Cat in the Rain

Then she began to cry. I had never heard such heart-wracking sobs from a human being in my life.

Last night she had gotten home after I had gone to sleep. But I had turned in early. I was glad I had.

I shut off the video and just sat there staring into space. My mind was a blank and I felt sick to my stomach. The hurt was almost unbearable.

The pain just kept coming in pulses. I knew with irrevocable certainty that stark emptiness was my new reality.

I kept telling myself that I was tough enough to manage this. But my mind was a black void. The impact of the thing just overwhelmed me. And I put my head down on my desk and for the first time in thirty years I wept.

It was fucking embarrassing. But thanks to the shielding nobody heard or saw me.

After a couple of minutes my self-respect kicked in. I needed to get a grip – get myself under control and take action. I stopped crying, went to my personal lavatory and splashed some water in my face. I dried my face off looked into my red eyes and said, "You're on your own now soldier. So shape your ass up and stop being such a pussy."

After what I had witnessed there was no way I could stay married to Janet. But that thought blasted a hole in my formerly self-satisfied view of life.

Everybody has to have SOME sense of certainty. Mine was built around my marriage and her. It was probably stupid to put all of my eggs in one basket but that was the path I had chosen.

Now I realized how mortal I truly was. And it was a scary proposition indeed. There was nothing certain for me now except death and the burning hatred that I had for Senator Jubal Early Simpson.

I recognized that it was time to close the door and move into the next part of my life without Janet. The vista that I was trudging off into was as bleak and barren as the desert. But I felt like I might be able to save some vestige of my sanity if I held onto my hate.

I was still in a fugue state. All I could think about was getting someplace quiet to think. As I went down to my car. I had the totally inappropriate thought, "Thank God I decided to drive instead of taking the Blue Bus. I couldn't face her yet."

I did not want anybody to find me. So I drove the Range Rover down to Fort McNair. I have a Reserve Officer's access to that base. I stashed the Rover in NDU's back lot off of V Street. I locked it up and walked the two hundred yards down Buzzard's Point to the James Creek Marina.

I cast-off and motored down the short stretch of the Anacostia and out into the Potomac. I kept the boat under diesel all the way downriver to Belmont Bay. Just as the sun was setting I tossed the fore and aft anchors.

The ride down the Potomac was mildly therapeutic. It was another beautiful fall day and I just tried to concentrate on the things that I still had going for me. I had a job that I loved. And I had a few good friends, particularly Kari. If I ever needed her it was now. But I had too much pride to interrupt her weekend.

I was only just turned 35 and I was in decent shape. I would find another woman and I would rebuild my life - as scary as the prospect sounded.

But first I had a debt to settle. The thought of the scorched earth that I was going to bring to Senator Simpson's life almost made me whole again.

My phone had started to ring about 3:30 PM. I was formulating a plan and I absolutely didn't want to talk to Janet. She called constantly after that so I turned the ringer off.

I had plenty of alcohol on the boat but I am not the kind of guy who gets drunk in order to run away from things. So I was sitting in the cockpit in the darkness sipping a Yuengling and listening to the birds and insects in Occoquan Bay.

Then the phone lit up again. I reached to turn it off and I saw it was Kari, not Janet.

I picked it up and said, "Hello Kiddo."

Kari's pissed off voice said, "Where the fuck ARE you? I've been looking all over for you?"

I said, trying to sound chipper, "Hello to you too. How is New York?"

Keri said, "Fuck New York!! The moment Janet called me I knew that the balloon had gone up down here and I flew back three hours ago. I have been driving to every place I can think of looking for you. You need a friend!!"

A tsunami of gratitude washed over me. Of course I needed somebody! And Kari was my best friend. That is - now that my former best friend had disqualified herself.

I said, "Are you going to tell Janet where I am?"

She said, "Of course NOT - not unless you want me to."

I thought for a second. I had been forming a plan all of the way down the river and it depended on neither of the adulterers getting any hint that I knew. But I couldn't face Janet without tipping my hand.

So I said, "Can you call Janet and tell her that you just found out that I am doing some sort of super-secret mission out of the country and that I can't talk now.

"Make something up. Make it sound plausible. Tell her that I will try to get in touch when I can and that I love her." That should quiet things down.

Kari said with incredulity in her voice, "I'm guessing by the way that you are acting that you found out that she was fucking that slimeball. And you still love her???!!"

I said, "Oh I love her alright, I just never want to be in the same room with her. Right now I am trying to paste whatever's left of my broken heart back together. But there are a lot of missing pieces."

Kari said, "Where the fuck are you. I'm coming to you."

I said, "I'm in the boat. I'm laid up in Belmont Bay off of Woodbridge but don't come..."

She said, "I'll be there in an hour," and terminated the connection before I could say anything else.

Exactly one hour later she called me from the Belmont Marina dock. She was standing under the halogen dock lights in her usual skintight jeans. Although she had on Topsiders instead of heels. She was wearing a chambray work shirt that hung down past her round butt and she was carrying a little overnight case.

She clambered aboard and disappeared down the companionway. I opened a couple of cold Yuengling's. She came out and walked over to where I was sitting and planted a big wet kiss on my forehead.

She stepped back and held me at arm's length with those huge, bright emerald eyes searching my face. The fact that she was standing and I was sitting and that she was looking at me almost directly eye-to-eye only emphasized how tiny she was.

She said with concern, "I know it hurts. Do you want to talk about it?"

I said, "Not really, not right now, I am still trying to get my mind around what I saw. And I may never get over THAT. It just hurts too much - and I don't want to lose-it right in front of you.

"But what I DO want to talk about is payback. Can I offer you a beer and you can help me concoct a plan to end both of them? Are you up for that?"

She stood to attention in all her curvy glory and gave me a British Navy salute - where she got that from I don't know – and said, "Aye-aye skipper!!"

So for most of the night we drank beer and plotted revenge. Her presence was like a pharmacy full of happy pills. She was the essence of what differentiates women from men, nurturing, soothing, supporting and perfectly tender.

She also had a really sick and devious little mind.

It was Kari who remembered that my wife's work laptop might still be plugged into their office network. Janet never turns anything off. And if she was still logged in we had access through the rat to everything the Senator had on his server. Given the shape that Janet was in when she left last night, good security hygiene might not have been at the top of her list.

I went into the cabin, activated the rat and sure enough. The esteemed Senator's life was an open book. So I downloaded all of his personal files to a portable hard drive. There was so much in the download that it took the better part of two hours over the LTE connection. But I wasn't going to sleep anyway.

That information would give me some prime stuff to pick through tomorrow. As soon as the download was complete I wiped the rats. I didn't want any of my NSA cohorts discovering how the classified information we had vacuumed up got leaked.

I told Kari to go out on the deck so she could have plausible deniability. She looked at me like I had lost my mind and said with some heat, "Where you go, I go." I think she was channeling Braveheart.

It was close to 3:00 AM now and I could see that even my lovely little Energizer Bunny was starting to wear down. So I said, "Let's get some sleep. There is a cuddy forward that you can lie down in. Just pull the curtain. I'll sleep out here in the cabin on the couch.

She said, "No way buster! You are far too long for that couch. Let's just lie down in there together. I promise I'll respect your virtue." That was accompanied by a lascivious smile.

I said, "Seriously my hot blooded little friend. It will be forever before I will ever be able to touch another woman."

For a second she looked almost hurt. Then she brightened and said, "Of course you big goof. I understand how difficult this must be for you. I know that you loved her and I know that this must be ripping your heart out at the roots.

"I am here as your friend and I want to comfort you. Just feel my body next to yours and realize that you are not alone."

I slept in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt she wore a long t-shirt and I assumed panties underneath. I lay on my back. She lay on her side facing away from me and then as she made herself comfortable she snuggled those hard little buns up against me.

She is a paradox. But a lovely one. She may be tiny but she is also solid, wide and substantial. We drifted off to sleep. And astonishingly I slept without difficulty for several hours. She DID make a difference.

I awoke with the sun shining through the deck prisms. I was turned on my right side spooned with Kari. My left arm completely enveloped her little body. And I was holding one of her massive tits in my left hand. Worse, her naked butt was snuggled against my rapidly growing hard-on. Which was slowly making its way between her ass cheeks. She was pushing back softly and moaning in her sleep.

Yikes!! - I very quickly untangled myself from her and bolted out of bed. She muttered a sleepy complaint then went back to sawing logs.

I shot straight out of the cuddy and rushed to the head. I thought with anguish. "What the fuck are you DOING? You've lost the love of your life and you are already snuggling up to that hot little number– are you REALLY that shallow?"

Then I thought to myself Kari has been my sidekick and best pal for such a long time that everybody calls her my "work wife." She is just a familiar and sympathetic face that's all.

And you need human connection to keep you from going nuts.

I know she is hot. Hell!! The whole world knows she's hot. But she is a good person and she was just trying to comfort me. She would never do anything to make your current situation worse.

Both of us were aware of the fact that there was an incredible amount of emotional trauma in front of me. And there was no way I would dishonor my marriage or my own dignity by being intimate with another woman before that was all sorted out – even somebody as stunningly attractive and wonderfully companionable as Kari.

So I chalked-up what had occurred to unfortunate happenstance and nothing more.

Plus, Kari was ten years younger than me, really just a kid. She was not ready to be anybody's woman. The fact that she was willing to give up her clearly very active sex life was a tribute to her compassionate nature and her dedication to me as her friend and mentor.

That thought reminded me why I was sitting on a boat rather than at home. There was no explanation for what I had witnessed – except Old Testament style adultery. So, as much as I needed and wanted Janet – and I still did - I knew that she was out of my life.

It is a myth that love lasts forever. Love only lasts as long as the conditions that shaped and nurtured it exist. One fundamental condition for sustaining love is unquestioned trust. And the certainty of sexual exclusiveness is the lynchpin of that trust.

A man's need to pass along his DNA is atavistic. Woman know who the mother is. But by the nature of their role, men can't have that same kind of assurance. So they HAVE to trust in their wife's pledge to engage in sex only with them – and them alone. That is the point of the "forsaking all others" part of the vows.

A guy might get past a "heat of the moment" onetime mistake. But the idea of your wife fucking another man on demand – probably for months – simply violates every aspect of the marriage covenant. That behavior might even be understandable but it was just not pardonable. And as a result my love for Janet had vanished as if she had thrown a switch.

I would regret her loss until the day I died. But I was not bonded to her any more. The only issue was how to end the marriage in a way that inflicted the maximum amount of pain on Senator Douchebag.

Any Port in a Storm

I was sitting in the cockpit looking out over the Occoquan marshes when Kari came out on deck. It was another beautiful day. I handed her coffee in a heavy ceramic mug.

She has a thick cap of white blond hair that she wears short. It might make a bigger woman look a little dykey. But on her it was adorable.

She is cuter than a basket full of kittens. That is until you take a REAL look at her. Then you see the absolute perfection of her features and the uncanny size and depth of those green feline eyes.

Her eyes are like a hentai schoolgirl's, huge and seemingly innocent. But if she allows you to look into them – I mean really LOOK into them - you see flashes of profound female wisdom. I have no idea how she got so wise, so young.

I said, "Good morning my dear little co-conspirator. I trust you slept well?"

She dimpled fetchingly. Kari's face is round and apple-cheeked. She looks like the archetypal "head-cheerleader" - blond and fair skinned with two deep dimples in her cheeks next to her wide sensual mouth. The dimples appear any time she smiles and they only add to the impression of her all-American-girl wholesomeness.

Janet - on the other hand - has a gorgeous, exotic, dark Mediterranean loveliness - with the high cheekbones of a classic beauty. And Janet has probably never looked innocent in her life.

Kari said, "I had the most wonderful dream just before I woke up. Do we need to talk about that?"

I said, "Maybe later. I want to talk about something much more satisfying first. And that is – war to the knife with the illustrious Senator Simpson. I need your thoughts about that."

She said, "Can I see what precipitated the crisis? Or is it too difficult for you to share? I think I can give you better advice if I have situational awareness."

I know that her terminology sounded corny. But when she is on task Kari tends to talk like the top flight intelligence analyst that she is.

I said, "It's teed up on the laptop in the cabin. But it is pretty raw stuff. It kills me to see it but I know those videos represent a lot of potential hurt for the participants. The only question is how to use it."

She said, "Let me take a look while you sit out here plotting your dire revenge."

She came out of the cabin forty-five minutes later. She had been crying. She just stood there wringing her hands and looking at me. She said, "I am soooo sorry Paul. That must have been horrible."

Then she added, "I am even sorrier for Janet."

What was THAT? I thought that after witnessing Janet's slut behavior Kari would want to help me pile the firewood underneath the stake.

She said, "I don't know why your wife is fucking that creep. But it is obviously killing her to do it. As a woman I can attest that she is not giving herself to him willingly."

I said with disgust, "Have we watched the same video? She had at least two big-time orgasms and she seemed to be having the time-of-her-life. That isn't to mention her gobbling his cock on Wednesday and the little desk job she gave him on Thursday."

Kari looked at me angrily and said, "Grow up!" That was the first time she had EVER spoken to me in anything but respectful tones.

She said, "Your wife has been broken by this guy. She does what she is told even though she hates it. And she clearly hates HIM. The fact that she happened to get off a couple of times is just what happens when you are being fucked.

"I've had monster orgasms riding on a motorcycle. It doesn't mean that I'm in love with the bike, or the guy driving it.

"I don't know how it happened and what his hold is on her. But she was no more eager to do the things I saw her doing than a hooker with a client. She just does it.

"I'm not saying this to get you two back together or even to get you to forgive her. All I am doing is giving you the sit-rep. And I am telling you that the real culprit here is her boss."

I said, "Well I DO agree with you about THAT and I have a couple of ideas. But I am going to have to get to a quiet place with stronger Wi-Fi. Did Janet buy the secret agent story?"

Kari laughed and said, "She hated it but she bought it. She said that you were going to have a lot of 'splainin to do when you got back.

"Honestly - I think she thought that you were sneaking off to have an affair of your own."

I said, "So nobody will be looking for me on Monday – right"?

She said, "Not anybody official at least."

I said, "I'm going to drop you off at the Marina. Your car is there - correct? Then you can drive back to your place today and be at work bright and early tomorrow."

She looked like she was going to argue. I said reasonably, "Kari, you have to do this I don't want any changes in routine and if both of us were missing it might make somebody suspicious. Plus I want you well out of the blast radius."

She said, "I'll do it but only because what you are saying makes sense. On the other hand, if you need me you had better call me. Or I am going to hunt you down and do awful things to you."

I put her ashore at the marina dock. She was standing there watching me motor back out into the bay. Then she turned and trudged toward her car. The last I saw of her was that glowing cap of hair.

I had plenty of time to think going back up the river. I can get close to 10 knots out of the old girl on the diesels. So with the throttles wide open the trip back to the James Creek Marina only took about three and a half hours.

After I had gotten the boat properly tied up I walked across V Street and picked up my car.

There was nobody around. Of course it was a Sunday morning so there wouldn't be. I took South Capitol across the Anacostia to 295. And that to the Beltway. Thence back across the Potomac and to U.S. 1 through Alexandria to the Hilton Alexandria Old Town and checked in.

I had been living on a boat in the same clothes for almost two days and so my first visit was to the "Banana Republic" clothing store down King Street and the next stop was to grab some toiletries. After I had showered and shaved and dressed in my new preppy duds I was feeling halfway normal again.

Then I sat down with my laptop to - as my daddy used to put it - "Get down to the rat killin'."

Revenge is a purifying emotion. It gives you focus and direction. I wasn't thinking about how much I was hurting now. My mind was focused on concocting ever-more-creative ways to make the object of my hatred miserable.

I knew at a minimum that the video evidence would be difficult to explain to his fundamentalist constituency - as well as his wife. But just posting it on the internet, or giving it to Gold, wouldn't be hands-on enough. I needed to have some fun first.

I realized that my compulsion to confront the guy was childish. But the son-of-a-bitch had despoiled my wife and ruined my life. And I wanted him to get the same sense of hopelessness and desolation that was my new reality.