Burn in Hell

"With your agreement Jeff, I'm getting you out of here and on the next flight home, is that OK?" I nodded my acceptance, he continued, "Please trust me Jeff, I will make sure you come out of this well... sorry, I know that's a stupid thing to say, but as well as is possible. I give you my absolute word, we don't know each other too well, but I think you know I'm a man of my word."

"One last thing Jeff, Cindy asked me to beg you to please talk to her. She doesn't know what I have planned but would you talk to her before you catch your flight this evening?"

"Peter you are the good guy in all of this, but please tell her these exact words, will you promise me that?" he nodded that he would, "Tell her she is a despicable cheating cunt and I never want to see her face again. Never."

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry it's come to this, but yes I'll give her your exact words. She will react just as you hope, she will be broken, but Jeff, I know she has only herself to blame. Let me contact you when we get back next week and I will bring you the best offer I can get from the board and I will persuade Cindy she has no options in this. I'll get you released and take you back to the hotel, I'll call ahead and make sure she is not in your suite when we arrive and I'll personally get you to the airport for the first flight home."

And that was that little more than 15 hours was the time to blow up my marriage. I felt nothing but pure anger and hatred to both Cindy and that motherfucker Tim for doing this to me.

In another 15 hours I'd made it home, both my body and my home felt very empty without Cindy, I knew we would never be together again, I wouldn't stay here to live with my memories, I was going to devastate her in the divorce so I knew she would never be able to afford the rent so on my to do list was to give the owner notice that we would be quitting his place.

I knew she would be in France for most of another week so I had all the time in the world to sort out banking things, savings, current account, credit and debit cards.

Being busy with that gave me less time to feel the agony of betrayal and to get my mind around what I wanted in the divorce, because nice guy as Peter Longstaff may be, I needed to make sure things were good for me.

Days rolled by and soon I had a call from Peter, wanting to come and talk to me and he was bringing an offer from the board and a lawyer to hopefully get it all written up and put in motion for a quick divorce that would be uncontested.

We met in my office and he brought the lawyer, a nice looking lady called Jeanie O'Battle, or in my mind Genie in the Bottle. From the firm Sue, Grabbit & Runne, I understood very quickly she had a sharp mind and any likeness to a cartoon character was utterly wrong. She was sharp as a tack.

"Mr Smithers, I want you to know that the Agency that I am representing in this agreement or negotiation, is deeply sorry for their part in destroying you marriage and I am authorised to make a very significant offer to you, but that is on the strict understanding that you will voluntarily sign a non-disclosure deal. Effectively tthey are paying you off."

"I know that Peter promised you something along these lines so here is a draft agreement, I understand your father was a lawyer, please run it past him or anyone you wish to represent but unless there is 100% secrecy, we will withdraw all offers and ruin your wife, leaving her to fight you tooth and nail in a nasty divorce."

"This is not intended as a threat, it's passing information you need to weigh up in deciding your course of action. I believe Peter has put together a fine package. Please have a close look and feel free to take it anywhere for advice but as I said, subject to strict privacy. Peter and I can spend as much time as you need today. I believe you will be pleased with much of the offer."

"I can also tell you that the present Mrs Smithers has been made aware of her limited options and is prepared to heed my recommendations with one stipulation. I'll not beat about the bush, it's that you will grant her access to speak to you for no more than one hour. I've advised her this is pointless, you don't want anything to do with her, but that is her price, she hopes to talk you into a future with her."

I loudly said "No, I don't want to see her or talk to her, I'm finished with her. Peter did you tell her the exact words I told you to tell her?"

Peter said, "Yes Jeff, your exact words, I told her you said she is a despicable cheating cunt and I never want to see her face again. Never. Jeff she cried like a baby, she was heart-broken, just as you wanted, However, I have to tell you Jeff that I think someone hit her over the head with the stupid stick, because she just muttered quietly, "We'll see about that", I think she is dangerously delusional Jeff, I fear for her sanity, she muttered that over and over."

Jeff looked back at Peter, he was seemingly devoid of feeling, he no longer gave a damn about Cindy, he was so angry that hate was his emotion, he had clearly not processed that hate is not the opposite of love, it's just very damaged love, probably permanently damage but the fire is not yet extinguished.

Raw feeling was still in there. No matter how barren or disgusted. Jeff was about to say to persuade her to drop that or he'd walk out of this negotiation and unleash hell on all parties, but Jeanie spoke first.

"Jeff if you are so certain that you are taking steps to free yourself of your wife, if you are confident that is how you want to proceed, what will it cost you to give her a maximum of an hour. In my opinion you could destroy her hopes in 5 minutes but if she is resolute and it takes an hour, then so what, you never have to be in the same room as her again."

Put like that it sounded like less of a big deal and that would be that. He decided to read the offer and come back to that with a final decision in meeting the slut.

Jeanie passed him the written offer, it was not properly written as a legal document, rather it was a list of bullet points, a framework around which legal wording would be hung, agreed and signed of:

Agreement Between The Agency and Mr Jeff Smithers

• In return for completion of a non-disclosure agreed version of this offer, The Agency will pay Mr Smithers Five Million Dollars to compensate for the distress caused by a client and an employee of the agency

• The Agency offers this payment as full and final settlement of any claim due to the actions of the above.

• The Agency's client (to be known as Tim) wants it to be known that he regrets drunkenly assailing you with details of his seduction of your wife and states irrevocably that he will not make any claim against you in respect of the physical damage you caused him and admits he deserved at the very least what you gave him.

• In relation to Mr Smithers current wife Cindy Smithers, the Agency will continue to employ Cindy and will compensate her for the loss of her share of joint assets so she may sustain herself without any financial recourse to Jeff Smithers.

• Mrs Smithers has confirmed she will cooperate in a quick divorce on the basis of irreconcilable differences subject to being permitted one hour maximum of Jeff Smithers time to discuss what precipitated the divorce. The meeting shall take place no later than 2 weeks before the court date to hear the divorce.

"It's not very complicated Jeff, we could all throw things at it to complicate it but all parties can see the sense of not making a drama out of it, The fact is that there are no winners her other than you financially albeit you have lost a wife."

In a moment of clarity, Jeff understood that he could ask no more than what he was being offered, he did not need advice, he even concluded that yes he'd see the slut for up to one hour but he told them that she should be warned that he would not make it a comfortable experience for her and he doubted she'd last for 10 minutes and to tell her that she could call his office, that he would see her as soon as she wanted to get it out of the way.

Cindy called to see Jeff at his office but was refused entry but was allowed to make an appointment via the intercom. She was told Jeff would give her the agreed one meeting and no more, take it or leave it.

The next day she arrived 5 minutes early and was made to wait until the clock struck 3pm and she was uttered in. She tried to go to Jeff to hug him but he put his hand up and said, "Don't touch me you filthy slut, say what you've come to say and get out." He was shaking with rage, the stupid bitch had been warned.

With her face wet with tears she said, "Oh Jeff, what have I done, have you hardened your heart to me so much you cannot stand a small show of affection? We've loved each other for 9 years Jeff, I'm your wife, I love you. Please Jeff, I was a stupid girl infatuated with a movie star. I know what I did was wrong and selfish."

"Cindy what do you think is going to happen here, I don't love you anymore. Didn't Peter tell you what I asked him to tell you?"

"He told me what you said, it was very hurtful but I know you were angry and I know you love me really, we are destined to grow old together Jeff."

"Cindy, have you gone crazy? You betrayed me in the worst possible way, you fucked him for months, you even fucked him that day I told you I saw you coming from the beach and it took 45 minutes to cross the road to get to out room. I'm not stupid Cindy, I know you fucked him and then came to me as if nothing had happened, you are a whore Cindy and I'm divorcing you. You disgust me."

"Please Jeff, I'm begging you, I was dumb, but I do love you with all my heart. Please give me another chance."

"Here is your only chance Cindy, try to tell the truth and let's see where it gets you. Your gallant action hero lover bragged to me about what you had done in his bed, things you never did with me, I want to know so I'll ask and you answer yes or no. You slept with him soon after the start of the publicity tour?"

"Yes but I..."

"Just yes or no, slut... no commentary, you let him fuck your throat when you were barely happy to suck my cock?"

"Yes but.." receiving a stern look she nodded "yes"

"You let him fuck you somewhere I never have, right up your ass?"

"Yes"

"And you sucked his cock clean after he had fucked your ass?

"Yes" and quickly added, "Jeff I did but he's famous and.."

Jeff roared,"He is famous and good looking so of course you suck your shit off his cock, of course, that makes perfect sense... if you are a brainless cunt. Is that who you became Cindy, a brainless cunt who would let an actor do anything to her because he's famous? Things you would never do with your husband who loved you? Did you understand that Cindy? 'Loved' that is the past tense of love, The love is gone, finished and never coming back."

"You disgust me you slut and do you know what? You heard me offer you to him to keep because I don't want you and you heard him throw you away like you are nothing, you heard him say he could have a slut like you everywhere he goes. You understand, don't you? You mean nothing to him; you are just a three holed slut that he could use and throw away."

"Jeff this isn't fair, you agreed to give me an hour to speak to you about our marriage, but you are just shouting at me and being..."

Something inside me broke, I had never felt such rage, such betrayal and for what, I wanted to hurt her badly whilst I could see she still had the unrealistic dream that we would stay together. Even as my hate grew I could feel the stinging hurt of the love I had for her and the conflict felt like it had the power to kill me.

"Get out, I fucking hate you, you nasty cunt."

She bawled her pained tears and ran for the door.

Several months later, I saw her again, at the courthouse. The lawyer had contacted me and told me that she accused me of short-changing her on her allotted hour, but that she understood there was no prospect of us staying together, but wanted her chance to finish and talk to me after the divorce was granted.

After all, it would be a done deal, nothing much to discuss, let her have her other half hour if she wanted.

That is why I turned up for the final decree, that was all I owed her, everything else was settled. Life would go on but first... well, I didn't feel I owed her a damn thing, but it would smooth the way forward.

Over the intervening months the rage had gone, replaced by a sad acceptance that what was once the most important thing in my life was now just more or less nothing. I'd drunk far too much on occasions, to supress my occasional regrets at dumping her.

Some very good friends had spoken to me about reconciling, we were so good together, they loved us as a couple, maybe having a child or two would bring us back to where we were before Tim fucked things up between us. Could I not give her another chance, she really loved me with all her heart?

So much bullshit, I never knew if they were doing her bidding or simply trying to be our friends, almost all seemed genuine, every single one was pissing me off, so I let a few very close friends spread the word that anyone mentioning Cindy would be firmly requested to get out of my life.

And that is exactly what some of our best friends did, you see they didn't like the cold stone-hearted person I had become.

So, all these months later, I found myself being ushered into a side room in the courthouse where Cindy stood alone. She looked beautiful as always but those who knew her as well as me, could see she was as damaged as I clearly was.

She was dressed as if for a funeral and in a way that was appropriate, this was the funeral for our marriage, it's last rites had been read, it was buried, all done and dusted.

Now for the polite after chat that was what people did in their mourning.

We had extinguished the hate, at least I had, she had extinguished the hope she had clung on to, there was nothing left to fight over or about. So...

"Hello Cindy, you look well, how have you been?"

"I've been better Jeff, but I've been seeing a councillor for a few months, people told me it would help, but really... I've lost my husband that I loved and still love. it has just let me see clearly what a stupid woman I was running after a famous actor, giving him what I never gave to the only person I've ever loved, my loving husband. It's too little too late Jeff but I'm truly embarrassed by the hurt I caused you. I'd like nothing more than to take that pain away and replace it with the love that I have in my heart for you, that will always be with me."

"Jeff, I've no right to expect anything from you, it was simple betrayal and for a man who thought I was just as worthless as you now find me, it hurts. It hurts very badly, but I made the mess and I must live with it. I wanted to see you one last time, I wanted to make a sort of peace with you, to tell you that I'm not going to live a sexless live, but that I will hold onto my love for you all my days and if you ever decide that has a value for you, I'll gladly keep it safe for you."

"If you ever want it again, well, you only have to ask for it back. And Jeff, I won't be holding my breath, I know we are finished but that is the only way I can see me living my life now."

I didn't doubt the sincerity of what she said, it was all over, anything but the truth would have had no purpose. It would be so easy to go and hold her, to try to love her again, to give her the chance our friends seemed to think I should.

But no, that was not going to happen. I knew her employers still valued her, I knew she was good at her job, if anything, she was even more valuable to them now, being unencumbered by a husband, she would regularly be back in that same position that caused her to cheat. We had no future. For what we once had, with the anger gone, the crushing reality of dead but lingering love I was able to be generous, one last time.

"Cindy, it is because it is hard to stamp out the love you once held so strongly for someone, that I'm telling you this. For your own sanity, don't hold onto that love, I will never return it and I don't want it from you. Get on with your life and don't keep looking backwards towards me. Be who you are, have a good life Cindy."

She came to me, and this time I couldn't rebuff her. We shared a gentle hug, the sort that cousins might give each other, she briefly whispered, "I'm truly sorry for what I did to us Jeff", then turned and walked slowly out of the room and never looked back.

It was just as well she didn't look back because she would have seen tears rolling down my face, uncontrollably, I knew that love of my live had finally given up and gone away. It's what I thought I wanted because I could never trust her again but it felt that someone had turned out a light in my heart, it felt a dark, cold and lonely place.

Maybe it was time for me to seek the counselling that my remaining friends told me would help me to recover. I'd finally driven her away, driven a stake through the heart of our marriage and stomped on what remained.

Time to move on.

Writer's note: There could be room for a follow on story of what happened to all "actors" in this story, I don't know if it's worth it, your comments will let me know.