Butterflys and Rain

Bert was walking past again, but stopped and went down on one knee. His shoe was untied and he picked this spot to tie it. He had a smirk on his face, and was looking at the window while he did it. That was all Donna needed, and she frantically rubbed the tiny launch button. Donna's body arched as the electricity shot through her. She bit down on the pillow, groaned, and surrendered to the overwhelming sensation of pleasure.

Outside the window Bert was tying his shoe and thinking about Donna sleeping just a few feet away. He thought about sneaking in there some morning and waking her up with a kiss. She would be surprised; but would she be angry? Even then would it be real anger or just mock anger? What did she wear to bed? How did her hair look first thing in the morning? He bet it was erotically tousled.

Bert got back to work but his thoughts kept returning to Donna in her bed. Later when she woke up, she would come outside and say hello. She worked late, and needed her sleep. He kept the noise to a minimum while he worked, especially first thing in the morning. He didn't want to wake her. That made him smile. Truth be told he did want to wake her up, just not with noise from power tools. Perhaps another time he thought, fixing another joist.

She came outside to say good morning an hour later. She was showered, dressed, with a dusting of makeup. She looked amazing, but was blushing and stuttering today. Bert didn't know why, but it was sexy and adorable. The two friends talked a few minutes before Bert noticed she was not making eye contact. He wondered if he had done something wrong but couldn't think of anything. There was a bead of perspiration on her upper lip that kept drawing his eye. Since she was not watching him, he was allowed to stare at it, and wonder why it was there. He also started to wonder what she tasted like.

"I'll be back in a few hours, can I bring you lunch today?" she asked, braving a look through her lashes.

"That would be great, thank you," he said, inching closer.

"Ok then, I should..." she started to move away.

"Wait," he said, halting her exit.

"You have something," he moved closer, "just there," as his finger brushed her upper lip.

Donna could not stop her body from jolting when he touched her, nor the soft moan of anguish when his hand withdrew. Bert saw it, and Donna saw he saw it.

"Fuck," she whispered, and ran away.

Bert could not keep Donna out of his thoughts for the rest of the afternoon. He kept thinking about her trembling lip and the drop of sweat. He also kept replaying her saying the word fuck. She never swore. Well, hardly ever. What did it mean? He didn't understand women. Hell, nobody did. But he thought he understood what he'd seen today. He just didn't know what the hell to do about it. Donna texted him later saying she had been delayed and wouldn't be able to bring him lunch today. She apologized, and promised to make it up to him later. For once Bert resisted the urge to turn that promise into sexual innuendo. It was tempting, but he thought he needed to step carefully here. He told her it was no problem, and he would see her later. He finished up for the day, and headed home.

Six Days Ago.

Bert was still working when Donna got home from work two days later. He was dirty, sweaty, and never looked better. Donna gave him a quick hello before ducking inside to drop off her work stuff. She came out minutes later with a water bottle for him. The repair work was nearly finished, and he would be laying new deck boards down soon. It was looking great and Donna was excited about the progress. She had lost some of the nervousness of two days ago and could actually look at him today. As long as he didn't capture her with his eyes. Once she got trapped in his eyes, her heart tried to pound out of her chest and her mouth forgot how to talk.

Bert brought her up to date on the progress, and talked about the next few steps he would be making. It was right on schedule, but there was a threat of rain tomorrow.

"If it only rains a little, I'll probably work through it. If it gets too much, I'll knock off and try again the next day," he said.

"Of course, you don't need to work in the rain," she agreed.

They were silent for half a minute before he scared her to death.

"Can I ask you something personal?" he said, voice light.

Panic flashed in Donna's head, but she managed to keep from whimpering out loud. She was also proud of the fact that she didn't make a run for the safety of her house. She didn't trust herself to speak, so instead she nodded her head several times like a bobble head.

"Why can't you talk to me anymore? We used to talk about everything, but now you're like a scared fawn. I'm afraid to say anything that might spook you and make you run away again," he said softly.

It was worse than she thought. Not only had he hit on the topic she was dreading, but he wanted her to talk about it. Donna looked over at her door and gave serious thought to making a run for it. She needed to talk to him, she understood that, but it was so hard. She didn't have the words. She was nervous and scared and it was all mixed up in her head. She chanced a glance at him and he was watching her, patiently waiting for an answer. Donna felt she owed him one, or at least part of one. She opened her mouth to speak but had no idea what she was going to say.

"I'm suddenly nervous around you, and I can't explain it. You're right, it used to be so easy, but something's changed. It's not you, it's me," she said, and then laughed at the cliché.

He waited patiently to see if there was more, and she gathered her thoughts.

"This would be so much easier if we were in school and I could pass you notes during study hall. Writing things down is easier for me. I can erase it or change it until I get it just right," she said nervously.

Donna took a deep breath and tried to be more honest with him. He deserved at least some of the truth.

"We do have a history and I'm very fond of that. My feelings are changing and I don't quite have a handle on them just yet. If you could just give me a little more time, I am sure I will figure things out," she said in a rush.

"Ok then, I'm sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable," he said with a tinge of despair in his voice.

Donna looked up and saw the hurt in his face. He was getting this all wrong, it was her not him, and she needed him to understand that. She moved forward and grabbed his hands in hers, pulling him close to her.

"No, it's not you! Please understand that. The problem is me! I'm...I'm..." Donna accidentally looked into his eyes and was caught. She forgot what she was supposed to be saying. His eyes were so deep, a color of blue she only dreamed about. So beautiful.

"I'm falling," she whispered.

She grabbed his head and tried to kiss him to death. He was shocked for only a second before wrapping his arms around her and kissing her back. Donna wrapped her leg around him and ground her lower body against him. She moaned into his mouth, and then moaned again when his tongue invaded her mouth. She wanted to feel his skin against hers. She desperately needed it. Donna grabbed the bottom of his shirt and tried to pull it over his head. They had to break the kiss for a second while the shirt was lifted over his face and it hung up for a moment. Bert let go of Donna to pull the shirt off and in that heartbeat, she stepped back and realized what she had done. She also realized what she was about to do.

"Fuck," she whispered, and then ran for the safety of her house. She pulled the door shut behind her, locked it, and then ran for the shower. A minute later she was standing in the shower with her clothes still on. She was crying, but wasn't even sure why. The kiss was amazing. She was happy about that, but upset about the way she did it. It all came out confused, and now there was an even bigger mess for her to clean up. She didn't know if she could even face him again. She couldn't imagine what he thought of her.

Donna cried about how good the kiss was, and how quickly it ended. She cried over how she bungled the encounter, and how she might have messed up the friendship. She cried over a lover she wanted, but thought she could never have.

Bert put his shirt back on and cleaned up the tools for the day. He was confused before, but Donna took that to another level today. Bert did understand that she was working through something, but had no idea what he was supposed to do. He didn't even know if he was supposed to do anything. When the last of his tools were loaded up, the only thing left out was his working binder and two empty water bottles. He opened up the binder and pulled out a pen and the yellow legal pad he kept for notes. Bert sat down in one of the patio chairs and started writing. The more he wrote, the more his smile grew.

Five Days Ago.

Donna had a miserable night's sleep. She beat herself up mentally for all the mistakes she made, including running away again. She should have stayed and tried to talk to him, or explain herself better. She was caught between what she wanted, and what she was afraid to ask for. If Bert never came back to finish the deck project, she wouldn't blame him. She screwed it up that bad. She spent most of the night trying to think of how to fix things, and still had no idea. She woke up feeling awful, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She went to the kitchen to make some coffee, passing the bathroom along the way. Her work clothes from yesterday were all hung on hangers inside the shower area. The sight of them just depressed her even more.

She got the coffee machine going, and went over to the windows to look outside. One of her chairs had been moved by the door, with an empty water bottle on it. She almost turned away and then noticed it wasn't empty. She quickly opened the door and grabbed it. Bert had left her a message in a bottle.

Donna sat down with her coffee and the water bottle. She opened the top and shook out the note that had been rolled up and tied with string. Bert's handwriting covered half the page in his neat, block style handwriting.

Donna,

Thank you for being honest with me about your feelings. I know that was hard for you. I want you to know that I fell for you years ago. I share your feelings but did not want to push you, then or now.

We will proceed at your pace, whatever that means to you. I want you to be able to communicate with me, in any way you need to. If all you can do is pass me notes before school, we will do that.

I have things I want to say to you as well, but I don't want to overwhelm you. Give me some direction, and I will follow your lead. Until then, I will dream about that kiss of yours.

Bert.

Tears of joy slipped down her cheeks as she read his note. She was thrilled to know he shared her feelings. She was relieved he thought of a way for them to communicate. She was excited about the opportunity this presented to her. Donna always did better with notes. She could leave Bert a note with a list of instructions. It could be tame or naughty, it was all up to her. Donna got up and ran to get a notepad and a pencil. She needed to get some things down on paper before she got ready for work.

Bert showed up to the jobsite right as the sky opened up and the rain started falling with purpose. He decided to cancel for the day, and try again tomorrow. He was ready to turn around and head back home, but there was one little thing he wanted to check just in case. Bert ran through the rain to the back of the house and looked at the chair by the door. The bottle was sitting in the same spot from last night, right where he left it. The thing that made him smile was that instead of his yellow note being inside, there was a pale green note inside. Bert grabbed the bottle and ran back to his truck.

Sitting in her driveway, in the pouring rain, Bert read the new note.

Bert,

Thank you for understanding, and not writing me off as a lunatic. I have so much to say, but articulating words with you looking at me is impossible. Your idea is not only welcomed, I think it's genius. I will write what I want, tell you what I am thinking, and share what I am able.

My feelings for you are much stronger than before. I can't keep them out of my head, or my heart. I confess I want you, but I want to move slowly. I want to be sure. I don't want a broken heart.

How does a feminist explain she wants to be swept away by you? Even I don't know what that means. I want to find love again. I want to find love with you. I will promise to be brave and honest, if you promise to protect my heart, and my love.

When you are near, I am a seedling in a rainstorm. Yes, I need you to survive, but I also feel like I'm drowning. I'm overwhelmed by you. This is my fear, and part of my hesitation. I want you to know my head, as well as my heart.

I have waited my whole life for that kiss. I can't wait for the next one. I just need small steps. Please. Be patient with me.

Your Donna.

Bert sighed with relief and read the note a second time. He had been worried he was the only one feeling this, the only one dying inside. He wanted her, had wanted her for years. Seeing her again only stoked the fires that were already inside him. The relationship had felt one sided last time; Bert always chasing, Donna always running. It was such a relief to know his feelings were reciprocated. Bert reached into the back seat and pulled out his binder and yellow legal pad. He brought it along today, just in case.

Donna hurried home in the pouring rain. Bert had texted her earlier saying he would not be working because of the weather. She answered back that it was fine, and would see him another day. There was no mention of the bottle, but her hopes were bursting while she drove home. Donna parked, and tried not to run to the backside of her house. The bottle was sitting on the chair, and the note inside was a yellow one.

"Yes!" Donna yelled, pumping her fist in the air.

An hour later Donna had showered, put on jammies, and fortified herself with a glass of wine. She was on the couch looking at the water bottle in front of her. Now that she had it, she was afraid to open it. She topped off the wine glass one more time before opening the bottle. The rolled-up note slid out, and she carefully unrolled and flattened it.

My Donna,

Let me confirm what we agree on so far. You want me, and I want you. You want to move forward, and I want to move forward. You want to take slow steps; I want to go slow and enjoy every step. You have trouble saying the words, but want to share your mind. I want to hear you, so please tell me. Trust me with your heart, and trust me with your love. If you don't give me chances to prove myself, how can we move closer? Tell me what you want Donna.

Your Bert.

Donna didn't get aroused easily, or often, but she was now. The heat and the moisture made her acutely aware of her state of mind, and the man who caused it. She sat back on the couch and sipped the rest of her wine while she thought about her next move. She came up with an idea, fanned herself, then discarded it. She thought of something else, hid under a blanket for a minute, then shook her head in the negative. The third plan was risky, but had pieces of her heart in it. It would test her ability to articulate and share. It would test his ability to listen, and honor her promise. She got out some paper and a pen before she lost her nerve and started writing. She wiped off her forehead twice while she wrote the two paragraphs. Now all she needed was the guts to roll it up, put it in the bottle, and leave it outside for Bert. Maybe one more glass of wine would give her the courage.

Four Days Ago.

Bert arrived on the job site at his usual start time. He knew Donna was home asleep because her car was in the driveway. He usually tried to be quiet for the first hour and let her get all the sleep she needed. He spent the first part of most days laying out tools, cords, and materials. He was going to follow that routine today, as soon as he checked the door for a water bottle.

He smiled when he saw the bottle with pale green paper inside. He tried not to base his whole day on it; but would have been hugely disappointed if it wasn't there. He took out the note, read it, and then looked at the door in front of him. Bert read the note a second time, just to make sure he understood her words and terms. A few words were crossed out and he didn't know if she wrote this hastily before courage failed her, or she was drunk. It didn't matter though, she put it down on paper, and left it for him.

My Bert,

I have never slept with my door unlocked, until tonight. I have never slept naked, until tonight. I have never been woken up by a lovers kiss, until today. I am giving you permission asking you to wake me with a kiss. Then you can touch me for thirty seconds one minute. Anything you want, you can have. Then leave without a word, and go back to work.

This will show each of us how much we can trust the other. I am nervous. I am scared. I am wet. I am horny. I am aching for you. I have never done anything like this in my whole life. That is how much I trust you.

Your Donna.

Bert didn't believe it until he tried the door handle and found it unlocked. He stepped into her home, and softly closed the door behind him. He took off his shoes just inside the door, and placed them next to hers. He padded quietly on his sox though her home. He had an idea of where her bedroom was, but had never actually been there. The house was not very big, and he found it soon enough.

He paused in the doorway and looked at Donna sleeping. She looked like an angel. One arm was above her head, and the covers lay diagonally across her. He could see her bare shoulder, and the swell of one breast. Her mouth was open, and her hair was a wild mess. Next to the bed was a chair where she had folded her clothing. An oversized sweatshirt, a pair of green socks, and black panties. Bert looked at the clothing and thought about their last meeting. She had taken his shirt off, wanting to get her hands on his skin. It seemed like it was important to her. Bert pulled his sweatshirt off, and then his tee shirt. He laid them both over the top of the chair, before moving to the side of the bed. He thought about what he wanted to do, and thought about how much time he had. One minute wasn't much time, but it was better than thirty seconds.

Bert put a knee onto the bed and moved into position. He leaned down over Donna and timed it so when his hand slipped under the covers and cupped her breast, his lips would just be meeting hers. His hand brushed across a hard nipple on the way causing Donna to open her mouth. It didn't matter if she was going to gasp, or moan, because Bert captured it with his kiss.

Donna came awake under a barrage of sensation. She was being kissed in the most heavenly way. A strong warm hand was holding her chest, and she was very aware of her nakedness. Her body knew those lips and there was no pause or panic, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer. He didn't have a shirt on and Donna moaned with delight at the feel of his skin. Tactile contact was one of her secret pleasures, and here he was with his shirt off just for her. She let her hands roam over his body, feeling the muscles, the skin, the goosebumps. She thrust her tongue into his mouth and dueled with his, arching her body into his hands. His free hand came to rest on top of her head and grabbed a handful of her hair tightly. He pulled her head to the side and deepened the kiss, making both of them moan this time.