Caitlin's Self-Care Weekend Pt. 01

I wind up on a self-care solo weekend after my Baby Daddy Chris--who I'm not with, just co-parenting with--finds me stress crying one day shortly before the first birthday. I breakdown and tell him I'm overwhelmed and exhausted and so ready to wean, but even then I just never have any true alone time. Or not enough.

He's a good father, good man, and ultimately a good friend. He insisted, as soon as I wean, that I take a weekend completely off.

"Get away." He tells me, "Go to the mountains, go to the beach, stay in town just go, take time. Go. I'll treat you for being such a good mommy."

So, a few weeks later, when I've weaned, I go.

Not very far. A luxury hotel he insisted on splurging on, about 20 minutes away in the city.

I've packed some comfy sweats; a swimsuit; a pair of jeans and a t-shirt; and one fuck-me dress that I don't know where I plan on wearing it to or if I'll even look remotely attractive in it--self-conscious about my post baby body.

I also pack some books and my laptop. And literally every sex toy I own.

Friday night, I check in shortly after 5pm. And as soon as I walked into the room I see he's booked a jacuzzi suite. And there are two bottles of Veuve sitting on the table with a note *You deserve this.*

I smile, putting the note down, feeling a pang of guilt and uncertainty. I don't know if I deserve this, but I need it.

I put my bags down. And then, I get naked, twisting the faucet on the hot tub to start it filling. Then I grab my toiletries, padding across the cold, ceramic tile floor to bathroom and step into the shower.

As I let the water pour over me, I think about how this is the first shower I've had in a year that I don't have to rush though. and I relish it. I wash my hair, actually scrubbing my scalp, and actually taking the time to apply a hair mask. I lather my vanilla and honey bodywash with my loofah and focus slow circles on my skin. My neck. My arms. My soft belly with its mummy-tummy overhang, stretch marks, and c-section scar.

My breasts--that hang now--deflated after weaning from a year of breastfeeding. They've shrunk back to their pre-pregnancy size. But they sit lower. I used to have perky, round, high sitting tits they didn't need a bra. Now, I have to lift them up to soap under them. My nipples are permanently darker, too. And bigger--longer and wider from breastfeeding and pumping them for a year. And they are constantly erect now. I wash them thoroughly, lifting and dropping them a few times. Feeling the weight and the swing of them, before bringing the loofah between my legs.

My clit immediately throbbing with even then gentlest graze, aroused from me playing with my own tits. I take the detachable shower head off the wall and sit down on the floor to shave my legs, and my overgrown bush. I use actual shaving cream and a fresh new razor for the first time I can remember in a long time. I spread my lips, gently shaving each. Shaving the hairs that grow along the inside of my thighs and my bikini line. Clearing away the dark blonde pubic hair that would be sticking out of the swim suit I plan to wear tomorrow. But leaving a thick triangle of it on my puffy mons. Knowing it's so bushy that it might be obvious under my swimsuit but I don't particularly care.

Then I take the shower head and rinse the suds from my vulva. Shivering as it stimulates my clit. I think about bringing myself to my first orgasm of the weekend right there on the shower floor, with the massaging shower head but then I remember *shit, the tub.*

I stand up and turn off the shower, stepping out of the bathroom without even wrapping myself in a towel or drying off. Soaking wet and shivering in the AC, I move to the hot tub and see it's near full, but I turn it off in time before it starts to spill. Then, naked and soaking wet, I walk over to the sliding glass door to open the curtains fully. I slide the door open, leaving full access to the balcony.

I don't know if anyone can see in, but the thought gets me hot. Someone spying on what I know is going to be my long, intense self-care session.

I pull my treasure bag onto the bed and dump all my toys there. Laid out all together I feel a little ridiculous at the cache of self pleasure aids I own. There is a 5 inch suction cup pink dildo. And an 8 inch neon green one. A glass butt plug. 3 clit suckers--one with a g spot vibe, and one that can be controlled by an app. A little discreet panty bullet vibe that can also be controlled with an app. A self-thrusting dildo. And a container of coconut oil I brought to enhance the slide and glide.

I plug the charger for all my toys into a power strip I packed and set them on the desk.

And then I open my lap top and set it on the rolling chair. I plug that charger in, and move the chair to right next to the hot tub. I put a little hand towel there so I don't fry my whole computer with a wet hand as I feed myself porn and stories so I can edge myself in the hot tub.

Then I pick up the 5 incher and climb into the hot tub, sliding the hot pink dildo inside me. The first bottle of champagne from the next to me. I pop thecork and take a swig straight from bottle. It's goes straight to my head and to my clit. And I start my quest for porn to edge my horny, aching pussy to. I start the search with things like "pussy worship" and "FFM pussy licking."

I turn the jets on, and find one to hover my clit over, suctioning the dildo down just behind it. And I start riding as I scroll through porn, searching for what my filthy mind needs.

This is the first time in I don't know how long that I haven't had to worry about having to stop to nurse; or worry about waking my baby; or thinking about how I should not stay up too late masturbating and edging myself stupid because I have to still be functional the next day.

I take another swig of champagne, let out a moan. Not a quiet whimper. Not a breathy gasp. A groan, with the full volume of my natural speaking voice.

Because I don't give a fuck if people walking down the hall catch me. If someone sitting on another balcony hears me. If the couple in the next room that I saw leave for dinner when I checked in, comes back to their room flooded with the sounds of me moaning, and pleasuring my hungry cunt to porn, and fucking myself all night.

I start a video. **Wife has threesome with husband and friend, FFM.** "fuck I want to lick that pussy," I groan.

And another. **Mature couple and girlfriend.** Babbling filth to myself. "mmm, my cunt feels so good."

And another. **Wife goes lez in hotel.** "I need to suck that clit. I want to lick pussy while it gets pounded by a hard cock. Mmm, pussy juices.

Melting my brain to the porn. Thrusting my pussy down onto the dildo and writhing against the jacuzzi jet. Enjoying the fullness and stimulations Knowing I don't have to rush it. I have a whole weekend.

But then I click **Two girls facial while kissing.**

And as I watch that the last video, seeing that cumshot pour onto the girls faces as they kiss each other passionately, it gets me. The cumslut in me drooling over the hot load pouring onto their faces. The awakening bisexual in me enthralled by these two women's lust for each other.

I lose control.

I try to stop myself. I push away from the jet and off dildo. Jumping back in the hot tub trying to hold the edge. Holding my breathe for a beat.

"no no no, not yet," I panic. "Shit, don't cum. Don't cum."

But as I move away and try to hold off, the stream from another jet hits my clit for just a second and then there's nothing I can do. it's too late. My cunt cascades over the edge. I'm squatting in the middle of the hot tub, the water jets pummeling allover me but not my clit, as I ruin my orgasm.

"fucccccck, noooo, I don't want this...not yet....fuck..." I cry. Groaning and starting to sob loudly as my desperate cunt betrays me, rippling to a pulsating ruined orgasm.

"stop cumming you slut." I hiss.

"god damnit, you're such a whore. No self-control. You can't expect to become anything if you can't resist and control yourself." I scold myself. Saying words that I heard spat at me once by mom, when she slammed open my bedroom door just as I was starting to cum.

My pulsating pussy, throbbing. Begging me to touch it. But I don't. "When will you learn not to be such a depraved slut? For fucks sake."

And then, the orgasm is over. And I'm panting there in the hot tub. My whole cunt throbbing. Unsatisfied.

I stand up, and step out. Grabbing a towel and wrapping it around me. Then one for my hair. I slip on the fluffy robe from the closet, and catch my face in the mirror. Tear stains and smeared make up. Flushed cheeks from the heat of the hot tub, and my ruined unsatisfying orgasm.

I wipe my face and walk back to the hot tub. Grab the bottle of champagne and take another gulp. I move my computer to the bed. Then, pull the covers down and slip under them, surrounded by sex toys, and the porn fuel on my laptop. Shuddering and squirming. Knowing the night isn't over for whore like me.

That's when I hear the sounds of people moving in the room next to me.

The couple.

How long have they been there?