All Comments on 'Broken Defence - Revised -- Pt. 02'

The last line got you a 5

Nice story. Thanks for sharing.

Thoroughly enjoyed reading the first iteration last year. Honestly didn’t think it needed it a rewrite, but this version with the added depth turned out fantastic!

She went to usa at 18 and came back at 26. She was under tremendous stress while a player in USA? Why? Mens soccer is barely a minor sport. Women's does not register at all. Where is the stress. No media coverage, no one really cares.

Absolutely loved it. How can you lose with a story that combines romance and women's football? Thank you.

Go Portland

Great conclusion!

5

Yuck. Boring, whiny tales rooted in an even more boring sport. If you're going to try and write about the trauma of. Self hatred the at least read an article or two about it

So we went through two parts and numerous pages detailing the rise, fall and rise of a football star get to her to the point of playing for England in the European Championships, having reached this pinicle she does not play because she is pregnant. So be it but then in the space of one paragraph you skip two years a difficult birth and back to playing for England as captain even though she has not played much football since giving birth! You totally ignore the trauma of not playing for England because of the pregnancy and all that came with it. Would have been 5 stars but now only one star for the crap rushed ending which would have been the real test of her mental state.

You should be proud of this story.

One of the best.

My only complaint is that chapter 2 wrapped by too quickly. Would have loved an extended finish including a wedding and more kids

The MC and Georgia were better off than the neurotic bitch Holly. Then again you wrote Tom like a desperate weak patheruc wimp

The thing about anonymous critics is that they won't stand up under their own name. Ignore them. They are nothing but scared whining haters.

Frankly, I liked the original version better, with the bit longer ending.