All Comments on 'Brothers Drink'

Hey, people reading this!

First off thank you, it means a lot.

Second, I would LOVE to hear from anyone. Positive or negative critisism helps me tremendously to improve; especially starting out!

Not bad for a first attempt. I would suggest a little more setup, such as names, what they look like, what led up to the situation. Anyway thanks for the the story, and keep up the writing.

I understand the dom/submission thing, but I tire of the idea of the man being a stud and the woman a slut. But then I'm much more a romantic -- to each his own I reckon.

Still, we have this culture that states a woman is a skank if she loves sex while a man is a GOD. I'd rather read about equals

@writersjab and my other commenters name whom escapes me. Thanks for the comments, I'll take what you said into account.

As far as the stud/slut goes I am working on something that is role reversed - but personally the degration is part of it that I personally enjoy /during/ the act only.

Thanks again!

While I lean more towards Femdom rather than maledom, this short story has opened my eyes a bit.

I think it is because the whole scenario plays out within an emotional environment that is loving and not violent. In my twisted view of the world, it is OK for a woman to cause a man a little bit of pain, but seriously distressed women in pain makes me feel bad!

That's all I have to say.

CRAP

This hardcore turned me on. The brother sister banter was so playful & hot. Love, your writing is exquisite.

Sorry!!

@Chytown - I'm sorry you didn't like it, but my writting can't please everyone. Could you possibly specify what you didn't like so I can attempt to improve later?

@Ariesorwhateva - thank you very much! Glad I could arouse a fellow sub!

An editor may help you. You need an "apostrophe S" for "Brother's" and "Sister's". You tag line reads like there are several brothers and sisters within the tale. Also, how can someone "stretch out and relax" as they're "walking into a room"?

Mistakes like these do distract. Out of respect, I did not vote.

Please explain exactly how hips can be sultry; lips, yes, eyes, oh yes, expression, sometimes; hips? Nope. You're reaching for expressive simile and hyperbole, which I applaud, but without understanding the way they should be used, and it's just not good enough. There are so many grammar and writing forums and coaching/how-to sites, would it have hurt to take a wander over to one or two of them and learn a few basic rules, or get a good thesaurus? No stars, you've got enough problems without me voting you down as well.

To anonymous - the definition of Sultry is attractive in a way that suggests or causes sexual desire. Yes, lips can be sultry and it can be used to explain an expression but the word is synonymous with Sexy, Voluptous, and attractive.

It's is after all and adjective.

Thank you for the feedback however, I'll think about possibly sticking to more 'normal' uses of words and stay in a box (:

@EquinoxRising

Yes, indeed. This published copy was PUREY first draft shit.

I actually do all edits for another author and didn't take any time to edit my own work.

Honestly, I didn't think anyone would comment - good or bad, or vote, or really actually read it. My bad.

As far as the stretching and relaxing and what you said. I'm not sure what part your referring to ((I would if I had taken the time to edit this)) but again... It's a dry, shitty first draft that really could use editing.

Thank you for letting me know that it is distracting though, I can imagine it is. I'll be editing anything else I do put up and may test drive having an editor.

Turns out putting up lazy, unedited content is never ever a good idea no matter how bad you think your own work will turn out.

I like the subtitle, "A daily life, brothers in boxers and sisters in panties." Paints a great picture of family life. The boys going around with their fat young cocks jumping around in their shorts, their sisters parading with their cute little coochies peeking out from their panties. Look, this is family--no need to be shy, brothers and sisters are always real interested in what the others have between their legs. His sister's sweet little slit is the first pussy a boy ever sees, just as her brother's chubby penis hanging down over his balls is the first manly package a girl ever lays her eyes on. When her brother springs a big hard on and grins, his sis gapes in delighted wonder. And when they figure out what goes into what (it doesn't take long), they engage in the joyful incestuous fucks of loving siblings. The kid pumps away at his sister's tight little twat, she has her first cum from a cock, and he blows his brotherly balls and shoots his first load of semen into a warm wet female hole. Then they do it over and over again, every fucking chance they get. Mom and dad are smugly pleased at how well their children get along, not like some other people's kids.