All Comments on 'Carry That Weight: Beast Of Burden'

You certainly did justice to HDK's story - I couldn't stop reading it. At 4 AM,even.

DFW,you are one of the better writers here. Thanks for another one,and thanks to HDK for letting you play in his sandbox.

5 stars.

I'm a fan of HDK and that was my favorite story of his. I was left wanting more after reading it and hoped someone would give it an ending with more finality.

I enjoyed your finale to this story and if my opinion counts, feel you did stay true to HDK' s characters. I'm not a RAAC or BtB fan necessarily, I like writers that can make you invest in the characters futures one way or the other.

Thanks for the story and look fwd to more.

Very well done.

Years ago when I first discovered this site and began reading all of HDK's stories I was absolutely blown away by "Carry That Weight". Then after I timidly started writing a few years ago I knew in my heart I would never, ever, write a masterpiece like that. To me, this story is the equivalent of the Godfather movie. I couldn't imagine anyone doing justice to this story by writing a sequel.

I was wrong. The way you handled the complexities and nuances of the characters has made this the equivalent of Godfather II. Which of course is a masterpiece in its own right.

I know whenever I get the urge to reread "Carry That Weight" I will have to follow and reread this story to get closure.

Congratulations on your excellent effort.

"Take A Sad Song" (or in this case A Lame Story) "And Make It Better" (or in this case make it Badder)!

Small wonder she cheated on the spineless wimp, he didn't even have the balls for a revenge fuck.

He was a cowardly non-man deserving of little, or no respect.

You did HDK a great injustice!

Most of his spineless RAAC wimp stories came from his earlier postings in Literotica, and I estimate comprise less than twenty percent of his total output. So why the hell do you take one of his more dismal RAAC wimp stories and spend nine fucking pages making it worse???

You took HDK's story where it should end. And I think the conclusion is correct: If Tom had ended up with Amber (and Amy), it would have left the reader with a suspicion that unhealthy hero worship had been a contributing/deciding factor.

Your tribute to an interesting tale, was both well written and entertaining. I am also glad that Tom and Amber did not end up together as that would have smacked of hero-worship gone wrong.

5/5

Having had several false starts trying to write a story gives me appreciation for a well written one. While I may not like an ending , I admire the effort that goes into the story. I believe that writing is the hardest form of communication. The great writers here give me enjoyment. For all the critics out there remember; It ain't easy to write and that marital relationships can be difficult and complex. BTB is not always the answer (yeah, I know, some of the punctuation is off).

A bit on the long side but I for one am glad to find out how Tom's story turned out and I agree with you that Amber and Tom getting together was not the way to go.

All in all a good ending to an original from HDK.

5*

It was a good story, it examined everyone's feelings and despite being a little too touchy feely worked up until the ending. The epilog doesn't feel right, somehow, someway I feel he ended up with the wrong woman.

always put out the trash, recycle.

Let me begin by saying that HDK is one of the load bearing pillars of the great room that is LW , and I have always enjoyed the vast majority of his works.

And I honestly liked his mental revenge in the original.

Now for this , Killian , I think you are a wonderful writer of stories , you have written many of my personal favorites. Bless This Broken Road , Long Drive Home , and all of the Brownwood series are pure LW gold , IMHO.

But , this just didn't move me , or maybe its better to say that it moved me to want to simply shake Tom , and tell him to man the fuck up !

Seriously , the first chapter was excruciating . It reminded me of The Unoriginalist's Boilerplate series . Now that's probably very high praise from most readers point of view , but it , and this were just too full of internal angst. It was almost teenaged Goth angst. It made me want to scream at Tom !

So , if bringing out the readers emotion was your goal , you did in spades , unfortunately it wasn't the enjoyable ones for me.

Now , the ending , I actually liked. But I cannot see myself living in the Connor family !

What a bunch of old control freak biddy's ! Lol.

Well , I'm rambling now , so , although it was taxing on my nerves in places , overall it was a very good piece of fiction.

5 *'s

I am a huge fan of HDK and this is my favorite story of his. Many times I wanted to drop a line and see what he had envisioned his characters doing. I figured I wouldn't bug him about it so I never did. To see this, and see it so well done has made my day. Thank you! I am happy with the reconciliation. In this case it seemed legit.

Thank you so much for giving closure to my favorite lit story.

Ahaz

May be you could flesh out some more of HDK's hanging stories.

regardless of their views of the story, or either of us, Beast. I never delete comments, unless they are racial or involve children and/or lovable farm animals. (I just need to find that guy that calls me fagalldayandnight!) I don't think you're the sensitive type and I know that I'm not, so let them have at it.

The one negative comment I see so far is the one that states I stopped writing such wimpy stories and am now more manly in my creations. My response is that some of my later writings have been proclaimed some of my wimpiest. "No Reply" was one of my later efforts. I think some writers realize, although certainly not all, that we cannot keep writing the same story over and over. We need to grow and expand, to try different things, or we become stale. Some writers will write the same story over and over, only changing names and maybe locations. I appreciate and understand those writers that dare step outside that comfort zone. I have stated before that I could punch out a couple of BTB stories a week if I had no concern for originality or quality. The formula is very easy to follow and for whatever reason, many readers never tire of it.

Our stories do not reflect our (the writer's) lives to any great extent. I have been married and faithful for over 40 years. My wife, except for that month with the Seventh Fleet and the week with the Dallas Cowboys, has not strayed. I try to write things that cause emotion, sometimes a smile, sometimes joy, and sometimes anger. They are stories, not my life. I really liked "No Reply" because it was different and I keep trying to come up with a possible reason for a wife to put out for someone not hubby. I honestly see no such scenario in real life, so I create these things on paper, or on your monitor in this case. Calling a writer names because you do not like a story is silly, but if it makes you feel better, be my quest. They make me smile. They reflect poorly on the person making the comment and not on the writer.

As far as this story is concerned, I really liked it. I felt the tension and the pain of the couples. I felt the conclusion was reasonable. The writing was excellent. (Except for the unexplained missing words scattered through the story. I do the same thing far too often and it doesn't seem to get better as I age!) I thank the Beast for his hard work and for making my story better than it was originally. As always, I thank the readers and those that take the time and effort to make comments.

I thought this was a great followup to the HDK story. The characters kept true to the original and it was a good mix of revenge and reconciliation.

I have given in a very long time. I am a fan reconciliation stories, because I did not forgive and spent 13 yrs fucking anything that moved as revenge, ending in a very shallow life for a while until I met a very loyal and faithful woman. I sometimes wish I had'nt gone down that road and tried to solve it in amore adult way. C'est la vie

JJ

another hit, thank you.

But that alone makes me want to give you a thumbs up. Your humility at NOT suddenly making a cheated on man a (pick one) martial artist, Navy SEAL, alcoholic, crime syndicate associate, or electronic technical genius deserves some accolades. (and I am going to look like a real shmuck here if I find you DID make some huge changes...but I like the principle)

And it's good to be nice to your editor. Send her chocolates.

Hell man it's your tribute so if you want a "no delete" comment policy it isn't a problem. It's what I've done on all my other stories.

For the record... I'm really not a pompous ass... I haven't been pompous in a couple decades. The ass part... ah hell that just comes natural! 😄

BTW Was treating the 0zed comment as legit (thought Hey Jude ref was hilarious) and was drafting a response. Why a nine page RAAC and why this story. Hope to have it posted during lunch.

A continuation of the original author's story was needed and I believe you did well. I enjoyed it very much.

You wrote a good story. I could feel the anguish and pain of all the characters, including the family Connor. I feel you missed a couple of very important points however. In the original story HDK wrote that Jeff drugged Ash's beer that night and they both said he never got it in her. You spent much time dwelling on their planning to cheat and how to set up the whole sordid episode. While that is not totally implausible considering the prior story, it doesn't jibe well with it. You should have figured out some way to reconcile those two points to make this a more believable sequel. In summation, this really didn't clarify or add to HDK's story at all. I find this submission to be woefully poorer than the majority of your efforts. Here's hoping your next one is once again up to your usual standards.

annomny is just an old ugly fat fag!!

5*

HDK´s story was a read I couldn´t put down and now you came up with this!

I´ll be re-reading both stories several times in the next few weeks - I doubt I´ll get fed up reading them.

The end was just great & Jeff got his just deserts.

PVC

I wondered what happened. Now I know.

However, could we please have an alternative version where Tom and Amber do get together?

although I think the passive side of Tom is what led to the entire incident at the lodge I did like some of his personality. And I do think that you continued him in the same pattern as the original. I mostly like HDK but like most of the other "masters" on this site he has caved into the submissive side of his male characters. I don't know that putting Ashley on the curb would have been the proper thing to do, but accepting even a little of the blame for her affair was unfair to him as a spouse and a partner. If she was unhappy, yada, yada, yada. Already been said so enough there.

So, good job, 5 stars and as always I look forward to your next offering.

0zed brought up a couple questions. I’m assuming they were legit and not slams.

Why this particular story and why a nine page RAAC?

The first one is easy. I’m a big HDK fan. I’m usually amazed at how he can take such interesting characters and in two Lit pages, put them in some seriously fucked up situations! Like oshaw when I first got to Lit, I read almost all HDK's work. This one is one of my favs and has stayed with me for years for several reasons.

First I both love and hate it! I loved the emotional quandary each of the three main characters face. What I hated was the ending (sorry Crkcppr). Without a doubt one of the most passive-aggressive ‘revenges' I’d ever read. Let the cheaters stew in their own guilt… oh hell no! LOL!

The next reason is that HDK left his story with the husband hoping against hope that the wife could find a way to save the marriage. The whole situation is FUBAR and the husband wants reconciliation? Now that’s a hell of a challenge! That’s also why a nine page RAAC.

I have no problem with reconciliation stories (actually like them) as long as they are at least somewhat believable. The “one time pass” and “am I better with her or without her” resolutions typically make me ill. The reason the story is so damn long is because it took that long to make me feel like I wasn’t just forcing the reconciliation. Whether I accomplished that or not is up to y’all to decide.

Now if you believe all RAAC stories suck… I understand that… don’t agree but understand it. If you feel that way then the only way this story would’ve been acceptable would’ve been to have the husband grow a pair and divorce her. There’s the problem, that would’ve turned this story into some kinda alternative ending story (something like FTDS did). Not opposed to doing those but this was meant to a tribute story dedicated to an author I have a great deal of respect for.

Hell of a tribute when someone tries to rewrite your story to fit their vision of how it should’ve been written (yeah, sarcasm). Anyway hope that answers your question or at least lets you know what this warped writer was thinking.

BTW sorry you felt I did HDK an injustice! In the words of Ed Woods when he was told he made the worst movies ever… “We’ll get better!” LOL

Killian

"In a way we did plan, but we never agreed to follow through with it. I wasn't sure what would happen when got there." - Okay, but when you saw Jeff plying Tom with drinks why didn't you stop him and/or tell Tom to watch his drinking?

"Soon, when any man who wasn't my husband flirted with me, my confidence and self-esteem soared." - I'm sorry, I've never bought this LW cliche. The husband can't win - If he shows his appreciation for his wife, well he's her husband, he's SUPPOSED to do that, she needs outside attention and ends up cheating; if he DOESN'T show his appreciation, she needs outside attention and ends up cheating! And the opposite is never true - the husband is supposed to accept whatever crumbs his wife throws him, accept her "headaches" or "tiredness", and God help him if HE seeks outside attention!

"if you do this it'll probably kill whatever chance there is for your marriage to survive" - But if the don't do SOMETHING, and nobody has come up with anything else, their marriage is probably dad anyway.

I rarely put 5 stars on a story especially if I have a problem with it but I do think it was well written and insightful. My biggest question was after spending the majority of the first half or more playing down the opportunity of bridging the schism that had devloped with a sexual encounter that is exactly what you decided was the best way to begin the repair. To me, it seemed like you realized that this is an erotic story site and the best way to fix the problem was a "fantasy island" evening of "take whatever you want darling" attitude. Like she'd never offered that before? Again, seemed out of place and forced because of posting to lit instead of being true to the story. You could have made it so much shorter if this was all it was going to take so the other pages ended up being a waste.

I did find it insightful that the powerful and wealthy were more concerned with the appearance of things than the actual infidelity and the extreme betrayal that this particular episode showed to the respective spouses. Ashley's attitude and ability to cheat WAS a learned behavior, albeit probably sub-conscious, I'm sure the family was happy he submissively catered to a life of ever doubt and mistrust to make him a "favored son" of the Connor clan.

Still, I don't think it has to do with the quality of recent stories that made this one stellar. It was that way on its own. 5*

Your story followed the characters that HDK created. These are a long way from characters I can like or actually respect but certainly true to their "creation". Very nice work and as expected the dialogue is superb. That's something that is rare on here. You earned the 5* I gave it.

ignore him

Not for staying with Ashley, but for taking an entire year to come to grips with the situation and make a fucking decision! Sorry, but one of my pet peeves is indecisive people; in Tom's shoes I would have gone after Jeff, taken Ashley away for a week where I did everything I wanted to her sexually, and then go on with things right there and then, and I CERTAINLY would not have let other members of the "family" even express their opinions. After a couple of "It's not your fucking business so butt the fuck out -- GOT IT?" I wouldn't have received any more unsolicited advice.

Sorry -- just me venting; a good story, though, even if I have little respect for Tom's way of doing things (by the way, the way HDK left his story was unique, awe-inspiring, cute, and even priceless -- it didn't need a follow-up).

"Amber are you sure?" - Sure of what? She hasn't said anything to be sure of!

"When you were dancing with that Bridgette woman, did you notice how attracted she was to you?" - As Amber was attracted to Allen and Stan, so why is she giving Tom a hard time?

"So I don't want to hear any more of this shit about you not being attractive, okay?" - Maybe I missed it, by I don't recall Tom doubting his attractiveness, beyond telling Amber that she could do better than him.

"pushed her way pass me" - "past"

"I struggled with not to suggesting she might need some help washing her back" - "I struggled with not suggesting?" "I struggled not to suggest?"

"I wasn't imaging everything." - "imagining"

I'm personally not thrilled that this seems to be heading towards SOME sort of reconciliation, maybe not RAAC, but reconciliation none the less.

"If I thought of my marriage" - "If I thought 'that'..."

"I squeezed her taunt ass" - "taut"

"I'll always wonder if you and I could've made a go of it." - I think they could have.

I guess I'm okay with the reconciliation for Tom as long as we had a somewhat BTBastard for Jeff!

Good followup to another good story. Still, it felt a bit emotionally flat.

This was clearly not a BTB story but there was sort of a warning. It was a long journey, as one would clearly expect. It was an adult-type treatment of a real mess with a number of different attempts to solve the problem of a single night of adultery with real remorse and all the difficulties that came with it.

The emotion for all, the anger, anxiety, remorse and uncertainty, was well developed. Very well conceived and written..

Tiny Tim

A worthy successor to the original.

Thought it was an excellent story

Liberace. LMAO, is like the dial up phone, coal or a Conalrad Alert. Dust motes from the past. Good Job

in my opinion one of the greats from two talented writers. I always thought that HDK left the original hanging. You tied it in very well and turned a good story into an epic...looking to take FTDS 's job?...haven't heard much from him lately. This is worth more than five stars. But since that is the max, I'll have to settle.

seems real to me. Well writen my friend,better then HDK :).

I hate cheating,but in this case wife was remorseful and sorry for pain she caused.

Husband was hurt and he did listen to advice from his good friend but at the end it was his decision to stay married. He is not wimp or something like that. His wife earned her second chance.

I would write more but Englis is not my first language.

Five stars.

Reconciliation takes years no matter if a cheating spouse had PA (physical affair) or EA (emotional affair).

...not an easy story to tag onto,but you did a very good job.

HDK gave me a few worries with his 'killer' story - and you continued in like vein.

Thanks to you - both.

They usually fall flat on their ass and detract from the original.

Fortunately, the original wasn't so long the characters developed much so it gave you license for anything.

I enjoyed this one and gave it a 5*. Well done!

...I've always been ambivalent about "Carry that Weight." It was pretty obvious by the end of the original story that Tom was turning into a person I found it difficult to find sympathy for. Which doesn't mean that the original tale isn't a good story, but more about the fact that it doesn't resonate with this reader.

Your sequel resolves the ambivalence. Nice job.

What makes me generally hate RAAC stories is the 'All Costs' usually are paid by the one that was cheated on and little to none of the 'costs' paid by the cheater.

You broke it?

You fix it!

The part that troubled me with the thought of Ash and Tom reconciling was it looked like Ash and Jeff were like long time lovers finally caught in their arrogance and indifference to Tom by doing it where they could be found.

Were they passed out drunk?

Or were they so comfortable sleeping together because it was old habit?

Hard to tell from the outside.

Well done.

Taking up someone else's story can be tricky. Well done. A lot of intricate thought went into this. Standing ovation on a tribute piece. As far as yelling "He SUCKS!" at the Liberace Museum.......it's fair for it both his music and lifestyle :)

Tygrrusko

outstanding. thanks for the time and effort 5*

However, if your goal was to stick to HDK's vision and keep him with Ashley, you perhaps should have done more to build up Ashley as someone the readers could fall in love with. Amber just seemed to have the chemistry with him that Ashley lacked. Although I didn't care for how immature Amber acted towards the end, tarnishing his name with Amy, the niece whose life he had saved, just for the sake of giving Jeff more shit. As opposed to just ending things with Jeff as she should have.

Also, the ritual cleaning for reclamation seemed backwards. She cheated and let another man finish inside her, yet she was washing him and not vice versa?

That aside, I enjoyed his eventual meeting with Jeff and felt it was very well written.

Thanks for the read. I'm always happy to see your name on the new stories list.

Cog

I thought the beginnign and ending hit HDK's story perfectly but the middle made Ashley way to unsympathetic and Amber way to sympathetic. Doesn't change that you wrote an awesome story, but in terms of being faithful to the original...you definitely liked Amber a bit too much.

I think you carried the weight very well. Five stars!

Too many A names made for difficult reading.

People do not love their spouse (at least as a spouse) and cheat on them. This is a basic point of logic that is ignored in this type of story. There are about 1,000 of this type on this site. It is getting old. I will make it clear: Love is a choice, loving a person means that you care about their welfare. Loving a spouse means that you not only care about their welfare, you are completely and exclusively devoted to them. It means that it should not be hard to overcome or at least control your wayward desires. Cheating is an act that proves that you do not love your spouse. It is proof of a lack of: love, commitment, respect, and a breaking of the trust in the relationship. It results in the destruction of the relationship. If the couple stays together for children, family, ego or whatever - it will never truly be a marriage. It will be a husk, a shell of a relationship. It will be an imbalanced relationship between the betrayed and the betrayer. These are the facts, together they do not form a happy ending. They are undeniable and unchangeable. There is no "getting past" this, or going back, no unfucking. There is just a wreck of a relationship and two people who must decide if they want to walk away and each find a new vehicle or if they want to put the beater back on the road and continue in an uncomfortable wreck as people gawk as they go by.

I liked this sequel...I also think he followed the HDK's characters and intention of this couple to stay together...Of course that wasn't an easy task, but @DFWBeast did it very well, even if the wife had conspired with her lover to get him drunk to be free to fuck....it wasn't a decision in the moment...it was viciously planned!! In the end a strong 4*

I have to believe that HDK was proud of this effort. I'm very glad that you took this project on; it added so much to the original story.

Thanks for sharing your effort and I look forward to more of your stories.

The damn anonymous guy got me again! I'm lifting a cold brew in your honor, Mr Anonymous Manly Man! Thank God this country still has men like you! Your persistence and bull-doggedness should not go unnoticed.

Good job DFW! And good choice of a story to continue. I too have read all of HDK's works and have enjoyed them all. He does leave you hanging occasionally which is fine. That you thought to finish for us is commendable. I do wish he would write a few more short ones again, some had me laughing aloud, chuckling on the second and third go rounds. All in all a great effort on a terrific piece.

u did really well in the continuation of his story and i too believe that is how he feels it should end. maybe not so much what the other wife did to both of the guilty parties but still ended the way it should have. keep writing

Just outstanding writing.

Liked the story. Could see that happen in real life.

Thought they were toast when you wrote it was definitely planned.

But you wrote a way out most would get behind. I could see it as a lifetime movie certainly.

Top notch work. The for sharing.

I liked it. Thank you for your skill and thank HDK for me. Five stars.

A great ending to HDK's story. But he should have went with Amber in my opinion. I liked her character better. Thanks.

What a bonus. One of my favorite writers finishes a story another of my favorites started.

The story faultless! In your wrap up at the end I would have gone with Tom and Amber together? But I am not a critic so don't take this as gospel! Please could you finish off other stories you did a great job of this one. Love you all! GREG. OH 100 % OF READING ENJOYMENT BYE.

As this was a long one, I wrote myself little notes on where I thought you were going to take the story and why it was wrong. I crossed them out when you went a different direction. At the end of the story, my page was blank, so well done.

Your reason he hung around at the start was unusual, valid and well explained. People who don't recognise guilt as punishment will think you soft. I, on the other hand, thought that if you shot her at the end it should be classed as torture and banned. After 6 pages of punishment, you even had me feeling sorry for her. I may never forgive you for that.

IMHFO I think HDK is right about deleting negative comments, although I don't agree with the filters he uses totally. I also delete abusive ones, whether towards me or anyone else, and, er, certain other well-publicised individuals.

Keep up the good work.

If you have not read DFWBeast previous stories I urge you to do so. He is without a doubt the most underrated LW on this web site right now - although after the story I suspect he will not be underrated anymore.

Jefferson cheating on Amber and his sick reasoning killed that marriage. How Tom and Ashley stayed together made it interesting. But there marriage will never be the same. And maybe 5% of men put into bed with a beauty like Amber could ever not succumb to having sex with her. Just improbable. Feeling you dick and asking for it. After both spouses cheated really was not something that would any normal male or female could handle. You go from the frying pan into the fire. Nice writing,

At times, this was a difficult story to read. Life is difficult and humans sometimes really screw things up.....for themselves and those who love them

Yes it needed to be reconciliation for Ash and Tom. A true tribute piece

Thanks for sharing

Ed

First off I want to second what HarryVa said about DFW as a writer. There are only a handful of writers in this category that make me happy when I see a new post of theirs go up. DFW is definitely one of them.

As for this story in particular I think it reflected why life is not black and white and there is so much gray involved. It's very easy to sit back and say that every wife who cheats should be treated as a btb scenario but that isn't realistic. While what she did was a complete betrayal of her husband it was a one time thing. The planning to do it made it even more distasteful but through DFW's words you could feel her regret. You could feel her pain and the pain she felt when she thought her husband was going to get revenge in the same way.

I am never a supporter of RAAC only because of the "at any cost" part of the equation. There are situations when I am reading a story where I smile at the idea of the marriage continuing and this was one of those situations.......The only question I had and maybe I misread it was about the contact between Ash and Jeff after the incident, it made it sound like something else might have happened. I was almost waiting for the pregnancy/abortion shoe to drop.

Thanks for the effort as usual DFW and please keep the keys of your keyboard busy.

So what was the "something" you were hinting at in the beginning of the tale?

"No, they weren't continuing their short affair, at least not to my knowledge. Initially, they avoided each other, but as the birth of Thomas Jeffrey, TJ, neared, I knew Jeff contacted Ashley. They talked a few months afterwards, as well, until something happened."

While I consider myself a fan of HDK, a lot of his stories are unappealing to me. They are moments of time, often leaving me without the satisfaction of a definite conclusion. I'm not looking for a 'happily ever after' just an 'ever after.' Carry That Weight was one of those stories. It had a good beginning middle and end, the the place where it stop was not a satisfactory place where the characters could stay indefinitely.

This continuation ends on a good note. The characters remain true to what I remember of the original. The reconsolidation is earned, as is Jeff's lack of one. I greatly enjoyed the story, and am now looking to explore the rest of this author's stories.

TayJK

tayjk42@gmail.com

Get your heads out of the place the sun don't shine.

Does the phrase "once a cheater always a cheater" ring a bell. Jeff floats the idea to Ash and instead of smacking him down she hums and haws thus keeping the idea alive. Then it becomes serious, and that is where the cheating started. Not on the night they do the deed but there and then. They both decided they would cheat and that is where it starts all the rest is happenstance. They make a plan and both carry it out. She actually helps Jeff to drug, alcohol is a drug, her husband and then help him up to his room. After making sure he is out of it she sneaks off to do the dirty. Having sated themselves they then have the arrogance to fall asleep indicating their contempt for Tom. A more contemptible pair you would not hope to meet. Jeff actually tells Amber that he is "repulsed" by her when she is pregnant, a time that she will be frightened and very vulnerable, and Ashley thinks it's fine to fuck with a man whose pregnant wife is her cousin.

Tom is a real loser and to a lesser extent so is Amber. Even if he decided not to go with Amber he would have found someone else but is so lacking in confidence he stays with a slut wife. No matter what people say every time they fuck he will remember Amber and she Jeff.

The ending was totally unreal .

It was well written though a bit too long but a 5* from me.

So much effort into writing something like this is ....stupid!

bored the crap out of me, it was pedantic, I think that is a good word for it or maybe pathetically weird? I don't want to experience your fucking hang-ups

Ok look. I am not not going to criticize you as a person like others have.

There have been some very very good points made in the comments.

My take is that this could have been said in 4 pages. it reminded me of a high school paper that was told to be 5000 words and the writer could not think of more than 1000 relevant apropos words and used "filler" for the rest. This is just an analogy. This story has much more ability than a high schooler.. But, it did read of things repeated over and over and over and over and a bunch of completely irrelevant filler.

I think the problem is that HDK was able to put so much into just 2 pages, but you recognized that there should have been just a little more to the story, and I agree with you. BUT, by taking 9 pages to do so, when it could have been condensed to 4 at most without losing anything, it pretty much had me skimming most of the way just in order to get thru it or I would have just gave up on it.

Yes I was thinking the same thing, I thought I had commented on it, but I guess I forgot!

So I didn't misread it then...I asked the same question in my comment also. I really thought it could have been a pregnancy and abortion which if it ever came to light would probably had been too much for a reconciliation.

I loved HDK's story, and when I first read it found myself thinking about all of the amazing story lines his characters could follow in the "ever after." I still think there is a Romance in Amber and Allen's tale, and more from the Conners and the children's that could produce great spin offs. I admire the skill you employed to carry HDK's plot forward without destroying his characters and the original voice. Your title reflects this brilliantly, using a Stones tune as your subtitle. Different, but similar. Love it! Thanks for your efforts!

The original was smarter, decisive and fun to read. He immediately and completely wrought his revenge and moved on with dignity intact. This one seemed unable to act at all, not at all like the guy who took a knife in the chest, then killed his attacker and chased down another.

Although a bit long, this was a

true tribute to the HDK original

piece. Well done, indeed.

Nice catch DrBeemer, Sbrooks and maedhros. That was actually a hook that led to an earlier version of this story that was cut. I left it because the story was being told from Tom's POV and HDK had ended his story with Tom in denial and choosing not to know Ashley's or Jeff's actions. So even though the reader (me included) may want to know everything that's happening, Tom wouldn't. So I left it vague.

And that part that was cut? Well, one of my beta readers suggested that I try continuing Jeff's pursuit of Ashley and Ashley shutting him down. Tried a couple versions of that but ended up trashing it. I was already having an issue with the Jeff character. If I made him a bigger POS than he already was I'd have ended up killing him off someway! LOL!

Killian

"Women do not sleep wrapped in a mans arms the first time they do it. That kind of comfortable closeness only happens over time. This was not the first time."

I have had plenty of women sleep comfortably in my arms after the first time epically if we have had any kind of a relationship. Maybe your not doing it right?

DKS

FD45. I took your advice and sent chocolates to Randi. And flowers! Her husband replied and said 'thank you' and 'they were very nice.' He then sent me a gift of my own.

My very own Restraining Order! 😮

DFW ... you do HDK VERY well. Thanks for commenting on WHY Tom/Amber was sacrificed to maintain the HDK flavor!

I would have preferred that, during the 'drunk Amber' confrontation, Hubby would have turned to her after the Asshole told him that they should ' let the lady make the decision' and said something like

"Amber, you KNOW I'll protect you when necessary!

Please don't make me do it again! I'll go to prison

next time, for a long time, then who'll raise my kids?

Or these guys' kids?"

I am still blown away by HDK's choice of direction for Hubby's talks to Jeff and Sweetie shortly after coming out of serious damage & disorientation!

5* and Favorite

I see I was in error with my prior comment about Ashley being drugged and never completing the act with Jeff. Sum time Me brain are on vacation.

Five stars. Loved the original, but so very glad to see it continued. HDK is one of the kings of leaving the reader wanting more. Thank you you keeping this tasty storyline going.

Sorry I overlooked your initial observation. Yes, had they any further contact of an intimate nature (or a pregnancy as you suggest), reconciliation would have been very difficult. I guess several readers zeroing in on minute details is proof of how good a writer the author is. Especially in such a dialogue driven tale. We are hanging on every word! The dialogue was exceptionally done. Dialogue driven tales tend to get boring. This was rich and engaging.

from part way down page 6:

"good, but way too long"

The next three pages did little to change my agreement with that statement.

I have read a number of stories over the years where the husband has married into a rich, powerful family. Each of these had the rich wife cheating and a husband full of his own morals. In each of these stories there is a point where the money and power is brought into play. This was the first one that I've read where the husband didn't seem to have a change of heart due to the money and power. Still, it was there, the "what will happen in case of divorce" was made. In the other stories it was clear that the money made a difference, a really shitty reason to stay married. In this story it was more of a gray area.

Great sequel. The only problem I have with it is that the people that got Amber drunk and tried to take advantage of her did not get punished. 5 stars

An excellent sequel indeed! The only critique I would have is not getting to see Stan and his buddies feel some pain for there actions. I am glad you kept the same tone and feel HDK's original. I am a huge fan of you both. I enjoy the diversity of heroes. In life things, are not always fair, nor does justice always prevail, no matter how much we wish it so. Your stories reflect that truth! As SGM Goody Nelson said in the movie Gardens of Stone, "Sometimes the bear eats you and sometimes you eat the bear!"

Thanks for Sharing.

More writers should do that. It would save a lot of wasted time.

A bit long and talky, but you got your points across.

Thank you for the forward - it added a nice touch to writing and your story from HDK's original. This has been a favorite story of mine! If I recall HDK said it was finished and would not write any more on it. While HDK did not write this you did a great tribute to the writing, style and story - felt like HDK! Well done. Thank you for really putting an ending to the story. An enjoyable reading experience! Thank you for the effort and sharing!

Please keep writing (to you and HDK) and I will keep reading!

Not really in the style of HDK. TOM SURE HAS ALOT OF SELF CONTROL.

Obviously "Carry That Weight" is a Beatles song.

Did you deliberately use "Beast Of Burden" as a sub-title because it's a Rolling Stones song?

Yeah, couldn't help it. Thought it worked too well with HDK's Beatles title. If I'd used another Beatles title it probably would've Happiness Is A Warm Gun or I am The Walrus... neither would've ended up as a reconciliation though! LOL!

and picking it up and running the ball down the field. It was really lacking something as the scene in the hospital room came to a close. You brought it to a logical end in the fork in the road. But what about that other fork, you know, "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. How about some one come up with a sequel about the other fork, where Tom REALLY falls for Amber, which I was really thinking he was going to do, and end with both couples divorce and Tom and Amber marry. I like the BTB stories but I also like the RAAC stories, which this one surely was.

You did well the have BlackRandl edit for you. Her stories are perfect in my book.

5 *'s FS and FA status

Admittedly, I'm somewhat of a sucker for good continuations. ;) And with the intent to follow HDK's original protagonist's intent, I know it can be difficult to bring a story around to where you want it to go.

Personally, I loved the original and the ultimate passive-aggressive revenge. And I'd be scared to death to try to 'finish' any of HDK's works. He's so precise with his writing, condensing so much into so few words. Much like Papatoad, and JPB at his best. While I tend to overwrite on occasion.

Thanks for an enjoyable read.

Too many words for such few development. The length of this story shouldn't have been more than two or three pages. Too many repetitions anyway. Poor plot too. Sorry but can't be positive about this lengthy story.

I wouldn't call this RAAC, reconciliation, yes, but I wouldn't say "At All Costs"!