Cedar

Last summer, my last break before college, I discovered I was bisexual.

Once a year, usually in July, I get to see my friend Cedar. Our parents have always been close, so I've known him for as long as I can remember. He and I are the same age (him just a few months older), and we always got along fine, but we'd never been the talking-on-the-phone, texting-all-the-time kind of friends. Our families get together without fail for an annual summer vacation, hosted either at our place in Bend, or at their place in Missoula.

Last year, we were hosting. I'd spent the afternoon before they arrived getting extra blankets and pillows ready in my room, where Cedar would sleep. I was always nervous before I saw him, even though I knew he was easygoing and I knew we were going to have fun. We always did.

They pulled into our driveway just after 5:00, while the sun was still high in the sky. His folks and mine said their screamy, manic hellos, but he just stepped out of the driver's seat with a lopsided smile. He'd let his hair get a little long, enough that it was brushing the top of his sunglasses. Even though his last football season was done, he looked like he'd kept working out. He was muscular, but never bulky. "Hey, man," he said to me.

I offered him a handshake.

"You awkward bitch," he said, and he gave me a hug.

"Good to see you," I said. I always feel a little awkward around people like him -- cool people. He always knows what to say and has something funny ready to go. As for me, I have to try my hardest just so I don't mumble something stupid.

"You look really good," he said. "You sticking with track in college?"

I'd only started it my junior year. I'd been looking for something to keep me active, and it turned out I was actually pretty good at sprints.

"Hoping to," I said. "We'll see what happens at tryouts."

"I'm sure you'll be great," he said, and he gave me that smile again.

We said hello to each other's parents and then started unloading the car. I grabbed one of Cedar's bags and told him to follow me.

My parents' place is outside of town, set in the middle of ten acres of forest. It's an A-frame log cabin that they had built themselves, and construction had just finished the Christmas before. They'd managed every detail, my favorite of which is the detached garage with my room on top.

"Let me show you where you'll be staying, sir," I said, faking a butler's voice at the top of the outside stairs. I pushed open the door and waved him in.

"This place is amazing," Cedar said. "They just got it finished, and now you're about to move out?"

"Yeah, fuck me, right?" I said, in my regular voice. "I'm going to go from this to a shoebox dorm, and I'll have to share it with a stranger."

What I called my room was basically a single space with the same square footage as the two-car garage underneath it. I had a queen bed, a desk, a futon in front of a decent-sized TV with my videogames, a dresser, and a small kitchen area with a sink and drawers. In the far corner was a small bathroom with a standing shower. On the north wall were all my windows, opening onto a view of the woods and a bit of the Cascades that broke over the top of them.

"I heard you and Heather broke up," Cedar said. "Sorry to hear that, man."

"Thanks," I said. Heather and I had been friends for a few years and dated for close to a year. We were a pretty good match in terms of personality, but we had different paths. She wanted to do something in media and had to wind up in New York or Washington D.C. I was interested in staying close to nature, and somewhere on the west coast. It's difficult to get into the mountains or the woods if it takes you an hour just to leave the city limits.

Of course, she and I also had pretty different sex drives. We lost our virginity together, clumsily, almost falling off the bed, and I expected that. But in the handful of times we'd had sex later, she never seemed as interested as I was. I thought after our first time we'd both want to keep figuring new things out and getting better, but that didn't end up being the case.

For me, it was like a dam had broken open. I'd never been hornier -- and I knew I had to wait until September before I'd have a decent chance of meeting any girls.

I told Cedar, "I'm happy for her." And relieved. Our relationship wouldn't have lasted anyway. "She's got big things ahead of her on the east coast."

"She's got big things ahead of her anywhere she goes," Cedar said, squeezing at comically exaggerated air-breasts on his own chest. "I bet you'll miss those."

I laughed. He smiled.

"That was a test," he said. "And I guess you're over her. Plus now you're going to college as a free man and a legal adult -- happy birthday, by the way. Are you ready to sow your wild oats and commit debauchery?"

"Do you even know what that word means?" I said.

"Fuck you," he said. "I read. Now let's go eat."

We set his things down and headed back to the house for dinner. That's when I found myself watching his ass as he went down the stairs. The fit of his jeans showed him off perfectly: round, firm cheeks, strong thighs, built calves. I'd never looked at him this way -- I'd never looked at a man this way. Maybe I was too horny since I'd broken the seal with Heather? Was this normal?

At the bottom of the stairs, Cedar turned around.

"Whoa," he said, smiling. "Eyes up here, champ. I smuggled some of my dad's tequila if the beer runs out."

I nodded, said, "Nice," and we started walking again. I fell in step next to him. So he played it off coolly that I was looking at his ass, but did he understand how I was looking at his ass? I'm glad our parents were okay with us drinking a little, because I could use a beer.

My dad always liked to barbecue for company, so we had spatchcocked chicken, corn on the cob, kabobs, and a whole spread of sides. Everyone started drinking, and dinner turned into a three-hour event of food and catching up. The conversation was easy. I'd been nervous, but it didn't take long before everything felt right.

At one point we were talking about college in the fall. Cedar looked over at me and said, "I bet you'll have a girlfriend in a week." And he gave me this wide grin with an eyebrow raise. He might have just been trying not so subtly to underscore the adult nature of the joke. Part of me, though, and maybe it was just because of how fucking horny I was feeling, wondered if he was coming on to me.

That was the first time I could ever recall questioning my sexuality. Did I want to have sex with a guy? Being with Heather, the feeling of my cock sliding into her pussy, and how she tightened around me were unforgettable. Of course I'd fantasized about all the things she and I hadn't tried yet, like her beautiful ass. Getting to explore it, getting to eat it, getting to push my entire cock into it -- if she wanted me to. Her ass checks were so round and perfect, and her pucker of an asshole? Beautiful. I hoped so badly she'd be into trying anything back there, but we broke up before we could even talk about it.

Was I obsessed with ass? And if yes, did that mean I'd be interested in a guy's ass? I started to tremble a little because my cock was hardening.

An hour after the sunset, Cedar stood up. "It has been an absolute delight," he said, "but I think I'm going to call it a night." He looked at me and said, "Was there a towel in your bathroom? I want to take a shower after being in the car all day."

"Yeah," I said, an image of him naked in my shower, in my room, flashing in my head. "Yours is the white one in the bathroom."

He thanked me and walked off into the night with a wave.

I stayed another half hour at the table, waiting for my jitters to subside, and then called it a night, too. Knowing our folks, they'd be up drinking and catching up until sunrise.

In my room, Cedar had the lights down low and had pulled the curtains closed. He was sitting on the futon watching TV. His hair was still wet from the shower, and he was wearing just flannel pajama pants and a white t-shirt. God his arms were cut. There wasn't an ounce of fat on him.

"Hey," he said. "Do you want to turn in? I can go to bed."

"I'm cool to talk," I said, feeling a little flutter in my stomach. "If you want to hang out for a little while." I sat down on the other side of the futon. "What are you watching?"

"Nothing," he said. "Just flipping through."

He made it to one of the premium channels, and there was some softcore porn on. Two women making out.

"Ah," he said. "That's nice."

"The acting in these is really great," I said. This was one of the ones that had production value and lots of tits, but never showed penetration or anything below the waist.

"I bet," he said. "You probably watch a lot of these, huh?" He turned to me and smiled again and made a show of adjusting his pants. "I brought something a little more hardcore if you're interested?"

I laughed, hoping it didn't sound too nervous. "You brought porn to my home?" I said, trying to be funny. We'd never watched porn together before, but tonight I was interested in seeing what might happen.

He went to his bag and came back with a thumb drive. He plugged it into the TV and started playing a file. The scene was a brunette real estate agent showing a house to a man in leather pants.

"She's hot," I said. "Remind you of anyone?" She looked a bit like Cedar's ex, Tasha.

"Fuck yeah," he said. "Why do you think I downloaded this?"

After a few minutes of bad flirting, the guy had his cock out. She was on her knees with her skirt hiked up and her blouse open.

"Dude's got a giant dong," I said.

"Her tits are out and that's what you notice?" Cedar said. Another one of those smiles. He was showing me porn like it was digital foreplay. Or should I have been reading it another way?

"How many girls have you been with?" I asked him.

"Just Tasha," he said. "We knew pretty quick it wasn't going to work out, but decided we should have some fun together."

"Did you get good at it?" I said. "At sex?"

"Ha!" he said. "We did it four times. Porn's taught me a lot, but that on-the-field training really highlights your weak points." He stood up and grabbed a flask from one of his bags. "Hey, you want some of that tequila?"

"Hell yeah," I said. "Let me get some glasses."

He sat back down, took a sip, and passed me the flask. "Just drink out of it."

I did, thinking about how it was just in his mouth.

"What about you?" he said. "Is Heather your only?"

"Yeah," I said. "And she was never super into it."

The woman in the porno was deepthroating the cock and taking an insane amount down her throat. I wondered how difficult that must be.

"I think girls our age don't have the same sex drives that we do," Cedar said. He took another sip from the flask. "Did Heather blow you?"

"She tried, once," I said. "I could tell she wasn't enjoying it, like it was a chore. If she's not into it, how am I supposed to be?"

"That sucks -- but, you know, not the way it should."

"I loved eating her out," I said. "That was her pleasure and mine. I was hoping she'd feel that way about my dick." Speaking of my dick, between the porno, the conversation, and my buzz, my dick was pressing against my jeans so much it hurt.

In the video, the guy started eating the woman out. She lay back on the kitchen island, still with her skirt around her waist. He started eating her ass and working a finger in.

Cedar nodded. "I hear ya," he said. "I told Tasha where to focus when she blew me. She wanted to do it, but she was so bad at it. I was worried she was going to bite it off." Another sip of tequila, and then he looked at me. "It's almost like you need to have a dick to know how to suck a dick."

In the video, the guy skipped the woman's pussy and started working his big dick into her ass. She was moaning with her legs up, holding her cheeks open. He kept pushing and just burying it in her, inch by inch.

I should mention that I masturbate. A lot. And nothing's off limits. A lot of guys at school would say you're a fag if you admitted you even wash your own ass, but that's stupid. I'd fingered mine, and it felt great. I even used a banana as a dildo once. I had no idea what I was doing, but I loved it. All that said, I'd truly never considered a cock in my ass until that moment.

"Take your pants off before your dick breaks," Cedar said. "I'm going to get hit in the face with a button if that snaps."

If I needed confirmation that there was mutual sexual tension, I think that was it. I forced myself to move slowly so I wouldn't slip and fall, and I stood up. I unbuttoned my pants. I slowly slid them down to the ground. My dick was so hard the head hurt. I sat down, not standing back up fully, and tried to act casual. My tip was just sticking out from the leg of my boxers, which I quickly pulled back over it. It was like trying to hide a fire hydrant with a pillow case.

He handed me the flask and looked down at my dick. It was a long look. I could see the considerable outline of his dick in those loose pajama pants.

"Yeah," I said, trying not to sound obvious in case I was reading things wrong. "Have you ever had a guy suck your dick before?"

Cedar, cool as ever, said, "Nah, no way." Another sip of tequila. "But I'd probably try anything once."

I nodded. I wanted to play it cool, but I knew I couldn't hide my desire much longer. I was beginning to tremble. He was so handsome, so built, so perfect. I hadn't realized how badly I wanted him until now, and I was giving myself entirely to the feeling.

Shooting in the dark, trying to keep my breathing steady, I said, "I bet I could figure out how to suck a dick."

Cedar stood up slowly. "Oh yeah?" He watched me, and after a second he pulled his t-shirt over his head. His broad chest had a puff of black hair in the middle. A deep vertical channel ran the length of his abs and disappeared into his pants. His body was strong, built, perfect. He said, "Turns out I've got a dick that wants to learn what a good suck is."

I stood up, pulling off my shirt as I went, trying to be as cool as him -- except I had to take off my glasses when I lifted the shirt over my head and then casually put them back on. I watched him for a reaction. His eyes roved over my body.

Cedar and I were less than five feet apart. I could smell the spice of whatever shower product he'd used. My cock, which was a little over seven inches long yet felt more like ten right now, tented out the front of my boxers.

Cedar dropped his pajama pants and stepped out of them. I was surprised to see tight gray boxer-briefs, with his cock straining against the fabric. Seeing the outline of that thick slab made my knees weak.

"I bet your dick is beautiful," he said.

"I bet yours is huge."

"It's not a contest," he said. He pushed his briefs down. What sprang up looked as big as anything I'd seen in porn. Thick, with a head as big as an egg, and circumcised. He was completely shaved. His balls were big, maybe as big as eggs themselves. I gasped. Cedar stepped out of his socks and was completely naked.

In watching porn, I'd always imagined being the one with the cock -- even when I'd fingered my asshole. This was the first time I'd ever seen a cock that I wanted to taste, to be filled by. I wanted every inch of it.

He put a hand on his cock and gently pumped twice, then lifted and lowered his balls. "Your move."

My cock was aching it was so hard. I pushed my boxers down, and it made an audible slap against my stomach. I stepped out of my socks and was as naked as him.

"Wow," he said. "Your body's incredible. That lean runner's tone. And your cock? Jesus."

I wrapped a fist around my dick and took a bold step forward. We were so close our cocks could almost touch.

Cedar took his hand away and just let it point at me. "We're both pretty gifted in the schlong department."

I took my hand away, too. Then I stepped closer and wrapped a hand around his shaft. It was hot to the touch. Cedar moaned, and my cock got even harder. I pumped slowly, not knowing yet how hard I could pull another man's dick. I could feel his breath on my shoulder. I pressed my cock to his, wrapped my hand around both, and rubbed back and forth. I couldn't believe this was happening.

He was dumbstruck. He probably didn't think I'd do it -- but I don't think either of us had regrets. I let go of our cocks and folded them between us, and then pulled him to me by the hips. Our dicks were rubbing together between our bellies. I hadn't noticed until now, but he was slightly taller than me. I had to look up to put my mouth on his.

His lips parted immediately, and our tongues, like another set of cocks, rubbed hungrily together. He cupped both my ass cheeks and pulled me tighter against him. I grabbed as much of his hard bubble butt as I could.

Honestly, I suddenly was more interested in playing with Cedar's ass than I ever was with Heather's.

We kept kissing, hungrily, already way past experimenting or testing the waters. I was so hot for him right now I thought I had to be leaking precum on his stomach. I kept a hand on his ass and put the other on the back of his head, keeping his mouth on mine, my tongue dancing on his, his stubble scraping my lips. His shaggy hair felt clean and silky.

His two strong hands stayed on my ass, and I felt him pull my cheeks apart. Then one of his fingers pushed against the middle of my asshole. I moaned into his mouth. He was engaging every inch of my body with his. I almost thought I was going to cum on him right there.

He slowly (and hopefully reluctantly) broke our kiss. "I want to taste your asshole," he said.

"Not before I taste your cock," I said. He smiled.

I began to lower myself, making sure my rubbery legs wouldn't give out. I kissed his chest and stomach as I descended, taking in his clean scent. He put a gentle hand on my head and moaned. My feet were planted on the floor, my squat stretching my ass cheeks wide. I wrapped one hand around the base of his cock, angling it upward, and wrapped my other hand around my own shaft. I couldn't remember ever being harder.

I looked up at Cedar, and he gave a little nod. I could see how badly he wanted it. I put my tongue on the bottom of his sack and licked slowly up his considerable length. He put his other hand on the back of my head tenderly. I figured he'd be fucking my mouth in no time.

His cock was so warm, so smooth. It throbbed against me. He smelled incredible, even down here. Soapy, clean, with just a little something musky and manly. I flicked his frenulum with the tip of my tongue, then slid my tongue over his slit -- it was already wet with his delicious, salty precum. I took my hand off my dick and started rubbing my asshole.

"Holy shit," Cedar said. He was almost panting.

I licked my lips, puckered up, and ran them over his cock head. He moaned again. I opened my mouth just a little and started giving his cock head big wet kisses, folding and sliding my slick lips over it.

"Jesus," he said, "you really know what you're doing."

I was just doing what I wanted to have done to me -- what I hoped he'd do after I was all finished.

I broke away from what I was doing, looked up into Cedar's eyes, and opened my mouth. I lowered myself onto his cock, needing to open my mouth all the way to slip past the ridge of his glans, and kept going. He threw his head back and tightened his hands on my head.

I didn't even get halfway down before he ran into the back of my mouth. I didn't gag, which surprised me, so I pulled back, licking the smooth underside of his hot throbbing shaft, and pushed down again. I felt it go a little further down and still no gag. I'd never had practice doing this, not even on a banana, but somehow I was figuring it out. That's how bad I wanted it.