Broken Shoulders

But another part of me, the moral motherly part was disgusted that I was thinking like this about my own son. I was about to sponge his tummy when Ben coughed slightly and then said "Oh wow ... Mum ... I..." but he didn't finish.

I knew what he was referring to of course, my top was now virtually see through and my tits were easily visible. Not only that, but my damn nipples had decided to pop out to say hello. I suppose, if I'm honest about it now -- yes, I was turned on by it. At the time, I tried all I could to convince myself that I wasn't, that it was the water or the friction of the top on my nipples.

"Never mind that" I answered him, glancing down. "What are we going to do about that?"

Ben blushed of course, bless him. I suppose for him it was a natural physiological reaction to seeing a pair of tits. His hormones were raging, testosterone was coursing through him, and it was not unexpected. That is what I told myself, I really didn't want to consider, and couldn't dare believe any other reason. I told him that I needed to wash it, in my best calm and motherly tone.

As I said it, I reached down and wrapped my fingers around, and Ben's cock twitched once more. God it was getting huge, my fingers unable to meet as they wrapped around it. Despite all my reservations, my head flipped for a moment, and I remember licking my lips, before blushing slightly and hoping Ben hadn't seen it.

Ben coughed again "I'm sorry mum. It's just I ... I haven't ... you know ... since before the accident."

I know I frowned slightly, and reminded him of his wet dream. Now, I'm not a guy so I can't honestly tell you if his response was genuine or designed just to appease me. He said that a wet dream was not like a normal ejaculation because you don't get the same sense of release. You get the physical release, but you don't 'feel' it completely because you are dreaming.

At this point, I need to admit to you that I knew Ben masturbated regularly. Yes, occasionally I would hear him but no, contrary to popular porn videos I wasn't immediately turned on. I didn't quickly drop my knickers and fap myself to orgasm outside his door. Like I said, I knew he jerked off regularly so for him to go without an orgasm for 3 weeks was going to be tough. God knows, I can barely manage a week before I need some sort of release.

I brought my eyes back up level with his, and to my amazement realised he was still staring at my tits. "OK, look." I replied as calmly as I could.

This time he did lift his face and look at me, a mixture of excitement and awkwardness.

"This isn't really something a mum should do, but you do need a release. How about if I ... ummm ... hold it, and you can just move it in and out of my hand?" I asked, trying to make it not sound as ridiculous as it sounded to me.

In hindsight I realise I should have just offered to jerk him off, rather than make him go through this stupidly humiliating routine. A part of me, the motherly part I guess -- was still trying to cling on the last corner of decency and dignity.

I glanced down again, and realised I'd been holding his cock firmly for the last few minutes and it hadn't deflated at all. Again, I took it as a sideways compliment that I could still keep him hard. I tightened my grip around his shaft and felt the incredible firmness of my son's cock and it was all because of me.

Ben took that as a sign to start thrusting and initially his jerking was awkward and unstable to the point my hand was moving with him rather than sliding up and down his shaft as was intended. Eventually he got into a sort of rhythm, although I can't really say it was all that pleasurable for me. Of course not, what am I saying? It wasn't meant to be pleasurable for me was it.

Time for another admission. I don't have a clue about guys jerking off, or how long it takes. I've seen it in porn vids where it's all about the money shot -- I think that's what it's called. But guys on their own, I've no idea if it's a few minutes or tens of minutes.

After what seemed to be at least 5 minutes of slow thrusting and a bit of groaning, I could tell Ben was still no where near ready to come. His eyes were closed, and where he was in his head, I have no idea. His face wore a smile and his cock remained hard, but I didn't have all day.

"OK. This ... isn't working." I announced as directly as I could, releasing his cock and gesturing him out of the shower, Ben groaned in disappointment but made his way out as I turned off the shower, and getting soaked again in the process.

Grabbing a towel, I began to dry him off. I guess I was a bit frustrated and disappointed too and I knew I couldn't leave him like that. His cock was slowly deflating now, and the poor boy must have thought that that was all he was getting.

"Go and lay on the bed, I'll be there shortly to ... ummm ... finish you off."

I almost had to stifle a giggle, aware of the wickedness of my actions. I remember I began to remonstrate with myself, before once again falling back on the old excuse that if his mother couldn't do this for him, then who could. It was flimsy and quite frankly not very convincing, but it was enough to assuage my guilt long enough for me to decide that I was really going to do this. I was going to use my hand to jerk my son off.

Looking down at my top, I saw it was soaked and decided to remove it. Then I dried myself off before looking for another top to put on. When I couldn't find one, I simply convinced myself that since he'd already sort of seen my tits it wouldn't be so bad if he saw me in my bra. After all, Ben had seen me loads of times in a bikini, and frankly it has always amused me that some women are quite happy to be seen in a bikini but not in their bra and panties.

I walked into the bedroom, and saw a forlorn Ben laying on the bed. His once enormous engorged cock now languishing idly between his legs. I will confess that a part of me filled with pride as I saw it begin to rise when Ben glanced over and saw that I was in just my bra.

In my defence, I'm a woman at the end of the day. Every woman likes to think she is sexy and attractive and that she can have the desired effect on men. Yes, of course -- this was my son and to many people that is wrong and disgusting. But sometimes a compliment is a compliment, and you have to take them where you can, even from your son. God knows I don't get that many these days, so yes, you're damn right I took it as a compliment.

Ben's face broke into the widest of grins and I do remember thinking that if I could get my mouth that wide, I might be able to fit some of his cock in my mouth. It was the first admission I'd made to myself that I desperately wanted to suck it. It was the briefest of wispish thoughts that was gone as soon as it arrived and so I persevered with the job in hand -- so to speak.

I approached the bed and sat on side, half turned to face Ben. Maintaining eye contact as best I could, I reached down and touched his cock. As soon as I wrapped my fingers around his cock, it began to bulge and engorge. Ben closed his eyes, and where his mind went well, I was going to say I didn't have a clue. But thinking about it now, I guess I must have had an inkling he was thinking about me.

Don't get me wrong, at this point in time -- fucking my son was definitely a red line that I was not going to cross. Jerking him off was one thing, to alleviate his horniness. But there could be no defence for letting him fuck me. I knew that, and I told myself that over and over. I convinced myself that I would never, ever let it happen no matter what. At least, I thought I had convinced myself. But like all my thoughts around that time, they never went away, they just hid in the recesses of my mind until there was enough of them to gang up on my morality and decency and give them a good kicking.

I slowly began to slide my hand up and down his cock, my fingers quite loose around his shaft. When I got to the tip, I squeezed a bit harder, and Ben twitched. I know that's a very sensitive area for a man, but I usually use my tongue on that bit. Using my hand felt a little odd.

My husband wasn't keen on hand or blow jobs, he preferred to get straight to dipping the wick so to speak. Consequently my experience with giving hand jobs was not good. I failed to realise, for example that it needs to be lubricated.

After a few short strokes, Ben coughed, and I knew he needed to say something. "Mum ... umm... I think you need ... ummm ... do you have ... your hand is too dry." He offered eventually, still a little awkward about what was happening, despite his obvious excitement.

Now I'm not so naïve that I don't know about using saliva as a lubricant. Briefly I did consider going to get the bottle of lube I had in the drawer but figured that saliva would be enough in this case. I really didn't expect for it to take more than a couple of minutes.

I looked up, straight into the eyes of my own son. My mouth was closed as I tried to accumulate as much spit and saliva as I could in my mouth, and I coughed a little seeing the look on his face. It was priceless and it reminded me of the look he had on his very first Christmas morning. It was a look of total awe, amazement and unbelievable excitement.

I really don't know what turned me on the most, seeing his face or knowing what I was about to do. But there was no mistaking, and there's no point in me denying it here -- I was getting wet, only very slightly and again I tried to blame it on the water from the shower. But deep down, I knew it was my own pussy juice.

God how could I have been so stupid to think it wouldn't affect me? I honestly thought I could jerk off my son and not get turned on. I could justify what I was doing, it was for Ben's sake, and I was content with that. What I hadn't bargained on was getting turned on myself. I was such an idiot.

Even as I opened my mouth and allowed the saliva to drip into my hand, the war in my head began in earnest. And what is it they say? 'The first casualty of war is truth.'

Part of my head was screaming at me, that I was dirty and disgusting, I was a vile and evil woman for taking pleasure with her own son. I was sick, perverted and depraved. I was acting like a cock hungry slut, a nasty horrible whore. I wasn't fit to be a mother, I was an useless parent that didn't deserve kids. I was immoral and deeply corrupted, and I needed help.

Oh yes, all that and more. Absolute revulsion and disgust, my head was just spinning with all these emotions. Guilt, embarrassment, shame and remorse -- they were all just tearing into me, ripping my mind to pieces with their constant threats of what will happen if I do this. My inner voice screamed that he was my son, as if I needed reminding.

I began to believe the voice. My son didn't 'need' a blow job. He needed a sexual release, and a hand job with some lube would suffice and was the least disgusting way in which to help him. It almost worked.

But then, as I glanced down at the pulsing, rigid cock in my hand -- the purple head engorged and powerful -- into my mind came riding the proverbial white knight. Pure lust and desire slammed into me, in a huge wave that washed everything away in its wake. My mind exploded at the thought of having this gorgeous big cock, my son's cock -- in my mouth. The thought of running my tongue up and down the shaft, of running it around the tip it completely consumed me. In my mind's eye I saw my lips wrapping around the purple head and of me sucking gently. I imagined how his balls would feel in my mouth. Yes, at this point I knew I was actually going to put my son's balls in my mouth and suck them. That is how far gone I was.

The dissenting voices in my head stopped. No room there now, for any other emotions apart from lust, desire and excitement. When I think about it, I know that at the time I was of the firm belief that this would be a one off act. I honestly didn't think or believe that it had to lead to anything else. Despite the dissenting thoughts, I felt I still had enough modicum of decency to know it had to be just this once.

But I was also consumed with lust for this cock, so cupping both my hands around underneath the tip in a sort of basket I opened my mouth and allowed the saliva to dribble down onto the tip of Ben's cock.

If Ben was feeling any doubt or uncertainty, he definitely wasn't showing it. His face bore a wide contented smile and his eyes were closed in what I hoped was excited anticipation.

I must confess the anticipation was killing me too, and after using my fingers to smother the saliva along his shaft as best I could I took a deep breath and lowered my open mouth onto my son's cock.

It felt absolutely fantastic, I'm not going to lie. And any of you reading this expecting me to be ashamed or remorseful -- well you'll be disappointed. It felt like a dam had broken inside of me, it had been so long since I had sucked a cock. I'd forgotten how it felt on my tongue, how it felt to run my tongue around it and tickle the underside of the head where the sensitive part it.

As soon as I did that, Ben twitched and moaned loudly "Oh fuck Mum, that feels incredible."

I knew right then that he hadn't had that done to him before. I knew my son's sex life was limited but I didn't really know by how much. In my mind, I resolved that since this was going to be a one off, I was going to give my son the best blow job of his entire life. One that he would use to measure all future blow jobs against.

Starting with the head, I pursed my lips leaving them slightly open and then guided just the tip of Ben's cock in and out of my mouth. Keeping the head in my mouth, I swirled my tongue around it, lapping and licking gently. Then I used the tip of my tongue, and gently pushed it down the little piss hole. Some men don't like it, some do -- but again, it was obvious that my son had never experienced this before. Judging by his reaction, he quite enjoyed it.

My mind, and my heart was soaring at this point. The pleasure I was experiencing was on so many different levels. On a personal level, it was so gratifying to have a real cock in my mouth after so long. I'm no different to most women in that I use a dildo when I pleasure myself. So of course when I am fantasising, I will usually take the dildo in my mouth, and pretend to give it a blow job. But it was just fantastic to finally have a real one to suck on.

On another level, as a woman it was great to have that feeling that I could still have this effect on a man. As women get older, at least as I got older, I did begin to doubt and question my attractiveness and desirability. Yes, it was my son, but it still gave me a warm feeling to know that he remained hard and wasn't immediately turned off. Sometimes you just have to take the compliments when they arrive.

Also, on a motherly level I was pleased with myself that I was able to offer my son this sexual release. I had been telling myself all along that Ben needed this, that it was no different to wiping his backside. It was something that he would normally do, but was currently unable to. And who else, other than a mother could do it. OK, so what if in doing so I gained a little bit of pleasure from it too -- that didn't hurt anyone.

Did I say 'a little bit of pleasure'? My fucking clit was by now raging with desire. I dared not let my hand anywhere near it for fear I would just explode, and my pussy would gush everywhere.

Ben let out another loud groan of approval as I slowly let my lips encircle his cock firmly, and I rested my teeth on the shaft. Then slowly, I fed the shaft deeper into my warm, wet and willing mouth. My son's cock had quite a big girth as I think I mentioned, and when erect I couldn't get my forefinger and thumb to meet when I wrapped it around -- there was about an inch gap. That might give you an idea of how wide my mouth was stretched as I took my son's cock further into my mouth and prepared to take it down my throat.

Yes, that's right. I was going to try and deep throat my son's huge cock. I already said I wanted it to be the best blow job, and I also guessed that it was yet one more experience that he had never had. To be honest, I hadn't had much experience of it myself having done it possibly just half a dozen times with men that were far less well-endowed than my son. The largest cock I managed to take and keep down my throat was about 7 to 8 inches and that was a bit of a struggle. But when it comes to controlling the gag reflex, it's not just the length that's the issue, it's the girth.

I'll be straight with you, I was somewhat concerned. I'd seen enough porn videos of guys being deep throated, and seen the women cough and wheeze as they did it. I'd seen the bulging eyes, the tears, the snotty noses and the drool dripping out of the mouth. I'd also seen the videos where the men grab the woman's head and push their cocks all the way in. That worried me I recall now, because since Ben had not experienced it before he may just get carried away and try to bury his huge cock right down my throat as a natural instinct. And that, let's be honest could have blocked my airway and had some very bad consequences.

I didn't want my son's first experience of a deep throat to leave a vision of his mum, with tear filled bulging eyes, gasping for air with snot and sputum running down her nose and out of her mouth.

But all in good time, I wasn't even half done with my son's cock yet. I slid my mouth down his cock, letting my teeth gently graze the shaft as I did so. I took it in as far as I was able without it being too uncomfortable, where I was still able to breathe. Then I wrapped my hand around it at that point and withdrew my mouth to see how much I knew I could comfortably take -- it was about 5 - 6 inches or halfway I guess is the best way to give you the idea.

My eyes went wide, and I remember thinking that there was no way I was going to get more than another inch or so down my neck. As I rolled this over in my mind, I continued my ministrations on my son's cock. I lifted the shaft up and then starting at the base, I ran the tip of my tongue all the way from the base of his balls up to the tip, feeling his cock twitch as I did so.

I repeated this action a few times, hearing Ben begin to groan now, and I guess he was really enjoying it and was getting close to coming. I really didn't want him to come too soon, so I eased off slightly. I realise now, that that was slightly at odds with the mantra I had been using to get me through this, in that the end result was to just provide him with sexual relief -- not sexual pleasure.

But that barely made a dent in my now lust laden excitement that was coursing through me. I remember being overcome with the incredible urge to take his balls in my mouth, so I lowered my head right down on the bed and lifted his cock up as high as I could. Even in this position, with Ben's lack of upper body mobility I was only just able to get to his ball sack.

Ben bent his knees slightly, I guess he knew what I was trying to do and I remember thinking that maybe he had had this done to him before. With my other hand still holding and stroking his cock gently, I extended my tongue and used the tip to tickle his balls. As shiver ran through him, I felt him tremble. I guess a lot of guys get nervous when a woman's mouth is that close to the crown jewels.

I licked and kissed his balls for a while, taking the loose skin in my mouth and rolling my tongue around it slowly. Once I felt Ben was comfortable with it, I opened my mouth and slowly sucked one of his balls into my mouth. I knew I had to be super careful and very gentle, so I just let it rest on my tongue for a while more. Ben's breathing got a little more erratic, but as it began to calm, I started to roll my tongue around his balls like I would eating a boiled sweet.