the other side of the continent to get away from her Perfect Brother With True Faith before she did something she'd wind up regretting. Not much would happen in this story, but it would still color the story, and Brian's sister could be properly introduced in another story later on.

Back to the prologue. Jenny would get forcibly fucked pregnant by her own brother. This in turn served as a warning of Brian's own incestuous thoughts throughout this story, and set up that possible encounter in a later story. It would also serve as a warning of further nonconsent and impregnation material; anybody turned off by any of that would stop reading early, with less of their time wasted. It also served to introduce magic to the story, as well as the possibility of avoiding inbreeding via that magic.

I actually posted the prologue on its own, but it got rejected as it didn't meet the 750 word count minimum. I had figured that as long as the total story exceeded that number if was fine; I was wrong. But that prologue definitely deserved the incest category, and I guess when I attached chapter 1 to it and resubmitted, it still deserved incest more than nonconsent, for that's where it ended up. I don't agree; after all, no actual incest happens in chapter 1. But it wasn't my call and I'm not disturbed enough to try to fight it either. So chalk that up to a noob mistake; as I've said, while this isn't my first story, this is my first story on Literotica. I hope the incest people aren't too offended by where ch00-01 ended up. I did get the category changed after that.

The names were another detail. I decided on "Susan" early, but it was only after I watched (again) The Lift of Brian that I decided on Brian. At the time I was thinking about writing comedy, as in "The Magical Life of Brian" but I don't do comedy that well, except maybe here and there. One of those places came from an 80s song that came at me across my roku: 867-5309/Jenny. The lyrics are disturbing in a stalker-ish way (and it's one of those songs that stays in your head, too, which makes it even more disturbing), but it sort-of made sense that Susan's mother also be bullied when she was younger. And with that, Susan's mother was named Jenny, and one of the Furies wrote Jenny's number on the wall of a men's bathroom stall as a form of bullying that has haunted her forever since. I had already established Jenny as not someone who is proactive; she hadn't moved from the area to protect her remaining child, so it made a kind of sense that she never changed her number either.

Inspiration comes from the strangest of sources, it seems. Even a movie and a song.

Susan became a redhead, because aren't all good witches redheads? That's the trope, anyway, so I ran with it. Not the Furies, though; something was wrong with them, and the lack of trope would highlight that. Good vs Evil, you know? They didn't even get the traditional black hair of evil witches. I thought about naming them, but decided it wasn't important. They mostly behaved as a family unit, so the family name was all that mattered.

The last two chapters were lighter on sex and heavier on plot. Again, art before fan service. But you can really tell the difference in reader votes for chapter 3: it flirts with the "hot" label but doesn't nail it as the first two chapters do. When it comes to chapter 4, though, I'm guessing that it's "hot" rating is due to those who read chapter 3 and didn't like it, not bothering with chapter 4; that meant chapter 4 was free of the downvotes that plagued chapter 3. In fact, as of the time I write this, someone came along and 1-starred chapter 3, removing the "hot" rating in the process. Said person didn't even comment on why, either. Might be a troll. Might even be Halvah, after being told to fuck off in the comments for chapter 2. I can only guess.