Cash Taxi

"Does...that...really have to sit right there while I'm trying to eat my dinner?" Jenny asked as she looked sideways at the object on the table, pointing at it as if it was the foulest thing in the world.

"What dinner?" Wade asked looking around. "The waitress hasn't even come to our table yet. Stop being dramatic. Besides, where the hell am I supposed to put it, anyway?"

"How about the sewer?" Jenny suggested faux-sweetly. Wade rolled his eyes.

"Hiya guys!" the waitress chirped excitedly as she sidled up to the table.

"Mmpf," Jenny grunted.

"Welcome to Bistroporium!" the waitress continued. "Is this your first time dining with us?"

"It is," Wade confirmed. "We're from out of town, actually."

"Oh really? Where are you guys from?"

"Well, originally we're both from Nevada, although I live on the east coast now. Jenny here still lives near where we grew up, though."

"Oh, so you guys are brother and sister, then?"

"That's right," Wade confirmed.

"And here I was thinking what a cute couple you two seemed to be."

"For fuck's sake," Jenny mumbled. Wade glared at her, then looked back up at the waitress, who thankfully didn't seem to hear Jenny's retort.

"Well what brings you to this part of the country?" the waitress continued.

Wade hesitated. "We had to meet up for some...business stuff."

The waitress smiled. Jenny yawned pointedly. She propped her elbows on the table and rested her chin on her hands, purposely trying to look as bored as possible.

"Well, I'm glad you guys managed to find your way into our restaurant this evening!" the waitress exclaimed happily. "You're going to love it, the food here is super amazing! Our specials are-" She stopped talking abruptly and looked curiously at the object on the table, noticing it for the first time. "Sorry...was that here when you got to the table?" she asked, pointing at the object. "It doesn't look like one of our typical decorations or anything."

"It's ours," Wade replied, placing his hand gingerly on top of the item.

"Oh, okay. Well it's such a beautiful vase!" the waitress said. "Where'd you get it?"

"From an art auction, I think?" Wade answered. "Our mother bought it, actually, so I'm not-"

"It's not a vase," Jenny grumbled.

"Oh?" the waitress replied.

"It's an urn. Currently it contains the burnt carcass of our dead mother."

The waitress' eyes grew to the size of saucers. "Oh...oh my goodness," she stammered, her expression dropping abruptly. "I am so sorry!"

"Eh, don't be," Jenny replied nonchalantly, waving her hand dismissively. "She was a real horse cunt." Jenny pulled a wadded up tissue out of her pocket and crassly spit her gum into it before laying it on the table in front of her. "Now, how about those specials you were starting to mention?"

The waitress was frozen in place, clearly unable to move or speak. Wade leaned over and smiled up at her. "We're actually still pretty torn up about it," he said gently to the waitress. "Maybe get us a couple of strawberry daiquiris for now and give us some time to look at the menu?" he asked politely.

"Umm...no problem," the waitress managed to say as she quickly scurried away from the table.

"What a nimrod," Jenny said, chuckling to herself as she casually opened her menu.

"Was that really necessary?" Wade asked, eyeing his sister with annoyance.

"What? You guys were taking forever to flirt, and I'm hungry."

"We were not flirting. I was just being polite."

"Pshh, whatever," Jenny said. "Like I care anyway. Also, I can't afford a daiquiri."

"I told you I'm treating," Wade replied.

"I guess this is the part where I say 'you really don't have to do that' for the umpteenth time this trip, huh?"

"I'm aware I don't have to, but I want to. So just relax and enjoy."

"Hard to relax with Mom's ashes sitting less than a foot away from me."

"Well, you're going to have to get over it since we literally have nowhere else to put her for now. And while we're on the subject of getting over things, you think now that she's dead you might try and get over your anger towards her? Kind of pointless now to hold on to all those things, don't you think?"

Jenny shrugged. "Not really in a 'get over it' kind of mood at the moment, Wade. Ask me again after daiquiri number 3."

"Number 3? You sure went from not needing me to treat to ordering 3 daiquiris pretty quickly. I'll pay, but I don't want to empty my wallet completely for this one meal."

"Fair enough," Jenny replied. "I'll balance out the three drinks by not ordering second dessert. That work?"

Wade smiled and shook his head. "It's fine. Order whatever you want. I know things have been a little..." he said, trailing off and looking over at his sister.

"Yeah," Jenny said with a stoic nod, blocking out her emotions the best she could. "It's been a rough year."

"Is that why you're so angry at her?" he asked, gesturing towards their mother.

"What do you mean, exactly? Because she blew through all her savings from Dad's wrongful death settlement and left us with nothing to inherit? Knowing full well that me and my family have been struggling to keep our heads above water for months now? Yeah, that's one of the reasons."

"I know it sucks," Wade began, "and I'm not backing Mom on how she handled that situation, but in fairness...it was technically her money to spend."

Jenny took a deep breath and faced her brother head on. "You're right," she began slowly. "It was indeed hers to spend. And she chose to be a spendthrift rather than to help her daughter pay a few bills and put food on the table for her children. Knowing full well that Brett has been out of work since I can't even remember when, and that we've been scraping by on my paycheck and his unemployment scraps while falling further into debt, she chose to spend just about every last cent of Dad's money on bullshit. After I swallowed my pride and practically begged her for a little support for back to school supplies for the kids, she chose instead to say no and buy herself a motorcycle. So I know it was 'technically' her money to spend, Wade. She chose what she wanted to do with her money, and I get that she was allowed to do that. So now I'm going to choose to tell her to go fuck herself whenever we find whatever random mound of dirt it is that we dump her ashes on tomorrow before I head back home to my family with less money than I showed up with."

It was just then that they noticed the waitress was standing there nervously holding their drinks.

"Uhh...here you go," she said politely as she shakily sat the daiquiris down in front of them.

"Thank you," Wade said with an apologetic look her way, looking sideways at Jenny as she averted her eyes from him. "Could we go ahead and order the baked brie appetizer? We're actually still trying to figure out our entrees."

"No problem," the waitress replied as she scooted quickly away, clearly relieved that she was being dismissed once more. Wade glanced over at his sister and watched her quietly for a moment while she sipped her drink through a straw.

"How is it?" he asked softly. Jenny wordlessly gestured towards his drink without taking her mouth off her straw. Taking the hint, Wade pulled his drink towards him and took a sip. "Not bad," he said. Jenny shrugged and nodded in agreement.

They sat quietly for a bit perusing their menus and nursing their beverages before Wade got up the courage once more to speak.

"So how are Brett and the kids?" he asked cautiously. "We've had so much shit going on these past couple of days...I feel bad I haven't even asked about them yet."

"They're good," Jenny said generically. "Freddy's in second grade now, and Stephanie's turning 4 next month. She wants a Cocomelon themed birthday party."

"The fuck is Cocomelon?" Wade asked.

Jenny shook her head. "You're better off not knowing," she said seriously. "Trust me."

Wade nodded. "And Brett?" he asked nervously.

Jenny shrugged. "He's okay," she said. "Kinda mopes around the house a lot."

"No luck on the job front?"

"No," Jenny said simply. She hesitated, not really sure how much she wanted to get into the matter, but finally continued. "I'm not sure how much effort is being put towards looking," she admitted. "Maybe not as much as he lets on. But to be fair, maybe more than I think."

"Gotcha," Wade replied, also not sure how much further he wanted to get into it. The appetizer showed up moments later, breaking up the awkwardness of the conversation. They were able to put their entree orders in and eat a little bit before Wade continued talking.

"Look," he began cautiously, "I know I've already brought this up and you've already said no, but can I loan you guys a little money until you get back on your feet some? It's really not a problem."

Jenny shook her head as she chewed the cheese filled crescent roll. "Like I said before," she said after swallowing her bite, "I appreciate the offer Wade, but I don't know how much that would help. There isn't exactly a light at the end of my dark tunnel yet, and anything you gave me would just keep us afloat temporarily with no long term solution in place. I'd feel awkward every time I talked to you on the phone knowing that I owed you money and had no earthly way of getting it back to you."

"How's that different than borrowing from Mom though?" Wade asked. "You were more than willing to do that. Why not me?"

"It's totally different," Jenny explained. "I was only asking for money from Mom because I knew she had gotten a huge amount in the settlement after Dad died. I know you've paid for us for a few nights in the hotel, and you've been paying for most of the meals out here, but I also know that your pockets aren't exactly overflowing with cash either. The only difference between our financial situations is that you're single and have no one to support but yourself. I can't in good conscience ask you to support me and my family. I'd feel like I would be dragging you down in the hole with me."

Wade smiled. "Always so protective," he teased. "What a noble and caring big sister I have!"

Jenny rolled her eyes. "Shut-up, creep," she joked, kicking him playfully under the table. "Now that we're both in our thirties, that whole big sister role doesn't really hold as much merit anymore. Anyway, going back to Mom for a second...another reason I didn't mind asking her for help was that I kind of felt like I deserved some of that money, you know? I know he was her husband, but he was our dad. We were just as close to him as she was. And it's not like they had a mortgage or medical bills to worry about. I don't know...I kinda thought from the beginning she'd offer us some of it, that she'd realize we were entitled to it. Is that...is that wrong of me to think that?"

Wade shook his head. "Not at all," he agreed. "I honestly thought the same thing. Guess I just wasn't as broken up about it as you. Then again, I'm not as financially strapped as you, either."

"I just can't get over it, Wade," Jenny said, feeling herself getting emotional once more. "I came out all this way expecting to find at least a little of Dad's money left to split with you. But goddamn if she didn't spend all of it. I mean...how could she!?"

"I know," Wade replied, extending his hand and placing it on top of hers. "But it's not a total loss, right?"

"How so?" Jenny asked.

"I mean...at least some of the stuff she bought is usable."

"Usable!?" she repeated with a dangerous look on her face as she pulled her hand back and under the table.

"Well, I mean..." Wade began, regretting instantly saying anything at all.

"Let's recap some of the 'usable' purchases we discovered in our dear mother's home over the past couple of days," she steamed. "First of all, there'e this fucking vase." They both glanced sideways at their mom's ashes.

"Now that really was usable!" Wade contended. "We are literally storing our mother in it as we speak."

"It had a $1900 price tag on it!"

"It's handcrafted!" Wade argued. "Locally made. Besides...it is kinda beautiful, don't you think? All blue and speckly and shit."

"Oh, is it beautiful Wade? Is it?"

"I mean...kinda."

"Okay, how about now?" Jenny asked, placing her hand on top of the vase and rotating it 180 degrees. A large, poorly engraved cock and balls came into view as she did so. "There was a reason you placed it down facing towards the wall, Wade!"

Wade rolled his eyes and turned the vase back around. "Alright, fine," he relented. "So the vase is not the greatest. But what about the painting?"

"You mean the giant portrait of a bloody vampire Jesus?" Jenny asked. "Is that the painting you're referring to?"

"Well...yeah."

"Yeah, that should be easy to sell. Lots of people are in the market for a giant, bloody vampire Jesus. In fact, just the other day in church I was-"

"Okay, you've made your point!" Wade interrupted. "The Pop-Tarts are useful! You can't say they aren't. They're breakfast for your kids!"

"Indeed!" Jenny agreed sarcastically. "$6,000 worth of Pop-Tarts, each one personalized with a different pose of Whiskers the cat. What a good buy, Mom!" Jenny said as she gave the vase of ashes the finger.

Wade sighed. "At least the neighbor agreed to take Whiskers in," Wade said. "One less thing for us to worry with."

"Fuck that cat," Jenny said as she slurped the remnants of her drink.

"Fuck that cat," Wade agreed, following suit with his own drink.

"The only thing that we would have been able to get money for was the motorcycle."

"You mean the one she wrecked and died on?" Wade clarified.

"That'd be the one," Jenny confirmed.

Wade shook his head. "What the fuck was she thinking?" he asked out loud. "A motorcycle...really Mom?"

"Poor motorcycle," Jenny continued. "Waited all those months to be bought. You finally go out on your maiden voyage and...BAM! The person riding you immediately crosses the median and goes head on into a semi."

"I can't believe how little of the motorcycle was even left," Wade said glumly.

"There was even less of Mom left, Wade," Jenny replied darkly. "Probably why there doesn't seem to be that many ashes in there."

Wade looked up at his sister, devastated for a moment before the both of them burst into laughter.

"God, you're sick," Wade said after getting himself together.

"Defense mechanism," Jenny admitted.

"Believe me, I know." They went quiet for a little while before Wade spoke once more. "Hey, Jenny?"

"Yeah?"

"You know all those boxes of calendars we found in Mom's bedroom?"

"You mean the ones with the tanned, greased up beefcakes posing completely nude?"

"The very ones."

"What about them?"

Wade hesitated, then took a deep breath. "I'd like you to have those."

Jenny tore a chunk of bread off of their appetizer and flung it at her brother's face, prompting them to burst into laughter once more.

"What the hell do you think she was doing with all those?" Jenny asked. "And in her bedroom, no less. I mean...do you think she was-"

"Don't you dare say it!" Wade interrupted, a look of disgust on his face. They shared another laugh and finished up their appetizer.

"This feels good," Jenny said after a while.

"What's that?" Wade asked.

"Talking about it. Laughing about it. I know I'm pissed at her, and I'm gonna be for a while. But I can also see clearly that I'll get over it one day and grieve properly."

"One day?"

"One day. Not today, but one day."

"Good."

Moments later, their entrees showed up, as well as another daiquiri for Jenny. Jenny tore into her lasagna as Wade slowly worked on his soup and sandwich.

"Hungry there?" Wade asked with an amused look on his face.

Jenny looked up ferociously, a flap of lasagna noodle hanging off the side of her face. "I get hungry when-"

"...you get drunk," Wade finished for her. "I remember well. You sure you want to keep drinking like that?"

"My mother just died, Wade!" Jenny exclaimed.

"You mean the 'horse cunt'?"

"Whatever," Jenny said as she bared her teeth and tore off a large chunk of garlic bread.

"So what's actually good with you, Jenny?" Wade asked. "We've touched on most of the bad. What brings you joy?"

Jenny shrugged. "I like my kids okay, I guess," she said after some thought.

"How lucky they are!" Wade replied jokingly.

Jenny laughed. "Just kidding," she said. "I love them dearly, you know that."

"And Brett?"

Jenny swallowed a bite. "What about him?"

"You guys doing alright?"

Jenny thought for a bit. "Yeah," she said reluctantly.

"Really?"

"Well...with him being out of work and all, I get the feeling he feels a little, I don't know...emasculated?"

"How so?"

"I'd rather not say, Wade."

"Why not?"

"Because it has to do with our sex life."

"Oh." Wade paused momentarily, looking away and feeling slightly embarrassed. "Well, you can talk about it if you like."

"Ew, no!" Jenny replied. "Bad little brother!"

"Oh come on! Like you said, we're both in our thirties now. We can talk about this without it being weird."

"Can we? We never have before."

Wade shrugged. "Let's give it a shot. Tell me all about your sex life, Jenny."

Jenny laughed. "Okay, fine. Only because there really isn't much to tell."

"No?"

"We've haven't been intimate in months."

Wade dropped his soup spoon. "What!?" he exclaimed. "Months?"

"Many."

"Jesus, Jenny. That...sucks?"

"Yep."

"But you're so...uh..."

Jenny eyed her brother suspiciously, watching him closely as he was clearly at a loss for words. "You gonna finish that thought there, Wade?"

Wade opened his mouth to speak, thought about it briefly then shook his head back and forth.

"Oh come on!" Jenny goaded. "What is it? I'm so...what?"

Wade pulled at his collar and wiped some sweat from his brow. He took a deep breath. "Attractive," he said, his lips pressed tight together.

Jenny felt herself turning a little red, which felt silly since it was just her brother. "Oh," she said simply. "Well, thanks, I guess?"

"I'm just surprised that Brett wouldn't want to...you know..." Wade trailed off, at a loss for words.

"Sex me up all the time?" Jenny finished for him in a sultry voice with an impish grin on her face.

"Goddammit," Wade said, lowering his face into his hands.

"Regretting this yet, brother?" Jenny asked, playfully kicking him under the table.

"No," Wade lied in a muffled voice without lifting his face from his palms.

"I had no idea that my brother thought I was hot," Jenny said with a gleam in her eye. She knew she should probably be more embarrassed to talk about such things, but Wade's reaction was taking care of that for the both of them. At this point it was just fun to mess with her little brother.

"I didn't say you were 'hot'," Wade retorted, finally taking his face out of his hands.

"It was implied."

"Was not."

"Right. What is it about me that you think is attractive then?"

"We're not doing this."

"You brought it up!"

"You made it weird!"

"Just tell me one thing, then I'll leave you alone, Wade." Wade silently shook his head. "C'mon, Wade! Girls like getting compliments about their looks."

"Even from their own brothers?"

Jenny hesitated briefly. "In extreme circumstances such as this, yes," she confirmed. "Just tell me one thing, Wade, then I'll leave you alone."

"One thing?" Wade asked suspiciously.

"Just one," Jenny replied, holding a single finger in front of her face, just in case Wade needed a visual to understand that she was, in fact, just asking for one thing.

"Okay, fine," he sighed. "You've got nice tits, okay?"

"Holy shit, Wade!" Jenny shouted, drawing a few looks from nearby patrons. Instinctively, she wrapped her coat around herself a little tighter. "What the hell is the matter with you!?"