by trc68
It is a good story, but hard to read without proper paragraphing.
Otto
I, for one, took a look at the paragraphs (including the last page to make sure what the 1st page wasn't an aberration) and thought, "screw this."
You need to learn to shorten some of your paragraphs. Some of them are over 800 words long.
I would have loved to read your story, but after trying to read through a couple of the paragraphs on the first page and checking the other pages with just as many long paragraphs, I decided it was too much trouble.
Thanks for the comments. I agree about the paragraphs and to be honest I was so involved with writing and rereading the story I just screwed that up big time. I just learned today that a volunteer editing department is available and I wished I had known prior to submission. Anyways this is my first effort and I appreciate the feedback.