Bridgie

Once out of work I ran to Hannaford's, Hanny's to us locals, to pick up coffee, cocoa, and filters. Back at the house Gary had all the drives plowed and sidewalks dug out. I went out to the barn to see what the damage was. To my surprise my friends had everything as clean as a whistle. There was a little blood on the wood, but nothing some straw didn't hide. I was just about done when Gabby showed up to apologize for the night before. We hugged it out and she said she had fired Rob. She told me the band was taking a break until the second week of January and then we could all sit down and talk about what we wanted to do. I wished her a Merry Christmas and gave her a little gift I had gotten for her. It was a candy cane vibrating butt plug I had purchased in Key West. I had a flash of excitement at the memory of our time down there. It seemed like it had been years ago, not just days. She thanked me in true Gabby form with hugs and kisses.

Gary finally got home around half past eight and we had our first real talk. We didn't address any of our issues. I think we were just feeling each other out, seeing if we could talk. I thought it went well. That night we slept in the same bed, and he held me in his arms.

Thursday, I had to deal with all the last-minute changes from the bridal party and how they wanted to make the barn look. After a bunch of rearranging and redecorating they were finally happy with how everything was set up. Gary had his appointment at the therapist first and I left for mine before he got home.

Dr. Fallon dove more into my insecurities and why I felt like I had to make everyone happy at the expense of my own mental health. I cried a lot.

Once I got home Gary had cooked dinner. It was surprising because Gary never cooked, I had no idea he could cook. Dinner was terrible. I don't mean just bad, I mean unpalatable. I didn't think you could wreck pasta. Gary watched me intently as I took my second courtesy bite trying not to make a face. I asked him if he was eating.

He said, "No! This tastes like shit, I have Uber Eats coming."

I threw my plate of food at him and just like that we were both laughing with tears in our eyes.

I told him, "That was a dirty trick."

"I was testing you."

"How so?"

"Well," he said thoughtfully, "If you ate it and said nothing, you were doing it because you loved me, but didn't trust me enough to tell me it tasted like shit. If you told me it tasted like shit then well, at least we were being honest."

I did the me thing and started crying.

Gary said, "Shit," then took me in his arms, "I was just kidding. I didn't mean to say it."

I looked up into his eyes. I was blubbering, "But it's true. If I can't tell you what I'm really thinking or feeling what do we have. If you can't tell me what you're feeling and thinking without me flying off the handle. Well, I don't know what. I mean you just intentionally made gross food and fed it to me."

"No", Gary corrected, "I was trying. Apparently I really can't cook."

Our laughter broke through the tension. We didn't talk anymore about feelings, but he did hold me until I stopped sobbing. Something he had never done before. For Gary, crying showed weakness or was used to manipulate people to get their way. It was a trigger for him and when we fought all I had to do was turn on the waterworks to get him to leave me alone. Boy, I have a lot of work to do on me.

Then it was Friday, Christmas Eve. Gary always let me sleep in on Christmas Eve. So when I smelled coffee and cinnamon rolls I rolled over, expecting to have Gary's side of the bed empty, only to find him still there snoring. I looked at the clock and it wasn't even six yet.

I quietly slipped out of bed and into my slippers and robe. I made my way to the kitchen to find all the Christmas lights on and Denise pulling cinnamon rolls from the oven.

"Merry Christmas" I said, crossing the room.

She jumped dropping the pan. It landed upside down and she started laughing.

"Mom! You scared the crap out of me."

I walked over and grabbed a spatula and hot pad. I scraped the rolls off the floor and back into the pan.

"Sorry," I said, "I'll help you make some more."

I started to put them in the trash when she stopped me.

"Just feed these to Dad, he won't care."

"Gross! I am not feeding your Dad anything that fell on the floor."

"He hasn't ever minded before."

I gave her the look and we both started laughing. I went and put on some Christmas music, and we made a fresh batch of cinnamon rolls. Denise said she was working later that evening, but felt bad for missing the last few Christmases. She wanted to surprise us.

Gary got up just after seven and we were a family again. We told stories about the good old days. Then argued about whose memories were the real ones and it was just an all-around fantastic Christmas surprise from Denise.

Denise left around five and Gary and I spent the rest of the evening doing the final set up in the barn after the rehearsal. We were in bed by nine.

The next morning, I was awakened to Gary's thumb caressing my nipple. I took a deep breath and stretched letting him know I was awake.

He whispered in my ear, "Is this okay?"

I nodded. Every Christmas morning since we have been married Gary has made love to me. Usually, I woke up to his advances, but this morning he had tested the waters and I had appreciated the sentiment. My hand slipped into the waist band of his boxers. Giving him a gentle squeeze to let him know it was okay. I felt him thicken in my grip as my body began to prepare itself for him.

The bed shifted and squeaked as we removed our undergarments quietly beneath the covers. I felt his heat, then his weight. He kissed my lips tenderly. The head of his penis began teasing and testing to see if I was ready. I was. I felt his heat radiating into and through me as we made love, silently melting into one another. I climaxed once, just before he did. Then he did another thing that wasn't Gary. He laid there with me in his arms until we fell asleep again. Gary usually got up right after our love making. I liked the extra snuggles and told him so. He just smiled and said he was working on some things. We fell asleep and only woke up because the bride's mother was pounding on the door of the house. We had overslept.

The rest of the day was a blur. By the time the wedding and reception were over and we had the barn mostly cleaned up, it was after two in the morning. We collapsed into bed and slept till almost noon the next day. Having missed church, we set out to finish up in the barn. We spent the rest of the day deciding if we were going to take the Christmas decorations down or not. We decided to leave them up till the first of the year.

We watched a few movies then went to bed.

Monday, I had lunch with Rich, Gabby and Brie. They had so many crazy stories from the past few days I don't even know where I would begin. In short they were having the time of their lives and it sounded like Brie might be relocating and moving in with Rich. It also sounded like Gabby was going to move in as well. I wasn't sure if it was a temporary roommate thing or relationship thing. With the stories of all the sex they were having it was hard to tell. I just sat there as red as Santa's suit the whole time.

_ _ _ _ _

"Bridget, Gary, Dr. Fallon will see you now."

I squeezed Gary's hand. He stood first then helped me to my feet. So, this is it, our first joint session. With how everything has gone the last few days I was very optimistic.

I followed Gary in to Dr. Fallon's office. She stood and greeted us.

"Bridget, Gary, I am glad to see the two of you. I didn't bring it up in our last sessions because I wanted to ask you together, how was your Christmas?"

"Good. Our daughter Denise gave us a surprise visit early on Christmas Eve. It was nice to see her."

"I have to say it was a very pleasant surprise," Gary said sitting in the chair next to me then taking my hand.

"Looks like the two of you are talking again."

I nodded, "Yeah, it's been a crazy week and maybe it's just the magic of this time of year, but I feel like things are coming into perspective for the first time in a while."

"How so Bridget?"

"I don't know, it just seems like Gary is making all these great strides in our relationship. If actions speak louder than words, he seems to be screaming I love you. It's refreshing and nice."

"Gary, what kind of things have you been doing?"

"Well, for starters I have been putting the seat on the toilet down, taking my boots off at the door, and have been giving her extra attention. OH! I made dinner for us the other night."

We both started laughing and Dr. Fallon asked for clarification.

I explained, "It was terrible, and then he said something to me so profound it broke down the barrier I hadn't realized I had placed between us. He said, 'If I ate the food and said nothing, I was doing it because I loved him, but didn't trust him enough to tell him it tasted like shit. If I told him it tasted like shit then well, at least we were being honest.'"

"Interesting, what happened then?"

"I did the me thing and started crying. I knew he wasn't being mean. I knew he was trying. He had just spoke the truth. We have been married for thirty-one years and together for thirty-seven. He was my first love, my first lover, my first everything. We used to share everything with each other. Then at some point we stopped talking openly, instead we were worrying if we would offend the other person. Or worse yet, didn't feel we could share our real feelings. I knew then we could no longer live like this. There was too much at stake now. We needed to talk about the hard things. The things that were uncomfortable. When Gary talked to me about sex stuff, I knew it must be hard. I know how hard it is for me to talk about. I needed to listen and not just throw up a wall."

"Gary, how do you feel about all this?"

"I am not a very touchy feelie guy. I mean I love my wife I have just never been one to pour affection on to someone. Until our recent trip I have never thought of doing something with other people but," Gary looked down at the floor. "I have thought about Bridget being with other guys."

Dr. Fallon nodded, "If you are comfortable with it, please tell us about that."

"I don't know if I am comfortable, but I will tell you. About six or seven years ago I was doing some stonework over in Chestnut Hill. It was a swanky neighborhood near Boston College. Usually, I am dealing with a contractor when working in that area. There are a lot of specialty permits and red tape that I don't like to deal with. The job I had bid was only minor repairs and so I was dealing directly with the homeowners. Just handyman kind of work. I was fixing and replacing stone on an old gazebo. They also wanted me to make sure the stone fireplace was functional. The first day I was greeted by Dave and his wife Jess. They were a younger couple, maybe in their late twenties, early thirties and while they were a bit odd, they were nice enough. The wife was a talker and I learned they had purchased this multi-family unit with several of their very close friends. They were making a community of some sort. She kept using a word, polyamer."

"The word was probably polyamory."

"Yes, that was it. Thanks Doc. So, they were making a polyamory community whatever that is. Young people have all kinds of strange ideas, weird sayings, and things they do. Anyway, I was just hoping to get in and out in the next two days. I ended up finding cracks in the chimney and my two-day job turned into a five-day job. It was already late Friday when I found the cracks. I talked with Dave letting him know I would have to come back next week to finish up. I said I had another job Monday, but should be back on Tuesday to work on it. I told him how much it was going to cost and he didn't even flinch at the extra cost. I like that kind of customer. Dave said he wanted to show me some loose bricks that he found on the front of the building. I don't usually do brick work, but It was a simple fix and told him I could handle it. He thanked me and said, 'see you Tuesday'. We shook hands and I jumped in the truck and started heading home. I had driven about three blocks when I realized I had left my good blocking chisels at the jobsite. Rule number one -- never leave your tools onsite. I turned around and headed back. I pushed the buzzer and Dave met me at the door. I told him I had forgot to grab some of my tools. He told me to come in and offered me a beer. I said 'sure, what the hell it was Friday'.

"Dave asked if there was anything in particular I wanted. I asked what he had, and Dave rattled off a list of beers I was unfamiliar with. I just told him I would take his favorite. It was a darker beer, but not bad. I finished it as we made small talk. Dave led me out to the back yard. I followed him through the door and raised my hand to wave at his wife Jess who was laying on a chaise lounge. Dave kept walking toward the gazebo as she waved back. Then it dawned on me she was topless. My hand dropped and my mouth fell open. I looked back to Dave who just kept walking. I thought, shit he doesn't know she is out here topless. I looked back to Jess expecting to see her covering up as I prepared my apology. This wasn't the first time I had seen a topless woman on a job site. It happens. When I looked back my eyes finished processing the scene. Jess's head was thrown back and I noticed a gentleman's head between her legs. He was wearing white and had blended in with the lounge at first glance. She moaned and my eyes went back to Dave wondering if I was about to witness the end of a marriage and a murder.

"Dave looked and said, 'Have you met Jack?'

"I tried to stay calm as my mind went completely blank. I walked into the gazebo then kneeling down I began putting my tools into my box. I glanced up to see Dave watching his wife with this Jack. He was smiling; I mean actually smiling.

"Then he said, 'There is nothing better than watching two people make love, don't you agree.'

"I don't even know what I said. I had tunnel vision and my chest felt heavy. Dave looked down at me curiously. Next thing I know I looked up and everyone was standing around me asking me if I was all right. Jess was still completely naked and I could see everything.

"I apologized and said it must have been the beer on an empty stomach after a day working in the sun.

"I forced a laugh and I saw the relief on their faces. The Jack guy helped me to my feet and told me it was nice meeting me. The whole thing was just weird. I collected my toolbox and headed out.

"The rest of the weekend my mind kept going back and trying to process what I had witnessed. I just couldn't wrap my mind around it. I was even having dreams where all the women I knew were walking around topless, then I discovered I was naked, but no one seemed to notice and just acted like everything was normal.

"I called Dave on Monday and told him I didn't know if I would be able to get back out due to some other jobs and I had another mason I could send out. Dave said they really liked my work and preferred if I could come back. He told me there was no rush, but if I could fit them in that week still he would pay me double my quote."

Dr. Fallon smiled, "So, I am guessing you went back."

"Yup, I went back on Wednesday, but I drove around the block three times getting my courage up. Finally, I rang the buzzer and was greeted by a woman named Julia that I hadn't met yet. Turns out Julia was a talker as well. Julia and Jack had been married for three years. There were two other couples living there as well. Just after noon, Jess and Julia appeared with sandwiches and ice water. I told them I was fine and that I would pass. Jess said 'she wasn't taking the chance of me passing out again, it was supposed to be a warm one'.

"I finally agreed, then went back to work, Thursday went pretty much the same and then on Friday I ended up working until almost ten. I had another job the next week that I would be at least a month on, so I wanted to finish up. I met the other two couples although I don't recall their names at this point. They were having a little party while I finished up. Then they asked me to stay. They wanted to test the fireplace. Dave said to stay and chill with them for a bit, and he would cut me a check. He then gave me a beer.

"So, against my better judgement I stayed. They built a fire in the fireplace, then offered me some of the grilled salmon they had cooked. I ate some and drank a few more beers.

"Then about midnight I got up and asked to use the bathroom and said I was going to head out. Jack and Dave had already helped me clean up and put my tools in the truck so I said my good byes.

"When I came out of the bathroom and began to walk toward the front door I could hear sex noises coming from the front room. I didn't want to walk into something so I retreated out the back door figuring I would go out the side yard then walk around the block back to my truck. Dave waved me over when I walked out back so I went over to find Jack, Jess, and Julia all intertwined on the bench in the Gazebo. Hmm, I just realized they all had 'J' names. Well everyone but Dave.

"Admittedly I was a little buzzed and found myself just standing there staring. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Dave talked low into my ear, 'Beautiful isn't it? God, I love watching my wife enjoying herself. She likes to be watched too; do you mind?'

I didn't speak, just shook my head. He told me to have a seat and I did. I had been stupefied by everything. I watched them all have sex for at least an hour. In the end I was watching Dave more than the rest of them. His reactions and expressions on his face each time Jess had an orgasm was ecstasy. His enjoyment became more interesting to me than the people actually doing the sex act.

"It was almost three in the morning when I finally slipped into bed next to Bridgie. Her night gown had shifted and one of her nipples was exposed. I lay there in bed thinking about that night. Wondering what it would be like to see another man having sex with her. It made me feel funny in my guts and I found that I got a. Well, I got stiff.

"I woke Bridgie up by stroking her nipple softly until she inhaled deeply and stretched. She said 'hi' sleepily and I kissed her. Then we had sex, but the whole time I kept seeing Jess with Jack in my mind. Then it was Jack with Bridgie. The idea excited me, making me finish pretty quick.

"When we were done Bridgie asked what that was all about. At that point we were only having sex every few weeks. And this was the third time that week. I Just told her I loved her and how sexy she was."

I gave Gary's hand a reassuring squeeze.

Gary continued, "Well after that night, I couldn't get the images of Bridgie having sex with other guys out of my head. I would find myself imagining different people we knew having sex with her. I always felt nervous in my stomach when I had those thoughts, and I almost always got stiff. I mean back then I was pushing fifty and let just say the old plumbing isn't what it used to be. It was also one of the reasons we didn't have sex very much prior to all this. I mean who do you even talk to about that stuff. I had no idea. It's not like I could tell my buddies 'hey, my dick doesn't work right anymore'. I would be the laughingstock. I mean I knew about the blue pill thing, but I just couldn't get up the nerve to talk to my doc about it.

"So, I asked Bridgie if she could show me how to use her computer so I could look some stuff up. She showed me how to use the Google. She left for work, and I googled husband letting some guy fuck his wife. Before I knew it, I was knee deep in pornography. I admit it there were some pretty exciting things and it looked like lots of people were letting their wife have sex with other guys. There were these videos called cuckold. And the wife said dirty things to her husband while this guy had sex with her. I really liked the dirty talking. I looked at the clock and I had been on her computer for like three hours. I was late getting to a job. I tried to get the porn off the computer screen, but I didn't know how. In a panic I threw it onto the floor as hard as I could. Then I told Bridget I had dropped it."