All Comments on 'Call Out Your Name Ch. 02'

Good chapter posted fast and continuing a good plot makes me happy.

I think these two make a great couple. Except for the letters Jesse acts like he has a lot of maturity. Shane needs that cause his parents are so cold, but he's smart too. You write well.

This is getting interesting but it is a shame that Shane's Dad doesn't care at all not even about his college career. Well written

Damn but you write life real. Shane sounds like my college boyfriend who had the worst parents. They hated him for being gay and decided to withdraw their support the day he turned 18. Lucky for him he was a strong man with many caring friends. How he's happier and more successful than those clowns ever were or will be AND he has a partner who loves him and worships the ground he walks on.

You have written a haunting two chapters. Adore the two young men and their angst in finding themselves. I hope soon that these kind of storylines don't have to told much longer. Lived it, died inside, yet a wonderful teacher rescued a lost youth.

Do you EVER proof read your own stories? If you do and don't pick up all the errors maybe you should find an editor, it was make an already good story so much better.

Dear Anon, who made you the grammar police. Compared to 90% of the writers on this site, this story was flawless. Perfect grammar and spelling, and an excellent plot I could understand because I didn't have to wade through a thousand atrocious mistakes. The 2-3 tiny errors were in dropped words which was no big deal. Why don't you write a story and we'll hack it to pieces?

Have you ever checked your lousy attitude? You could have made the same point a million different ways in a non-agressive, kind and constructive way. Instead you act like a better than thou, nasty S.O.B. And you don't have the guts to sign your name to it.

Anyway, I agree that the story is going well. But, you also have me walking on eggshells and waiting for these two to get caught. And of course we don't know who is messing with them. It did seem crazy that this kid is going to throw away a scholarship for a guy, but lets be honest, he has no parents guiding him and he'd not be the first teen to plan his life around a love interest. I do find it strange that he doesn't have a guidance counselor checking on what he's planning to do at his new school. So far, his uncle is the only one who seems to care. His father should be ashamed of himself for his performance as a parent. I am glad he and Jesse started talking more. I just question what will change next year? Will they move in together and then be able to come out? Or will they live together as 'friends' or stay at home? look forward to more.

But so so worth it!

I gotta admit i am so in love with these too, it's all too cute. on that note the bit near the beginning, sort of long distracted ramblings about how nice Jesse is took me a while to get through, i sort of kept dropping it. but once you got into 'real-time' it was totally worth it, really good stuff. Take no rubbish from anyone, you're great, keep going. Can't wait to read the rest of this!

I usually don't comment until I have read the whole story, but I just wanted to get this down...

It took me at least 3 tries to get past the first few paragraphs of this story. (I think the biggest turnoff was the multiple girlfriends, but there were several others.) I kept coming back to try again though, and I have to say it was worth it. There were a few mistakes, but not enough to make this hard to read, once I got past the introduction. The way Shane described himself was really weird to read, and didn't make me want to keep reading. You might want to do some research on how to introduce characters from first person, to avoid that mugshot feel for future stories. It wasn't as mugshot-like as most stories on this site, but I have found several that I like much better. I also feel that when the character's description of themselves isn't the first thing in the story, it often flows better. Another trick that seems to help is to break up the description, and use the bits where they connect to other aspects of the story, for example height in relation to sports, coloring in relation to looking like parents, etc. Hope that helps.

How you build up the relationship between your characters slowly and let their emotions shine through instead of just rushing things. Love needs time, and it's refreshing to see them take it.

I’m not sure I will continue to read. Bi guys always go back to girls and this guy seems like he will cheat on Jesse with a girl. As a non native English speaker the story is confusing when there are mistakes. Maybe someone could help you proofread after you write the story, if you’re tired.