Candy's Fashion House Ch. 19

Things had been going so well and yet I felt this feeling of dread shrouding us. I felt Siobhan was becoming a little distant over the last few days. I couldn't put my finger on the reason. There were so many things going on that I couldn't narrow it down. It came to a head a few nights later. Dinner had been cool to say the least. She sat playing with her food, moving it round and round her plate. It was driving me crazy. "OK Siobhan what's the problem? Something is eating away at you. You may as well spit it out."

I could see the tears welling up in her eyes and she was about to cry. I walked around and cradled her in my arms. "Come on baby it can't be that bad."

She shook her head. "Well I don't think it's bad but I am scared of what you will say."

"Honey it's OK, just tell me you are scaring me now."

She sucked in a deep breath..."Kelli I am pregnant."

I felt my knees go weak and my blood turned to water. She had to hold me up or I am sure I would have collapsed. "Are you sure?"

Now she burst into hysterics. "I knew it I knew you would hate me."

I gave her a shake by the shoulders. "Never say that. I could never hate you damn it I love you. It's just with the hormones and everything I didn't think I could."

She snuggled up against me. "Its true babe we are having a baby."

You couldn't have wiped the smile of my face if you had tried. "Kelli you aren't angry?"

"Don't be ridiculous I am ecstatic. Honey that is the best news ever. Wow we are going to be parents. I am going to be a father..." My face dropped as the word hit home... Father. She shook me. "Don't even think that you are going to be a great parent3."

I had to sit down. "How can you say that Siobhan" How am I going to be a dad? Fuck look at me a man in a dress and the whole fucking world knows now!"

"You are being silly now. What's important is the person inside. You are everything a parent needs to be. You are strong, determined, and resourceful. I am not going to list them all but you are going to be great.

We retreated into the lounge area and sat together trying to come to grips with it. I needed to know how she felt. "Siobhan, tell me the truth are you happy about this? Are you sure you aren't just saying it?"

She kissed me. "Baby I can't say I wanted this, but once the doctor told me and I have had time to think. I am ecstatic. I cannot wait to be a mum. God I am going to be a mum.

I laughed. "You sure are. You will be the best mum on the planet."

We started to make plans straight away like a couple of drunk teenagers I made a list. I tore it up and made another. The first order of business was where to live. This place wasn't big enough and wasn't going to cut the mustard.

We decided that we wanted a place of our own. We wanted something with sea views.

Cars Siobhan's little two seater wouldn't do we needed something bigger and definitely more robust.

Telling people. Siobhan wanted to tell everyone right away. At that moment I thought of only one person and that was Lauren. It wasn't something that we planned but we had definitely talked about it and I sensed it wasn't going to go well. I wondered how she would take the news. I asked Siobhan to keep a lid on it until we told her.

"Siobhan laughed. "Fuck that hon I am not being there when you tell her. She would probably vaporise me on the spot. I wanted to argue but the reality is she was probably right.

The next day I called Lauren and invited her to lunch.

She turned up looking as beautiful as ever. She garbled on and on about a new client and insignificant crap. I was bubbling fit to burst. I reached over the table and grabbed both her hands. "Shut up Lauren I have something important to tell you so please just shut up."

She must have seen the tense look on my face. She went completely silent.

After I had gathered my courage I just blurted it out. "Lauren Siobhan and I are having a baby."

Her face dropped and tears welled up immediately. "Nooooooooooo." She wailed. "No please tell me it isn't so. You are just saying that to hurt me aren't you."

I shook my head. "No Lauren its true we are going to be parents and I wanted you to be the first to know."

She snatched her hands from mine and ran full tilt out of the café much to the dismay of a hoard of customers.

"Well that went well." I muttered to myself.

Siobhan couldn't wait and she told everyone. If she wasn't on the phone telling people she was inviting them around. Candy was stunned but happy. She couldn't wait to be Aunt Candy.

It took a couple of days but Karla called me to offer her congratulations. As we talked I asked if she had heard from Lauren. She laughed. "How could I not she is living here at the moment."

I was a little taken aback. "What about Josh?"

"He is still staying at your old place. Kelli Lauren is a real mess. She has taken some time off work she is struggling."

"Oh fuck, what can I do Karla?"

"I don't think there is anything you can do at the moment. She doesn't want to talk to you."

"OK but can you keep me in the loop please."

We started our hunt for a new house. We hunted and hunted until we finally found something we both liked. The only problem being it was a wreck. Houses in this part of town were expensive and the only way we could afford to live here was buy a fixer upper. It was going to soak up every penny we could raise between us and wasn't going to leave much for renovations or a new arrival.

We decided that it was the best of what we had seen. If we wanted to be close to the ocean we weren't left with a lot of options. We made an offer based on securing finance. I used our old place as collateral but I needed to run it by Lauren.

I called Karla and she was in a tizz. Lauren hadn't been back to her office since the day I had spoken to her. "Kelli I don't think you have any perception of how this has affected her. Christ if she doesn't go back to work soon she is going to lose that practice."

"Well is she capable? Can she go back?"

Karla cried. "No she is miles away from that. She spends all day locked in her room. She barely talks to me."

After I hung up I couldn't help wondering about what to do.

I talked to the bank and discussed the options. Yes they would loan me the money for the house based on using our old place but Lauren would have to sign the papers authorising it.

Back on the phone to Karla. She begged me please Kelli don't do it. It could be the straw that breaks the camel's back. She is just not ready."

"But what am I supposed to do? If I can't get her to sign the papers I can't buy the house."

Karla blew up. "Jeez stop being so fucking selfish. She is going to lose everything. If she doesn't go to work the banks will shut her down. They will take the house anyway." She screamed at me. "Your new house is fucking nothing do you understand, nothing..."

I felt terrible. Fuck if the banks foreclosed then she would lose the house and everything but it wasn't good for me either. I would lose my opportunity to use my equity. We would all lose out.

What to do was the worry. I decided that regardless of what Karla said I would go and see her. I waited till Karla was home from work and I went around to see her.

Karla met me at the door. "Kelli I don't know this is a good idea honey."

"I know Karla but what do I do I just can't sit back and watch. This will sound bad but it's not just Lauren who loses out here. I stand to lose everything as well."

We hugged and went inside. Karla went and got Lauren. They both came out hand in hand and she looked terrible. Even when she was in hospital she looked healthier than she did right now. I walked up to her and wrapped her in a hug. We kissed and I felt her body quivering and trembling as she burst out crying.

As we hugged I tried to calm her down. "Hey baby its OK, please don't cry it will all work out." She responded by nuzzling her head up under my chin and holding on for grim death.

Karla was standing watching but held up her arms as if to say 'Told you so.'

I kissed her neck and we rocked back and forth without talking. I hummed something sooting in her ear and her lips slid over my exposed shoulder. "Kelli I am sorry. I am so sorry for everything. I am a fuck up. You are better off miles away from me."

"Cut it out Lauren. That's not true and you know it. I love you and I want us to be friends."

"Huh friends is it! We were so much more than that. I wanted us to be together forever. You are my life. You are all I ever wanted."

"Its OK baby we can sort it out."

"NO WE CANT... You have someone else. You are going to grow old with fucking Siobhan. Oh my god you are having my baby. What's left for me?" She was screaming at the top of her voice." What about me Michael what about me?"

Karla raced over and grabbed her and I joined in and we hugged and kissed her.

Lauren just stood up and walked out with Karla running closely behind her.

When Karla came back out she was crying. "What are we going to do?"

"We need to get her to a therapist or something. She needs help."

Over the next couple of days Karla managed to convince her that therapy would help. Thankfully she was friends with a therapist. Lauren agreed to go if I went with her.

I went to the first couple of sessions but after that she felt confident enough to go on her own.

Siobhan was pretty traumatised by the whole thing and was feeling the weight of guilt dragging her down as well.

By the second week Lauren was starting to pick up and decided she wanted to go through with the sale of the house. I went around and cleaned the place up. It was sad as I went through the place. It was full of so many amazing memories. I packed everything into boxes and hired a storage unit and it took me a couple of days to move it all in. By the end of the weekend the place was spotless and ready to go on the market. I arranged for a realtor to come and have a look. As we walked around the house she was really positive insisting that she already had a buyer who the place would be perfect for. God I had my fingers crossed. At least that way our money would be safe.

Things were on the improve, but I couldn't get rid of the overwhelming sense of guilt. Between Siobhan and me we had cornered the market on living with guilt.

With Lauren living at Karla's Josh seemed lost. I heard through Karla that he tried a few times to see Lauren but she refused. Apparently she was holding him at least partially responsible for her problems. Glad to hear I had been usurped in that area.

I was going over to Karla's every night to visit with Lauren and every day it was getting just that little bit easier to talk. We were scouting around the perimeter of issues talking without saying anything. Until one evening when it all blew up. Her therapist had been reinforcing the need for her to face up to the issues.

It started friendly enough before it went south in a hurry. I don't know how we got there but she couldn't hold it in any longer. She started crying and sniffled and muttered. "Kelli don't you understand that was supposed to be us. We were meant to grow old together. Do all of the things you are now doing with her you are buying a house and having a child. Baby that was meant to be you and me but you walked away."

She wiped back the tears. "I still remember the first time we looked at our place. It was ours." She found some tissues and wiped her eyes. "Don't you understand? It hurts knowing that you love her now. She is in my place sharing your bed. That should be us together in our bed." She hissed. "I hate that bitch."

I was trying to keep it together but her attitude pissed me off. "Lauren let's not forget how we ended up where we have. It wasn't me who cheated and it certainly wasn't Siobhan's fault."

She folded her arms in a huff. "Well if you hadn't got all toxic we would still be together."

"I don't want to argue Lauren I just want to put it all behind us."

"It's not fair I hate the fact that you now have this wonderful life. You seem so happy and at peace with yourself."

"Well I have to say that is down to you as well Lauren. If you hadn't pushed me I would still be working construction. A lot of what I have achieved is because you wouldn't let me rest."

"If you feel that way then why aren't we still together?"

"Because you pushed me away you had to push that little bit harder and you went one step to far Lauren. You didn't know when to stop. Fuck if you had let me do it at my own pace then I may have gone down that road but I wasn't going to be pushed down it."

"What? Are you saying that you are interested?"

"I guess I am curious Lauren yes. But that's where it starts and ends."

"But why? If you are curious why didn't you try to find out. God what if you really like it? You could go through your whole life without ever knowing."

"Well at the moment I don't feel like I am missing out. If I get to the stage where I feel like I am I guess who knows."

"Fuck you frustrate me. You were such a coward."

Why couldn't we just have a conversation without resorting to this. We always seemed to end up in a fight. I gave her a kiss. "I am sorry Lauren but I refuse to be put down by you."

She grabbed me again and this time she wouldn't let go. "Kelli it could have been so different. Now Josh has left me as well. Everybody I love has walked away. Please I am begging you don't walk away."

"Lauren I have a new life and a partner. I do want you to be part of my life. I want us to be friends."

As I walked out I could still hear Lauren crying and Karla trying to calm her down. I was almost at the car when I heard her ear-splitting shriek. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

The sale of the house went through and we closed the deal on our new place.

Lauren continued to be up and down. She couldn't or wouldn't work. Karla rang me at work to ask my advice. I suggested she sell the practice. At least she would get something out of it.

We moved into our new home a couple of weeks later. We only had a couple of rooms to live in as the rest of the place was a wreck.

I tried to stay in touch with Lauren but she seemed on this path of self-destruction. A couple of weeks had passed and I went around to catch up with her but when I got there Karla invited me in. "Where's Lauren?" I asked.

She looked tense and nervous. "She sold her practice and has gone to stay with Alecia in London."

Well that was a shock. "You are joking surely? Why didn't you call me Karla?" She slowly shook her head. "I am sorry honey but she made me promise not to say anything to you."

"Well when did she go?"

"Honey she left last week."

I couldn't believe it. It seemed like a bad dream. "Have you heard from her? Is she OK?"

"Honey without sounding nasty, why do you care. She has gone. You have your new life. Why not let sleeping dogs lie."

"Karla I just need to know she is safe and is OK. Christ how the fuck is that going to work?"

Karla shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know either, they hardly parted on good terms but I do know they were at least talking before she left."

It was some ungodly hour early in the morning. I got a phone call. Siobhan nudged me. "Wake up answer the bloody phone." I managed to pick it up. It was Alecia. "Hi babes." she muttered. "Hope I didn't wake you?"

"What do you want Alecia?" There was a pregnant pause. "I just rang to let you know that Lauren is OK. She is here with us at the moment. I wanted to say congratulations as well. Lauren told us you are going to be a daddy."

"Thanks but surely this could have waited till later?"

"Sorry Kelli I didn't really think about the time difference. I needed to talk while Lauren wasn't here she didn't want me to call you." I was rubbing the sleep out of my eyes trying to focus. "Yeah thanks but let's not beat about the bush. What do you want?"

"You have to help me babes. Lauren is driving me fucking crazy. Maddy is going off her nut. She can't stay here with us. Jesus I don't know what she was thinking. Why the hell did she come here for god's sake? Maddy is furious with me for taking her in."

"If you feel that way just kick her out, send her back."

I can't do that and you know it. Fuck it I love her as much as you do."

"Alecia I don't know what you expect from me."

"Just talk to her see if you can encourage her to move back home."

"That would be easier if she would actually talk to me."

"Babes she is still in love with you. Can't you at least try?"

"I have tried Alecia I really tried but every time I went to see her we ended up in an argument. Regardless of what she says I think she actually hates me."

"She doesn't hate you. Fuck don't be an idiot all your life. She loves you. Her heart is broken that's all. She sees you enjoying this spectacular new life and yet she can barely breathe. She is jealous and broken. Kelli she loves you. Never ever forget that."

"Yeah well it's hard to remember that when she is screaming hateful things at you all the time."

"Please babes you have to help. If she stays here someone is going to die. She needs you Kelli she really does. She needs to be with you."

"Don't be fucking ridiculous. How the fuck can I do that?" I spluttered. "I think you are just trying to off load her because you don't want or don't know how to deal with her."

She exploded. "Don't you dare say that you little shit. I love her and you fucking know it. All I want is for her to get better and I know that all she has talked about since she got here is you. Kelli she needs you."

Siobhan had woken up properly now and was sitting up propped on her elbows listening intently to us fight.

"Just tell me what you want Alecia so I can go back to sleep."

"Babes please I don't want to fight. Believe it or not I still have feelings for you and I want us to be friends. All I want is for you to call Lauren and talk to her. Try and help out."

Siobhan snuggled up close gripping my arm.

"Yeah OK I will call her later. Goodbye Alecia."

As I hung up Siobhan whispered. "What are you going to do hon?"

"I don't know babe I don't think there's anything I can do. She won't even talk to me."

"We have to do something."

Exasperated I spat out. "Why do you care? Why is this suddenly so important to you? I thought you would be happy."

She was stung by my anger but sighed. "Yeah well so did I. But I have to tell you it makes me feel like shit. Every day I wake up with this horrible feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach. I know I am responsible for everything that has happened to her. Yes I feel guilty and responsible. I thought it was going to make me feel better but it's the opposite. I feel terrible revenge isn't everything it's cracked up to be."

I tried and tried for days to talk to Lauren. She refused I did talk to Alecia most days and it was during one of those conversations that the world exploded again. This time however it was on Alecia's end. I could hear them all screaming and yelling at each other. They were having the fight to end all fights. It was mayhem their screams were ear-splitting, there were doors slamming, things breaking. This was a battle. Shit if punches weren't being thrown it was fucking close. All I was doing was holding the phone listening. Then it all went silent. All I could hear was this quiet sobbing. I asked. "Lauren is that you?" "Yes." Came this barely audible feeble whisper.

"What's happening baby?"

"They don't want me here. They want me to leave. Maddison hates me. Alecia just told me I have to move out."

"Then move out go somewhere else you don't have to put up with that."

"I don't have anywhere to go." She sobbed. "Nobody wants me. You all hate me."

"I don't hate you Lauren. Pack your stuff up and come home."

She was hysterical. "You're not listening Kelli I don't have anywhere to go."