Broken Hardware

I didn't have any friends in Charleston. I had only been in town a few months. I lived in a small one bedroom apartment. It was in a small, independently owned apartment building in the West Ashley area. The only person who ever talked to me was my landlord, who lived in the apartment next to me. I had left my parents house when I was seventeen. I finished my last year of high school by staying at my aunt's house. It was a big strain on her and the family so I left as soon as I graduated. I had been excommunicated from my family since my dad caught me dressed in my sister's clothes. I admitted in the ensuing fight that I identified more as a girl than a boy. I also admitted to only having sexual attraction to men. This didn't sit well with my extremely religious parents. I wasn't welcome in their house or lives after that. I left Anderson, SC and headed to the coast. I no longer needed to deal with them after turning eighteen.

Julie worked in the office of the small manufacturing factory I worked at. We made parts for larger factories and companies. I honestly had a hard time at that job. The work was too physical for me. I This meant that I worked too slow, which slowed everyone down. Julie felt sorry for me and took me out one night to a bar downtown. She knew everyone at the bar. The bartender let me drink without checking my ID.

The bartender kept exchanging glances with me. He even got a little flirty with me. Nobody at work knew anything about me, I was very closeted. There were lots of rumors, but I was still in the closet. Julie giggled as she watched me stumble through flirting with him.

I went home that night. I wore a thong pair of panties. I pulled them to the side and pulled my cock out. It was hard. I rubbed it with my fingers and thought about the bartender, but he didn't do much for me. He was kind of weird looking and had a bad vibe to him. I picked up a Playgirl that I had lying around. I opened the magazine and went to Mr. May. He had brown hair and a mustache. He had a fit body with lots of body hair. I really wanted to know what his cock tasted like. I stroked my tiny cock with my fingers. I thought about him coming home from work and sucking his cock right in the foyer. I thought about cooking him dinner and cleaning the house. I thought about romantic getaways with him. I thought about him on top of me, with his large cock inside of me. My legs wrapped around him. It didn't take me long to cum.

That was one of the few good experiences I had with coworkers at that job. I was let go a couple months later. I never was able to handle the physical aspects, but that isn't why I was let go. The other workers and machinists had it out for me. I was constantly being pushed out of the way, insulted, and teased. My car was keyed. They told rumors of me having a train run on me at a gay bar. They told rumors that I was a girl transitioning to be a guy. Others said I was a guy and had a sex change operation to be a girl. I wish...... The funny thing is they were right and didn't even know it. I only wore panties. I wore women's clothing when I was alone at my apartment. I had a subscription to Playgirl. I bought the annual Firemen's Calendar. I didn't consider myself gay, but only had sexual interest in men. Older men. Strong men.

I knew I needed a new job, but this one paid so well. One of the machinist at work said that I made sexual advances towards him in the restroom. There was CC video of us entering the restroom at the same time. It was his word versus mine. He claimed that I exposed myself to him and tried to put my hand down his pants. That I then bent over suggestively and asked him to fuck my ass. It was all a lie, but my boss took him very seriously. My boss accused me of lying.

"Listen, Reggie isn't even my type. Burt Reynolds is my type. I've had a crush on him for as long as I can remember. I like masculine men, not whiny bitches like Reggie." I yelled in frustration. I knew it was a mistake as soon as I said it.

This all but confirmed to my boss that I had made advances towards Reginald. I was gay so it must be true. I was fired on the spot. I was let go for sexual harassment, even though I was the one who constantly put up with harassment.

I cried in my car. I then got mad and punched the steering wheel. I wanted a drink. I wanted a drink really bad, but I was underage. I remembered that bar I had been to with Julie. Maybe that bartender is working and remembers me. I saw the same bartender was working so I went inside and said hello.

"Aaron, right?" He said.

"Yea, ye-yes sir." I said.

"I never forget a face, especially one like yours. I'm David."

I asked for a Bud Light, instead he placed a foam cup in front of me filled with ice.

"These are our to go and water cups." He said as he poured a triple shot of gin inside with a splash of tonic water.

South Carolina, at the time, only allowed bars to dispense liquor out of mini bottles. He was filling my drink out of a large bottle of gin he had stashed behind the bar. I could feel the effects of the liquor quickly, but refused to waste the alcohol that he was giving me. We talked for a couple hours while he kept filling my cup with gin.

My coworkers used to tease me by calling me petite. I weighed one-hundred-ten pounds and was five feet and four inches tall. I had only had liquor a couple times in my life. I quickly became very inebriated. I told David about my whole life. My parents that I didn't talk to. School kids and coworkers teasing me about being a girl or gay. How girls laughed at me when I talked to them. I told David that I was a virgin. I told him about being fired for sexual harassment.

"I know you didn't do that. It isn't your personality, but I would be flattered if you did it to me." David said.

I smiled at him. He smiled back. He added limes to my drink and stirred it with his finger. He then sucked on his finger afterwards.

"Aaron, give me your car keys. I will drive you home and bring you back tomorrow to get your car. It will be safe outside in the lot." David said.

It wasn't long after I gave him my keys, and wallet, that I threw up all over the bar. David put me in the restroom in case I got sick again. We left shortly after that. He told me several times that he was taking me back to my apartment, but we ended up parked in his driveway.

"David, I thought you were taking me home." I said.

"We ain't done partying yet, Aaron."

We did tequila shots inside the house. He had Shipping boxes and packing material all over his living room. There a ton of VHS tapes. I remember Ayn Rand books on his coffee table. David had his hands all over my body. I knew he wanted to have sex with me. I knew that I had let my guard down and put myself into a bad situation, but I didn't care. It's was almost like I wanted to see how bad it could turn out. David set up a bunch of cameras and lights on tripods. I didn't understand what was going on. The room was spinning. I felt like I was on a boat.

David took his shirt off and said, "Do a body shot."

He grabbed my head and pressed my face against his sweaty breast. He then poured tequila down his breast. It dripped into my mouth. I started to lick it off his chest as he slowly poured more. He slowly moved the tequila down his torso. I licked the tequila off his body, lower and lower. He undid the button of his pants and unzipped his fly. He pushed his pants and underwear down.

He slowly drizzled the tequila down the tip of his cock. It dripped off into my open mouth. He slowly raised the bottle up the shaft of his cock. I followed, taking his tequila soaked cock in my mouth. I ran my tongue over it. I was excited to have a cock in my mouth.

"I don't think it's the tequila that you wanted." David said.

I started to suck on David's cock. It was bigger than mine, but he was still pretty small. David started to pump his cock into my mouth. He moaned as I tried to do the things I saw porno girls do. He took a hand away. I heard a camera shutter and film advance.

"Don't stop sucking. I'm just taking some sexy pictures." David said.

I sucked the tequila off his cock until he tasted like sweaty skin. My little cock was rock hard as I sucked on David.

"You're a natural cocksucker."

I sucked on him some more. His body was sweaty. He had a gaudy lower back tattoo of a tribal design but in Miami colors. He had nipple rings and piercings on his balls. I could get the head of his cock to the back of my throat, but that was it. He wasn't long enough.

"I'm going to take you now." David said.

The thought of a dick in my ass scared me. That was gay. That was super gay. It was what I eventually wanted, but not now. Not with this guy.

"I stood up and backed up. David grabbed me and wrestled me down back to the floor. He pulled my pants off and exposed my thong panties.

David smiled and said, "Nice panties!"

I looked at David. Both of his blurred faces smiled at me.

"You're going to like this. I'm going to make you a woman tonight." He said.

I reluctantly agreed.

He got between my legs and spread them apart. He held me down on the floor. I was so drunk that I felt like I was spinning while I laid still.

"Do you have a condom?" I asked nervously.

It was the early nineties. Most people, myself included, thought you got AIDS simply by having anal sex with another man. The recipe for AIDS was a penis and a male anus. It was a consequence of gay sex, not a virus spread through several different means.

"I don't need one." Is all David said.

"Please wear a condom. Please." I begged.

"Okay, fine."

He pulled the thong panties I was wearing to the side. He smeared some of his spit on my hole and on his cock. I felt him press his penis against my hole. I closed my eyes and sobbed as he slipped inside me. He had never stopped to put a condom on.

His balls slapped against my cheeks as he fucked me. The ceiling was spinning. I saw multiple camcorders recording different angles of me being fucked. There were also lights on stands. I may have been seeing double due to the alcohol, but that still meant there were at least three cameras.

David lifted my legs up and pressed them into my chest. This lifted my ass off the floor by doing so. He started to plow into me harder. He moaned louder and fucked me faster and faster. His saliva drooled from his mouth and landed on my face. He wiped his sweat from his forehead many times. I looked down and saw my soft cock flapping around from the commotion.

"I'm gonna cum!" David yelled.

"Please pull out, please!" I pleaded.

David collapsed on to me. His cock as deep as it could go. I could feel it pulse. I laid there and looked up. The red lights on the cameras were still lit. I sobbed quietly as I laid with him on me, my hips still pushed forward. His cock inside of me. He finally pulled out and stood up. He helped me off of the floor and quickly led me outside to the car.

He drove me back to my apartment. He handed me my clothes, keys, and wallet. I got out of the car and David sped off. I walked to my apartment disoriented and wearing only my disheveled panties. My landlord walked behind me. He helped me get back up on my feet after I tripped. He carried my clothes that I dropped. He opened my door for me and let me in after I struggled to find the right key. I fell asleep soon as I fell into the bed.

I woke up the next morning to a loud knock on my door. I was so disoriented that I answered the door in only my panties. I figured it was going to be David, who was going to bring me back to my car. It was actually my landlord, Phil.

Phil was probably in his late thirties or early forties. Traffic stopped when Phil walked outside. Even men stared. Women lost their composure when he walked into a room. Phill was so good looking that it was just kind of ridiculous. He was the embodiment of masculinity. The other tenants in the building called him Mr Rattlesnake. He was cold. He wasn't known for small talk. He wasn't known for being nice. He was shrewd. He kept to himself. Never had friends over.

Phil walked in. He had a thermos and a bag of groceries. I closed the door behind him. I wasn't sure about what was going on, but I was too hungover to deal with anything. I sat at my kitchen table. He poured me coffee and handed me a bottle of Excedrin.

"What happened, last night, Aaron?" He asked.

"Nothing...nothing." I said.

Phil looked at me. His blue eyes looked through all of my bulshit. I started to cry.

"Doesn't sound like nothing to me." Phil said.

"You have to understand, like... this...ummmm, listen, I haven't told many people, but I like men. I'm not attracted to girls, because.... I want to be a girl. But I'm not, but I dress like one, and that's why my family doesn't talk to me...."

Phil was listening, but he walked into my bedroom. He came back with some clothes for me. I turned beet red, realizing I was still wearing just my panties. He handed me a shirt and pair of jeans that he found in my room. I stood up and got dressed.

"So your parents couldn't accept you how you are. You moved away. Here you are now."

"Yes. And, I sucked at my job. It was too physical for me and..... the guys hated me. One lied about me, said I exposed myself to him, made advances at him. I was fired yesterday."

"You lost your job? Why are you getting dumped out of a black Thunderbird, in just your panties... and crying, I may add, at three in the morning?" Phil asked as he started to cook breakfast with the groceries be brought over.

"I went to this bar. The bartender kept feeding me drinks. He told me he would drive me home and bring me back to my car this morning. He took me to his house. He got me even more drunk and..... I sucked his cock, which I wanted to do, but then he filmed me with cameras........ He wanted to have sex. I was a virgin. I told him no. I didn't want to, but I gave in and said yes..... He wouldn't wear a condom. I begged him to." I said.

"You think you should go to the police."

"I just want to forget about this." I said, exasperated.

"You sure?"

"Yes." I said.

"Well, let's get your car after breakfast. I honestly doubt the police will do anything for you other than laugh, to be honest. I also doubt the bartender is coming to pick you up this morning."

Phil brought me to my car. He had me give him a check for next month's rent, but he told me that he wouldn't cash it until I found a new job and told him it was ok to cash. I was surprised by how nice he was being to me. He started to check in with me. It became normal for us to get breakfast on the weekends. Women were all over him when we hung out in public. He dated occasionally, but never anything long term. He was still cold and even hands off with me, but we hung out regularly.

I got a job at a hardware store as a manager. I ran the register. Everyone was nice and the pay was even better than my last job. A couple months went by. The owners were Naomi and Anne. A lesbian couple that were friends with Phil. They probably paid me more than I deserved because of Phil. They encouraged me to dress more effeminate and be myself. Anne helped me with makeup, Naomi wasn't that type of woman. They took me shopping and even doted on me a little. Anne suggested waxing removal of body hair removal instead of shaving. She brought me to a salon for the first time. I became more adventurous. I mostly dressed in androgynous or women's clothing. I wasn't completely passable, but I could walk in public without getting too much attention.

Straight men with their friends or families would act like I was a leper, but they would flirt with me when they were alone. Men's attention slowly shifted in my direction as my desires slowly shifted.

My parents always had a pirate cable box. You could watch HBO and Cinemax, even pay per view and Playboy. Playboy rarely did much for me, but Real Sex on HBO had opened my mind. There were also plenty of steamy movies on after dark. I remember one vividly. The man became frustrated with a girl he dated. He took her over his knee and spanked her. He then made love to her afterwards.

He said something along the lines of, "Your punishment got me excited, so now you have to help me get off."

That scene and some of the real kinky stuff from Real Sex bobbed around in my head for years. I first started to find spanking to be very erotic. After awhile, though, I realized subconsciously that I wasn't attracted to erotic spanking. I was attracted to punishments. Specifically, cruel punishments. It didn't have to be physically cruel, emotional cruelty was just as exciting, if not more exciting.

I found some amateur kink catalogs in the classified sections of porn magazines. That was okay, erotic fiction was the best in my opinion. I could read stories of submissives and their dominants. I wanted the humiliation. I wanted an alpha male to use me and abuse me.

There was a regular customer that always talked to me when he came in. He was white, in his forties, greying hair, and had a little bit of a belly. He had a beard and big shoulders. He was strong and spoke as if he was in charge of the world. Basically, my type. I didn't know his name, but I looked forward to seeing him. He would smile when he saw me.

He came in one day. It was hot outside. He wore a cutoff shirt. He had obviously been working in his yard. He bought some fertilizer. He was sweaty. I looked up and down him. He was soft on the eyes. I would always get nervous when he would walk up to me. Today was no exception.

"How are you, Aaron?"

"I'm fine. Um, how about... how are.... I mean, how's it hanging. " I stuttered.

"To the left. It's stuck down my boxer leg, actually."

I stared at him beet red.

"You can look if you don't believe me." He said.

The word mortified couldn't even begin to describe how I felt in this moment.

"I'm doing fine." He said with a laugh.

I glanced at the left hand side of his pants. I could see the outline of his bulge. I gasped. He must have noticed because he ran his finger up and down the length of his bulge. He spoke after what felt like an eternity. It brought me back to reality.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I asked as I tried to compose myself.

"What time do you get off work today?" He asked.

"In a couple hours." I answered, flustered in almost a fight or flight way.

"I really want to see that new movie 'Pulp Fiction,' but nobody wants to see it with me. I hate going to the theater by myself."

"I would love to." I said quickly, maybe a little too eager.

"Great. Give me your address and I will pick you up around six. We can get get dinner afterwards." He said.

"Yea sir." I said as I wrote down my address.

"Sounds like a deal."

"What's your name? I asked.

"Robert." He said.

He started to walk off.

"Robert, I have to ask you something." I said.

He came back to me and I gulped.

"I just wanted to make sure that you realized that I was different, you know. Different...... physically, you know, than most girls." I said.

"See you at six, Aaron." He said with a smile.

Robert brought me to the movie theater. He got us popcorn and drinks. We sat on an aisle by ourselves. He had his arm around me halfway through the movie. We then had dinner at a nice restaurant.

He was really fun to talk to. I kept getting lost in his eyes. He had lots of jokes and was charming. He walked me to my front door. My knees where weak. I wondered if he would try to kiss me at the door. I also wondered if men did that to girls like me in public, or just women.

"Are you going to invite me in?" Robert asked.

"Sure." I said.

Robert grabbed me as soon as I closed the door behind us. He pressed his body against mine and kissed me hard. I kissed him back as he ran his hands all over my body. He carried me to my room.