All Comments on 'Brother, Please?'

Way unexpected from a first-time short story. I loved it and I have never had an incest urge in my life. This sister is so lovable. Keep if up girl.

I say that the correct spelling would be "after you passed out".

First, I want to comment to Anonymous; funny how you picked up the misspell of the word 'passed', which was most likely an auto correction by the computer, but missed the use of the word 'be' before and after 'almost' further on. If you are going to complain about "free" literature, then at least have the guts to use your name! Enough of my rant about "anonymous" cowards.

I especially liked the progression of the sister's bravery in her desires description as her arousal rose while writing the letter. A great romantic tale. I hope there will be an answer from her brother soon. Thank you for your work.

I was going to go with a private comment, but since others have opened the discussion about first time jitters, here goes. I also noted a couple of instances of autocorrect to the wrong word. No big deal. I've seen long time, experienced authors encounter the same.

Since your profile implies that this is the first of many stories to be posted here, I would recommend seeking the assistance of one of the editors that offer their services to authors. That will help with the duplication of words within a sentence. When we proofread our own stuff, we tend to skip over those things, and only read what the words were supposed to be.

This is a great letter from big sister. You were able to immediately give me the feeling that sister is a college coed, and brother is a high school senior. I fell for sister. Was able to feel her feelings for brother.

Looking forward to future tales.

Jim

Sorry I did not find this story very stimulating

I hope we get to read his response. Great story. Thanks for sharing.

Yeay! This is based on an actual letter I sent to my "brother." I will figure out how to edit if possible...

I am hoping this will lead to a relationship with these sexy siblings.

i'm not sure what type of feedback you were looking for. I guess in the spirit of full disclosure, the stories that have the most appeal to me tend to be ones that have more of a build up of the sexual tension between the brother and the sister. I'm not really a great person to turn to for literary criticism, but if you were serious about wanting feedback, here is my reaction to your story.

I liked the idea of a sister writing a letter to her brother ... and starting to disclose her feelings for him within the letter. I also thought that the idea in the back story was a good start, although I wanted to know more about how they came to have an "accidental kiss" while they were drinking. What didn't work for me was how fast she disclosed her lustful desires for him. He's her little brother (I have no clue about the age difference), and so somehow she has transformed from a protective older sister to a somewhat of a cougar for her little brother.

So, this is the confusing part to me .. does she want to make love to her brother .. is her lustful desire for her brother just that, lustful desire and she doesn't really have deep emotions for him? In my universe, her motivation wouldn't be so much to "fuck him" as it would be to express her love for him through kissing, caressing, and touching. This is where there is a bit of disconnect as well .. was it just one kiss that unleashed this?

I think the story would be much more realistic if they had a drunken night where they were drinking together, and then started to kiss, and spent the night together, not having intercourse, and maybe not even having any clothes come off, but having this long passionate erotic session, where they both eventually are so exhausted that they fall asleep in each other's arms, and wake up the next day feeling vulnerable and awkward and unable to talk about the night before. It is the tension that is caused by the inability to discuss what happened and their feelings for each other that is obsessing her, but yet she doesn't have the courage to talk to him directly and has to put her feelings on paper.

I think from there -- her letter could get more erotic as it goes along -- but I think it would be much more interesting if it was less "pornographic" (i.e. I want to blow you) and more erotic (i.e. "Every time I see you, I have this longing desire to reach out an touch you ...but I know that I can't because I don't want to risk anyone seeing me do it ..." and "Every night, when I go to bed, I think of our night together, with our bodies entwined, and kissing each other so passionately .. and I want to feel that again ..." and "And as I lie in bed thinking of how we kissed .. my fingers slide down underneath my tops of my panties and I start to touch myself ... thinking about how it would feel if it were your fingers touching me rather than my own ..."

I think about how I would undress you ... I'd start by unbuttoning your shirt and allowing my hands to run across your firm chest, feeling the heat rise off of your body ... .. or I want to run my fingertips across your nipples and feel your getting aroused for me .. I want you to desire me as much as I desire you.

OK .. hopefully you can see what my approach would be ... but then maybe you weren't going for more eroticism ... So, that's my feedback, if you're interested in discussing it more .. just drop me a line back.