Broken Trust on the Homefront

"Halland?!" I blurted out, my voice laced with desperation. I needed answers, but this wasn't the arid expanse of Afghanistan. This was a dimly lit room, adorned with personal touches - this was home. Jennifer's place. Our place. I looked around, feeling my heart race even faster as the dissonance between my memories and reality grew.

"Huh?" Jennifer's voice sounded concerned, confused.

I turned my head to her, my expression etched with a cocktail of stress, confusion, and fear. "Hal- Halland. Where is he?"

Her soft voice tried to soothe me, "Honey, it's just me here." Jennifer reached out, her touch gentle as she caressed my face. Her presence began to anchor me, bit by bit, back to the present. "You were making a lot of noise in your sleep... sounded like a nightmare."

My gaze remained fixed on a point at the foot of the bed, my mind racing to reconcile the past and the present. I brought my hands up to my face, pressing my palms against my temples and cheeks as if trying to physically push away the chaos in my mind. "I'll... be okay," I whispered, more to myself than to her.

Jennifer surprised me by wrapping her arms around me, her embrace warm and comforting. "It's okay... I'm here with you."

As her words resonated in the room, a glimmer of reassurance began to seep into my heart. The weight of her presence and the familiarity of our surroundings gradually helped me untangle the web of confusion that had consumed me. Yet, the lingering question remained: what had just happened to my mind, and why was my reality twisting and shifting like sand in the desert winds?

I laid there as she fell asleep as her phone vibrated. I glanced over, half curious and half checking the room for threats as I saw she received a text message. Who would be texting her this late at night? I shook my head and exhaled as I laid back down. There was too much to process.

I woke up the next morning and Jennifer was gone. I sat up and threw on some PT shorts as I moved to the kitchen and began to cook for myself. I was still jet lagged from the journey from a thousand miles away to here and it was finally setting its toll on me as I groaned to myself. I turned my attention back to my task at hand, which was to get myself back on track.

After fetching a plate, I served myself and sat in silence in the dining room as I continued to eat my quick meal. I reached for my phone, seeing a text message from Pyler.

SPC Pyler: You good bro?

I quickly sent the text without hesitation as I wasn't going to admit to having a nightmare as soon as I spent my first night at home.

R: Yeah, I'm fine man.

His chat bubble popped up immediately.

SPC Pyler: Just checking in. Hey Morten and I are going to hang out later tonight, would you like to join us?

R: What type of question is that? Yes, I would!

SPC Pyler: Be ready by 2000.

I ended the conversation by reacting to his message with a thumbs up. I scrolled through Facebook, seeing if anything appeared as I continued to munch away on my breakfast I made. Nothing interesting so I closed the phone and set my phone down as I heard laughing from outside the door. I quickly lowered my fork and scanned the room for any defensive weapons I could use as the door began to open. Fuck, this is how I go out!

"Shhh, guys, he's sleeping!" Jennifer's voice cut through the air.

"We won't be too loud, I promise!" That voice - Gavin's. A surge of discomfort twisted in my gut, and I averted my gaze, focusing on my food.

"Yeah, show us your place, Jen!" The female voice chimed in, the giggle that followed adding to my unease.

I kept my attention on my plate, determined not to let the rising tension consume me. The trio entered the house, their presence like a shadow cast over the room. Gavin's voice cut through the silence once again.

"Damn, you can cook too?"

Jennifer's response was tinged with confusion, "I didn't make food. I just went to the gym with you guys! Someone must have broken in."

As they made their way into the kitchen that overlooked the dining area, I remained seated, continuing to eat my breakfast. Jennifer's surprise at my presence went unnoticed, and she addressed me in a disbelief-like tone. "Robert? You're up this early?"

I couldn't help but suppress my frustration, even though I knew Jennifer's actions weren't necessarily a breach of trust. Still, Gavin's presence grated on me, and I struggled to shake the feeling that something was off about him. "It's a little after 4:30 PM in Afghanistan. I'm surprised I slept in this late."

The trio's baffled expressions met my statement, their confusion mirrored in their blinking. Ignoring their looks, I pushed back my chair and got up, sliding my phone between my shorts and skin, hoping it would stay in place. I deposited my plate in the sink and turned around, only to find Gavin standing before me.

The tension between us was palpable. My gut instincts warred with my desire not to cause unnecessary conflict. His words hung in the air, a mixture of apology and awkwardness.

"Hey... Rob. I just want to apologize for what I did back in high school. Shit wasn't right, and I changed," Gavin's voice was hesitant, his eyes flickering with an attempt at sincerity.

I took a slow breath, my mind grappling with the surge of emotions his presence triggered. The past was a complex tapestry of memories, some I was more than willing to forget. But accepting his apology was more complicated than it seemed. I met his gaze, my expression guarded. "It's in the past. Don't worry about it."

"God Jen, why is your boyfriend hot?" The woman's voice flowed into the room, accompanied by Jennifer's laughter.

"I just have good taste in men, what can I say? You're lucky you tamed Gavin, Lina!" Jennifer's teasing tone carried a warmth that clashed with the unease roiling within me.

Lina's blush was audible in her response, and Gavin's actions sat heavily in the air. He took a seat beside her, gratitude coloring his voice as he acknowledged Jennifer's words.

As the trio spent the day together, I chose to keep my distance. Sleep was my refuge, a way to counteract the time zone differences that had left me disoriented. Hours melted away as I sought solace in slumber. But eventually, the world reclaimed my consciousness, and I rose from bed at the sound of my alarm.

The act of getting ready was both routine and surreal. Blue jeans, a unit t-shirt - the familiar attire of everyday life. I slipped on cowboy boots, a relic from a time of daredevil impulsiveness. Halland's memory surged forth, his absence a haunting presence that shadowed my every thought.

Closing my eyes, I clenched my fist in frustration. He was gone, buried beneath the desert sands, and yet his specter lingered, an indelible mark on my existence. I shook my head, forcing myself to focus on the present as the minutes ticked closer to 8 PM.

Pushing open the door, I caught sight of the trio - Gavin nestled between Lina and Jennifer. I averted my gaze, aware that confronting my feelings about Gavin could lead to a confrontation I wasn't prepared for. The unsettling feeling remained, an undercurrent of doubt that tinged my perception of the evening.

Making my way through the living room, I caught Jennifer's gaze as she poked her head up. Her eyes held a mix of curiosity and concern, and I offered her a reassuring smile. "Going out with the guys tonight. I'll be back later."

"I'll be fine Jen. Love you." My words were genuine, an affirmation of the bond that remained steadfast despite the uncertainties plaguing my thoughts.

Jen smiled as her heart warmed. I left the house and closed the door behind me as Morten and Pyler were sitting in Morten's truck. "Ready little brother?"

"Solid and good to go!"

An hour later, we were sitting around a fire in the forest as we were all drinking beers. We occasionally chatted, but mostly we just needed to be around each other. We considered it our safe space to be around our guys. I took a long swig of my beer, holding the bottle in between my legs as I rested my elbows on my knees. "I'm going to be real. Everything is much more different than I imagined."

Pyler nodded. "It happens. We expect to jump into a new world and live and do our jobs while life here freezes, but once we get back, reality hits. We left people's lives, and they adapted without us present." He took another swig of his beer. "Time never stopped for them."

Morten nodded as he stared at the burning logs. "Our country is foreign to us now."

I wanted to reply and ask if that was truly the case but then I remembered seeing how Jen reacted this morning. She had her own group of friends and didn't rely on me as much as she did. It was difficult to swallow but that was the truth. I looked down at the dirt and just sighed. "I had a nightmare last night."

"You were back in the sand?" Pyler turned his head slightly to me as I nodded.

"Williams and Halland were there."

Morten leaned back against the log he was propped up on, "Just wait until you wake up in a firefight."

Pyler nodded and said nothing as he remained silent, still sipping on his beer, meanwhile I reached out a hand, asking for another silently.

Morten chuckled and shook his head as he fetched another drink from the box. "God damn, drinking machine. This is your seventh one already." I laughed too as I popped the cap off and began to drink, still watching the fire.

I stared at the flames as the faces of the people I killed flooded my mind. I shook my head as I leaned back to the sky. I was not the man Jennifer fell in love with now, would she still be able to accept me?

Morten glanced over at me, "What's on your mind?"

I sighed, leaning back my head to the stars. "Jennifer is. I just want to be the perfect man for her."

"As long as you try your hardest bud." Morten nodded at me, trying to reassure me.

I groaned as I pushed myself up, "I'm gonna go take a piss. I'll be right back." I stepped off into the woods as Pyler shot Morten a glance.

"I have a feeling there's more to this."

Morten took another swig of his beer, finishing the drink off. "He'll open up about the issue one day. We need to keep an eye on him though."

I finished my nice relaxing piss in the woods as I checked my phone, no messages. Something hurt as I felt like I wasn't a priority anymore, why was I thinking like this? She just adapted differently to me being away. She's more independent. I tucked my phone away as I returned to the fire and sat back with my brothers. Nothing much was said as we just rested for a decent time, enjoying just being in the presence of the two.

I returned home later that night, the weight of the hours spent with Morten and Pyler still hanging over me. Lina and Gavin's absence was a relief, yet a tangle of emotions gnawed at my insides. Jennifer lay on the couch, passed out in peaceful slumber. Her phone buzzed, a sound that normally would have gone unnoticed in the quiet room. But this time, something drew my attention. The sender's ID caught my eye, and a mixture of curiosity and unease prompted me to step closer.

Quietly, I picked up her phone, memories of her password coming to me easily. As I unlocked the phone, a rush of guilt swept over me. I wasn't proud of what I was doing, invading her privacy like this. But my gut was telling me that something was amiss.

The message was there, from Gavin. A surge of anger swelled within me as I read his words:

Gavin: I had a great time hanging out with you, Jen! Sucks your boyfriend came home though, would've been a better time ;)

I scrolled through the messages, my heart sinking as I uncovered a pattern. Gavin's persistence, his pressure, and Jennifer's repeated refusal - it was all laid out before me. I wanted to believe that she had handled the situation well, that she had stood her ground. And she had, to an extent.

My heart clenched as I read her reply:

Jen <3: Look, Gavin, you're a nice guy, but I'm in a relationship.

Gavin: And? Is he around?

Jen <3: I must stay loyal, okay? I'll hook you up with a friend of mine if you want something that badly.

Gavin: ... I want you though.

Jen <3: I know, and I would love to, but I can't cheat on him. I'm sorry.

Gavin: Won't stop me, I'll get you one day, Jen.

Jen <3: Keep trying, who knows, maybe :P

Closing the phone, I set it back down on the table. My mind was a whirlwind of emotions - anger, betrayal, confusion. I clenched my fists, fighting the urge to confront Jennifer right then and there. But looking at her sleeping form, I hesitated. The distance had taken its toll on our relationship, and maybe this was just a symptom of that strain.

I shook my head, my frustration mixed with concern. Leaning down, I gently scooped her into my arms, careful not to wake her. I carried her to our bedroom, a sense of protectiveness driving my actions. Slowly, I placed her on her side of the bed, the softness of the moment contrasting with the turbulence inside me. Crawling in beside her, I closed my eyes, hoping that sleep would bring some clarity.

The night passed with fewer nightmares than usual, the absence of white noise making my mind restless. I held Jennifer close, my arm draped around her, seeking comfort in her presence despite the confusion that lingered between us.

Three months later, it was my 21st birthday, an event that felt overshadowed by the approaching deployment. The March air carried a bitter chill, a reflection of the bleak outlook that loomed before us. Work for the day was done, and I returned home, a mixture of weariness and apprehension weighing on my shoulders. The war was escalating, and the inevitability of another deployment hung heavily in the air.

Pushing open the door, I was greeted by an unexpected sight. Jennifer stood there, capturing photos in revealing attire. My surprise was momentarily replaced by a smile, though it didn't quite reach my eyes. "Hey, honey, I'm home."

She appeared slightly startled at my arrival, her smile quick to recover as she beckoned me closer. "Come here, stud."

Drawn in by her allure, I approached, our lips meeting in a passionate kiss that carried us onto the bed. Hours melted away in the embrace of our connection, a momentary respite from the world's turmoil. As exhaustion settled in, Jennifer fell asleep in my arms, her phone vibrating once more. The familiar nagging feeling tugged at me, prompting me to check her messages once again.

And there it was. A picture in lingerie, sent to Gavin. Rage simmered within me, threatening to bubble over. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, the words exchanged between them an assault on the trust I had placed in Jennifer.

Gavin <3: That's hot as fuck, my little Jem.

Jen <3<3: Thanks... I shouldn't be sending this, but I've been so fucking lonely.

Gavin <3: That little prick not know how to take care of you?

Jen <3<3: Lol stop it! Robert's a good person.

Gavin <3: Then why am I doing his job?

Jen <3<3: Well... he hasn't been himself since he returned.

Gavin <3: So I'm the better man to take care of you?

Jen <3<3: Idk, I just really like this attention even though it's wrong.

I felt a surge of fury rise within me. My breathing quickened, heat flushed my face, and the room seemed to shrink around me. I needed to get out. My hand clenched the phone as I stood up, the intense mix of emotions overwhelming me. The injustice of it all, the betrayal, the disregard for our relationship - it was a storm of anger and hurt that threatened to consume me.

In my rage, my fingers dialed Pyler's number almost without conscious thought. His voice came through the line, a grounding presence amidst the storm that raged within me. "Yo Rob, what's up?"

"I'm going to fucking murder someone!" I yelled into the phone, my anger uncontainable as I stormed out of the apartment, the cold night air doing nothing to quell the fire burning within.

"Woah woah woah. Calm it down, killer. I'm on my way to you. Don't do anything fucking stupid," Pyler's voice was firm, a reminder that my impulses could lead to disastrous consequences.

He hung up, leaving me alone in the parking lot, my emotions a tempest that threatened to consume me. I paced back and forth, the waves of rage and hatred crashing against my chest. Jennifer had promised to be there for me, to support me, and yet here she was, entangled in something that felt like a betrayal.

I struggled to control my breathing, my efforts to calm myself in vain. Red haze clouded my vision as I lashed out, swinging my fists at whatever was within reach. The world around me blurred as I connected with a solid surface, the impact sending a jolt of pain through my hand. For a moment, the physical pain matched the emotional turmoil within me. As my breaths grew more ragged, I stared at my injured hand, feeling a strange sense of detachment from the pain.

Clutching my injured hand, pain coursing through my bruised and bloodied knuckles, I took a step back, attempting to regain control over the storm of emotions raging within me. "That fucking slut," I hissed through gritted teeth, struggling to temper my seething anger.

Moments later, Pyler's truck careened into the parking lot, its hasty parking an afterthought in his urgency. He jumped out and rushed over to me, concern etching lines on his face. "What the fuck happened, Rob?"

"Dan, I'm going to kill someone," I responded, my voice laced with a mixture of fury and desperation. Tears pricked at my eyes as panic began to rise, my knees giving way, and I landed heavily on the ground.

"Let's get you inside. We'll talk about it, okay?" Pyler's voice was steady, a lifeline in the midst of my turmoil.

"No, fuck her. I want nothing to do with that lying bitch," I spat, my anger overtaking my rationality.

Recognition dawned in Pyler's eyes. He understood the source of my rage. "Come on, let's go inside and take care of that hand, then we'll figure out what to do."

With Pyler's support, I stood up, my legs shaky from the emotional storm that had taken hold of me. We made our way back indoors, the weight of what I had seen still heavy on my chest. I sat on the couch, my thoughts spiraling as I wrestled with the whirlwind of emotions.

Pyler fetched a first aid kit, tending to my hand as best he could. His words cut through my anger, reminding me of the consequences of rash actions. "Hey, focus, Rob. Career first. You do something stupid; your ass is out, and you truly will be fucked."

His words struck a chord within me, resonating with a truth that went beyond the immediate anger. I nodded in acknowledgment, my determination to keep my composure reaffirmed. "I'm... good."

Pyler's decisive action led us out of the apartment, and we drove to a nearby bar. Morten awaited us there, a solid presence amid the chaos in my mind.

"You good, bud?" Morten's question was simple, but it carried a depth of understanding that went beyond the surface. I looked at him, his face mirroring concern and support.

I exhaled heavily, attempting to find the words to convey the tumultuous storm that raged within me. "I'm far from it, but I'm not alone. Thanks, guys."

"Chick problems," Pyler interjected, his words breaking through the storm in my mind as he and Morten guided me inside the bar. We settled at a booth, the atmosphere lightening as Pyler declared, "Since this is your 21st, we're getting you FUCKED up tonight!" His proclamation was met with cheers from the bar's patrons, glasses raised in a collective toast.

"Happy birthday, bud!" The chorus of well-wishes surrounded me, a reminder that I wasn't alone in this tumultuous moment. I lowered my head, my thoughts still swirling with anger and confusion. Retrieving my phone, I scowled at the messages, my fingers itching to respond in the heat of the moment. But I caught myself, turning the phone off before I could do something impulsive.