Buds

The way he'd rushed from the room told me what I needed to know. It wasn't what he wanted. I was terrified of facing him now and I knew it was going to be impossible to not do so. We lived together. We were friends. It had gone way too far.

Normally I'd fall asleep with music playing in my ears. Not tonight. I wanted to hear nothing. My brain wouldn't be silenced. Regret gnawed at my skull, and my confused thoughts buzzed about in my head. There was no way of knowing exactly how long I lay there, but it was quite a while before the door opened to our dorm room.

I didn't move. I did my best to peek down across my body and peer through the darkness at the door. It was Dalton. I could tell that much in the light from the hallway. The door had opened slowly, and was shut with just as much care. For a few seconds I lost sight of him, and I held my breath and listened to the dark for his footfalls. When I saw him in the dim colorful glow of my RGB lights at my desk, I shut my eyes and began a rythymic breathing pattern, trying to give the illusion that I was asleep.

Dalton was trying to be silent. Normally, I could hear him in the night tromping through the room to go to the bathroom. Now there was hardly a sound as he moved through the room. I could tell he was at his wall locker, probably changing into sleepwear. He normally slept in a pair of basketball shorts and a tank. By the time I built the courage to peek through my eyelids into the room, I felt Dalton crawling into his bed in the bunk below.

I listened for quite a while longer. I heard nothing.

My roommate had snuck back in. He'd no doubt planned it that way, waiting a while to return and then avoiding the situation just as I planned to do.

It only made me worry even more.

****

Dalton was gone when I woke the next morning. It was Saturday, so that wasn't entirely odd. I breathed a sigh of relief seeing his bunk empty. I wasn't sure sleeping had made me any more prepared to face him.

The entire day was a slog. It was drizzling rain, which only made my head feel more fuzzy. I felt like I was hungover, or like I'd stayed awake all night gaming. In reality, my mind had never truly gotten back in order. I tried to carry on about the day like nothing had ever happened. For some reason I hoped the daytime would make that easier to do.

I spent the morning doing laundry in the dorm hall. Normally, I'd return to my room and mess around on the computer while my clothes were in the wash. We never really had to worry about anyone stealing clothes or tossing laundry out of the machine in our dorm. I avoided going back to the room, opting to sit on one of the dryers and listen to music, swiping mindlessly through my phone for distraction.

I ate lunch alone at a local bar and grill. Most of the time I stirred French fries aimlessly through a puddle of ketchup and stared at a sports channel on one of the TVs above the bar. I eyed the sea of bottles and considered ordering a drink, now that I was of age. It wasn't exactly appealing. Drinking alcohol alone wasn't exactly the kind of college partying I'd ever envisioned, if any at all.

I had to return to the room when it was time to get ready for the tournament. We'd decided to start at three o'clock since the tournaments usually lasted for hours, and many of the guys had talked about doing something tonight after we wrapped things up. I fetched my bag and made sure that I had my card collection prepared. I freshened up and procrastinated for a while, waiting until the last minute until I had to leave.

I knew I was really waiting for Dalton.

I didn't see him the entire day. He had returned to the room at some point, I could tell as much by his bed being made and his wall locker being left open. A set of dirty clothes lay on the floor, a calling card of Dalton's. He'd probably changed over for the tournament. I waited until it was time to leave, wondering if he might walk back in, at which point the two of us might be forced to confront one another about what had happened with clear heads and a night of sleep behind us.

I never got the chance to see Dalton before the tournament.

I walked in a daze down the sidewalk. It was only a few blocks to the computer shop that Jessie's uncle ran. The entire walk, all I could think about was Dalton. In truth, it was all I thought about all day long. Outwardly I'd pretended that I would clear my head and act like nothing had happened. My head was a fuzzy mess of lust filled memory, though.

I'd felt ashamed right after. I wasn't gay. I didn't think Dalton was either. I started to question everything, right back to the first time we'd ever watched porn together. It'd started as a kind of drunken joke. We'd stayed awake one night, and Dalton had been showing me his favorite porn stars and E-girls for some reason. Then it turned into a dare. The times that followed became a sort of secret game, one that only we shared. None of our friends knew about it, nor did anyone at class.

All day I had wondered if it was really as innocent as it seemed. Maybe Dalton had always planned for something like this. Maybe it was a long form coercion to make what happened last night happen. It certainly made a lot of sense. Why else would he have eventually suggested we do it on the same bunk? Side by side? What, so that we could make sure there was no "cheating" while we both tugged our cocks together?

But... I kept seeing his face. The expression he'd given me. Both during, and after what had happened. Dalton had seemed like a zombie, fixated on me, my erection. He'd made a move to touch it, then to lick it, and he wouldn't stop. He kept taking it further. It's like that's what he wanted.

Until I came in his mouth. I didn't mean to. I knew I didn't. I hadn't meant for any of it to happen.

The whole day until that moment as I walked to the computer store, I tried to act disgusted with myself. I tried to tell myself that I was full of regret for letting my friend suck me off.

The truth was that I couldn't stop thinking about how incredible it felt. I'd always pictured a girl doing that. The fact that it was Dalton made it somehow more exciting. The fact that we were good friends made it edgy and taboo. I could still feel my hand on his head, my fingers in his soft hair. The truth was I wanted to push his head down. I'd never meant to finish at all, but the way it happened dominated my every thought all day.

The computer store came into view, and I actually had to stop and adjust myself. Just thinking of what happened forced my cock against the leg of my jeans. I couldn't walk in like that. I took a few minutes to steady my breathing and headed into the store.

The tournament was a blast. It was the only thing that actually provided a big enough distraction from my own mind, and I actually did quite well in every match I played. Dalton was there of course, as well as every one of our friends. He and I never wound up playing a hand against one another, though he was eliminated early on by Jessie.

At one point while we were taking a break and chatting in the store, Dalton actually came up and talked to me. I hoped the warmth that flushed my skin wasn't visible. He motioned with a single thumb toward Jessie, who was still in the competition.

"Haven't seem him play any of the cards he stole from you," Dalton told me. "Maybe if you two make it to the end you can play him for them."

I turned from our friend Mark to smile weakly at Dalton.

"He'd have to be a moron to bring them," I retorted.

Dalton chuckled. "Tell you what. I'm gonna watch him. If he plays the Executioner's Hook or the Phoenix Hoplite, I'm calling him out in front of everyone."

I joined in to have a laugh and leaned close.

"He'll throw us all out of the store like that time at Christmas," I said snickering.

"Oh, god," Dalton said tossing his head back.

Maybe it was the atmosphere. Maybe it was the setting or the daytime that changed things. Dalton didn't act awkward or different toward me the entire time at the computer store. Everyone stayed until the conclusion of the tournament, and it seemed like just another day. Only once did I catch Dalton looking at me, but he was chatting with another one of our buds and quickly turned his eyes away. I saw nothing there out of the ordinary, but it was enough to make my thoughts cave in on themselves.

After the tournament, the group of nearly a dozen guys stood outside in the drizzling rain playfully arguing about where we'd go to eat. There was an idea about letting the winner, Josh, decide the meal. A few of us tossed out taunts about the winner buying everyone food. I was caught up in the moment as just another one of the boys when I felt a tug on my arm.

Dalton nodded to me, standing just off to the side. I realized what he was doing.

"Hey, I'm gonna head back," he told me. "I'm beat. Might play a bit of Arkon on your PC if that's cool?"

I furrowed my face in confusion and motioned back to the chattering group behind me.

"You're n-not eating?" I asked him.

Dalton shook his head. "Nah. I'm gonna turn in early. Got up really early this morning. If I'm still awake I'll see you back at the room?"

I took me a second to nod my head, but I knew the look of confusion and worry was still written on my face.

"Y-yeah, sure," I replied.

"Chill, man," Dalton told me with a smile. "Never saw Jessie play any of your cards. You won't need any backup tonight."

With that, Dalton turned and headed up the sidewalk in the direction of the dorms. I was left standing there, watching him leave. Such a simple moment became a dilemma in my head all over again.

Did... he want me to leave with him? It didn't seem that way. But what if I did? Is that really what he was hoping for? I was so glad that the day had ended on a better, less stressful note than it had begun. Dalton had seemed his normal self. There was no way he wasn't thinking of it, too, though. Maybe he was better at moving on from something like that.

Or maybe he secretly wants you to catch up and go back to the room with him, I thought.

Familiar warmth returned to certain regions of my body. What was wrong with me? I wasn't... like that. And yet all I could think about was the possibility.

I was too scared to go through with it and find out.

When the group of my friends started herding off toward town for some restaurant on the main strip, I slowly followed after them. I took a few glances back to see if Dalton was doing the same.

He didn't

****

I slid my key in the lock and turned it as carefully as I could. The door eased open, and I did my best to slip inside before too much of the light from the hallway spilled into the dorm room. Pressing the door shut as quietly as possible, I cringed at every tiny sound the simple action made.

Just as I thought, the room was dark except for the pulsing glow of RGB lights at my desk. It was late. Part of me wished that I'd arrived sooner to find Dalton at my PC, still clicking away at my mouse playing some game or another. I was mostly relieved to see that I could put off facing him alone for a bit longer.

I crept deeper into the room to find Dalton in his bed. I sighed silently. I could tell by his steady flow of breathing that he was asleep. I turned form the bunk and made my way to the large wall locker beside Dalton's. As I removed my shoes, I caught myself before I stumbled. At the restaurant I'd had several drinks, maybe I'd had one too many. It didn't seem so bad on the walk home. My head did feel a bit spacey, though.

Careful not to wake Dalton, I changed out of my clothes into a simple pair of sweats. Pulling them up to my waist brought familiar sensations flooding back into my body. I glanced around the room, my breath gusting in and out across open lips. The room was dark. I was wearing comfortable sweats. I was the only one awake. Something about the nighttime made peculiar urges stir within me. I glanced at the computer and at Dalton. We'd been right there in that bottom bunk. I imagined I could still feel my shaft pulsating before....

I shook my head, blinking hard at the darkness. I needed to get into bed. I wasn't sleepy, but it was the only logical thing to do after a long night. I didn't bother finding a shirt. I just tiptoed across the room toward the bunks, trying to think of how I could climb into my bunk without waking Dalton. Just before I lifted my arms to make the climb, something caught my eye in the dim, pulsating wash of colors that illuminated the dark room.

There was something on the floor. Clothes. It was typical of Dalton. The clothing was right beside the bed, though, clearly marking them as the attire that he'd worn to the tournament. Something kept me staring at the clothing scattered beside the bottom bunk. I could make out everything. The shirt, his pants, and beside them his socks, and his underwear as well.

I glanced at Dalton in the bottom bunk. Blinking, I looked back down at his clothes. Clearly he'd... taken them off before lying down. I peered through the dark at Dalton. He was positioned in the bed in an odd manner. He wasn't completely nestled into the bunk entirely, and his body was sort of cocked to one side, a single leg jutting out of the blanket that was piled onto his body. Dalton was closer to the edge of the bed than he normally slept. It was as if he'd fell asleep half facing the computer.

Standing there, I kept staring at the clothes on the floor, then glancing into the bunk at Dalton. The bare leg that stuck out from the covers was bent at the knee, and hung nearly off the edge of the bed. I realized I could see almost his entire leg, all the way up to his thigh. Near his hip. Near his crotch.

It looked as though he were naked.

I was frozen in the dark. Warmth flooded across my skin all over again, this time joined by a peculiar chill that ran through my insides. I kept looking at Dalton, trying to tell if he was truly wearing anything under the covers. I could tell he wasn't wearing a shirt. That was normal. But his leg... I could see all the way to his upper thigh. Dalton would always wear basketball shorts, the type that reached his knees. It may have been possible that I just couldn't make them out in the dim room. The more I looked, I kept tracing the skin all the way up to a bare hip.

He was definitely naked.

Maybe three nights ago this wouldn't have mattered in the slightest. Sure, it would have seemed weird to sleep naked in a room with a guy, but now things were so much different. A shortness of breath took me then, and each breath I took in traveled across a trembling lip.

I couldn't help but see it in my mind. The fat head of Dalton's dick would forever be filed away in my head. It was right there under the covers. Strange feelings started to invade my body. I was shaking. Without my consent, my shaft started to throb wildly in my sweats. My dick was growing rapidly, all from the simple realization that the guy that had sucked me off was laying naked in bed right in front of me.

I admitted to myself fully right then that I craved to see Dalton's naked form again. I wanted to see his thick cock head bobbing with arousal like the night before. I didn't really care what happened. He'd been in my mind all day long. I didn't mind if that meant I was gay for my roommate. I had no idea why he'd chosen to go to bed wearing nothing. Or had he? Was he truly naked under the covers? Or was I wanting that to be the case so badly?

It was insane. I wanted to see. I wanted to know.

My body lowered before I ever even made the conscious decision to do so. It felt like I was hovering, easing down to lean into the bottom bunk. My outstretched hand didn't even seem real. I could see my fingers trembling, the fear and excitement I felt feeding off of one another and building within me. Dalton's pale thigh was inches from my fingertips. For a second, I considered the wild idea of just sliding my hand up his flesh and feeling around for what I wanted. I swallowed hard, pinching at the covers that were piled in a mess over Dalton's crotch.

I didn't breathe as I lifted the cover, careful not to pull it away too suddenly. Inch by inch, I eased it away from Dalton's body. Immediately, I could see that he was definitely naked, his pale, bare hips all but glowing in what little light there was in the room. It wasn't good enough. I needed to see it all. My eyes darted erratically up and down, watching Dalton's face to be sure I didn't stir him awake, but too greedy to miss the reveal.

It was a struggle not to make a sound when Dalton's dick came into view. I set the covers gently aside, staring at the pile of his flesh that sagged between his upper thigh. His cock wasn't erect, but wasn't entirely shriveled either. I imagined that I could feel its warmth lifting to greet me. The fleshy thing sagged against Dalton's other thigh, half full of blood and resting atop a loose set of fat balls. For the longest time, I stood there not breathing, staring at my roommate's manhood, truly taking in the sight of it for the first time.

Even limp as it was, the tip of Dalton's dick looked so thick. I never dreamed another guy's cock could look so different than my own, I'd never even put much thought into it. For all I knew, they were all pretty much the same. Dalton kept his pubic hair neatly trimmed, and I admired just how clean he looked down there.

My hands squeezed open and shut several times. I was trembling so much, and the epicenter was in my chest. Staring at my roommate's dick, I couldn't focus enough to think of what to do next. I knew that I wanted it. The single question kept assaulting me over and over.

Why had he gone to bed naked?

Positioned as he was in the bed, Dalton could have been watching something on the PC, something naughty. The idea made my cock throb in my shorts. Maybe he'd expected me to follow him home so that I'd walk in and find him this way. I was finally able to just stare at that cock without feeling the need to look away.

I wanted more.

A perverse idea formed in my head, and I latched onto it without thinking. I glanced from my desk to my naked sleeping friend for only a few seconds before I tiptoed quickly to my computer chair. The screen came to life, casting its light through the room. I peered back at the bunk beds, making sure Dalton hadn't stirred. His chest rose and fell, but he was still motionless.

The clicks from my mechanical keyboard were as loud as a jackhammer as I pecked the words into a search bar. It didn't take long before the images flooded the screen once more. That pleasant little thrill sparked to life inside of me seeing the thumbnails. I made sure to trim the volume to nearly silent before scrolling through the sea of videos to finally settle on one that would last over an hour.

Then I found myself approaching the bed. In the light of my computer screen, I could see so much better. Dalton's bare body seemed to glow. His pale leg hung open near the edge of the bed. His pile of cock and balls sagged against his thigh, and the lewd scene pulled me toward him. I approached cautiously, wondering if I'd even have the courage to go through with this. I lowered myself to the floor on my knees, all the while glancing from Dalton's sleeping face to his dick.

I paused. What the hell was I actually doing? I knew that I wasn't like this... right? It felt like I was hovering above my own body, watching the absurdity play out. Dalton was naked on the bed, his cock and balls just laying there against his thigh, while I sat in the floor on my knees staring at my friend's nude body. I stared in silence at Dalton's crotch. I wondered if this was always the way I truly felt, wanting that cock for myself. Why else had I always jerked off with Dalton? As if that were a normal thing to do. In my mind, I knew I should stand up and climb into bed.