Broken Halos

Lily nodded and said, "you mind?" as she pulled another smoke out of my stuffed plastic bag.

As darkness rolled in, I wished that there wasn't a fire ban in our county. A fire would have been cool. Instead, I lit the old candles, and we sat together talking about any and everything we could. Two pitiful people sharing a moment in time.

An occasional, 'evenin' or 'howdy' came our way as other trailer park dwellers walked past in the night.

At some point after midnight, Lily stood up and declared it was 'time for bed'. She had consumed her share of my beer and smoked a bunch more of my smokes.

"Lily, are you okay to walk home, or should I walk you there."

"If I were plannin on walkin home, I'd be fine. I've got vicious old Fluff here to protect me. But I'm not plannin on going home. Bob's away playin, and I plan on havin some fun too."

For the first time, Lily opened the door of my trailer and stepped inside.

From the even bigger bag of cigarettes, I had inside, she grabbed a smoke and lit it.

"Lily, I really don't like anyone smoking in here."

"Why's that. Do you think the smell of my cigarette will be worse than the smell of piss and dirt?"

"Lil...why...why did you come in here? You know I'm on a run bad of luck. I got no extra cash this week."

Turning to look at me, she gave me a motherly smile.

"Not that you care Stevie, but I get lonely too. And unlike all the old bastards around here, you're young, and you've got a pretty nice cock. I've seen enough of them to know. So, tonight, I'm staying with you. Free of charge. We'll be a couple of lonely people, together. You have no one and with me having only Bob, I ain't much better off. Tonight, let's just pretend we live in a different world. Different from the shit hole, nightmare, we actually live in."

"Sounds good. Thanks..."

"For what baby? We haven't done anything yet."

"I know...but the night's still young."

The last thing I can recall was Lily's naked and sweaty body curled up to mine on the bed. Her soft skin covering half of me. With no light and no sound, we drifted off into the darkness of the night.

*****

The sound of Lily peeing in the early morning woke me. I watched her naked body make its way back to my bed.

Watching her sitting naked on my trailer mattress, with a smoke in one hand, warm beer from the night before in the other. Her warm and tattered body next to mine was better than being alone. I realized my life was a shambles.

The blazing mid-morning sun coming in from the east didn't help with setting the mood. It only highlighted how bad things really were.

Lily coughed a phlegmy cough from deep down in her lungs. A smoker's cough enhanced by puffing down a pack or more a day and years of drinking. At the rate I was going, some morning the same cough would come looking for me.

It wasn't that her body had been through a war. But it had been in a battle or two. Stretch marks on her pear-shaped belly and ass. Red marks on her elbows and knees. Marks of wear and tear from continuous use. A professional trademark. Saggy, bruised boobs. And legs that had seen more bruises than she cared to remember. It was a body that had been abused and damaged over and over.

Eight hours ago, she was a goddess to me. Eight hours ago, she had taken me in her mouth and allowed me to fill it with my load. Eight hours ago, she had sucked me back to life and rode me until I deposited a second load into her most used orifice. Eight hours ago, Lily had made me forget about life and feel like a real man.

She had made me feel good, even if it were only for a minute or so when she said I was, 'the leading actor in my life's movie'. As dumb as it was, it worked for a while.

Even with all that surrounded me, it was a good morning.

*****

"You got a facecloth baby?"

"In the drawer. A spare towel too."

"Good. You wanna heat me a small pot of water so I can wash my girl parts?"

Without thinking about it, I filled a bowl and put it in the microwave. After 90 seconds, I pulled it out and handed it to Lily along with a clean cloth and towel.

"Don't you be tellin any of the boys I let you ride me bareback, Stevie. Shit like that will cause problems with my business. It'll give those assholes ideas and they'll all start asking. I've been asked a thousand times, and I always tell them no. Hell, I even make Bob wear a condom. But that's because he'll put his dick in any hole he can."

"Lily, I'd never..."

"I know baby. But I have to say it to save face." She took a long drag on her cigarette and blew the smoke high in the air. "You okay if I stay here again tonight. It kinda feels like a vacation for me."

"Yeah. No. Sure. Yeah. You can stay here for sure," I said in an overly excited manner.

"Calm down baby. No matter what you told me, I didn't plan on leaving anyway."

Lily foamed up the cloth with soap and gave herself a small bath. She rinsed and did the same thing to me. She had no problem washing my armpits, cock and asshole. When she was done, she dumped the water in the sink and put her head in the crook of my arm.

"Cleanliness is a big problem with me. I face it in my everyday life. People come to me, but they seem to forget that you have to get clean to get dirty. You know some of them. You can smell what I'm up against. I've started to refuse service. It pisses poor Bob off to high heaven. Old man Jenkins complained so much that Bob insisted I suck the old bastard's cock. Dirty or not. I flat out refused. Bob had lost the cash Jenkins had paid him on a horse race and ended up suckin Jenkins dirty dick himself. Since then. Bob sees it my way. I won the soap and water battle."

"Eeeewwwww. I wish you'd never told me that story. I know Bob's...different. But to suck..."

Her finger touched my lip.

"Okay. I'll spare you. But just so you know, I'll do anything thing you want this weekend. I'll show you and teach you anything you want to know. Anything."

My cock twitched to life all be itself.

"Does that excite your meaty little soldier? Just the idea of him being able to dive into any foxhole he wants has him standing at attention." Lilly twisted her body and did something she had never done before. She kissed me on the lips. "Thank you, Steve."

"For what."

"For not treating me like a worthless whore."

"Lily don't ever..." her lips covered mine for a second time.

That Saturday afternoon and evening became the most sexual day of my life. Lily did things with and to me that I had only dreamed about or saw in porno movies. She let me cum in all three of her holes. She did things with her tongue, to parts of my body, that made me blush. She stayed true to her word. Nothing was off limits. We drank. We smoked. And we fucked. Sex and booze filled our day. It was the best day I could remember in a very long time.

*****

What I did for work was hard. There was lots of heavy lifting. It was hot and it was dirty. But not once had I woken up after a day of work when I felt as worn out as I did on Sunday morning.

Every inch of my body was sore. It felt used, tired, and abused. But in the best possible way.

Lily had me moving and doing things I didn't think I could do. My head was pounding from the forty cigarettes I smoked and the twenty beers I drank.

I needed a shower, and I needed a smoke.

Lily watched me from bed as I scrambled up some eggs on my little hotplate and toasted her an English Muffin. Her fingers casually twisted and moved her clit and meaty labia as she lay on her side waiting for breakfast. Just seeing her do it to herself gave me another erection.

"Really baby. When you have to pay for it, you never come to see me. But when I'm laying here in you trailer, free for the taking, you want to bang me all day long. Tell you what. My ass is off limits today. But my pussy and mouth are yours until..." She hesitated and thought about it. While she did, she dragged her fingers through her pussy and put them up to her lips. She smiled and used her tongue to tease me as she licked them clean. "Oh, I don't know. Let's say nine o'clock tonight."

We hadn't woken up until after noon, and an hour or so had already gone by. So, I still had a little more than seven hours to do whatever I wanted with her. And as I watched her lips move as she was eating her toast, I knew what the first thing I wanted was.

*****

"Uuuuuuurrrrrrrgggggggghhhhh," A God-awful screech filled my trailer when I came. For the third time since breakfast, I came. The first was exactly where I predicted, and the second was doing it doggy style over the small kitchen table and bench. But this third time...

"Jesus, Steve. I know I said nine. But I'm done." It was just after six o'clock. "You pounded me for thirty minutes straight. I need a shower and a break. Heaven forbid that asshole Bob wants to fuck when he gets home. I'll have to lie to him. Maybe I'll just tell him you ruined me and see how he takes it."

Leaning my body forward, I kissed the back of Lily's neck and her shoulders. My hands were still full of her tits as my softening cock eased out of her seeping pussy.

The bed was covered and coated with three days of sex juices. It might be easier to just buy another blanket rather than try to get this one clean. But it had been a great three days.

When Lily stood up straight, my face moved to hers, but the suddenly shy Lily turned hers away. It wasn't going to happen. So, I used my hand to move her face back in place. She let my lips touch hers. And to my surprise, she allowed my tongue into her mouth. If nothing else, our beer and smoke-filled kiss, was sweet,

"This doesn't mean were lovers' baby," she said as she climbed her way out from beneath me. "It means we caught each other at just the right moment in time. A moment where we both got what we needed."

Lily pulled on the same cloths she had arrived in on Friday. She picked her dog up off the chair where he had been sleeping and clipped on his leash. Her hand touched the door handle, but she didn't turn the knob. Not yet.

"Before you go sayin anything sappy to me. I had just as much fun as you did. You made me feel special and you made me feel younger." She kissed my cheek. Opened the door and stepped out. "Thanks for the beer and smokes, lover. Remember, this is our little secret."

She had no need to remind me. Who was I ever going to tell.

Lily wasn't far when she stopped. A huge smile came over her face.

"One more thing baby. My little darlin is coming home for the summer. Would you mind terribly if she bunks with you a few evenin's when I have a full dance card?"

"It's the least I could do."

She blew me a kiss that drifted off in the wind. Telling her that her daughter Beth could stay with me had made her so happy, her aim was off.

*****

Sleepy and tired from my weekend of sex, I popped a couple of my favorite non-prescription pain killers and washed them down with a couple of beers. Don't get me wrong. The pills are prescription. But the prescription does not, nor has it ever, belonged to me.

Closing my eyes, I knew relief from the world was on the way.

Once again alone, my mind started to wander. My thoughts of what could have been, returned.

*****

Ally had dreams. She had always had big dreams. Dreams that she one day figured out would never come true if she were tied down with me.

We were both big deals in high school. She was a much bigger deal than me, but I had my time in the spotlight. Some good. Some bad.

I'd been a scoundrel at times. Selfish and far less than admirable. But I was always there for Ally. And that's what she liked about me. I was a bad boy, but unlike her parents, I paid attention to her.

When we hooked up and got in trouble, I assumed it was going to be fine. A fairytale story where we all ended up happy. But Ally wasn't happy living like we did. A trailer wasn't her palace. No pink carriage to cart her around in.

I couldn't see it coming. I didn't know anything different. Growing up poor, you can't tell the difference. There weren't any signs to give it away. We seemed to be making do. We had food. A place to live. An old car.

But Ally wanted more.

I'll never forget her parting words to me. They hurt me and they still do. Even if they were true.

"Steve, I'm sorry. It's not that I don't like you. It's that I just don't love you."

At first, I blamed her. We fought all the time. Whenever she couldn't buy herself new cloths, it was my fault. When she couldn't have a new phone, it was my fault. When the baby came, and we couldn't move back to the city...yeah, you guessed it.

We still went through the motions. For the sake of our little girl. But to show me how much she 'disliked' me, Ally also stopped having sex with me.

And in the end. She took it all. She disappeared and took my baby girl with her. A baby I barely knew. One who I would never know. There would be no day trips to the park. Pictures of her heading off to prom. I'd never have the chance to walk her down the aisle.

In the end, maybe I could have worked harder. Maybe I could or should have made changes. But all my maybes ended on the day she left. Now, we'll never know.

Now I just want to numb myself from the pain of being myself.

*****

Lily stayed clear of me for the next few weeks.

Whenever I saw her, she'd give me a sly smile. But that was as far as it went.

Little did Lily know what our weekend together meant to me. I was trying to change.

Every day I still walked to work and every day I still daydreamed about falling face first onto the huge saw blade I work with.

Like so many other losers, I was just holding on. But I was trying. After each shift I went to the Pig. I filled my backpack with things I normally didn't. I actually bought food. And tried to keep my beer purchases down to a 6-pack every other day. Yeah, I still took a Tylenol #3 every four hours, but a guy has to live.

Today, I had a pack full of sale items. Today there was no beer.

*****

I opened the trailer door and stepped inside. My heart flipped. The girl sitting in the chair scared the shit out of me.

Lily's daughter from a world far away was sitting in my trailer. She was a very pretty twenty-two-year-old college student. I had met her a few times since she turned eighteen and was able to come visit without getting permission from the courts. Mostly during her summer break. She was young, pure and innocent. Unlike her mother.

"Beth. What are you doing here?" She looked shocked. "Sorry, I knew you were coming, I just didn't know when."

"Mom has three or four clients lined up this afternoon. She told me to come over here until she fetched me back. Hope you don't mind. I let myself in."

"Mind. I feel bad you had to stay in here. There's not much to do."

"Are you kidding? It's perfect. So quiet. I might stay all summer and read your impressive collection of books."

My pile of books was significant. I have my favorite authors. Mostly crime and drama stuffs. I stick to those genres mainly, but when I find a book for cheap at a garage sale, I'll buy it.

"No problem with me. There are some fine reads in that pile," I said. Pointing to the pile I had already read.

"You wouldn't have appeared to be a reader to me, Steve. It surprises me."

"Why, because I live the way I do?"

Beth sat up. She was alerted to the fact she may have crossed a social boundary with what she said.

"No. It's not that at all. You see how my family lives. I mean come on. Who am I to ever criticize any other human being?"

She looked at me. My hurt was her hurt. We lived in complete opposite worlds that were, if possible, very comparable.

"Steve. Please...I. I didn't mean to offend you."

"You didn't."

"Then why does it feel like I have?"

Unloading my backpack, I put my things away. Opening the small fridge, I put in the eggs and bacon I had purchased for the upcoming weekend. A treat for myself. Pulling a can of fizzy water out, I offered it to Beth.

"I...I don't want to drink your last one."

"I have more."

Beth took the cold drink. Her fingers touching mine for the first time. It was a tiny bolt of lightning zapping me into a world I hadn't felt in a very long time.

I turned my head away from her to try and hide the excitement that had flashed before me.

"How was your year? School treating you alright?"

'It's going so good. I graduate next year. There's a bunch of hard work in front of me, but I can't wait. When I get a job that pays, I'm taking my mom out of this..."

Her pause was unnecessary. We both knew what she wanted to say. Only she was too classy to say it to a poor soul who lived here. One who was stuck here without a chance of leaving.

"Shit hole. You can say it. We both know exactly what this place is."

"Steve, I'm sorry. It's just..."

"Beth. Stop apologizing. I know what you mean."

For the longest time she stared at the book she was reading. If was almost as if her eyes could no longer make contact with mine. She seemed embarrassed and in need of changing the subject. Then, she surprised me.

Putting the book up to her nose, she drew in deeply. Inhaling the scent of the book in her hands. When she got a good whiff, she fanned the pages and did it again. Then she spoke.

"Do you know that every old book has a different smell. Even without looking at the words, each of them tells a story. And their jackets. Their covers are like people's skin. Just by looking at them you can tell if they've been treated well and loved. Or like others, they have been beaten and abused. That is one of the things I like about old books. They all tell stories. Stories that can make you laugh. Stories that can make you, cry, dream or wonder." Finally, she was able to look at me. "What do you love about the books you read, Steve?"

Without much delay or hesitation, I told her.

"I suppose I love how permanent they are. Once the author has written down his words, and those words have been printed, they can't be erased. Neither time nor man can delete them. Only importance can. Irrelevant garbage like trashy gossip papers will be gone forever. But good words...good words with relevance...they will be remembered forever. They may be criticized and ridiculed, but they have permanence."

"Wow. Semi prolific words coming from a guy wearing a dirty, yellow, wife-beater and floral swim trunks." Beth had a solid laugh, at my expense.

"They were a gift," I told her. Too embarrassed to tell her the truth. They came from a Goodwill store in town.

*****

Beth and I shared words for hours. Not one beer or cigarette between us. I didn't want to go outside to smoke, and I didn't even want a beer. So, for the first time in God knows how long, I had nothing but water.

It was well into the darkness of night when we heard a knock on the tin door of the trailer. The knocker didn't wait for a response. Instead, she opened the door and stepped in.

Lilly was wearing a big fluffy terrycloth robe and slippers. She had Fluffy on a leash with a beer in one hand and a smoke in the other.

"Baby. Your Daddy has me booked solid. He needs a few extra bucks. You know him. Going to these damn pulls and races. Anyway, you mind hanging out here with Stevie for a bit longer?"

"Mom, stop saying that. He's not my father. And why the hell do you let him do this to you? Leave him. Leave him and move away to some place where he will never find you. You could go to Canada for Christ sakes."

"Bethy. You know I don't mind. We're adults. It's how we pay the bills. Stevie, darlin, you alright if she stays."

"Already got my sleeping bag out. Beth will be safe in the bed. I'll drop the table and the cushions. It'll be nice having someone to talk to."

"Well, as long as sleepin's all yer doin."

"Mom..." Beth cried.