All Comments on 'California Dream Boys'

Is always hard to right in.

It takes away from the story especially if you're not good at plot/character development. You really have to build the picture to get the reader involved and unfortunately this didn't do it. Past tense would have been better. Also, the pace in which the action took place seemed rushed.

There were some spelling, syntax and grammar errors, though that can be expected from a newb. A good editor can help clear the muddied waters.

Don't quit. It takes a lot of courage to post and even more courage to accept criticism.

The sex seemed rushed. The first page was devoted mostly for setting the scene, which was sort of long. But it was a good story nonetheless. Hone your craft, and you can be an amazing writer :)

The story was OK, but I was thrown off by the poor use of apostrophes where they were not needed. For example guys is plural and guy's is possessive. There were a lot of run-on sentences. Words like 'outfit' were separated into 'out fit'. You have real potential, but if you want to write for others you need to brush up on your sentence structure. This is grammar school stuff you are missing

Finding love In a strange new city while at the grocery market, what a great warm embracing story force rainy day read.