Catering Girl Ch. 07

"Don't worry, Whitney will look after Madi and me. She is good at that." Jenn rested her head on my shoulder a moment and batted her eyelashes at me.

They asked Jennifer if there was anything Dallas had she might want to keep for Madison someday. She didn't think there might be much, maybe a picture or two, or perhaps a uniform. A few days later, a box arrived at Jenn's desk. Inside was Dallas's dress uniform, his life insurance paperwork naming Madison his beneficiary, and a crayon drawing of Madison holding hands with both Dallas and Jennifer. I was on the other side of Jenn, holding her other hand. A portrait of her family. We went that night to the store and found a nice frame for it. The following morning it was proudly on Jenn's desk at work.

With the assistance of a tax attorney from my old office, we set up a trust for Madison with the proceeds of Dallas' life insurance. Like mine, she couldn't access it until she was 27, but it could be used before then to pay for college, or to put as a down payment on a house, if it wasn't needed before to help raise her.

Jennifer

It started about two weeks after the funeral. Frankly, I'm surprised it took this long to happen. I didn't recall Whit getting out of bed, but her doing so is probably what shook me out of my deep sleep. It must have been the latter part of the night, as that's when I'm in my deepest sleep. I could see Whit's pillow, and the usual lavender scented pile of brunette goodness was missing.

Looking around the room, I could see the bathroom door was open with the light off. So, she wasn't there. Slipping out of bed, I made my way down the hall. I could hear faint humming coming from Madison's room.

Peeking through the door, there was Whitney, with a sleeping Madison in her lap. She was rocking her back and forth on the edge of the bed. A quick gesture from her told me to keep quiet. Leaning against the doorjamb, I marveled at how much Whitney cared for my daughter and how comfortable Madison was with Whit that she could be comforted by her so easily.

A pale moonbeam illuminated the bed and guided Whitney as she eventually tucked Madison back into bed. We were so quiet, tiptoeing out of the room that neither Madison nor Skipper, who was curled up at the foot of her bed, stirred as we left.

"Thanks," I said as we climbed back into our bed. "What happened?"

"Madison screamed out in terror. I was half awake, but you were dead to the world. Poor thing was having a nightmare."

"I sort of figured that's what happened. I should look into some counseling for her. The first day I picked her up from preschool after the funeral, Paster Sara was waiting for me and gave me some names of some counselors who specialize in childhood trauma."

Whit bobbed her head ever so slightly and gave me an understanding and reassuring smile. "And?"

"I looked a couple of them up. One had some videos on their site about how they work with young children. Sounds like most of what they do is to help those who are recovering from their parents' divorcing or sexual assault. I emailed them, and they said they can help Madison as well. And I'm encouraged to be in the first sessions, which, honestly, will make me more comfortable."

"When does she start?"

"Next week, Tuesday."

_|/_

"So, Madison, would you like to keep playing with the toys? I'd like to talk to your mommy for a few minutes."

"Yes." She continued with the police officer action figure and helicopter. They were props her new councilor, Dr. Prahalla, had been using with her.

"Thanks for bringing in Madison. Sounds like the two of you have been through a lot in the last year," Dr. P. said.

Biting my cheek, I squinted a moment. "Yeah, there have been some moments. Some were good too, but it's been, um, eventful."

"More than her father passing and having her apartment blown up?"

"Those were some of the low moments. But there've been some good ones too. She's also seen her mom fall in love, and we've done some fun things with my girlfriend and her family."

"Girlfriend? Is she okay with her mom being gay?"

"I think so. She has said nothing or asked questions other than when we first started dating. She's gone with the flow. Plus, she's gotten attached to Whitney. And it's Whitney that's been calming her at night when she wakes up screaming. Whit's taken it upon herself to comfort her in the middle of the night. Some of it's due to it happening when she's more awake than I, but I think she secretly likes the bonding time with Madi. Makes her feel more like a mom."

"Sounds like an excellent partner."

"Yeah, Whitney's the best. I can't imagine doing life without her now. And her folks love Madison to death as well."

"So it sounds like she's done stuff with your partner's family?"

I murmured in an affirmative.

"What about yours?"

"Madi was there when I came out to my mom. That didn't go so well. Even though I've tried to call her or text her since then, she's been ignoring me for months now. Didn't hear a peep from her when Dallas died."

"Uff. That's tough. Have you considered counseling on your own? Most people would benefit from talking things out."

"Yeah, I haven't gotten to it yet. Not sure where to go."

"Well, if you need a referral, I know some good ones."

It was about an hour after we got home when Whitney arrived from work. I had dinner going and Madison was up playing in her room.

"Hi Honey!"

"Hey Babe, yum, dinner smells good."

I got a quick kiss. She looked sexier than fuck in her tight jeans, blouse, and blazer.

"So how did it go?"

"Good, a lot of getting Madison comfortable with the environment. Dr. P. does everything for kids this age as playtime and games."

"Did anything big come out of the session?"

"No, and Dr. P. didn't expect any this time. Probably it will be a few sessions before anything noticeable happens. But I got a referral to another therapist for me to visit. She is also in the same building. I have an appointment for tomorrow morning."

"Wow, that's quick."

"There was some sort of cancelation that opened up a session." I picked up a wooden spoon and stirred the contents of the pot simmering on the stove.

"Well, I'll be interested in hearing how it goes."

A hand came to rest on the small of my back. I looked up from the pot and found the gaze of my best friend smiling at me. Putting the spoon down, I wrapped my arms around her neck. My lips reached out and found hers. I don't think we were going on for long when the pitter patter of little feet could be heard coming down the stairs.

"Mommy I'm hungry. When's一 Miss Whitney, are you kissing Mommy again?"

We quickly untangled ourselves.

"Nope Munchkin, this time it was your mommy kissing me."

I watched a pair of eyes roll at my girl and me.

"So, how long till dinner Mommy?"

"Soon, pumpkin, soon." I looked back at Whit, and we both had a giggle.

_|/_

"So, what was going through your mind when you were crouched in your kitchen?" My new therapist, Dr. Kirkpatrick's eyes were focused on me. How she kept track of everything, while not taking any notes, amazed me.

"Two things, I was scared trying to keep Madison safe and thankful Whitney was there with me."

"Whitney again?" I heard her murmur. She lifted her head and asked me, "Were you scared for her as well? For Whitney?"

"Yes."

"Why? Tell me more."

"Because I love her. And I didn't want to lose her." The answer rolled off my tongue so easily.

"But you told me you had broken up for a while. That you found her frustrating. Is that right?

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. The chair wasn't uncomfortable; I was. And I wasn't sure why.

"She does一" I looked over at a potted plant, then back at Dr. Kirkpatrick. "一no did. Actually, she has gotten a lot better." My mind raced as I processed. Were we doing better? I asked myself. I pondered it a moment and concluded we were better. A lot better.

"How so?"

"Like seeking my opinion on things, such as what we want to do, or, for example, when Skipper, that's her cat, shredded a houseplant the other week she waited, and we picked out a new plant together. Frankly, since I moved in, I don't think there have been any decisions made where we were not both involved."

"And how does that make you feel?"

Here I had to stop and think. How did it make me feel? Not once since I moved in did Whit surprise me. Plus, there was no 'this is how we do it here' kind of thing.

"Jennifer? How do Whitney's actions make you feel?"

"I'm thinking." I sat there for a moment to get the right word. "Respected, I think. Valued? Loved for sure."

The sound of soft chimes rang in the room's corner.

"Unfortunately, Jennifer, that's the signal to remind us our time today is drawing to a close.

"Wow, that went fast. I thought we were going to spend more time talking about the explosion or Dallas or something. Not so much Whitney."

"You kept circling back to her, so I figured it was important to you to unpack your relationship. You pointed the light into that corner of the room. I simply helped you open the boxes and unpack them."

I picked up my purse and stood up, Dr. Kirkpatrick did as well.

"Jennifer, I think we had a good session. You opened up more than I typically expect the first time in. Shall we continue this next week?"

"Yes, please." I slowly made my way towards the door.

"Great, in the meantime, be thinking about how Whitney makes you feel. And I think in your case it would be okay if you and she talked about it as well. If that works for you."

Maybe while Little Miss is out fishing with Papa Ben on Saturday, Whit and I can chat, I thought to myself as I walked out of her office.

_|/_

"You be good now for Papa Ben Pumpkin and bring us back some fish."

"Okay, Mommy."

"I'll get her home for bedtime Jenn."

"Thanks Ben."

I left Madison and Ben in the marina parking lot and headed home. A couple hours later, I put my book down when I heard the door open, and Whit came in from her run. I gave the hot and sweaty mess a little wave and blew her a kiss as she headed for the shower.

My heart flipped as she came back downstairs. She looked so yummy in her jean shorts and tight tee shirt. Every curve was perfectly accented.

"So, my sexy girl, what are we doing today?"

Whit playfully batted her eyelashes. "The whole place to ourselves, with no Munchkin. Whatever shall we do?"

"We can play horny little bunnies this afternoon. I was thinking we could go out to lunch and then have a walk?"

"I know just the place I want you to show me," she beamed.

An hour later, she was still happy as she finished her soup.

"You're right, this is the best French onion soup I've had. And it's good to finally see where you used to work."

It was nice to be back at my old stomping grounds. But staffing turnover being what it is at a place like this, so there were only a few people left I still knew here. Even though it was only a handful of months, but it felt like a lifetime.

Whit paid the bill, and I made sure there was a good cash tip for our server. It was nice having a little wiggle room in my budget to do it. We climbed into the Jeep and headed over to Green Lake. The three-mile walk around was perfect for holding her hand and catching up on life with my girl.

We weren't far into the walk when I felt Whit squeeze my hand. I squeezed it right back.

"I love you, babe."

It was great to be with her. It was a constant battle to watch where we were walking and not focus in on those great legs sticking out the bottom of her shorts going all the way down to her cute little white canvas sneakers. I couldn't pull those off, but she could. And it was making me gooey in all the right spots. I looked up into her beautiful brown eyes as we made space for a couple of runners passing us on the path.

"You know, hon, Dr. Kirkpatrick helped me realize something, and I should share it with you. I really like how you're including me in all your decisions. I hadn't thought about it until she pulled it out of me, but it's churning in my head since then."

Whit remained quiet, but the smile on her face said it all.

"It makes me feel valued, and more importantly, I don't feel like little poor Jennifer around you anymore."

"You felt second class around me?" a look of concern was on her face.

"There were moments early on, before we took a break. But now, I don't. I'm sure some of it was me. I don't think you ever intended for it to come across in that way. But now, I can tell you're trying more, and I want to let you know how much I appreciate it."

Whit pulled on my hand, and we stood off the side of the path around the lake. She took each of my hands in hers.

"Jennifer, I know I screwed up early on with us. I was so excited to be with you and wanted to do things for you. And then, when I should have stated what I wanted, I went too far in the other direction to let you have your space and not state my desires. But you made me realize you didn't want a white knight, but a partner. I'm sure I'm going to screw up again sometime. Well, probably many times. But I want you to know I'm doing my best to not do what I want but to think about you and Madison first."

"It's difficult for an only child to do that. I know, I had to adjust when Madi was born."

Some people on rollerblades passed us, and we resumed our walk around the lake.

"But it's easier when the other person is doing the same. You probably don't know, but it meant the world to me the other day when you said you wanted me to come with you when you took Madison to school for her kindergarten orientation."

"Why wouldn't I? You're my girlfriend. You're the second person on the paperwork with the school who can pick her up after class."

"But I'm only your girlfriend, Jennifer. Which means you don't have to, but you choose to, and that means a lot to me."

"It's because I love you. You hot sexy chick."

We rounded a bend and could see her Jeep parked in the distance. It gave me an idea.

"Last one to the car is the bottom," I said as I ran. But I knew I was racing a marathon runner. And she beat me. Which was exactly what I wanted. When we got home, I was happy to be the bottom while we played horny little bunnies.

_|/_

"What did you say, Madison?" I overheard Dr. Prahalla ask as I sat across the room and tried to be out of the way and let the two of them have their session. Madi had a little girl doll in her hands while Dr. P. had a doll they had been using as a stand in for Dallas.

"I'm sad you're gone Daddy."

"Why is that, sweetie?" the Dallas doll said.

The two of them have been exploring various events in Madison's life for the last few weeks. They had tried various forms of play, but acting things out with dolls has gotten the most response out of her. They had talked about living in a shelter, losing our apartment, moving in with Whitney, and what being gay meant (in kindergarten appropriate terms mind you) in the prior weeks. But Dr. P. could tell she wasn't ready to talk about her daddy until today.

Madison sat at their little table with a glum look on her face, not saying anything.

"Do you miss playing with me?" the doll said.

"Yeah."

Dr. P. studied her for a moment. "Is there something more?"

"I wanted you and mommy to get back together."

This caused me to sit up and pay closer attention.

"Do you not like it with you and Mommy living with Whitney?" the doll asked.

"I like Whitney, she makes Mommy happy. But I wanted you and Mommy to live together so I can have a baby brother or sister. My new friend Rachael at school was saying when her Step-Daddy moved in with her and her mommy, she is going to get a little brother soon. I want a little brother or sister."

"I see," said the doll.

"Rachael said you can't have a baby with two mommies. You need a daddy."

Dr. P. turned her head and caught my eye. She nodded her head from me to Madi. I came over and sat cross-legged on the floor next to Madison.

"You're sad because Daddy's gone, you believe you're never going to have a little brother or sister?" I did my best to speak with a calm even tone, even though my heart was breaking inside. I had quietly researched the options available to Whit and me. Even though we hadn't spoken about it, I knew she wanted a family of her own. I wasn't opposed to more kids, either. But the misunderstanding in the five-year-old brain, while understandable, needed gentle correction.

I looked at her and smiled my best reassuring smile. "You know pumpkin, there are special doctors who can help Mommy or Miss Whitney have a baby."

"Really?" her little eyes lit up.

"Really. It's something Whitney and I have to talk about first, though. A lot. But maybe someday you might be a big sister. Is that something you want?"

She got a big, toothy smile and nodded her head enthusiastically.

"Okay Pumpkin. I'll remember this all right? And maybe someday will see about a little brother or sister for you."

"I want a sister. Boys have cooties."

"We'll see Madison."

"Until then, can I have a pet fox, Mommy?"

"Um, no. I don't think that will work. You can play with Skipper instead."

"Okay, Mommy." There was a bit of dejection in her voice. Foxes had become her favorite animal, and she always pointed them out when she could.

I went back to my chair on the side of the room while Dr. P. and Madi resumed their session. I thought about life with Whit. Having kids with her had crossed my mind before. I didn't have any reservations about her being a mama. Not with how I saw her interact with Madison.

And I had no questions any more about her wanting to respect me and include me in decisions, and treat me as an equal. Dr. Kirkpatrick and I had discussed some of my concerns further, and I was feeling better and better about the idea of doing life with Whitney. I still wasn't there yet. Whitney was already there, I think. Probably was since we first met. But I would not stop us from moving in that direction.

_|/_

"Whit, I'm headed out now. You and Madi have fun this evening. I'll be a few hours."

"We'll be fine, won't we, munchkin? Where are you going again?"

"Ah, just to run some errands." Don't pry deeper, please, not now. "Besides, you're always getting out of the house to go run each day. I need a turn to go out without someone in tow and that's not school related." I slipped out the door before she could get any more questions in.

My first stop was a small boutique. It was in the middle of a small strip of businesses. It had a couple of mannequins showing tasteful samples of their wares, but I'm sure there were more risqué items inside. Walking into the well-lit store, I saw all types of leather, lace, and satin. Something for every taste and kink.

"Can I help you?" a young goth looking woman approached me.

"Yeah, I don't know where to begin. I want to get something nice for my girlfriend."

"What size is she?"

"Well, it's for me to wear for her."

"Got it. That makes it easier, as you can see if it fits. Were you looking for anything in particular?"

The sales lady helped me explore several options, many of which I'm sure Whit would love, but I need one I also felt comfortable in. Eventually, the right set was found. Now the challenge would be to find the right time to wear it for her. I was sure I could figure out something later. I had one more stop to make before heading home though.

Even though I had been here several times now, this was my first time without Whitney. The house still intimidates me. I pulled into the circular drive and parked. It was quiet now, not filled with people. The big bay window had a bit of light coming out of it, but overall the house didn't have many lights on at the moment.