Calm Ch. 06

***

"Heeeeey!"

Everyone at work in the living room turned his head towards the loud scream coming through the door. Nicky bounced inside, did a twirl and then a jump before she bowed for her audience and presented them with a bag. "For you, milords and miladies."

Cris went over to Nicky and slapped her on the ass, shaking her head. Nicky cooed until her cooing turned into a sharp cry of pain. Cris pinches a mean pinch. Nicky pouted and said, "Is that what I get for bringing you guys a present?"

"That's what you get for being a noisy brat in my home. Now let me see." Cris peered inside the bag and frowned when she looked back up. "What's all this?"

Nicky's radiant smile returned. "It's for making bubbles!"

"You want us to make bubbles."

"Not just bubbles. Big ones. Bigger than you even." She quickly jumped back when Cris put her hand back within striking distance of her ass. "Really. You'll see. All you need to do is add glycerin to the bubble juice. I got some off a friend. Come on, let's go outside!"

And she was off, running through the empty rooms and into the garden. Those inside looked at each other and felt the sweat on their bodies. Philip shrugged and said, "Why the hell not. Come on, girls."

He lifted Ruth in one arm and Ellie in the other. Both of them laughed, but when he neared the door and didn't stop they started struggling and screaming that he'd smack them into the wall. His laugh boomed from his chest as he lifted Ruth to his shoulder and made his way through the door without any horrible accident occurring. Cris followed them on her own, smiling and shaking her head. You could always count on Nicky for some silly fun.

***

Hours later, Nicky looked down at the paint splashed on her blouse and clicked her tongue in annoyance. She couldn't take it off either, her hands were covered as well. Ellie was painting the same wall as she was and there wasn't a spot of paint on her. "How do you keep so clean, Ellie?"

"I don't just slap my brush into the paint and get on with it. You have to skim off some paint."

Nicky shrugged and said, "I don't have the patience for any of that. Painting... this kind of stuff isn't for me. Give me some sun and lots of bubble juice, and I'm happy. Since you're so squeaky clean, why don't you run over to my car and get my spare clothes?"

"Sure."

"Thanks. My keys are in my purse. It's in the kitchen, a blue one."

"Got it."

Ellie found the keys, and as she grabbed Nicky's travel bag, she bumped into a large cloth bag hung up from a hook attached to the car ceiling. Curious to see if there was any kind of crazy costume inside, Ellie unzipped it. Inside was a beautifully cut white business suit. Ellie zipped the bag back up and headed back inside with a frown on her face. Why did Nicky have a suit like one of Ruth's?

She found Nicky in the kitchen, scrubbing her hands clean. "I got your clothes."

Nicky looked over her shoulder and smiled. "Thanks, Ellie. I'll give you a kiss later."

"No, no. You don't need to."

"Just teasing, Ellie."

"I know, I know. Uhm... there was a big bag in your car?"

"Did you look inside?"

"Yeah."

Nicky turned around and dried her hands. "And you were surprised to see what you found."

"A little."

Nicky smiled and leaned back against the counter. "What do you think I do for a living?"

"I... I have no idea, I'm sorry."

Nicky laughed and said, "Don't apologize, Ellie. Nobody told you, and there's really no way for you to know. Right now I'm not like I am at work. Over there, I'm the one they send to clean up their shit. High pay, high stress and high reward if you're the right kind of person. That's why I always have a suit with me. Just in case something hits the fan and they need me."

Ellie stared at her. Nicky? Really?

"Don't tell me what you're thinking right now. My friends never believe me when I tell them for the first time. I don't consider myself to be friends with anybody at work. They're colleagues, and I treat them right, but in the end they know I'll do whatever needs doing to get my job done. I can't be like that with my friends, or I wouldn't have any. And I can't be focused and sharp all the time, or I'd crash.

"You call me Nicky, but you've never met the real Nicky. You've only ever met Nick, he's kind of my alter ego. He's a clever little brat with too much mischief in him to keep it bottled up inside. I love being Nicky, but I can't keep up being her without being Nick as much as I can. The moment I lose the suit, it's like I shove aside part of my personality. I don't even carry a phone. Work knows I'll fly for them, but only when they send me messages at the times I check my phone."

She sprayed Ellie with droplets of water from her wet hands and said, "Enough about work. You go back to painting, and I'll go pop this in the washer. Chop chop, on you go."

Ellie was pushed out of the kitchen and delivered in front of the wall she'd been painting. Before she knew it, she was alone again. Nicky, she was so... happy all the time. And Ruth smiled and laughed, but always like she preferred to let only a little of the light inside of her out. She couldn't hide how wonderful she was though. And both of them stepped into another life the moment they started their car and headed for work. It made her wonder if she could be that strong too.

***

That evening, Tom came back in time for dinner. A pleasant din of conversation filled the cleared out dining room. The only things left behind in the generous space were a table, chairs, plastic covering the floor and a bunch of friends having some simple fare. A cozy and fun evening. Tom smiled when he saw Ellie pitch in on occasion, but mostly she was quiet with a careful smile curling her lips.

Seeing her like that melted away the frustrations that had built up during a day spent cleaning up his own mistakes. He couldn't wait to be fully healed and focused again. Then they could all put this episode behind them and focus on different things. On the future.

He wouldn't push Ellie to meet more people than his friends for now, but soon she'd be going off to university. Would she be alright there?

Ellie felt his eyes on her and her smile widened. Tom winked at her and said, "Had fun today?"

"Yeah."

"Thinking about a career as a painter?"

She shook her head and said, "No, I want to go to university."

"What do you want to study?"

With a confidence Tom hadn't expected, Ellie said "Computer sciences."

His eyebrows rose. Computer sciences was the field he'd majored in. It wasn't easy. "I'm not sure that's a good idea, Ellie."

"Why not?'

"It's hard, Ellie. I had to work my ass off to get my degree, and I was actually interested in that stuff. Why would you want to go into that field?"

The young girl set her jaw and glared back at Tom. "I am interested, Tom. I've been reading the books in your study, and I even found your old school books. I know it's difficult, but I still want to do it."

Tom leaned back in his chair, and took a moment to consider Ellie's words. "Say you went through with this, do you want a job like I have? Solving problems and crunching through simulations all day long?"

"Are you saying I couldn't do what you do?"

He shook his head. "I'm asking you if you'd enjoy it. What's the point in picking up studies that teach you to do something you don't care about? What are you trying to prove, Ellie?"

Ellie's fists lay balled up on the table top. "That I can do it. That no matter how pretty I am, I earned what I got because of my intelligence and hard work."

"And that's why you want to put yourself through computer sciences."

"Yes."

"Why not something else? Ruth and Nicky prove they're more than pretty faces every day they go to work. Nobody's going to mess with Cris, and she never went to college. It's not about your degree, Ellie. It's about what you do in life, how you handle yourself. Book smarts can't compare to what you've been forced to learn while you were growing up."

She looked over at him, a question in her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"You never gave up, Ellie. And I know you'll never start giving up either. You're working for both you and for Jeff, remember? Wouldn't he want you to do something that makes you happy like you promised him?"

He put his hand over her small fist. "Look, you can choose what you want to do, and Ruth and me will support your choice, but please give your choice enough thought. It's a big commitment to make, and nobody wants to be set back a year because he made the wrong choice. It's even worse if you realize you've made a mistake when you're too far into a study to reasonably break it off. And that's all I have to say on the matter."

Ellie relaxed her hands and slipped her fingers between Tom's. "If I choose computer sciences, you'll help me right? I think it's interesting what you do, but it's also difficult and I'm not all that smart. I've always had to work a lot to get good grades, but if you can... you know, help me from time to time, I think I'd do a lot better."

Tom smiled and stroked Ellie on the head with his free hand. "If it comes to that, then I'll help you if I can."

"Thanks."

They let go of each other and rejoined the conversation still going on around the table. Ruth caught Tom's eye and gave him a questioning look. He made the okay sign and she gave him a relieved smile.

Dinner strokedered out after dessert, and Tom and Nicky left to go back home. This time, Ellie wasn't so quick to fall asleep. She kept coming back to Tom's words. Did she want a job like the one he had? Would it be any fun? Would it feel rewarding or just plain old boring and confusing? She'd have to find out. But no matter what she decided, she'd get top grades every single time. She'd always worked for the best grades of the class, and that wouldn't change now. Fuck anybody not looking past her hair, her tits and everything else about her. Her looks would never define her, not anymore.

***

Tom looked up from his work when his phone rang. Strange, work knew he didn't take calls during this time of day. Maybe they'd hired someone new. He picked up the phone.

"Tom speaking."

'Hi, mister Abrams. I'm calling you on behalf of the police. You are the Tom Abrams that has temporary custody over a miss Elizabeth Seghers?'

"I am, yes. Is there a problem?"

'Nothing at present. I'm calling to notify you that her father's case has been processed and she can go and get whatever belongings she left behind at his residence.'

"Oh. Does she need to go there before a certain date?"

'The procedure is still ongoing, so I couldn't tell you a time frame, but it would be better if you handle it as soon as is practical.'

"Okay, I'll tell her. Will there be anything else, officer?"

'No, Sir. Have a pleasant day.'

"You too, officer."

Tom sighed and ran his hand through his hair after he put the phone down. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. How was this going to go? Not well very well probably. On the other hand, she'd be able to say goodbye to her childhood memories. He sent a mail to work telling them he'd take the afternoon off due to a personal emergency. No time like the present.

An hour later, Ellie, Ruth and Tom stood at the doorstep of the house Ellie grew up in. Wild greens had claimed the once well-kept garden and gave the place an abandoned feel. Ruth and Tom shared a glance while Ellie got the spare key from under a rock hidden between the weeds. Her hand trembled as she pushed it into the lock. She didn't turn it. Instead, she let her head rest against the door. How many times had she wished that this door would lead her to a different, wonderful place? Yet her wish for a happy fantasy was never fulfilled.

Tom closed his hand around hers and with a flick of his wrist, the key turned in the lock and the door swung silently open with a slight push. He took a step back and let Ellie take her time to take the first step inside. She glanced across her shoulder, her eyes restless.

"He's not here, Ellie. He's in jail."

"I know."

"You can do it, Ellie."

She straightened her shoulders and stepped across the threshold. Nobody grabbed her. There was no sound of footsteps coming her way. The stench that filled the house now was nothing like the smell of home that she remembered. The first signs of littered trash were in the hallway.

Confused, Ellie wandered further inside. The living room was much worse. Beer cans, liquor bottles, leftovers from every kind of take-out imaginable lay strewn across the floor and all over the couch. What had happened here? Her father had always been strict on cleanliness. She'd been surprised by how filthy he was at the cemetery, but to see he'd fallen so low surprised her at a visceral level. Losing her had made him snap. She felt sad at the thought. She hated him for what he did to her, but still she didn't wish this slow dilapidation on him. His front was all he'd had to hide what he really was inside. Now he had nothing.

She shook her head and turned around to find Ruth and Tom patiently waiting for her to lead them where she wanted to go. "I don't want anything from down here. Let's go upstairs. I want to see the bedrooms."

Ellie's bedroom was ravaged. Not a single piece of clothing was left whole. Everything she'd owned was smashed to bits. Even her bed and her desk. They lay splintered, covered in scraps of fabric and plush from stuffed animals. All her books had been mangled and soiled. With what, she didn't want to know, but the smell left little to the imagination. They didn't stay long there. Jeff's room was the only one she was really interested in anyway.

The contrast to her own room couldn't have been bigger. Nothing had been touched. It was like Jeff could come in any moment to jump on his chair and do homework. Her stomach cramped together at the thought. Ellie walked over to the bed and sunk to her knees. There was one thing she wanted more than anything in the world. One little box. Jeff's biggest secret.

A shock went through her body when her fingers bumped against the cool tin. She swallowed. It was still there. She squeezed her eyes shut to keep from crying as she slid the box towards her. Once she had it, she sat down on her heels and wrapped the box in her arms. "It's still here."

Tom crouched down next to Ellie and said, "What's still here?"

"It's the box Jeff used to hide the things I gave him. He always had to clean his own room, so father never found out about it. I'd give him candy and books and games, and he'd put it all in here."

Ruth wrapped her arms around Ellie from behind and said, "That's so sweet. You were such a good Sister. I'm proud of you, Ellie." She couldn't hold back her tears as she thought about Ellie playing with her little brother, reading to him, watching him eat his candy with a smile on his face.

Ellie stiffened in Ruth's embrace. Something inside of her teetered on the edge of crashing into a raging torrent. Her entire being hung suspended in time as the crack snapped and branched out. Ruth's shaking body against hers. The warmth of that touch. Ruth's words and tears. What they meant. It all battered at the walls inside of her.

A quiet sob escaped Ellie. A first memory slipped through the cracks. Jeff riding his bicycle for the first time. He'd been too young, but his proud face when he did his first lap around the block had made her laugh so hard that he'd made a face at her, and she'd lifted him clean off his bike so she could hug and tickle him.

A second sob. Her whole body went rigid and her nails clawed at the box. This time Jeff sneaked into her room after father had caught him. Such a little soldier. Fighting back his tears. He'd held on until he was nestled against her under the blankets and she couldn't see him anymore. His tiny body shook against her as she whispered to him.

Ellie's death grip hurt her fingers, but she didn't feel the pain. A fresh memory came to her. The doorbell rang. She went to open the door. An officer stood at the door, looking uncomfortable. He was about to tell her... "No!"

The sudden hard yell crushed the silence in the room. The memory didn't stop playing though. She couldn't fight it. The officer did his job and she flashed forward to the morgue. No, she couldn't do the last bit! The cloth was lifted. An inhuman shriek tore from her mouth as the cracks exploded and everything she'd held back tumbled over the edge into a chaotic maelstrom.

Wracking sobs burst from her body and she repeated Jeff's name over and over. She'd have done anything for him. Father could've done whatever he wanted to her until she and Jeff could run away together. Always together. She never meant to leave him behind. He should be with her now. Smiling. Bragging he could do a wheelie when he couldn't. Getting brain freeze when she slipped him ice cream. All her memories of him, all her wishes she never saw fulfilled poured out in a stream of incomprehensible shrieks. She didn't speak a word, yet her regret and pain were crystal clear.

Ruth held on for dear life as Ellie's grief raged. Raw pain engulfed the girl as she relived losing the person she'd lived for. She blindly stuck her hand out in Tom's direction. He had to be there. Relief flooded her when he grabbed her hand as if he'd been ready for her to stick it out. She felt his arms wrap around both Ruth and her. His deep voice sounded in her ears. She couldn't understand a word he was saying, but it soothed her nonetheless. Ellie's shrieks dissolved into wet sobs and she turned around in Ruth's embrace so she could grab both her and Tom.

Tom's calm engulfed her and the slow rhythm of his and Ruth's breathing took hold of Ellie and lulled the tension in her bodies into fading. He stroked her hair and said, "Ellie, I'm really soryy I never got to meet your little brother. I think he would've been a wonderful boy. You never talk about him much, but what little you've said told me that much. You should be proud of how much you did for him. I don't think he knew how to tell how thankful he was to you, but if you search your memories, I'm sure you'll find his way of showing you. I know you think you failed to save him, but you're wrong, Ellie. You saved him so many times. And that makes you a wonderful person."

Ellie shook her head and Tom pulled her in even closer. Ruth slipped behind her and together with Tom she locked Ellie into a warm embrace. Ellie tried to resist and thereby refuse Tom's words, but there was no escape. Ruth whispered into her ear, "Think back, Ellie."

A little groan escaped Ellie as she struggled to keep her memories from flashing in front of her eyes, but her walls had crumbled. She saw him. His little face. She heard the pitter patter of his feet. She felt the tickle of his hair against her nose. She smelled the shampoo he liked and the stuff she used to treat his scrapes. And she remembered. The way he looked at her when he thought she wasn't looking. A look that told her he suspected there was something she wasn't telling him. A look that told her he knew she was being strong for him. A look of love. And always he'd snuggle into her after she saw that look.

How long had he known? All along? It didn't matter. He had never told her. He'd known and he'd still loved her. Tom was right. She couldn't have done more than she had. She couldn't have.

Her head stopped shaking, and she leaned her forehead against Tom's chest. "I did what I could."

"You did." Ruth and Tom said in unison. Two voices, and neither had spoken with a hint of hesitation. They'd known before her, and she'd never even told them. Ellie took a deep breath and gently pushed Tom and Ruth back. They let go without a struggle and moved away to give Ellie space. "I did what I could."